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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Cinco de Starters-o: Mississippi Rebels

I’m going to take this opportunity to thank the high heavens that Dwayne Curtis’ fat rump will not be patrolling the lane for the Rebs tonight. If I recall correctly, and my minions have informed me that my memory is impeccable, Curtis pulled down something like eleventy billion rebounds in Rupp last year. Who cares, though, right? We now have that Huertas fellow to worry about.

The Mississippi athletic department is pleading with its fans to wear Rebel red tomorrow night, for a “Red Alert” in Tad Smith Coliseum. I know a guy named Tad Smith, and he’s a big USC fan. Weird. Anyway, wear red, Rebel fans, or Andy Kennedy will punch you in the face.

(Ole Miss has one of the sports information sites whose pictures don’t format properly. Write a letter to your local congressman to appease this matter. Thank you.)

#31 Murphy Holloway, 6’7”, F, Freshman

2008-09 Stats: 8.5 ppg, 5.8 rpg

Holloway’s played pretty well in the post for the Rebs this year, notching a double-double against Florida A&M, grabbing 16 rebounds in the game. Despite that monster performance, Holloway has games where he doesn’t really do anything. OK, I’ve spent far too long trying to come up with a Murphy Brown joke, and I don’t have much. There was a chick named Corky on that show, ya know.

#52 DeAundre Cranston, 6’9”, F, Junior

2008-09 Stats: 2.8 ppg, 4.2 rpg

Hmm. Why does this guy start? He had a 12 rebound game, and he’s been able to knock down a couple of threes, but other than that, he’s not done much else. Wait, apparently he’s some sort of defensive specialist. He was the defensive player of the year in high school. Oh, and he turned down a scholarship to attend culinary school.

#32 Zach Graham, 6’5”, G, Sophomore

2008-09 Stats: 7.2 ppg, 2.9 rpg

Graham’s been inconsistent all year, but he has tallied some solid scoring efforts, despite sharing the backcourt with Huertas and the now-injured Chris Warren. He managed 11 points in the Rebs’ last game, a loss at South Carolina. His dad was a lineman for the Seahawks, and he may have played a year with The Boz! I bet he has some stories.

#33 David Huertas, 6’5”, G, Junior

2008-09 Stats: 19.5 ppg, 4.5 rpg

Finally, someone I’ve heard of. Huertas is a terrific shooter and scorer, averaging 26.5 over his last two. I planned to use a larger sample size there, but LSU shut this guy down. If my calculations are correct, and they are, then Huertas played high school ball with A.J. Stewart. He’s also a journalism major, like Beisner! Holy crap, did you guys know this guy started his career at Florida? He was on the national championship team.

#21 Malcolm White, 6’9”, F, Sophomore

2008-09 Stats: 5.7 ppg, 4.9 rpg

OK, we have a lot to run through with Malcolm, none of it relevant to his ability or play thus far. First, he’s the nephew of Orlando Woolridge. Second, he was an All-State receiver in high school. And finally, his full name is Malcolm Anthony Allen White. He has the name of an ex-UK and ex-UL running back within his own name!

Key Reserves:

Terrico White, G, Freshman: They’re really young, and this guy might start.

Terrance Henry, F, Freshman: Turned down Kansas and UK to play for the Rebs.

Ole Miss has lost three straight coming into Tuesday’s game…they’ve been hurt badly by injuries this year…they lost by 32 against LSU, and 33 against New Mexico…7 p.m., ESPN, Dykes and Nessler

Article written by Evan Hilbert