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Alan Cutler is Not the Only One to Use an Alias

If you missed the radio show on Monday (and shame on you if you did), then you missed Ryan Lemond’s story about the great Alan Cutler of WLEX in Lexington. Lemond told us that when Cutler went on the road to travel for UK games, he was worried that fans might try to get in touch with him in the hotel, and so he would check in under an alias. For Alan Cutler, his hotel alias was “Rob Roy”, a name that comes of course from the Liam Neeson movie. Cutler went by “Rob Roy”, and at least in my eyes, he always will. A swashbuckling hero is he, and when not chasing Billy Gillispie, I would trust Cutler with protecting my life.

But don’t get the wrong idea. Alan Cutler is not the only media member that takes a movie character alias when he goes on the road. Covering UK can make one a star quickly and thus it is normal for those who follow the Cats to have to hide from the spotlight. After doing some research, we were able to uncover the 16 aliases that UK and college basketball media types use most often on the road. Yes, now their cover may be blow…but the public needs to know:

dean wormer

JOHN CLAY: Dean Wormer

For the Herald Leader’s head columnist, writing is not his only duty. He must also protect the standards of journalism from those unwashed masses that seek to ruin it via the evil mechanism of the blog. Clay checks into hotels as Dean Wormer, to showcase not only his strong belief in law and order, but his desire to rid the UK landscape of the equivalent of the Delta Tau Chis. When Clay looks towards his co-worker and says, “Jerry, what is the worst blog on campus?”, he does so in salute of one of his true heroes, the dean of law and order.

shaftchip

CHIP COSBY: John Shaft

The coolest man in media is also the coolest man in movies. When Chip Cosby checks into a hotel, the lights go low, the music goes up and ladies scream, while men admire. Chip Cosby is always the best dressed journalist and ready to provide the low down when necessary. If you want to know when you are going to hear from Chip, just remember what his alias once said, “when I got something to say.”

greg marmalardthamel

PETE THAMEL: Greg Marmalard

Everyone’s favorite hall monitor Pete Thamel checks into hotels only with the NCAA’s permission and with the goal of bringing down that awful John Calipari. As President of the media’s Omega House, Thamel and his girlfriend Dana O’Pepperidge exist only to make sure the laws of the NCAA and decent society are followed.

emperor

JERRY TIPTON: Emperor Palpatine

Embracing the hate of UK fans everywhere, Jerry Tipton checks into hotels as Emperor Palpatine, ruler of the evil Galactic Empire from the Star Wars films. While Jerry often wishes for a day long passed, he does believe that in the end, all will work out. He has been known to say, “soon the blog rebellion will be crushed and young Franklin will be one of us.”

blutarsky

HOWIE LINDSEY: John Blutarsky

Everyone’s favorite Louisville journalist always registers as his movie hero, the great John Blutarsky. When not enjoying a fine meal or acting as if he follows a real college, the leader of CardinalSports.com, tries to pump up a fan base used to losing to Kentucky. “WAS IT OVER WHEN JOSH HARRELLSON HIT THOSE THREES…WELL WAS IT OVER WHEN ANTHONY DAVIS GOT THAT BLOCK…WAS IT OVER WHEN JOHN CALIPARI…aww nevermind.”

e

RYAN LEMOND: Kip Dynamite

The best sidekick in all of the land likes to register as the older brother of Napoleon Dynamite on the road. Traveling is often tough for Ryan, who always wants me to understand that he has (a) a black wife and (b) has been chatting online with babes all day. Like with Kip, Ryan is everyone’s best friend and seeing him makes us all happy.

doc brownbozich

RICK BOZICH: Doc Brown

Rick Bozich respects men who like him, rock the white hair, and thus every hotel with a big event, sees a visit from Doc Brown. Like Doc Brown, Bozich’s best days were in the 1980s, but he still finds his way into our hearts when a rerun comes on USA or someone links the tv station’s website where his columns still run. The only difference for Rick is that instead of saying “Great Scott” as his catch phrase, he has modified it to be “Great Jurich”…just to make it easier.

