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BTI’s Rants and Ramblings: UL Smackdown Play, Act 2

Last year before the UL game, I constructed my very first screenplay on tips to beat UL fans in an argument about football.  In basketball, it is pretty simple.  You say 7 national championships and move on with your day.  In football, it can sometimes be more difficult with UK’s iffy football history.  But, when actually looking at the facts, you will find that it is actually quite easy to refute just about anything a UL fan would bring up. 

So, here now is BTI’s First Screenplay Revised, entitled “HOW TO BREAKDOWN AN IDIOT”. 

UL FAN (DRUNK): WE’RE GONNA KILL YOU ALL ON SATURDAY.  IF YOU ALL HADN’T PLAYED FOOTBALL SO MUCH LONGER THAN US, WE WOULD HAVE SO MUCH MORE HISTORY THAN YOU.

UK Response: So it’s our fault that we were able to find 22 guys that wanted to come to UK before you all could.  And by the way, since UL began playing football in 1912, they have won 439 games.  In that same time frame, Kentucky has won 469 games.  And we’ve done it in a tougher conference.

UL FAN: TOUGHER CONFERENCE?  SHEESH, GIVE ME A BREAK.  YOU HAVE OLE MISS AND VANDERBILT IN YOUR CONFERENCE.  VANDERBILT IS THE LAUGHING STOCK OF THE COUNTRY.

UK Fan: That’s true, they were especially funny when they beat UCONN last weekend.  Wasn’t UCONN your conference champion last year?  I’m sure that was just hilarious to Big East fans.  So is Syracuse.  And Rugers.  Well, and frankly, you.  At least you have Florida International to carry your conference flag.  And by carry, I mean they stole it from your stadium last week. 

UL FAN: YEAH, BUT WE HAVE DOMINATED THE RIVALRY WITH YOU.

UK Response: Actually, Kentucky leads the all-time rivalry 14-9.  And Louisville did not score against Kentucky in the first 6 games.  

UL FAN: OK, YOU GOT ME THERE.  BUT IF JOHNNY UNITAS, OUR GOLDEN BOY, HAD EVER GOTTEN TO PLAY AGAINST KENTUCKY, YOU BETTER BELIEVE WE WOULD HAVE SCORED.

UK Response: Yeah, you know that guy you made a statue of in your pizza pit?  He actually had a career record of 12-19 as your starting quarterback.  Billy Jack Haskins had a better record at Kentucky.  That’s right, I said it.  Johnny Unitas was your Billy Jack Haskins.

UL FAN: I DON’T MUCH APPRECIATE YOUR FACTS AND FIGURES.  LET ME THROW ANOTHER ONE OUT AT YOU: WE’VE BEEN TO A BCS BOWL.  AND WON IT.

UK Response: Wow, really?  I don’t remember that.  Neither does anybody else because it was the 2nd lowest TV ratings games in BCS bowl history.  Let me throw this back at you: Kentucky has been to TWO BCS Bowls, the 1950 Orange Bowl and the 1951 Sugar Bowl.  We also won one of those.

UL FAN: SO WHAT?  BACK THEN, THOSE BOWLS WERE NOT WERE THEY ARE NOW?

UK Response: 1951, we beat #1 Oklahoma.  The national champion that year.

UL FAN: WHY DON’T WE LOOK AT THE MODERN ERA?  HOW MANY BOWLS HAVE YOU BEEN TO SINCE 1998?  BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN TO TEN.

UK Response: Wow! Ten Bowls.  That’s impressive.  We’ve only been to seven.  You all must have trophies littered all through the UL Trailer Park.

UL FAN: UMMMMMM…..WE’VE ONLY ACTUALLY WON 4 OF THOSE GAMES.      

UK Response (Snickering): Four wins in 13 years?  Hell, our program has 3 wins in the last 5 years.  It’s not that difficult.  You all must have played a murderer’s row of bowl opponents. Let me check my records here: Marshall, Boise State, Colorado State, Marshall again, Miami (OH), Southern Miss.  Dude, none of those teams even play in a BCS conference. 

