Recently, the state of Georgia and the state of Tennessee have been quarreling over ownership of the Tennessee River. As a Tennessee resident, my friends and I have joked on twitter about things Georgia could trade us in return for access to our water. Augusta National, the Braves, and downtown Athens were all included in our fake trades. We were willing to part with Graceland, the Nashville Sounds, and 2nd Avenue. In fact, we negotiated a 3 state trade in which Georgia gained access to our water, Arkansas took the entire city of Memphis, and we say thank you.
This got me thinking. What would we as Kentuckians/Americans trade to Canada in return for Andrew Wiggins playing at Kentucky? Before we start I’ll ease your mind and tell you that the AT&T kid commercials & Tomlin are off the table. They are staying here.
That being said, I am fully committed to giving the following things to Canada in return for Andrew Wiggins:
*The word “swag.” We’re done with it.
*Billy Ray Cyrus. They can have him AND his Achy Breaky Heart. And his daughter’s wop video. However, they cannot have “Party in the USA.” That would be useless for them.
*They can have police officers on horseback. Seems like a perfectly Canadian thing.
*Rick Bozich. And we’ll throw in Paula Dean too, just in case they are actually the same person. I not sure they aren’t. I’ve never seen them in the same room together.
*The two in one restaurants. You know what I’m talking about.
*Snapchat. Drew Franklin and I are tired of seeing your butts when we’re sitting around the KSR Mansion, fellas.
*Panama City Beach.
*Those small exercise trampolines.
*The Dakotas. North. South. And Euton.
*The “It started with a whisper” commercial.
*All Pepsi products except Diet Mountain Dew.
*Buffet chains: Ryan’s, Golden Corral, Ponderosa.
*Credit for Drake’s success. And Gotye’s.
*Reebok. But not Pumps.
*The Harlem Shake.
*Supersized value meals.
*Bourbon… Just kidding.
BBN, what would you give up? (DO NOT say your wife and kids)