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Calipari’s Prophecies

Conference realignment this, conference realignment that! With every new, sometimes geographically inconsistent pairing of conference and team, it’s looking more and more like college athletics is moving towards four super conferences, which Cal predicted back in June 2011. Cal proposed that the super conferences be composed of 16 to 18 teams, divided geographically (West, North, East, South), and completely separate from the NCAA. The proposal seemed crazy at the time, but as team after team bails ship with their bags packed, it seems as though it could soon become a reality.

Is Cal a prophet? Let’s look into his National Championship crystal basketball to see if these other prophecies come true…

Prophecy: “These new players think they poop ice cream.” August 2009, February 2011, October 2012, November 2012…

Fulfilled: On December 28th, 2013, highly touted freshman Andrew Wiggins actually pooped ice cream before the Kentucky/Louisville basketball game at Rupp Arena. It has since been preserved and stored in the Smithsonian. Wiggins, a six-time NBA MVP, became a primary spokesman for Orange Leaf and owns several franchises throughout the country.

Prophecy: “Before I leave coaching, I would like to coach an undefeated team.” April 2012

Fulfilled: The 2013-2014 Kentucky Wildcats went 40-0 and won the school’s ninth National Championship on the backs of Andrew Wiggins, the Harrison Twins, Julius Randle, James Young, Marcus Lee, and Brian Long, who, after all these years, truly appreciated it.

Prophecy: “We’re trying to catch UCLA.” April 2012

Fulfilled: In April 2018, John Calipari hoisted Kentucky’s twelfth National Championship trophy above his head in Cowboys Stadium. His team of superstars ruffled his mop of (greying) hair affectionately as Nan Wooden, John Wooden’s daughter, smiled alongside them on the podium. A 3-D hologram of the scene was projected live on the court at Rupp Arena so the Big Blue Nation could feel as though they were there.

Prophecy (actually, just a fact): “My wife makes a nice salad that i enjoy eating.” November 2012

Fulfilled: After her salad became famous on ESPN’s All-Access program, Ellen Calipari capitalized on the success, starting a line of gourmet lettuces, salad toppings, and dressings. A few years later, she released a special line of Glad reusable tupperware with built-in GPS devices so owners can track them if misplaced. In 2019, she plans to release “Mrs. Cal’s Birthday Brownie Mix,” which will also be a frozen yogurt flavor at Orange Leaf.

What are some other #CalipariProphecies?

Article written by Mrs. Tyler Thompson

No, I will not make you a sandwich, but you can follow me on Twitter @MrsTylerKSR or email me.

43 Comments for Calipari’s Prophecies



  1. beeeyah
    4:20 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Must be a slow news day



  2. UKMD
    4:20 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    VERY GOOD, TYLER!



  3. poppschmidty
    4:20 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    SAYING WE’RE NOT GOING TO WIN 9 THIS YEAR? TSK TSK TSK



  4. hersheyisabear
    4:22 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    You all do realize that if this happened Everyone would start on a clean slate and our 8 NCAA titles mean nothing. Think people.



  5. Cal Prophecy
    4:22 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    A Tyler Thompson post will be funny one day #calprophecies



  6. jcatron
    4:24 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Pooped ice cream. lol



  7. John Wall
    4:25 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    4 – retarded



  8. Dr. Acula
    4:27 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    a 3-D hologram basketball game in rupp would be awesome.



  9. Wow
    4:27 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    I swear her writing gets worse and worse every day… Stick to copying & pasting from Twitter, it’s what you’re good at



  10. Will S
    4:29 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    I’ve heard at least 100 broadcasters/coaches/analysts predict 4 superconferences…



  11. ShelbyCatFan
    4:31 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    #9 wow. I cant wait to read what you’ve written. When’s your next post? Huh? Because I CANNOT wait. The excitement is overwhelming!!!



  12. ukukuk1865
    4:31 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Excellent Tyler.



  13. Devastation INC
    4:32 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    She is regressing and is almost as bad as when she started. You will know when she hits rock bottom when she starts posting pictures of Ellen Degeneres and deletes any negative comment like she used to.



  14. Charles Barkley
    4:34 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Turrible.



  15. Robasama
    4:38 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Tyler, Ignore the jerks who can only criticize. You do great….always enjoy your posts!



  16. Capt. Negative
    4:38 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    I have no life and hate myself. But, belittling others makes it easier to cope. Now watch me continue to make comments hiding behind a computer screen…



  17. LionGeneral
    4:43 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Please give the whole “ice cream” bit a final rest. Vulgarity aimed at the lowest common denominator really isn’t worth repeating, let alone making it your virtual mantra.