dfad

MARY JO PERINO: Elle Woods

Everyone’s favorite blond bombshell television anchor takes the name Elle Woods on the road in honor of her favorite movie lawyer. Just like Elle, Mary Jo mesmerizes people with her beauty and then surprises them with her smarts and sports knowledge. While Elle has to deal with the pretentious law students at Harvard, Mary Jo has a much tougher cross to bear…seeing Alan Cutler in the office in tighty whiteys. It is rough being Lexington’s sports sweetheart.

leon phelps

LARRY VAUGHT: Leon Phelps

The ladies’ man of UK sports media does what any playa’ playa’ would do on the road…take the name of Leon Phelps. Just like Leon, Larry has all the ladies. If you get on Vaught’s Views, chances are there will be an article from/picture of a beautiful young woman showcasing that Larry’s charm goes far beyond the Eddie Montgomery steakhouse. Just like Leon, Larry can answer all of your romantic queries, just make sure that when you meet him in the Commonwealth Stadium Press Box, you bring the Courvoisier.

BRETT DAWSON: Travis Bickle

The former Courier Journal writer, now CatsIllustrated.com editor takes the name Travis Bickle whenever he hits the road for the Cats. Like Travis Bickle, Dawson always looks one step away from murdering the entire press box. Dawson says little, but the crazy in his eyes suggests that if you look at him the wrong way, there will be hell to pay. If Alan Cutler asks a question to loud, Brett has been known to ask, “You Talkin’ to Me?” at which point Cutler, and every other member of the media runs for cover, hoping to not catch Brett’s wrath.

clark

JEFF GOODMAN: Clark Ponytail

Jeff Goodman’s road choice is also one of the most obscure, as he takes the alias of the random d-bag Harvard student in “Good Will Hunting.” In order to impress Bill Self and embarrass the outsiders, Goodman has been known to look at other journalists and ask them if they know the starting lineup for the 1989 Seton Hall NCAA Tournament Runner-Up team. Like all bullies, one need to only call Jeff’s bluff in order to make him stand down, and when Mike Decourcy comes over with John Calipari’s cell phone number and says, “I got his number, How ya like them apples?”, Goodman has rarely looked sadder. (and by the way, the photo shop above by Drew Franklin of Goodman could be the creepiest picture in history)

pittrwrew

KYLE TUCKER: Billy Beane

Kyle Tucker takes the name Billy Beane on the road because, like Brad Pitt’s character in Moneyball, he has great hair and is trying to turn a lemon into lemonade. In the same way that Beane attempts to make the failing Oakland A’s, a victim of the changing era in Major League Baseball, afloat, Kyle is attempting to do top-notch work while being the head of a dying enterprise, the Courier Journal. Both should be praised for good work in the face of adversity, but unlike Beane, Kyle doesn’t have his own fat Jonah Hill to help crunch the numbers, because his assistant got fired in the last round of Gannett budget cuts.

zack lodgeseth

SETH DAVIS: Zack “Sack” Lodge

Seth Davis has made the odd choice to travel under the alias of the most unlikeable son of privilege in movie history, Zack Lodge of “Wedding Crashers.” Like Bradley Cooper’s character, Davis often exudes likability in one-on-one situations and can draw you in with his personality and style. But also like Lodge, Davis has a way of exuding a smarmy, “better than you” arrogance that can also make you want to punch him in the face. His worst moment ever was when he looked at our own Drew Franklin and said, “You wanna help me kid? Do you? Why don’t you run along and fetch me a 7Up, ok?” Totally unnecessary.

TONY VANETTI: Shooter McGavin

The star of the Afternoon Underdogs travels rarely, mainly because he is worried about the hotels not having sheets with a high enough thread count. But when he does, he stays as Shooter McGavin. Like Shooter, Tony is the rival to KSR’s Happy Gilmore, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t playful. Like Shooter as well, his temper can be a detriment. When UK fans begin to tease him about linebeards, L1C4 or Porcini’s, Vanetti has been known to say, “damn you people, why don’t you go back to your shanties.”

