After eight arduous years, this is finally it. The final round of the Blogger contest. The last three contestants are competing to be one of the TWO winners of the contest. Here they are, in all their glory:
If you follow me on Twitter you know that my new obsession is Spike TV’s series Surviving Disaster. The premise is simple- disaster strikes and a former Navy SEAL teaches you, step-by-step, how to survive. Shows so far have included, among others, an airplane hijacking, home invasion, mall shooting and nuclear explosion. I’ve learned all sorts of useful stuff so far, like how a shirt can be used as a silencer on a AK-47, that grizzly bears won’t attack if you play dead and how to crash land a 747 safely. If you haven’t seen this show yet, you really must.
By this time you’re asking yourself what this has to do with me being KSR blogger. Basically, if disaster strikes, I’m prepared. I need my daily dose of KSR and I know you all do, too. What if a worse-case scenario comes to pass? Do you wonder who will bring you your news? You really think Fake Gimel is going to survive? Of course not. He’s too busy playing Super Mario Galaxy. But it’s the small disasters that I’m most worried about. Matt’s hair enveloping his whole head, Drew’s liver finally waving the white flag, Beisner’s fiance making him move to Bordeaux and eat crepes and wear a beret, Dustin accidentally asking the wrong question to the wrong guy and suddenly “disappearing”, Bryan the Intern…well, let’s be honest- we’re all still surprised he’s lasted this long. It’s already happened to Evan Hillbert. Remember that guy?
Look, UK athletics will continue on. But what are you going to do if all your news dries up because your favorite bloggers went all Final Destination on you? Heaven forbid you turn to the Tips. But that’s why I’m here, fair reader. I’m ready to contribute to this site and when disaster strikes, you’ll still be able to log on and be Rick Rolled by the Wall Dance, get your daily News and Views and have your semiweekly Chelsea Chowning name drop.
To be serious for a moment, I just want to say this has been a blast. I’ve been a KSR fan for quite a while and to even to be in contention to be a regular contributor to the site has been an honor. Thanks to Matt and everyone else for this contest. If you look across all the UK sports blogs, I’m fairly certain that this is the only site that could ever pull off something like this and it’s great to have been a part of it. I’ve loved Chris Johns’ stuff from the beginning and Will and I have become good friends and both would be excellent bloggers for this site. (But are you really going to trust a bespectacled red-head and a guy with two first names if disaster strikes? Yeah, I wouldn’t either.) And whatever happens, know I’ll always be lurking in the comment section. 😉
Dear Mr. Jones,
We accept the fact that we had to spend what felt like half a decade in a blogger contest for whatever it was that we did wrong. But we think you are crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are and why we should win the contest. You see us as you want to see us. WE ARE WHAT YOU THOUGHT WE WERE. In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. What we found out is that each of us is a Mosley, a Tomlin, and a Beisner. Does that answer your question?
The Blogger Club
The above modified text from the late John Hughes captures how I feel about assignments that force me to brag about me. I’m not that comfortable with it. I can’t properly channel my inner Terrell Owens enough to boast about myself. My disposition on such matters is illustrated perfectly by the Groucho Marx quote, “I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept people like me as a member”.
What I can do is review my entries into the contest. As I reflect on my work, I have submitted a healthy array of styles. I trust each one was either interesting, entertaining, or both. I have written about the joys of beating Louisville and the depth of my hatred for Florida. I have made fun of Kansas using John Mclaughlin and Dan Issel using antiques. I have interviewed Dave Baker and profiled Danny ‘Big Show’ Trevathan.
As I think about what I can contribute in the future, I would like to add more of the same type of work that I presented in my initial offerings. I would also like to focus on the football side of UK a bit more. While KSR does a fine job with football coverage, there are many coaches, players, and personalities around the Wildcat football program that are unexplored and beg for discovery as UK continues to establish itself as contender in more than just basketball.
At the end of the day, am I a stunningly handsome athlete that flies F-18’s in his spare time, sports a Bowflex body, and is in possession of a tweeter that would cause Raven Riley to salivate? Nah. I’m just a goofy guy that is fanatical about the Kentucky Wildcats, enjoys writing, and can occasionally deliver a half decent one liner. I hope that is enough.
Oh, also, I clearly have the chops to be a great KSR investigative reporter:
Because Coach Cal got a State of the Union, so why shouldn’t I?
Four months and seven years ago, I entered a blogging contest. Absentmindedly one summer afternoon, I threw together a twitter feed for our beloved ex-coach (that included such jokes as “all women flock to the G scent,” and “In talks with VH1 for a ‘Tough Love’ series.”) Fast forward an off season and we are a weekend from Halloween. Instead of trying to convince my date that “No, I don’t need to go as Raggedy Andy,” and “Yes, she most certainly should be a Slutty Landon Slone,” I’m writing a campaign speech for Matt Jones. In other words, I’ve had a blast. Thank you all (yes, even you, HoratioCane.)
But down to business. What can I offer the blog? Aside from my tendency to write in a list format, my vast knowledge of all things meaningless (pop culture,) and my ‘serious coffee house glasses,’ there are a lot of things that I can bring to KSR. Not only will I negotiate peace agreements between John Clay and KSR (he must play at least three games of Bakugan with Fake Gimel’s kids,) I want to start a video series. As an undergraduate on campus, I would like to take a camera around ‘the quad’ and see what mischief I could get into. Guest appearances by Drew Franklin’s eyebrows would be mandatory, and if all goes according to plan, I would have commentary provided by Daniel Solzman (Solzman Solzman… Solzman.) Plus, can you think of a better way to pick up sorority girls than being a video blogger for KSR? I contest that you cannot.
All kidding aside, the last time UK won a championship I was eleven. The year before that, I cried myself to sleep after we lost to Arizona. I have been at UK for the last two years of Tubby, and the first two of He Who Must Not Be Named. Just as Matt has wanted to blog while the team has been good, I’ve wanted to see a team that was good. And, you know, blog about them. I will bring a perspective of someone experiencing the highs of a program for, more or less, their first time. I have followed two coaching searches since I enrolled; tracking flights, making up sources, and camping out at airports, all the while skipping classes and watching my grades suffer. Sorry Dad, but it was worth it.
Finally, think about it. I’m a college student. That means I waste a lot of time on the internet, on campus, and in Mexican comedy clubs. I have plenty of time to commit to the blog. On top of that, I have plenty of time to commit to finding more videos of Doron Lamb. Let’s finally end this four month “will they, won’t they” relationship, and get to the making dirty. This contest has literally taken longer than the entire Operation Desert Storm. I’ve had fun, though, and I hope you have too. Finally, you should pick me, because I’ve heard Chris Johns runs a Twilight fanboy site.