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A lot has happend since the last time you won a national championship…

I was going to attempt to direct all of my hate today toward Louisville football, but when I tried to come up with a list of things that have happened since the last time your football team won a national championship, all I could come up with was this:

Things that have happened since the last time Louisville won a football national championship:

1) Everything

Instead, I decided to adjust the list a bit and re-direct my focus toward the things that have happened since the last time your basketball team won a national championship… in 1986.

 

Things that have happened since the last time Louisville won a basketball national championship:

(Key for the reader= a * denotes a slightly different progression for UL fans as opposed to the rest of the world)

1) I was born.

2) I have spent a quarter of a century on this earth

3) Kentucky won 3 national championships

4) Mike Marra got a tattoo

5) Every kid in America lost a friend to dysentery, typhoid, measles, cholera, exhaustion or trying to unsuccessfully ford the river.

6) Pagers–> Nokias/Snake game –> Flip Phones –> Razors –> Pink Razors –> Blackberrys–>  iPhones AND Droids –> iPhones –> Siri –> #SiriSucks –> Emojies –>> iPhone 5 equipped with a Hologram keyboard 

* Pagers –> Go Phone –> Stolen iPhone

7) Mike Marra got another tattoo
8) Kentucky beat Tennessee football with a wide receiver at quarterback

9) Bruce Pearl beat Tennessee basketball with Aaron Craft at a barbecue

10) Brett Favre retired…a lot.

11) Sir Mix-a-Lot taught us “flat butts aren’t the thing”

* No one taught us “flat bills aren’t the thing”

12) Beverly Hills 90210 happened. Twice.

13) Everyone scored 383,294,202 points on Temple Run.

14) Mike Marra got another tattoo

15) Billy Ray Cyrus had the most talked about haircut in America. Billy Ray Cyrus had a kid. Billy Ray Cyrus’ kid grew up (not as fast as her teeth, though). Billy Ray Cyrus’ kid has the most talked about haircut in America. (she’s just bein’ Miley…)

16) Michael Phelps won 22 Olympic medals

17) Kentucky won a national championship in 2012 by beating Louisville in the Final 4

*Louisville won a steeplechase national championship

18) Michael Jackson was black.

19) Michael Jackson was white.

20) Michael Jackson said it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white

*Michael Jackson said it doesn’t matter if your black or white.

21) Two words: Jonah Hill

22) The Boston Red Sox broke the curse.

23) The Chicago Cubs broke the curse.

24) Nah, I’m just kidding.

25) Mike Marra got another tattoo

26) Lance Armstrong won the Tour De France multiple times.

27) Bobby Knight said Kentucky.

28)  AOL Chatrooms –> AIM/Away Messages –> MySpace –> Facebook –>  Twitter –> Moms on Facebook –> Instagram

* AOL Chatrooms –> AIM/Away Messages –> MySpace –> Facebook (once they allowed people to get it who weren’t in college) –> Twitter –> Became a Mom w/ Facebook –> A/S/L?

29) I fell in love with Charlie from the Mighty Ducks. I fell in love with Ted from “Hey Dude.” I fell in love with the shorter/chubbier Pete from “Pete and Pete” (I know, I’m weird…but it took dedication for him to try to dig out of his grounding on the 4th of July with nothing more than a Statue of Liberty figurine). I fell in love with Pacey Witter.

30) Coolio once rapped “I’m 23 now but will I live to see 24?”

31) Coolio is 43 now, but will he live to see 44?

32) The Batman series made about 3 too many movies.

33) The Berlin Wall came down.

34) Adele had at least 7 tragic break ups.

35) Tattoo…Mike Marra…you get the point

36) Saturday Night Live stopped being funny.

37) The Kardashians somehow became relevant.

38) I received 982 “Linked In” requests

39) I denied 982 “Linked In” requests

40) Taco Bell made a taco out of a Dorito. And people Drew Franklin likes it.

41) The newspaper industry was diagnosed with a terminal illness.

42) Frank Haith smiled once.

(Clearly not in this picture)

43) Florida basketball won 2 national championships. Florida. Basketball.

44) Kim Kardashian could have had 131.8 marriages.

45) Al Gore invented the Internet.

46) Jorts were in style. Jorts went out of style. Jorts came back in style. Jorts got drafted in the NBA.

47) The TV show “Friends” started. The TV show “Friends” lasted a really long time. The TV show “Friends” ended. The TV show “Friends” could have re-aired all over again. Oh wait… (h/t TBS)

48) I think we saw Halley’s Comet.

49) Rick Pitino left Kentucky too early.

50) Rick Pitino left Karen Sypher too late.

51) John L. Smith and Bobby Petrino coached at Louisville. John L. Smith and Bobby Petrino coached at Arkansas.

52) Pete Thamel wasted a lot of time.

Article written by Ally Tucker

I once successfully requested "The Wobble" to be played 6 times at one wedding.

34 Comments for A lot has happend since the last time you won a national championship…



  1. Zoso
    9:39 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Ill be inflating a pair of thunder sticks just to applaud this post. Bravo Miss Tucker.