big ernbaker

DAVE BAKER: Ernie McCracken

The man they call Buzz goes on the road as the man they call “Big Ern.” Like McCracken, Baker is the ultimate star. Ladies love him, the camera is drawn to his face and at any moment, a star turn can occur. Before every show, Baker winks in the mirror and says, “one more time sweetness”, before making tv magic. Some may find it offensive when Baker channels Big Ern and says to a waitress, “Keep ’em comin’, sweets, I got a long drive. Do me a favor, will you? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table?” But I for one, find it endearing. burgundybromley

ROB BROMLEY: Ron Burgundy

The legend of Kentucky sports television does what only he can, as he takes the name of the legend of San Diego tv, Ron Burgundy on the road. Like Burgundy, the thought of television in Kentucky without Bromley is hard to fathom. He is without question the top dog, and everywhere he goes, he sweats greatness. At tense points in a game, Bromley remains calm and when he receives a call from the sideline about an injury, his response of “bark twice if you are in Clay County” soothes even the most worried UK fan. You stay classy Lexington. ray boyd

GARY PARRISH: Ray Boyd

And finally, the man who hates Calipari but loves hair gel, takes the alias of the kid with the spikiest hair in the history of the silver screen, Ray Boyd. Like Ray, Parrish is not in the movie or at the games for his intellect or reasoning ability, but rather for his gosh-darn cuteness. Even though he is 45 and dresses like a kid, Parrish has been known to interrupt press conferences by asking Billy Donovan if he knows the human head weighs 8 pounds. And like Ray Boyd in “Jerry Maguire”, I can’t imagine college basketball without him or his ridiculous hair.

Article written by Matt Jones

42 Comments for Alan Cutler is Not the Only One to Use an Alias



  1. HeshimuEvans'2ndGradeTeacher
    10:23 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    Wow, you must have put some work into this!



  2. Waka Flocka
    10:24 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    The Gary Parrish jabs are the only reason I get on this site.



  3. Lake Cumberland
    10:29 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    An instant Classic!



  4. TAXman
    10:31 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    Goodman doesn’t look any creepier than he normally does



  5. jsm
    10:31 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    Larry Vaught cracked me up. Best work I have seen thus far.



  6. Catlanta
    10:33 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    One for the books. Well done.



  7. bigbluejon
    10:36 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    I think my original idea of Rob Bromley as Frank Drebbin (Loaded Gun) is the best.



  8. bigbluejon
    10:38 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    also would have accepted Kyle Tucker as any Bradley Cooper character ever.



  9. bigbluejon
    10:40 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    ps. the picture of Goodman is creepy yet hilarious. Also, Eric Crawford looks like Butthead…tha



  10. Grover
    10:40 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    Where’s Matt Jones?



  11. Dan Aykroyd
    10:42 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    What about Dom Papa? Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys?



  12. Keith Myath
    10:43 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    Gary Parrish: He’s Cool. He’s Hip. He’s 45.



  13. Jsm
    10:53 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    Matt Jones as David Hasselhoff.



  14. JT
    10:53 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    This site always gives me a good laugh.



  15. blitzedanddazed
    10:54 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    Goodman, Vaught and Tipton = The Three Stooges.



  16. Linda Taylor
    10:56 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    Alan Cutler has never looked so good. I didn’t recognize him at first. Tony Vanetti would have made a good Lou Costello. Very funny work.



  17. tyson
    10:59 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    i am surprised that Matt Jones and Alan Cutler can get their heads in the same room. Alan may actually be even more narcissistic than Matt.

    the Larry Vaught photoshop may be Top 10 ever on the site.



  18. Venkman
    11:01 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    Goodman’s photoshop looks like Vigo from Ghostbusters II. You know, the ghost in the painting that tries to possess the body of the infant Oscar. Its practically the same evil.



  19. GrammarCats
    11:04 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    Rob Bromley = 100% Jack Palance



  20. Steve Fitts
    11:04 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    Matt Jones, golfer extraordinaire, uses the alias “Tiger Woods!”



  21. Bon
    11:17 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    Seth Davis should be someone who got a job and knows absolutely nothing about basketball and picks the favorites every year in the tournament, then tries to act like he knows what a team should do for a game plan but has absolutely no idea.



  22. UncleKyle
    11:23 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    This post is exactly what makes KSR do great. Keep it up



  23. bigbluejon
    11:31 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    Also, Howie Lindsey is a turd. Ok, I’m done.



