Heyo! It’s your Bachelor Boiiiii Noah. You know you’ve been dying for more of that juicy Bachelor goodness, especially since I posted this suuuuuuper late, but maybe your boss walks by a lot and you don’t want him raising eyebrows at you. I gotchu, bruh! I put a decoy pic up top for you so it looks like your just reading sports. Your welcome! (You can fist bump your screen now.)
This week, we gotta work out some of those issues that were left behind last week, Taiysha gets ice cream on her butt, and I hope you’re ready for hometowns because they are right around the corner.
I’m kinda new to the Bachelor, but if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that these Hometowns are serious business. They talk about hometowns on this show like they are an immutable law of the physical universe, and nothing short of everything you’ve ever known and loved is on the line.
Taiysha got this week’s first date card and came back home with a rose in the bag, but before she returned she found the time to dish the gozz on who in the house Colton needed to be worried about.
Back at the house though, Caelynn and Cassie knew exactly who was on the hot seat, and they were sweatin’ it pretty hard.
Caelynn got the next date card though and did her best to throw some napkins down to soak up the spilled tea, and it seemed to work and she got a rose for her troubles.
There’s a lot to unpack from this particular basket of drama, but it seems like Katie, who left on her own earlier this season, had heard Cassie and Caelynn talking about not being ready to be engaged, and that they thought they might be gearing up for their own season of the Bachelorette in the future. Taiysha says you can ask any girl in the house and they’ll confirm that Cassie and Caelynn are there for the wrong reasons, but based on a few comments from Colton, it seems that they are all basing that off the same story from Katie, and I didn’t hear anyone offer up anything tangible to back that up, so it looks like a lot of smoke and no fire.
On a sadder note, The tide rolled in and took Hannah B. back to her sweet home Alabama this week. Seriously though, who takes someone to meet their parents on the same day they’re gonna dump them??!?!?! Like, what kind of cold-blooded psychopath thought that was okay?! If you’re still trying to figure out who the mean girl is this season, it’s Colton 100%.
Later that night on Bachelor Island, Detective Colton continued to get to the bottom of the case of Cassie and Caelynn mystery, which led to the most painfully awkward dinner date in recorded history.
…long story short, Colton ended up giving the final rose of the night to Cassie after a surprise visit from Caelynn where she said something to Colton off-screen that convinced him to go with Cassie over Kirpa.
Kirpa seemed pretty chill about it though. I don’t even think she knew what she was still doing there.
Oh.. and Heather is out too, which you might not have even noticed for how quick and painless it was.
Next week is Hometowns. BEWARE ALL YE WHO ENTER!!!