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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Attention Season Ticket Holders

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Dear Valued Season Ticket Holder,

Thank you for your recent purchase of 2010 Louisville Cardinals Football Season Tickets! It’s happening here!

We are pleased that you will be rooting on the Cards in 2010, from the season opener versus the Kentucky Wildcats to (fingers crossed!) The Beef O’Brady’s Bowl in St. Petersburg, Florida.

To enhance your season ticket experience more, and because it’s happpening here(!), we’d like to offer you the opportunity to compliment your ticketholder status by becoming one of U of L’s elite Precious Metals Booster Status. Just look at the extra perks offered by gaining:

Silver Status: Season tickets PLUS your name – spelled correctly – in an issue of U of L Magazine, two free drinks per game at Papa John’s Stadium’s hot new plaza level club EXTORTION, a coupon redeemable for one free Mini Corn Dog platter at Beef O’Brady’s (sponsor of the Beef O’Brady’s Bowl — limit one per ticketholder) and former U of L star quarterback Hunter Cantwell will “noodle” a loved one of your choice (over 18 only).

Gold Status: Season tickets PLUS the “opportunity” of two additional tickets from assistant basketball coach Steve Masiello, an order of Papa John’s signature Cinnapie and punter Josh Bleser agrees to kick a ball at your child’s next birthday party (not liable for damages) and PREMIER elite access to exiting games clearly over by the end of the third quarter.

Platinum Status: Season tickets PLUS Former coach Steve Kragthorpe escorts you to your seat, Card basketball phenom Terrence Jennings parks your car and fights anyone who comes near it and 15 seconds with head basketball coach Rick Pitino (bring a jacket!).

In addition, as a season ticket holder you’ll be privy to special deals and discounts from your favorite Louisville businesses throughout the football season, including but not limited to:

-A complimentary one-year subscription to MAXIM
-One FREE Ed Hardy lighter at participating Speedways
-20% off purchases at your local Armani Exchange Outlet Store
-two discounted brim-flattenings at the Louisville Hat Shop
-a FREE butterfly foot tattoo for ladies at Ink Stop Tattoos

-And many more!

It’s going to be a great season of Louisville Cardinal football, and we can’t wait to have you share it with us. It’s happening here!

Article written by C.M. Tomlin