Can Notre Dame slow down Alabama’s rushing attack? How will Everett Golson handle the pressure? Is Barrett Jones’ foot okay? Should Notre Dame even be here? Is Alabama too physical? Would you sleep with Manti Te’o if given the opportunity and assurance no one would ever find out?
Those are the questions we’ve heard over and over and over for the past month from the talking heads on ESPN and everywhere else. Those are not the questions you’ll find here on KSR. Below are the 10 questions we have, entering the 2013 BCS National Championship game.
1.) What will Nick Saban be mad about?
He’s always mad. Watch him on the sideline. Just yelling for no reason.
He’ll be mad if Alabama returns the opening kick for a touchdown, goes for two, gets it, recovers an onside kick, scores on the first play, and then ends world hunger.
2.) Did you know Jimmy Kimmel Live! is moving to 11:35 tomorrow night?
Brace yourselves for a flood of commercials reminding you. Only Modern Family stands a chance at slowing the Kimmel promos down.
3.) How many times will we hear a “Johnny Football” reference?
Those of you with an easy Tuesday ahead, add this to your drinking game. Call a cab.
4.) Will Brent Musburger or Kirk Herbstreit mention this story?
A rape scandal involving current Notre Dame players and the death of a student, swept under the rug.
Who’s rooting for the Fighting Irish now?
5.) Is anyone interested in listening to what Mike Golic has to say tomorrow morning?
Mike & Mike is going to be brutal in the morning, regardless of the national champion. ESPN would be better off running four hours of dead air.
6.) Will A.J. McCarron’s mom wear this to the game?
I think she should. It can pass for school colors; the weather will be warm in Miami tonight; and my television has incredible screen grab and zoom capabilities.
I love you, A.J. McCarron’s mom. Shhhhhhh. Just let it happen. Love me back.
7.) Will A.J. McCarron’s girlfriend wear this to the game?
Jaw, meet floor.
8.) Have I ever told you how much I hate A.J. McCarron?
And do I need to explain why?
9.) Why the hell did Alabama stay in the Fontainebleau hotel?
That’s like housing The Biggest Loser contestants in a CiCi’s Pizza the night before a weigh-in.
The Fontainebleau is Disneyland to young athletes.
10.) Will Lou Holtz flood all of south Florida with saliva if Notre Dame wins?
“The following counties are under a Flash Flood warning until Lou Holtz stops talking: Broward, Collier, Hendry, Lee, Miami-Dade, Monroe and Palm Beach…”
Enjoy the game.