  24. FlySoup
    11:42 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    this better not be the nightly post



  25. Julius Caesar
    11:52 pm August 22, 2012 Permalink

    Parrish is 45! He looks like a hung over Yoda.



  26. catfan68
    12:18 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    Matt, great work…hilarious…But I have it on good authority that Rick Bozoich uses the name “Paula Deen”. I agree #23 Hungry Howie is a turd..a horrid turd.



  27. Dylan
    12:26 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    too much time was invested into this pointless post



  28. jeyhey
    1:09 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    @24 or you will do what exactly?..cancel your subscription? I hope it is…just to piss you off even more. I can see it now…your face turning red,blood pressure rising. How far in life have you gotten making empty threats? How about sitting back and enjoying the fact that you are getting something for free…or maybe you would like to go somewhere else and pay for some of the info you find on here?



  29. duh
    1:35 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    Hey Dylan, if you don’t want to read it then don’t…but I found it to be awesome. You could always go read the Card Chronicle.



  30. Dylan
    2:23 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    Hey duh, why don’t you mind your own f***ing business and quit trying to start sh*t over message boards.



  31. normal people
    2:30 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    jeyhey– please stop acting like an idiot



  32. jeyhey
    3:28 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    awwwwww….must have hit a little close to home.



  33. uklaw95
    4:13 am August 23, 2012 Permalink


  34. UKFaniac
    5:38 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    Alan Cutler must truly think of himself as a celebrity. I saw him at Wildcat Wearhouse once and ONE guy went up to say hello and Alan brushed him off like he was nothing. That was it, no one else cared he was there. Sad… Very Sad.



  35. TAXman
    6:27 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    30. Well that escalated quickly!



  36. bleedblueky
    7:14 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    Morning Matt – Could you add Alan Cutler’s photo by Rob Roy? And IMO TONY VANETTI: Shooter McGavin should be MATT JONES: Shooter McGavin – just take one more quick look of the similarities between you and McGavin 🙂



  37. senthil kumar
    7:16 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    learn video marketing

    my URL is: http://www.guntalielman.com/learnvideomarketing



  38. Han
    8:08 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    So let’s see, in college basketball right now the big news is whether someone paid for some of Noel’s visits to various schools (not just us). UK clearly isn’t worried since Noel is working out, but since Thamel made a story of it, every sports outlet is following it as a top story. Rival fans are pointing it out as yet another clear example of Cal cheating (even though if true, it’s just a Noel eligibility thing and he’ll have to miss a few games – fewer even than Selby did for Self, though we hear no such accusations that Self cheated as we now hear for Cal).

    Meanwhile, what is possibly the most corrupt athletic department since SMU continues to not be discussed in anywhere near the detail this Noel rumor is because “it’s a UNC issue” and an entire system of cheating to keep athletes eligible for more than a decade in 2 sports, including the title-winning basketball story, just isn’t a story.

    Seriously, I know UK drives traffic, but the media creates interest in what they choose to report on (Tim Tebow, anyone?). UNC isn’t a big story because the sports sites and channels continue to not cover it. They should all have their people doing specials. We should have an Outside the Lines report. We should hear about Forde, Thamel and others living in Chapel Hill.

    Instead, we’re hearing about one of the more common eligibility issues, and it’s not even a recruiting violation by UK as rival fans make it out to be.

    Just sickening.



  39. SaveUofL
    9:03 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    Goodman looks like Buffalo Bill from “Silence of the Lambs” with that hair. Would you do me? I’d do me, Id do me soo hard!



  40. theWilkman
    9:49 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    Gotta say, the line from Tipton’s part, “He has been known to say, “soon the blog rebellion will be crushed and young Franklin will be one of us” was probably the funniest thing I’ve read on this site. Star Wars references are the best



  41. bballdoc
    10:55 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    Matt, this is a top 10 of all time post. Two people are missing from the hilarity, though.
    Dan Wolken and (you).



  42. jymbo
    11:03 am August 23, 2012 Permalink

    Cutler is a jerk. I saw a guy in a wheelchair at the Final Four in Houston try to say hi and he acted like the guy had a disease.
    He’s a total jerk and would be better suited with Peewee Herman.