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A UK Football Spokesperson Responds to Questions from Tennessee Fans About Saturday’s Game


Monkey-Cigar-

Dear UK Football Department,
Can you tell me, given Lexington traffic, how long I should give myself and my party to get to Commonwealth stadium in plenty of time?
-H.T.

Dear H.T.,
With the Breeders’ Cup in town at Keeneland and Halloween festivities all over the city, it would be wise to get to the stadium no later than 5:00 pm to avoid problems. Good luck!

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Hi,
I’m planning on coming to the game on Saturday. Can I bring my dogs?
-L.P.

Dear L.P.,
I’m sorry, but Commonwealth Stadium policy is to not allow pets inside during events.

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To Whom it May Concern:
I have a parking issue. Through a friend I have received a parking pass for my RV in the Orange Lot. My problem is that my sister’s ex-husband also has a pass for this lot, and things have been strained ever since he tried to burn down the Captain D’s where she works. Also, he’s suing us because she stabbed him and tried to run over him one night after the bar. She thinks he’s with Misty now but I told her he’d be crazy because Misty has all those kids. Can I change where my RV parks? And, if not, can we ensure our Recreational Vehicles are at least a court-mandated one hundred feet apart? Thanks.
-N.W.

Dear N.W.,
While that is the main parking area set aside for recreational vehicles, we can do our best to accommodate your parking situation if you alert one of our security personnel upon your arrival.

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Hello,
What entrance should my dogs and I use on Saturday?
-P.T.

Dear P.T.,
Many apologies but dogs and other pets are not permitted inside Commonwealth Stadium.

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Dear University of Kentucky,
I am driving up to the game from Jellico on Saturday with my wife Judy and can’t wait to visit Lexington. Can you tell me where a good place to set off my fireworks display to the soundtrack of the Oak Ridge Boys’ hit “Fancy Free” would be in proximity to your stadium? I think fans of both schools will enjoy it and I promise I will not charge any money to watch it. I get a lot of compliments on it. Thank you in advance.
-V.B.

Dear V.B.
We’re sorry, but fireworks and other flammable displays are prohibited from the Commonwealth Stadium on game day and all days.

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 To Whom It May Concern:
My name is Wade and I’m a sales representative for Realtree Outdoor products. Who can I speak with about setting up a sales tent during the pre-game activities of the UK/Tennessee game? We follow University of Tennessee fans everywhere we go and they account for roughly 79% of our sales (we recently posted our largest third quarter profits ever in one day during the Georgia game). We are willing to rent space from you and offer a percentage of profits. I look forward to speaking with you about this amazing opportunity.

Dear Wade,
The University of Kentucky Athletics Department is unable to accommodate your request at this time as it does not gel with university policy. You are welcome to set up a mobile sales tent off-campus, however. Thanks.

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Dear Football Office,
My buddy Wayne and I have a fun piece of “fan art” we’d like to bring to our Tennessee/UK tailgate party. Our dilemma is that it is only transportable by flatbed truck, so we’d need the space to bring it in and unload it at our designated area without causing a problem for others. Also, it’s a giant paper mache sculpture of 1849 Tennessee governor William Trousdale doing it to a wildcat while he waves a 12×18 foot Volunteer flag. Please advise.
-E.N.

Dear E.N.,
I have checked with several supervisors at this office and we’d like to request you do not bring your fan art to the game on Saturday as we feel its transport and reception may be problematic. Thanks.

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DAR UK MAN MY MAWMAW GOT A HURT LEG CAN YOU PICK HER UP

Hi there,
Yes, we’d be happy to help your grandmother if you pre-arrange her transport through our facility services department. Please contact them for more information.

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Dear Sir or Madam:
I have seats in section 204, which is fine for me but my dog is very old and I don’t know if he can see that far. How can I relocate my seats?
-J.R.

Dear J.R.,
Please, leave your dogs at home.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

All I want is a HI-C and a turkey sandwich. @CM_Tomlin

4 responses to “A UK Football Spokesperson Responds to Questions from Tennessee Fans About Saturday’s Game”

  1. Punkin

    Can Mawmaw’s dog get a ride too? His leg aint hurt.

  2. JC

    But they’ll be 200 scattered dogs tied down in the back of the flatbed truck next to a washer they meant to dump in a creek in August. They just haven’t had the time.

  3. Better Get Back To Tennesse, Jed

    These kinds of posts always crack me up. “Pot, Meet Kettle”.

  4. Hellen Keller

    Tomlin! I’ve seen and heard better and funnier shtuff.