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Alan Cutler writes an open letter to Jorts

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As you may have known, last week after the loss to Arkansas, Alan Cutler wrote an open letter to John Calipari. Apparently, the power high generated by writing such letters to people associated with the basketball program has not worn off and KSR has received the second open letter in his ongoing series of spreading the teachings of his moustache to everyone on the team.

Since you came to Kentucky three years ago we’ve watched you grow and develop into the player you are today and I feel, as a local sports media personality, it’s time for me to write you an open letter, because that’s what people in the media do. They write unsolicited open letters to the coaches and athletes that they cover.

As you know last week, when I wrote an open letter to Coach Cal, I told him that there were a lot of True Blue Fans unhappy with him. I can assure you that this letter will have a different tone. We’re glad to have you Jorts.

Dear Josh,

I’m driving home after covering yet another great UK home win, this time against Florida and I’m listening to the post game show on radio.

“I love Josh Harrellson, but I’m starting to question if he has any fashion sense,” said a very nice sounding lady.

When I hear that kind of ridiculous comment on a post game call in show, I laugh. I’ve been the subject of plenty of calls like that, as man who consistently pairs a sports jacket and tight jeans with big cowboy boots. I understand that many fans lose perspective on what fashion actually is.

Josh, if you are smart, and normally you are, you need to know that no one wants to hear that you left your khaki shorts at home or your long-legged jeans were dirty when you first visited campus in April a few years back. You say it all the time. You are closing in on your final game at Rupp Arena. STOP! is how you would put it. You are making it a built in excuse.

The country boy wears jean shorts. You want ample knee mobility with the comfort of durable denim. You could have thrown on sweat pants that would have gone totally unnoticed, but you decided not to. I’m fine with that, hell it makes me ecstatic.

Fans around here like to say you can’t walk around wearing jean shorts. They wouldn’t be saying that if Enes Kanter was wearing jean shorts.

One of the reasons why you are getting ripped is that it looks like you literally just ripped the legs off of a perfectly good pair of jeans. You could rip Stacey Poole’s jeans, but it probably wouldn’t go noticed unless he got some playing time. I understand that you’re the guy who’s making plays on the court and paying homage to Joe Dirt off of it. Fans never see what you wear in practice. The media rarely sees what you wear in practice. So, fans don’t take the fact that you wear basketball shorts in practice into account when they complain.

If somebody isn’t wearing clothes that are ‘in vogue’, the public always blames that person. Generally speaking, I think you are a big time fashion icon. People who say otherwise aren’t worth one of my farts. However, I understand that a person has to embrace the Jorts fashion, like I have. But you own 10 to 11 pairs of jean shorts to wear in nearly any situation imaginable. I wouldn’t feel obligated to write you this open letter if I felt like you were doing everything in your power to spread the greatness that is Jorts. The public is still ignorant.

DeAndre Liggins is not a great decision maker. Just in his last two visits to Fayette Mall he wore a UK sweatshirt with matching UK sweatpants, that’s a costly mistake. Even though Doron Lamb is usually the one to class up his outfit a bit before going out, why was he with Liggins wearing the exact same thing? Of every player that you play with, why couldn’t you have persuaded these two to maybe don a pair of jean shorts instead of leaving the Lodge looking like a couple of drones? Let the public see that the whole team has embraced the Jorts concept.

There you go. Even the media is second-guessing because that’s what we do. And believe it or not, sometimes we’re right, especially me. I’m right so often that I’m obligated to write all of these open letters. I’m too old to be chasing people around to tell them I’m right, like in my sprier Billy Clyde days, so I have to write these letters.

If you’ve tried every other outfit in your closet, do what you do best. Throw caution to the wind and step out on the town in a pair of jean shorts. Wear them to the pre-game shoot around or to one of your classes or to a nice dinner at Malone’s. Get the word out about these perfect pants. Hell, give a pair to Terrence and Darius. I’m sure Jon and Jarrod have wanted to pull their jean shorts out of their dressers for the longest time, but they’ve been afraid of public backlash. Step up and be a leader. Deck the Wildcat Lodge out in denim décor. Show Lexington how much you and the team have embraced Jorts and I swear on my moustache that the public will follow suit.

Since I see you smiling all the time, I would try a very stern conversation with your teammates. I would almost yell and sound like a crazy person, not like a friend. But, you might have already tried that.

Bottom line is, you pride yourself in helping your teammates get better. This team hasn’t made a fashion impact on the community the way it should have, and that’s on you. And I say that with the thought process that you are one of the most fashionable guys going. Even the biggest fashion icons have taken awhile to take off. I expect big things out of you, Josh, big things and jean shorts.

Sincerely,

Alan S Cutler
WLEX-TV

Thanks for everything, Josh. We love you and we’re proud to call you a Wildcat.

Go Cats

Go Jorts


Article written by Matthew Hays

10 Comments for Alan Cutler writes an open letter to Jorts



  1. 3angelsmessage
    6:17 pm March 1, 2011 Permalink

    33



  2. josh
    6:22 pm March 1, 2011 Permalink

    hey big Al. you so sexy



  3. AKA cold buckets
    6:23 pm March 1, 2011 Permalink

    WHERE’S BILLY G?!?!?!



  4. josh
    6:23 pm March 1, 2011 Permalink

    but not as sexy as J-O-R-T-S JORTS JORTS JORTS.



  5. josh
    6:25 pm March 1, 2011 Permalink

    was that Billy G’s body shot the night he got his DUI



  6. SexnNursinHomes
    6:33 pm March 1, 2011 Permalink

    I have never seen so many shirtless dudes on KSR before. I don’t know how the KSR staff managed to make it through the day. Ya know they must have looked at HUNDREDS of shirtless dudes to get the ones for today. They probably hit a few gay sites too. Not that there is anything wrong with that.



  7. Troy McKinley
    6:37 pm March 1, 2011 Permalink

    Love me some Alan Cutler. However, TheRealPioneer, please stop e-mailing me pictures of you, half naked in a child’s sandbox. It actually is really freaking me out.



  8. Chris
    6:39 pm March 1, 2011 Permalink

    I didn’t think it was funny until after I read Alan Cutler’s real letter.
    lol GO JORTS!



  9. Half Naked Guy
    8:14 pm March 1, 2011 Permalink

    6- I’m pretty sure they just photoshopped Cutler’s head on Matt’s body (probably taken on Derby Day).

    MH- Love this post…no homo



  10. RealTalk
    11:13 am March 2, 2011 Permalink

    J()rTz R $3xY