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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Cinco de Starters-o: Florida Atlantic Owls

I hate to barge in here unannounced and interrupt Hunter’s string of entertaining and illuminating posts, but I thought you guys might be itchin’ for some pointless minutiae concerning the Owls (Hooters, heretofore) of Florida Atlantic (FAU, heretofore).

The Hooters creepily stare their way into Rupp tomorrow, winners of only four games against eight losses. They were throttled by UAB on Monday, and they’ve lost three straight, including seven of their last eight. They lost by 13 early this season to Arizona, and by 16 to Davidson.

Santa Babies, your Hooters.

#32 Carlos Monroe, 6’8”, F, Senior

2008-09 Stats: 13.7 ppg, 5 rpg

Carlos Monroe

This will be only the fourth game Monroe has played in this year, because he was ineligible for the fall semester. Apparently, he’s the kiss of death, as FAU is 0-3 in his starts this season. Monroe has had a solid career as a Hooter, as he was first team all-conference a season ago after nearly averaging a double-double, leading the team in points and boards. In fact, Monroe holds the FAU rebounding record. In fairness, that’s about as lame as being the all-time leading rebounder for, I don’t know, Centre College or something. Man, what a zero that guy must be.

#40 Brett Royster, 6’8”, F, Sophomore

2008-09 Stats: 6.3 ppg, 5.3 rpg

Brett Royster

The Royster, as he is affectionately called by this handsome and terrific blogger, was a McDonald’s All-American nominee in high school. That means he was almost what everyone I hate calls a “Burger Boy.” He’s a shot-blocker in the post, and he set the freshman record for blocks last season with 41. That really doesn’t seem like a lot. At all. Nonetheless, The Royster already has 21 this season, so he’s on his way to another banner season…I guess.

#5 Alex Tucker, 5’11”, G, Freshman

2008-09 Stats: 5.9 ppg, 3.8 apg

Alex Tucker

Tucker didn’t play the first three games this year, but he’s worked his way into the starting line up. He is a good distributor of the ball—to both teams, in fact—and he rebounds well for a guard. He has trouble taking care of the ball, and he turns it over quite a bit. He doesn’t shoot much, as his scoring figures obviously reflect.

#12 Carderro Nwoji, 6’0”, G, Senior

2008-09 Stats: 8.8 ppg, 3.8 rpg

Carderro Nwoji

I can’t believe Carderro is still eligible, because he looks like he’s at least 35 in his picture. Glance. Thanks. As you probably suspected, Nwoji was born in the international hot bed of Wichita, KS. He transferred in as a juco last year, and was one of the top point guards in the Sun Belt last year. He had 23 against Troy a week ago, so he can score the ball as well as handle.

#25 Paul Graham III, 6’5”, G, Senior

2008-09 Stats: 15.9 ppg, 3.3 rpg

Paul Graham III

Graham is a solid scorer, but he has a tendency to fall in love with the three. He took 14 against Troy, only making five. He had 23 against Arizona and 28 in that game with Troy, but he’s laid a couple of eggs too. If this guy isn’t scoring in bunches, I don’t see the Hooters getting to 50. He was nationally ranked in high school and his dad played with the Hawks in the early nineties. So, the next time you play NBA Live ’95, look for Paul Graham Jr. and exclaim to the person your playing (who will be the Cavs, because Mark Price is unstoppable on that game), “I know him! Well, I mean, this blog I read one time mentioned his son in this post about FAU. It was a really stupid post and he made a lot of jokes that didn’t make sense. I thought I just didn’t get the jokes, but then I asked Dave—do you know Dave?—because he reads it all the time, and he said, ‘no, that guy just blows.’ So, yeah. He can’t guard Gerald Wilkins, though, so I’m gonna take him out.”

Key Reserves:

Xavier Perkins, 6’4”, G: Perkins has missed the last four games due to personal reasons, but before that he was averaging over 12 a game.

Shavar Richardson, 6’2”, G: Richardson is another guy who can score, though he’s struggled the last few games.

FAU hasn’t lost at home, and they haven’t won on the road…but they only have three home wins…but they have four wins overall…how does that make sense…oh, neutral site…when did they play on a neutral floor…hang on…ah, they beat Santa Clara in Tucson…I’m sure glad we got to the bottom of that

Article written by Evan Hilbert