  2. GoCats2010
    9:42 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    I no longer require sentences…I am in love with the list style post



  3. Mr. Mister Cobble
    9:42 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Bravo. Great post.



  4. James
    9:46 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Absolutely priceless! Well done!



  5. TravisC
    9:46 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    I lol’ed at #50.



  6. HumanKevinJones
    9:46 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Well done madam



  7. BUCats
    9:55 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Matt has talked up your writing ever since you joined the site. Tonight’s post has validated everything he said. Awesome post!



  8. Justin
    10:00 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Well done! Great companion piece to Drew’s 50.



  9. Nice
    10:06 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Excellent! Posts like this are why I started reading this site years ago.



  10. Michael
    10:12 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Great post. Loved the Michael Jackson lines. I busted out laughing.



  11. Jay
    10:15 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Brilliant



  12. Jenny Craig Pitino
    10:19 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Great job!



  13. MyFavorite
    10:29 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    The posts have been great today, but this was spectacular!



  14. HarryCarey
    10:32 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    And Ally knocks it out of the park! Holy cow!



  15. Ukfan
    10:34 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Saved by the Bell middle school, Saved by the Bell high school, Saved by the bell The College Years…



  16. HugoCabrera
    10:38 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Hahaha yessssss. That made me laugh out loud. Left too late…ha



  17. Caliterry
    11:06 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Love the list but…LANCE ARMSTRONG DID WIN THE TOUR DE FRANCE SEVEN TIMES.



  18. Sypher's aborted fetus
    11:18 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    One thing that hasn’t happened since 1986…jill hasn’t gotten laid



  19. Sypher's aborted fetus
    11:19 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    except by Sypher….(15 seconds in heaven)…she is such a dumba$$



  20. Goggles
    11:20 pm August 30, 2012 Permalink

    Louisville’s 1986 national championship was also the last game played before there was a three point shot. Dark ages.



  21. Hayley Minogue
    1:12 am August 31, 2012 Permalink

    Mother Tucker, this is on point. Congrats on the success of your first KSR Louisville Hate Article. Another thing to add… i was still 5 years out of birth…



  22. John Ellis
    2:08 am August 31, 2012 Permalink

    Though trying to penetrate this may be pointless, Al Gore never claimed he invented the internet. The computer tech business honcho he worked with to open the internet (which had existed since the 70s for the Defense Dept.) to the public said Gore was there at the birth of the internet. You are able to post on this site because Al Gore and Bill Clinton worked very hard with the tech industry to create a public internet, which set off the computer boom that boosted the economy in their time and in which the US lead the world. So the GOP came up with this joke to see that Gore never got credit, in fact was ridiculed for what is one of the major achievements of government working with business in world history. It should have gone over like Clint Eastwood did tonight. Had Gore not had his election stolen in favor of the idiot W (that our state voted for twice), god knows what he would have helped to create. But of course no facts will ever stop the stupid joke from being repeated. Just keep voting the way you do and coal miners for the next thousand years will be guaranteed underground employment.



  23. rjr
    6:31 am August 31, 2012 Permalink

    Chicago Cubs broke the curse? Did I miss something?



  24. UK_Greg
    7:03 am August 31, 2012 Permalink

    This post was an awesome post to wake up to on #collegecolorsday #bbn



  25. Johnny
    7:09 am August 31, 2012 Permalink

    Love this post! The new site design should have a ticking clock showing time elapsed since 86 championship.



  26. Johnny
    7:10 am August 31, 2012 Permalink

    In the words of JRock…John Ellis you suck



  27. Wildcat Far From Home
    8:01 am August 31, 2012 Permalink

    Ah, yes, The Oregon Trail. Remember fording the river (mostly a bad idea) and shooting for food? I definitely remember the obscenities people would write on tombstones.



  28. UKBlue1!
    9:35 am August 31, 2012 Permalink

    Awesome post!Living in the hyperbole that is Louisville. Da’Ville fans think 2013 is their year. 12-29-12 the LMPD will have to guard the 2nd street bridge after the cats knock them off in the chicken shack.



  29. Test
    10:40 am August 31, 2012 Permalink

    LMAO @ John Ellis



  30. Rex Chapmans Calves
    11:21 am August 31, 2012 Permalink

    HEY #22!!!! Shut The #*[email protected] Up!!!! Geez! Gr8 Post Guys and Hats Off for A GR8 Loserville Hate-Day!



  31. Lance
    12:01 pm August 31, 2012 Permalink

    Louisville’s last championship in basketball was in 86 not football. Good source for your info, next time id make sure its right before you post it. Good talk



  32. kymover
    12:32 pm August 31, 2012 Permalink

    Dear Mr.Ellis you should thank all the coal miners for there hard work. They are the ones who keep the lights on in our wonderful state. In the coming years we will all need every source of power to keep the power flowing so you and I can make statements on the internet. 97% of electric power in Kentucky comes from coal.



  33. Devin the Dude
    1:50 pm August 31, 2012 Permalink

    Best piece Ive seen in a long time, and thats saying a lot…great job



  34. Women Everywhere
    2:34 pm August 31, 2012 Permalink

    A fire in the wagon! You have lost 4 oxen 1 set clothing 2 wagon wheels 48 pounds of food