By now, the success of the Joe B. Hall statue unveiling at the Wildcat Coal Lodge is quite clear. A former coach of our beloved Wildcats was honored in a way that is meant to stand the test of time. It is quite an honor. Rumors are already swirling about a possible John Wall statue modeled after his recent Instagram picture. But I digress. As per usual, other schools are jacking UK’s swagger and getting their own new statues ready. Check out the leaked statue plans for some other big programs across the country:
Michael Jordan – UNC – “Hey, did you know Michael Jordan went here?” – every person on UNC’s campus to every recruit who visits…ever. North Carolina has plans to erect a gigantic bronze bohemoth, designed by MJ himself and modeled after the Collossus of Roads. Click the link, and you’ll see there’s room for a jungle gym in the middle of the statue – that way, UNC folks can finally and literally hang off Jordan’s balls more than ever.
Gene Hackman – IU – The Hoosiers were going to put up a Bobby Knight statue, but then they realized he’s a blibbering idiot these days and held off. Instead, they decided to look for the only other legendary coach they’ve got – Coach Norman Dale from Hoosiers. Not bad for a state full of Ollies.
Corey Maggette – Duke – The Rat King Coach K and his people are working on a depiction of Maggette in the ‘Buddy Jesus‘ pose. The thumbs up signifies that you too can break the rules and go without NCAA punishment. (*Lance Thomas case pending.) Kansas has a similar piece in the works for Darrell Arthur and the Pump Bros.
Bobby Petrino & John L. Smith – UofL – Out of the goodness of their hearts, Louisville decided to leave the health-stricken Kragthorpe out. This is a strange one – they’re digging a water well style hole and placing life-size statues of these two down there. It will be used as a latrine for all the drunk tailgaters coming into Papa Johns Stadium. They plan to leave one spot open because of the imminent departure by Chuck Strong for an SEC head coaching position.
Sam Gilbert – UCLA – This guy was the benefactor for many an ‘amateur’ UCLA player’s wardrobe and jewelry collection during their magnificent run within the Wooden era. The Bruins will be placing this Buddha-shaped structure inside gift shop where it rightly belongs. Rub his belly the right way and get a Rolex. Supposedly, Shabazz Muhammed knows the secret to it.