  18. Bob Loblaw
    4:47 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    On prophecy #3, I want to see a 3D hologram of Wooden doing the John Wall dance next to Cal.



  19. Pooped Ice Cream
    4:49 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    # 17, u liked my poop before, why hating now?



  20. Some Guy
    4:50 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Harsh… I thought the post was funny.



  21. Blue Bayou
    4:53 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    In 2015, Duke players will each be fined $2000 by the ruling body for collegiate athletics for flopping. Prophecy fulfilled.

    In 2030, Anthony Davis retires after a hall-of-fame worthy career. He took the fifth most shots by any NBA player ever. Prophecy fulfilled.



  22. Ice Cream
    4:54 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    17. Im with you. The poop comments aren’t even funny anymore or anything. Off topic…. But does ANYONE just cringe at the thought of IU? I seriously would root for Louisville and Duke before them. Living in southern indiana and having friends be so arrogant is so annoying. Yes there good but god, its like throwing it in our faces that their #1 really bothers us? I am sorry I had to vent for a second BBN



  23. Vegas
    5:03 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    John Short is popint shaving.



  24. SMH
    5:03 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Oh, dear god..I actually spent about 30 seconds reading this crap. TT, is it too late to get your old job back??



  25. Vegas
    5:03 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    point



  26. Ice Cream Pooper
    5:04 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    # 22, so how long have u been an iu fan?



  27. bigbluejon
    5:06 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    How about a hat tip for the ice cream joke TT



  28. GapToothDanny
    5:09 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    9/10: no pics of the preserved poop



  29. Platinum Unis
    5:11 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    MTT, I don’t get it…



  30. The Captain
    5:16 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Very nice and funny! Great work Tyler! Thanks



  31. SMH
    5:21 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Also, are we now idolizing our players to the point of saving and worshiping their fecal matter?



  32. RealCatsFan
    5:22 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    I could see the audio-video technology progressing in the future to the point where we will all be watching holograms of movies and live sporting events, with the 3D images beamed right into our living rooms. Imagine a life sized hologram of Anthony Davis swatting shots under your ceiling fan!



  33. Taste Tester
    5:25 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Sooo… who gets the job of verifying the flavor of ice cream?



  34. Nick
    5:36 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Come on, how could this not be called #CaliProphecies?



  35. Dalicart
    5:39 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    13 — she already deletes comments. Someone made a comment about her being unattractive and it was removed. Guess this site is sensitive in the most ridiculous manner.



  36. Epion
    5:41 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Corey learne that he sucked at writing so he started copying and pasting whole articles to fill space. He also stole work from posters on catsillustrated. Maybe that’s what you need to do tyler.



  37. Blue Bayou
    5:52 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    I never have understood why people get on here just to whine and complain about being on here. I thought this was really funny, hope to see more in the future.

    Good work TT, keep it up.



  38. Dalicat
    5:58 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    I never understood why people get on here just to defend when it is clear that the post is not good. Tyler and corey have not written a good post and there is nothing wrong with pointing it out. This isn’t where everyone gets a trophy. Some people just aren’t good at what they do.



  39. Chief_cat
    6:31 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Good stuff Ms. TT. As Cal would say, “Let the haters hate.”



  40. LiveInaBubble
    7:04 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    If some of you people read anything other than what comes out of
    either of Cals holes, you would know the Super Conference talk has
    been going on since Nebraska left the Big12 way back in 2010.



  41. MCaron
    9:58 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    The salad bit still makes me laugh. Just say “My wife makes a nice salad that I enjoy eating.” in your best Cal voice.
    #9 – Don’t be a dick, dick.



  42. GoodTyler!
    10:34 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Very funny, Tyler!! I actually thought it was Tomlin for a sec!!



  43. Blue Bayou
    10:37 pm November 28, 2012 Permalink

    Dalicat, thanks for taking it upon yourself to critique all of KSR’s writers. Sorry this post didn’t live up to your standards, I’m sure Matt will have a meeting with the staff to make sure they please you every time they post. And you’re right, some people aren’t good at what they do, but you certainly excel in trolling. I get on here because I enjoy the site. You, apparently, are a very sad, lonely, and pathetic person who has nothing better to do but cry anonymously on comment sections because you couldn’t make your daddy proud. I hope whining on here made you feel better.