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And the Nominees Are…

aziz and co 2

Well, it’s finally here–awards season, the time of year in which the blogosphere becomes even more unbearable than it already is.


When in doubt, pinky out. See, you look fancier already! You’re basically Zoe Saldana mixed with Olivia Wilde now, thanks to me.

Moving on, the biggest awards show combining the best of film and television under one roof for one night only–the Golden Globes, announced their nominees this morning. Spoiler alert: No Mad Men. None, anywhere. What is happening in this world.

Here are the highlights from a raucous morning in LA.

Aziz Ansari vs. Zoe Saldana

Well, the best part of my morning, in the land of the doldrums, was the reading of the Golden Globe nominees–the presenters, up at 5:30 AM in LA each gave their own unique interpretation of the names and titles on their cards.

Olivia Wilde–former star of The OC (that’s what she’s known obviously) with a jaw line that shouldn’t be humanly possible, read the cards like one would expect. In English, with some inflections, but not too much emotion because–you’re reading a damn list.

Aziz Ansari however admitted he would make a fool of himself and proceeded onward representing #TeamNF. American Horror Story: Cooooohhhhve-in was nominated for best telvision miniseries and August: Oh-sage County, which honestly, who knows how to pronounce that, kept showing up on Aziz’s cards.

Aziz sounded like he was struggling through  a Thomas Pynchon novel, and wouldn’t we all? Reading’s the worst.

Aziz, next time just break out Tom Haverford’s food dictionary:

water= hot ice

noodles = long ass rice

oysters = babymakers

forks= food rakes

fried chicken=fried-fried chicky-chick



Another eyesore, Zoe Saldana, deserves a Golden Globe nomination for pronouncing words in the fanciest dialect one could imagine–that may or may be the appropriate elocution/diction/pronunciation, or not.

Basically, everything=Romance language. For example, Philomena is now Feeeelooo-méññññññññahhhh.

You’re smarter now. You’re welcome.


12 Years a Slave and American Hustle keep the momentum going

The two films that have been raking in the most awards early, from the Toronto International Film Festival where 12 Years a Slave claimed the top prize back in September to the recent success of American Hustle in various regional critical awards (New York, Detroit, LA, no Lexington?) and Tuesday’s SAG nominations, these two films may defy physics and keep it going through the Oscars.

Last year’s Best Motion Picture, Drama winner at the Golden Globes, and later Best Picture Academy Award winner, Argo, was a late bloomer that despite a wide release in the fall, was not considered a true contender against Zero Dark Thirty or Lincoln in any major categories.

Raking in the most nominations this morning, tied for 7, were American Hustle and 12 Years a Slave. Each were nominated in their respective Best Picture categories, along with nods to their directors–David O. Russell and Steve McQueen.

In the actor categories, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Lupita Nyongo’o were nominated for 12 Years a Slave and basically every castmember from American Hustle–Christian Bale, Jennifer Lawrence, Amy Adams, and Bradley Cooper, were nominated.

Will the reign of J Law continue through 2014? Although I adored Lupita Nyongo’o as Patsy in 12 Years a Slave–gotta root for the Funkhouser favorite.

– Best Picture surprises

There weren’t that many unexpected nominees amongst the films selected in best motion picture, musical or comedy–American Hustle, Her, Inside Llewyn Davis, Nebraska, and Wolf of Wall Street were all given nods.

Her and Nebraska are the two films outside American Hustle that have been getting the most Internet buzz over the past several months outside of American Hustle, but this may be the toughest category to call. Wolf of Wall Street with its 3 hour runtime as a “comedy” may turn voters off (it’s admittedly turning me off–3 hours in a theater on Christmas Day Scorsese?!!) but otherwise all of these films (none of which are yet out in Kentucky) have a shot.

PS: Who decides whether these films are comedies or musicals? Her and Inside Llewlyn Davis both look like dramas, but I digress..

golden globe

Now in the drama category, 12 Years a Slave, Captain Phillips, and Gravity were obvious selections, with Philomena being a somewhat surprising choice, but Rush which I saw back in yesteryear, September, blindsided me.

Judi Dench’s role in Philomena, in which she played a rather simple, Irish woman who had her child taken from her was possibly the best of her career–she individually stood out more than the movie itself, which is why I was a bit surprised to see Philomena get a Best Picture nomination instead of simply her individual accolade. She made me laugh, she made me cry, if you didn’t, you have no soul.

