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BTI’s Rants and Ramblings: How to win an argument with UL fans

Below is a typical argument that UL fans will bring up as reason that their football program, both now and historically has been better than Kentucky’s.  It’s ignorance to the highest level.  So print out this post and use it as your cheat sheet for when a flat billed mofo approaches you at the game or at your watching party and tells you in broken english that UL is better than UK.

So, here now is BTI’s First Screenplay, entitled “HOW TO BREAKDOWN AN IDIOT”. 

UL FAN (DRUNK): WE’RE GONNA KILL YOU ALL ON SATURDAY.  IF YOU ALL HADN’T PLAYED FOOTBALL SO MUCH LONGER THAN US, WE WOULD HAVE SO MUCH MORE HISTORY THAN YOU.

UK Response: So it’s our fault that we were able to find 22 guys that wanted to come to UK before you all could.  And by the way, since UL began playing football in 1912, they have won 431 games.  In that same time frame, Kentucky has won 461 games.  And we’ve done it in a tougher conference. 

UL FAN: YEAH, BUT WE HAVE DOMINATED THE RIVALRY.

UK Response: Actually, Kentucky leads the all-time rivalry 13-9.  And Louisville did not score against Kentucky in the first 6 games.  

UL FAN: OK, YOU GOT ME THERE.  BUT IF JOHNNY UNITAS, OUR GOLDEN BOY, HAD EVER GOTTEN TO PLAY AGAINST KENTUCKY, YOU BETTER BELIEVE WE WOULD HAVE SCORED.

UK Response: Yeah, you know that guy you made a statue of in your pizza pit?  He actually had a career record of 12-19 as your starting quarterback.  Billy Jack Haskins had a better record at Kentucky.  That’s right, I said it.  Johnny Unitas was your Billy Jack Haskins.

UL FAN: I DON’T MUCH APPRECIATE YOUR FACTS AND FIGURES.  LET ME THROW ANOTHER ONE OUT AT YOU: WE’VE BEEN TO A BCS BOWL.  AND WON IT.

UK Response: Wow, really?  I don’t remember that.  Neither does anybody else because it was the 2nd lowest TV ratings games in BCS bowl history.  Let me throw this back at you: Kentucky has been to TWO BCS Bowls, the 1950 Orange Bowl and the 1951 Sugar Bowl.  We also won one of those.

UL FAN: SO WHAT?  BACK THEN, THOSE BOWLS WERE NOT WERE THEY ARE NOW?

UK Response: 1951, we beat #1 Oklahoma.  The national champion that year.

UL FAN: WHY DON’T WE LOOK AT THE MODERN ERA?  HOW MANY BOWLS HAVE YOU BEEN TO SINCE 1998?  BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN TO NINE.

UK Response: Wow! Nine Bowls.  That’s impressive.  We’ve only been to six.  You all must have trophies littered all through the UL Trailer Park.

UL FAN: UMMMMMM…..WE’VE ONLY ACTUALLY WON 3 OF THOSE GAMES.      

UK Response (Snickering): Three wins?  Hell, our program has 3 wins in the last 4 years.  It’s not that difficult.  You all must have played a murderer’s row of bowl opponents. Let me check my records here: Marshall, Boise State, Colorado State, Marshall again, and Miami (OH).  Dude, none of those teams even play in a BCS conference. 

UL FAN (WIMPERING): YOU ARE REALLY STARTING THE PISS ME OFF.  I’M GONNA GIVE YOU 15 SECONDS TO WALK AWAY BEFORE I STAB YOU, DEMAR DORSEY STYLE.

UK Response: 15 seconds?  Seriously?  That’s what you’re gonna give me? 

And Scene.

Article written by Bryan the Intern