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At The Movies With Not Jerry Tipton

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Hello. My name is Not Jerry Tipton. You may know me from weekly blog features such as KSR’s “Not Jerry Tipton’s Friday Basketball Notebook,” which is written by me, is posted every Friday, and is essentially a notebook which deals with basketball. I can also be found on Twitter @NotJerryTipton. During the long, arduous slog between the end of basketball season and the beginning of football season there are two things I like to do in order to pass the time: Recite quotes from famous movies and make fun of Louisville. In the interest of efficiency and in an attempt to get you ready for the game Sunday, I decided to combine those two endeavors right here. After scouring the internet, newspapers, message boards, private emails and cell phones, I have found 34* quotes made by Louisville athletes, coaches, writers, and fans that happen to correspond exactly to famous movie quotes. Seems unlikely, but hey. It’s true. Let’s play, shall we?

Quote

1 “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
2 “I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse.”
3 “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.”
4 “Show me the money!”
5 “There’s no place like home.”
6 “We rob banks.”
7 “I see dead people.”
8 “It’s alive! It’s alive!”
9 “You had me at ‘hello.'”
10 “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
11 “We’ll always have Paris.”
12 “Shane. Shane. Come back!”
13 “I’ll be back.”
14 “I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.”
15 “Round up the usual suspects.”
16 “Say ‘hello’ to my little friend!”
17 “Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”
18 “Hasta la vista, baby.”
19 “You can’t handle the truth!”
20 “Plastics.”
21 “Is it safe?”
22 “Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”
23 “Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.”
24 “As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.”
25 “I feel the need–the need for speed!”
26 “What we’ve got here is failure to communicate.”
27 “Elementary, my dear Watson.”
28 “A martini. Shaken, not stirred.”
29 “Who’s on first.”
30 “Stella! Hey, Stella!”
31 “A boy’s best friend is his mother.”
32 “Mother of mercy, is this the end of Rico?”
33 “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me. Aren’t you?”
34 “I – drink – your – milkshake! (slurping sounds) I drink it up!”

Actor and movie

1 Clark Gable, “Gone with the Wind.”
2 Marlon Brando, “The Godfather.”
3 Anthony Hopkins, “Silence of the lambs.”
4 Cuba Gooding, Jr., “Jerry Maguire.”
5 Judy Garland, “The Wizard of Oz.”
6 Warren Beatty, “Bonnie and Clyde.”
7 Haley Joel Osment, “The Sixth Sense.”
8 Colin Clive, “Frankenstein.”
9 Renee Zellweger, “Jerry Maguire.”
10 Roy Scheider, “Jaws.”
11 Humphrey Bogart, “Casablanca.”
12 Brandon De Wilde, “Shane.”
13 Arnold Schwarzenegger, “Terminator 2: Judgment Day.”
14 Marlon Brando, “On the Waterfront.”
15 Claude Rains, “Casablanca.”
16 Al Pacino, “Scarface.”
17 Gary Cooper, “The Pride of the Yankees.”
18 Arnold Schwarzenegger, “Terminator 2: Judgment Day.”
19 Jack Nicholson, “A Few Good Men.”
20 Walter Brooke, “The Graduate.”
21 Laurence Olivier, “Marathon Man.”
22 Judy Garland, “The Wizard of Oz.”
23 Michael Douglas, “Wall Street.”
24 Vivien Leigh, “Gone with the Wind.”
25 Tom Cruise and Anthony Edwards, “Top Gun.”
26 Strother Martin, “Cool Hand Luke.”
27 Basil Rathbone, “The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.”
28 Sean Connery, “Goldfinger.”
29 Bud Abbott, “The Naughty Nineties.”
30 Marlon Brando, “A Streetcar Named Desire.”
31 Anthony Perkins, “Psycho.”
32 Edward G. Robinson, “Little Ceasar.”
33 Dustin Hoffman, “The Graduate.”
34 Daniel Day-Lewis, “There Will Be Blood.”