Back to Rush.

I would have pegged Dallas Buyers Club and maybe even Blue is the Warmest Color, Blue Jasmine, or TIFF runner up Prisoners, as not necessarily better choices than Rush as I LOVED Rush, but potentially more obvious ones based on awards season thus far. Fruitvale Station and All Is Lost are films that have been receiving individual accodales more so than ensemble, but also were potential picks in this category–(because of “category” restrictions August: Osage County, Enough Said, and Saving Mr. Banks would have been comedy best picture “runners-up.”)

Regardless, Chris Hemsworth really impressed me in this Thor-less role and our favorite ginger Ron Howard, put together a film that combined the perfect emotional rollercoaster in an action-packed drama about something I care less than 0 about–fast cars going in circles.

So if you in fact missed out on Rush, I recommend you watch it as soon as possible–through legal avenues of course…

While I don’t forsee a win for Rush in a category that has been all but called for 12 Years a Slave for months, I was quite pleased with the choice. You go God of Thunder.

– Meryl Streep was nominated for something something in August: Osage County

Daniel Day-Lewis is hibernating for the winter, but sources tell me he is very proud.


– Netflix

This is the first shot at the Globes for the family Netflix original series such as House of Cards and Orange is the New Black, along with the new season of Arrested Development. I’m intentionally ignoring Derek and Hemlock Grove. No, just no.

House of Cards got a nomination for Best TV series in a drama, along with 3 other nominations–most of any television show. Orange is the New Black got one nomination along with Arrested Development for Best Actress and Actor respectively.

It doesn’t appear as though the Internetz is completely taking over your television just yet, but it is clear–the networks are losing the TV drama categories big time, and it’s assumably only going to get worse for network television.

– Comedy

The biggest shocker in any TV category has to go to Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Andy Samberg, nominated for Best TV Series and Best Actor for the Comedy categories. It’s rare to see a show, especially a network show, getting accolades in its first season, but it seems as though the major networks continue to dominate the Comedy category with The Big Bang Theory, Modern Family, and Parks & Rec rounding out the TV comedies, along with HBO’s Girls.

Lena Dunham and Girls may become the new Claire Danes in the comedy categories–a show and an actress/showrunner that people tend to either love or hate.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler got Lena through middle school btw.

If Parks and Rec does not take home a Golden Globe for Amy Poehler I will be about this mad. Maybe this year we can end Modern Family’s reign of terror. They scored only one actor nomination for Al Bundy’s wife, so maybe, just maybe, there is hope.


– Drama drama drama

Following the Emmy’s lead, Breaking Bad and Behind the Candelabra lead the way in television nominations. In snubs of the day, Mad Men and Game of Thrones have to be my two biggest TV drama surprises, garnering no nominations. I didn’t think that was allowed. Has anyone discussed this with Don Draper over a scotch? If not, redo.

Does Game of Thrones have South Park to blame for the shutout? The console war has overshadowed all others..


And speaking of television drama, the Golden Globes Showtime juggernaut, Homeland, did not see a single nomination in the drama categories.  Time to ugly cry.

Other Emmy winners like Anna Gun of Breaking Bad and Jeff Daniels of Newroom were shutout of their respective categories as well. In their stead were nominations such as Jon Voight’s for Showtime’s Ray Donovan,  which is the first I’m hearing of this program, 2 noms for another new Showtime production, Masters of Sex, and several nominations for CBS’s The Good Wife.

Also, apparently Canada has a television show–Orphan Black. Who knew they made TV outside the US and UK, and why wasn’t I informed?!

ABC’s soap opera-esque drama, Nashville, surprised, garnering several actress noms, including one for Hayden Pantene-Pro-V.


These 2 hotties host the Globes January 12th on NBC

I have many more words to say about the Golden Globes, especially in the film categories, but will be back in the not so distant future with a focus on this December’s films, never fear–seeing them ALL.

Until then, we can all look forward to another mediocre Hobbit movie that you can’t help but see. I mean, Benedict Cumberbatch is Smaug, how can you not shell out $14 to see that in 3D?

[71st Annual Golden Globe Nominees]

Article written by Brennan English

Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. @BrennanKSR