Boy, I sure am glad I’m not going to make it today’s game, since all of you who are will most definitely be forced to deftly sidestep the makings of your own fates.
You see, tonight’s game is the first annual Florida/UK Armageddon Bowl ’09, which will combine the likelihood of both the most popularly-believed elements to bring about the ultimate downfall of the human race.
First, there were the various Lexington news stations’ “freak-out” party on last night’s late reports, wherein it was determined that emergency evacuations needed to be in place because of the giant, end-of-days style storms they believed would be descending upon Commonwealth during game time.
Now we find that Florida, not unlike the conquistadors who searched the Everglades for the fountain of youth, are bringing disease to the Commonwealth, sure to decimate all who come in contact with it. A good, general rule of thumb remains: don’t have any contact with Florida players or fans.
Whether you fall prey to disease or the rapture, let’s hope you fans at the game see a good one — for it may just be your last. Enjoy the apocalypse, everyone!