Louisville figure who said the exact same thing

1 Tom Jurich to Rick Pitino when Pitino confessed that he committed adultery on a restaurant table, got the lady pregnant, gave her hush money, then was extorted.
2 Clint Hurtt (on several occasions).
3 Howie Lindsey.
4 Teddy Bridgewater.
5 The Louisville basketball team, every November and December.
6 Former Louisville football player Willie Williams.
7 Unidentified fan, after seeing Rick Pitino in person.
8 See #7.
9 Rick Bozich, upon meeting Rick Pitino.
10 Howie Lindsey to random Carnival Cruise Lines employee, upon boarding the ship.
11 Bourbon County native Alvin Sims, after realizing his high school teams were better than the Louisville teams he played on.
12 Rick Pitino to Chane Behanan, as soon as Behanan announces he’s going to the NBA after a 2nd Round loss in the 2013 NCAA Tournament.
13 Former UK defensive end Jeremy Caudill to Dave Ragone, after sacking Ragone for the 7th time in the 2002 game.
14 Any top 100 recruit who plays basketball for Louisville.
15 Auburn police officer’s quote on Zeke Pike, before the embattled star ended up in Louisville.
16 Rick Pitino to Karen Sypher, August 2003.
17 John L. Smith and Bobby Petrino, the day they left Louisville.
18 Charlie Strong to Tom Jurich, as soon as a real football school offers him a job.
19 Any non-Louisville football fan to any Louisville football fan, discussing the relevance of the UofL football program.
20 Joanne Pitino, to a friend who asked her what Rick’s face is made of.
21 Karen Sypher, to Rick Pitino.
22 Louisville football fan, to another Louisville football fan, if they ever get out of the Big East.
23 Any Miami native who plays football for Louisville, explaining why he chose the Cards.
24 Howie Lindsey.
25 Rick Pitino, August 2003.
26 Louisville cornerback Woodny Turenne, to the safety he thought was helping him after Stevie got loose in 2007.
27 A Louisville fan named “Watson,” talking to himself after Josh Harrelson’s 12th wide-open dunk against Louisville in the 2010-11 game, wondering why Pitino hasn’t stopped double teaming Terrence Jones.
28 A Louisville fan yelled this to distract Billy Gillispie, which allowed Edgar Sosa to hit a game-winning shot against UK in Freedom Hall.
29 Steve Kragthorpe during UK’s 27-2 win over UofL in 2008, momentarily forgetting he was coaching football, not baseball.
30 Rick Pitino, hitting on a fan named Stella in the front row, during Louisville’s loss to Morehead State in the 2011 NCAA Tournament.
31 Richard Pitino, Jr., to himself after being forced by his father to talk to the media last year after an embarrassing Louisville loss.
32 Former Louisville football coach John L. Smith, after UofL cornerback Rico Jenkins got burned for another touchdown during UK’s 68-34 win over the Cards in 1998.
33 Rick Pitino, to Pat Forde, after Forde criticized Kentucky’s hiring of John Calipari in 2009. (For some reason, Pitino calls Forde “Mrs. Robinson.”)
34 Howie Lindsey, to a startled McDonald’s employee.

*The margins of victory in both the 1986-87 Kentucky/Louisville basketball game, and the 1998 Kentucky/Louisville football game.

#LouisvilleHateDay

Article written by Not Jerry Tipton

15 Comments for At The Movies With Not Jerry Tipton



  1. BlueDoug
    7:13 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Your columns were good for about a week.. now it is just a complete waste of time and time for you to move on!



  2. logistics!
    7:20 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    some funny ones … but the constant scrolling annoyed me



  3. BPsycho
    7:27 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    #1 Sheesh

    “I — drink — your — milkshake! (slurping sounds) I drink it up!” win lol



  4. Bourbon Acreage
    7:27 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Paris, Ky reference… Nice!



  5. mocha
    7:33 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Constant scrolling is a complete waste and I stopped after 4 quotes.
    Should have put each quote along with source then Louisville reference all together.



  6. HamNEggs
    7:38 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Format Fail

    Quit after first line

    Dumbass



  7. Jeff
    7:58 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    One of the best posts in KSR history. I’m literally in tears after reading that. The Gary Cooper quote is Hall of Fame worthy.

    Well done Mr Not Jerry Tipton!!



  8. BPsycho
    8:03 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    #5 Are you on an ipad or phone or something? Just wondering if that’s why, I’ve seen the scrolling thing posted a few times.



  9. dgtuk
    8:10 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    outstanding post…..the goobers who are annoyed by scrolling should get over themselves….great way to lose 5 minutes of my life…laughing like crazy!!



  10. travisbickle
    8:32 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Well done Not Jerry. Although you misquoted #18. That was Karen Sypher’s doctor that said that.



  11. JC
    9:10 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Brilliant. Loved it. Freakin’ awesome and anyone that criticizes this doesn’t belong here. Worth the work to scroll.



  12. Rae
    9:20 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Hilarious, but would have worked better in a chart.



  13. mocha
    1:06 am August 31, 2012 Permalink

    8-iPhone



  14. theWilkman
    10:12 am August 31, 2012 Permalink

    The format was pretty tough to read, but the humor made it worth it. Especially #34



  15. BleedingBlue79
    5:18 am September 1, 2012 Permalink

    Hilarious to see that photo of those 4 UofL fans, because I actually remember one of those guys from college (third guy from the left, w/ his hand on the fourth guy’s shoulder). He went to UK but eventually flunked out or something, and transferred to UofL. In addition to being an unparalleled douchebag, he had the most amazingly stereotypical line beard you’ve ever seen.