UL FAN (WIMPERING): YOU ARE REALLY STARTING THE PISS ME OFF.  I’M GONNA GIVE YOU 15 SECONDS TO WALK AWAY BEFORE I STAB YOU, DEMAR DORSEY STYLE.

UK Response: 15 seconds?  Seriously?  That’s what you’re gonna give me? 

And Scene.

Article written by Bryan the Intern

32 Comments for BTI’s Rants and Ramblings: UL Smackdown Play, Act 2



  1. ukjonese
    9:11 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    BTI FTW



  2. notv
    9:11 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    what a missed pitino “30 seconds” crack at the end. Fail.



  3. Bryan the Intern
    9:16 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    2) Your comment just…..will somebody please take this one and why that comment is just dumb?



  4. Behind Enemy Lines
    9:21 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    NOTV – Definitely 15 seconds, not 30. Fail.



  5. Nick Papageorgio
    9:25 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    2 – what a missed clever comment opportunity. Fail. Nicely done, BTI



  6. notv
    9:27 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    Duh Bryan why didn’t you make a joke about Pitino’s affair with Sypher? How could you miss that?



  7. BigBlueStreeb
    9:30 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    Best post you have done in a loooong time BTI



  8. Bryan the Intern
    9:32 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    6) Please stop dude, please. You are clearly not getting why you are making yourself look like a fool.



  9. Rudy
    9:35 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    I wish BTI was actually funny.



  10. notv
    9:36 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    Such arrogance Bryan, I’m sure your one of those liberal Obama lovers too.



  11. David E.
    9:45 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    Nice work BTI! Very funny.



  12. OneAndDone
    9:48 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    10, Please re-read the last line of the play. The Sypher exchange lasted 15 seconds not 30 jacka$$. Well done BTI, I acctually hate you less now.



  13. bubbles
    9:49 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    Nicely done…thanks for supplying us with more ammunition



  14. Nutwrap
    9:55 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    I just laughed at a BTI post…welp, guess I gotta go kill myself now….see you guys!



  15. LexDoc
    9:57 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    Cobb’s 108 yd KR got the #1 Top Play on ESPN!



  16. UL FAN (Sober)
    10:13 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    I’m pretty sure I didn’t say any of that…



  17. Kwildcat
    10:18 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    16) there is no such thing as a sober UL fan



  18. Kyle
    10:21 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    CORNY post.



  19. FinalBattleFight!
    10:32 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    Ron Paul 2012!



  20. Holden McGroin
    11:04 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    good work BTI. definitely a boost to a tuesday morning.
    Nice day, beautiful sunshine, perfect temperature.
    I had a big breakfast, starting to feel the urge. I think i’ll head to the chitter and muster up a good old fashioned louisville.



  21. Sexington
    11:06 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    Bti made a funny



  22. Holden McGroin
    11:12 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    and i almost forgot, Go Cats!



  23. The Fink-13
    11:27 am September 13, 2011 Permalink

    Too funny….where’s act 3



  24. SweetTeaMob til I DIE
    1:10 pm September 13, 2011 Permalink

    Hahahaha!! Excellent!



  25. Jason
    2:02 pm September 13, 2011 Permalink

    This was awful.



  26. uksucka
    2:19 pm September 13, 2011 Permalink

    All u have to say about basketball is 7 national titles? How many of those were won by ur racist coach? The one u all love. How many titles came in the last twenty years? Which program is number one in the nation for money? Ul. Not ur shitty UK tradition built by a racist. Shut down ur fail site



  27. ?
    2:28 pm September 13, 2011 Permalink

    ?



  28. HBD
    2:28 pm September 13, 2011 Permalink

    “Which program is number one in the nation for money? Ul.”

    funniest comment of all time



  29. girth
    2:47 pm September 13, 2011 Permalink

    Best BTi post ever and i mean EVER!!!!



  30. AZCat
    3:46 pm September 13, 2011 Permalink

    26) You are aware that you’re solidifying the humor of this post.



  31. AZCat
    3:46 pm September 13, 2011 Permalink

    26) You are aware that you’re solidifying the humor of this post?



  32. BJCat
    4:39 pm September 13, 2011 Permalink

    you should include a link to last year’s Act 1