Next year will be something like this, only with fewer unicorns. Not none, just, you know… fewer.
Sometimes, a player is bigger than his skill level.
There’s no doubt that the newest Wildcat, Nerlens Noel, is a special guy. We’ve been saying that for months. Defensively, he’s as good as they come. Dave Telep, toward the end of ESPN’s worst-planned programming since Ron Burgundy auditioned for SportsCenter, said that he expects Noel to challenge, or break, Anthony Davis’ single-season block record next year. I don’t know how that’s possible, but it’s an enticing prospect. Noel, however, is more than just a shot-blocker: he’s an instant hero.
Henri Ducard (ala Batman Begins) said it best: “If you make yourself more than just a man, if you devote yourself to an ideal, you become something else entirely. A legend.” Noel’s ideal is simple: win a championship. He said as much himself last night on air, and on Twitter. He wants number nine. And his legend status is almost immediate. Shaving our logo into your flat top fade to reveal it on national television will tend to do that. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t “help out” a little bit on that end.
For that reason, I think it’s time we make this kid the next Enes Kanter (only, you know… eligible). While we don’t know if Nerlens likes professional wrestling, there are certainly some interesting facts out there that we can run with. I’m gonna throw out some information about this new recruit, and we’ll see what sticks. Feel free to add to the list, please. For now, though, we’ll start off easy, with a few of the more obvious tidbits, and get more and more obscure as we go:
-He has a flat top hairstyle, and shaved UK in the back of it to announce his college decision.
-He’s got a chance to break AD’s single season block record at UK.
-His parents are from Haiti. It’s time to learn some Croatian for our signs.
-His favorite snack is Cheez-Its. We have that in common.
-He can palm a medicine ball.
-He only eats waffles for breakfast, because pancakes “are for girls and holidays.”
-He’s actually a genetically modified clone of Keith David, designed solely to woo women and play basketball.
-He can fully digest a turtle shell, just like an alligator.
-His favorite movie is Win a Date With Tad Hamilton, and he watches it twice a week.
-He loves dogs, but he can’t eat a whole one in one sitting.
It’s hard to imagine after the season we just had, but we have a lot to look forward to next year. This guy is just one part of a class that, were it not for last year, would be called one of the greatest of all time. And it’s not even finished yet. That’s a sobering thought for other SEC teams. For now, it seems like we’ve started the offseason with a bang. I just don’t know how any of us are going to make it until October.
Welcome to the BBN, Mr. Noel. We’ve been waiting for you.