There is a gift guide for everything. Â There are gift guides for men, besties, pets, even gifts for people who â€œhave everything.â€ Â (That last guide would more honestly read as â€œA gift guide for people who donâ€™t mind being pretentious.â€) It is officially the season for being inundated with options for gifts for those we love. Â Â In an effort to weed out the gifts that should remain ungifted from the respectable presents, we have assembled the worldâ€™s worst gift guide to help with your holiday shopping.
Shopping fatigue is real. Â There comes aÂ time when you have exhausted all your shopping tricks and there isnâ€™t a satisfying option on the World Wide Web. Â Here are some options for when you just give up.
Â Twerking Santa Claus: The picture doesnâ€™t do Santa justice. Â His belly isnâ€™t the only thing that shakes like a bowl full of jelly.
Kitchen Sponge Bed: Â Nothing says â€œI love and appreciate youâ€ like a gift that makes a time consuming chore less practical!
Ombre Puzzle: Gwyneth Paltrow is the artful curator of her website GOOP. Â The lifestyle blog is notorious for whimsical (read expensive) tips for how to live like a celebrity. Â This nearly impossible puzzle is just one of GOOPâ€™s many ways to add a little celebrity style to your everyday drab life.
The Power Nap Head Pillow: The perfect gift for people who like to nap while looking uncomfortable.
Now listen. You and I both know that not every gift exchange is a “Gift of the Magi”-type situation. Â There may be some instances when you are giving to those who are difficult to love. Â Here are some passive aggressive presents that will say, â€œHey! I thought of you and hereâ€™s the best I could do!â€
The Butt Station Desk Accessory: Â I just canâ€™t imagine a desk that would be improved by this accessory.
Pop Up Hot Dog Toaster: Not only is storing a hot dog toaster impractical, Iâ€™m concerned that the mechanics arenâ€™t safe. Â Even common sense doesnâ€™t suggest that hot dogs and buns have the same cook times. Very problematic.
4D Gummi Bear Skeleton: This might be the worst present ever.
- There are 41 pieces! There is the maximum potential for losing pieces.
- Itâ€™s frightening
- Gummi Bears arenâ€™t real. Â What advantage could be gained from studying their mythical bones?
- The thought of gummi bears having bones has ruined their sugary goodness for me forever.
Cat Butt Purse: Iâ€™m offended by the butt sewn into the purse. Â Iâ€™m offended by the decorative balls added to the bag.
Iâ€™m not sure when we reached it, but at one point the market became over saturated with highly specific products aimed at a very specific audience. Â I blame Shark Tank. Â Regardless of its origins, there are some gifts that are so specific that they could only be a gift to one recipient.
Jonathan Adler Soul Cycle Candle: Finally a gift for someone that wishes for their home to smell like sweat, rubber and people falling off of stationary bikes.
Kurt Cobain Pop! Doll: It feels wrong to have Kurt look so cute. Â Iâ€™m just going to imagine this as a Billy Ray Cyrus doll instead.
Cat Hand Puppet: Nope. Â Nope. Nope. This cat is giving me some creepy murdery vibes.
Hidden Valley Ranch Keg: If liking ranch makes you cool, then owning a vat of ranch makes you the coolest. Right?
All kidding aside, I would gladly accept any of these terrible presents.Â I would be delighted to re-gift them later.