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Cinco de Starters-o: Florida Gators

And now, friends, we reach a crossroads. The three game skid has certainly brought out the worst in all of us. Message boards are ablaze with flamers calling for the head of Coach Gillispie, and columnists, local and national, are filling their copy with questions about the chasm that seemingly exists between this coach and these players.

I made that second one up. I don’t know what columnists are talking about. I think the last newspaper column I read was a Pat Forde piece after Anthony Epps’ last game as a Cat. It was awesome. I cut it out—because that’s what we did, children, before or whatever—and Broseph stole it from me. It’s all yellow, I bet.

Alright, where were we? Right, I was alienating myself from professional journalists. At any rate, we have our second consecutive season-on-the-line battle, and this time it’s in the form of the kind of mighty Gators. Florida comes into Rupp at 19-4, with 2 conference losses. We’ll be right back in the thick of things in the SEC with a win, and a loss will make everyone really, really angry. I think the Internet will blow up.

Here’s your Gators:

#21 Dan Werner, 6’8”, F, Junior

2008-09 Stats: 9.2 ppg, 4.2 rpg

First, Dan, that’s an awful tie. Second, it says nothing in your profile about your nickname being “Thunder Dan.” That makes me dislike you even more. As for his actual abilities, Werner started the year pretty strong, but he’s trailed off in scoring during conference play. He had 10 in the Gators retributive victory over South Carolina.

#25 Chandler Parsons, 6’9”, F, Sophomore

2008-09 Stats: 10.4 ppg, 5.9 rpg

I don’t like this guy because his name’s “Chandler.” The only Chandler I know is Chandler Bing, and sir you are about 2500 zingers in the hole. So, I don’t like you. If that makes me a psycho, so be it. Contrary to Werner, Parsons’ scoring productivity has risen dramatically in conference play, and he went for 27 on 10-11 shooting in Florida’s blowout win at Vandy.

#23 Alex Tyus, 6’8”, F, Sophomore

2008-09 Stats: 12.4 ppg, 6.3 rpg

I’m starting to think that this is the tie they give to the guys who forgot their own. Tyus is the Gators rebounding presence, as their lineup is usually equipped with four shooters and this guy, who just rebounds and kicks it back out. He’s basically like a coach’s 7 year old son. Except he’s 6’8”. Tyus has had some big nights in the post this season, going for 24 against Syracuse and 19 in Saturday’s win over USC.

#15 Walter Hodge, 6’0”, G, Senior

2008-09 Stats: 7.7 ppg, 2.4 apg

Hodge’s scoring is down this year, after averaging more than 10 a game last season. His season high came against Florida Gulf Coast, when he had 19. He has the propensity, if history serves as an indicator, to hit big threes in the corner. He may have done this once. Still, he can score if need be.

#33 Nick Calathes, 6’6”, G, Sophomore

2008-09 Stats: 18.1 ppg, 6.4 apg

Calathes is following his monster freshman year with an even more impressive sophomore season. He’s an improved shooter and passer, and he’s been able to up his scoring average a few points. He’s still a huge baby when his team is losing. Oh, and he looks like Butthead. Intern made the call, so he deserves the credit for the photo.

Key Reserves:

Erving Walker, G, Freshman: Solid shooter off the bench. Went for 18 against USC.

Kenny Kadji, C, Freshman: They have like a million good freshman.

Game’s at 9 p.m. on ESPN…I’m guessing Nessler and Dykes will be on the call

Article written by Evan Hilbert