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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.
April 22nd, 2017

Empirical Evidence the Reds are the Best Team in the History of Baseball



Entering the season, nobody expected the Cincinnati Reds to amount to much of anything.  Predicted to fill the bottom of the NL Central barrel, they entered last night’s matchup with the defending World Series Champs with a half-game lead in the division.

The Red lost to the Cubs in extra innings, but after seeing this montage you’ll realize the Reds were the real winners.

Well done Reds, well done.

Romeo Langford Discusses In-Home Visit with John Calipari

Williamson (left) vs. Langford.

Zion Williamson (left) vs. Romeo Langford.

After Romeo Langford dropped 28 points to lock in a a win over Zion Williamson (who scored 26 points), the top-ranked shooting guard in the class of 2018 from New Albany, Indiana discussed his Kentucky in-home visit with Rivals’ Eric Bossi.  It sounds like Calipari’s Monday-night trip went well.

“It went really well (with Kentucky),” said Langford. “Coach (John) Calipari and assistant coach (Kenny) Payne came down to my house and they were just talking about how they would help me out in the long run.

“The first thing I look at when it comes to the schools is the education aspect. Then I look at if I can trust them and if my family can trust them and how they will treat me.”

Langford and Williamson are both far from making a decision about their future.  Pursued by every team in the country, they can play their hand as they please.  Maybe they might pick the same school?  Zion said after the game they’re “good friends,” so it’s more than wishful thinking.

If you need more highlights from their duel, have at it.

Langford vs. Williamson wasn’t the only elite matchup at the opening night of the adidas circuit.  Two of the class’ best point guards, Immanuel Quickley and Quentin Grimes, went head-to-head.  I don’t believe anybody has been recruited by Calipari longer in the 2018 than Quickley, while Grimes received an offer from Calipari at the end of March.

The lengthy Quickley got the best of Grimes last night, posting 22 points, 5 rebounds and 3 steals in a 15-point victory.  Grimes never could find a rhythm, finishing with just 6 points, 6 rebounds and 3 assists.

Those numbers sound bad, but it looks MUCH worse when you see Quickley drain threes right in Grimes’ face.

John Calipari spent opening night at the Nike EYBL in Virginia where he saw Cameron Reddish, the No. 2 small forward in the 2018 class, lead Team Final to a victory behind an exceptional performance: 24-points, 7-rebounds, 3 steals and 2 assists.  Here’s a sample of what Calipari saw:

Reddish wasn’t the most impressive player at the EYBL.  The nation’s consensus No. 1 player, center Marvin Bagley, scored 27 points and grabbed 10 rebounds.  The 7-footer does not play like a traditional 7-footer.

Meanwhile at the Under Armour event in New York,  UK targets were busy making highlights.  Kentucky assistants saw the dynamic 2019 wings Bryan Antoine and Scottie Lewis before checking out 2018 forwards Naz Reid and Moses Brown.  Reid’s lob is impressive…

…but Brown’s poster is pure brutality.

Stay tuned for more updates throughout the day as UK coaches scour all three events.

Saturday’s Soggy Thunder Over Louisville Top 10

Today marks the unofficial start of Derby Season (for those who haven’t already spent two weeks celebrating).  Each year it begins with a bang on the Waterfront at Thunder Over Louisville, but it will not be the same this year.  Forecasts project rain, then rain and some more rain.  If you don’t have a poncho and a heavy cooler, it might be best to celebrate the most wonderful time of the year from home, unless you’re optimistic that the rain will cease just before the fireworks begin around 9-9:30.

If Derby isn’t the only thing on your mind (what’s wrong with you?) there’s other things happening around the Big Blue Nation.

Stoops Picked up his Seventh 2018 Commit

Three-star Florida athlete Shocky Jacques-Louis became the best name in the Big Blue Nation when he pledge his allegiance to Mark Stoops yesterday.  The commit pushed the Cats into the Top 20 of Rivals 2018 class rankings, but more importantly, it’s the Cats’ fourth commit from the state of Florida.

Investing in Ohio was important, but it’s hard to succeed without elite Florida athletes.  Gran, Hinshaw and Thomas have earned their pay with the ’17 and ’18 classes.  See what Jacques-Louis can do with a football in his hands here.

Stoops Don’t Give a Damn

Actually, he doesn’t give a “crap” about what you have to think about Kentucky’s TaxSlayer Bowl rings.  A contentious topic from fans and foes alike, Mark Stoops addressed the topic yesterday on Sirius XM Radio.

“Our players — we have bowl games and we have money allotted to bowl games so they can get what they want,” Stoops said. “I could care less what they get. They want a ring? We’ll get a ring. They want a t-shirt, we’ll get a t-shirt. They want a sweatsuit? We’ll get that. That’s for those guys to decide. So, I really don’t give a crap what anybody else says.

Nick Haynes has INSANE Hops

The 300-pound offensive guard has posted dunk videos before, but this is the best of the best.

This guy never ceases to amaze me.

Circuit Season has Started

The shoe company national AAU circuits began last night and John Calipari was prepared to watch as many games as possible.  While Calipari watched Cam Reddish at the Nike EYBL in Hampton, Virginia, assistants covered the adidas Gauntlet in Ft. Worth, Texas and Under Armour’s Association in New York City.  We’ll have updates from the events on the site throughout the day.

UK Baseball Splits Doubleheader

The weather changed up the schedule between UK and LSU.  The Cats rolled through the first game Friday afternoon 12-5, but could not put together enough offense in the nightcap, falling to the Tigers 4-3.  The BatCats will try to get the bats rolling for a series win at The Cliff Sunday at 1:00.  Until then, enjoy the highlights from the good game.

NBA Playoff Schedule

John Wall will attempt to steal away the hopes and dreams of the Atlanta Hawks while Andrew Harrison’s Grizzlies try to even things up with the Spurs.

  • 3:00 — Toronto (Patterson) at Milwaukee on TNT
  • 5:30 — Washington (Wall) at Atlanta on TNT
  • 8:00 — San Antonio at Memphis (Andrew Harrison) on ESPN
  • 10:30 — Golden State at Portland

Ace, Ace Baby

Louisville-native Justin Thomas knows how to swing a golf club.  Fresh off Spring Break, JT decided he didn’t feel like putting on this Par 3.

Keep Your Ears Busy with KSR Podcasts

I’ve plugged ’em once this week and I’ll plug them again, because they’re worth your time.  There’s baseball and the Bahamas story, along with a breakdown of Spring Football and the hit podcast S-Town.  I highly recommend the F-Town Podcast; the squad covers pretty much every angle of S-Town and got me thinking about the mysterious town clerk.  I’m determined Faye Gamble is up to no good and we need to figure out what the hell she did to that gold.

Or You Can Listen to This Story

On my weekly appearance with the Afternoon Underdogs, in honor of Tony’s new show I shared a little Locker Room Talk that helped transform me into the man I am today.  One of the most influential stories from my youth, it will make you cringe, but it’s a story you can’t not hear.  Listen here around the 30-minute mark.

The Return of Sully’s

Drew Franklin’s crew is to Lexington Tin Roof is what my crew is to Sully’s in Louisville.  The Fourth Street shit-show establishment closed to make room for Guy Fieri, but a grown-up version is opening in St. Matthews.  When Sullivan’s opens its doors on Thursday, I’m prepared for mayhem.  I hope to see you there.

Alan Cutler Takes Over Hey Kentucky!

Screen Shot 2017-04-22 at 9.24.15 AM

In his Hey Kentucky! debut, Alan Cutler brings the heat in a Jared Lorenzen jersey.  The former dynamic LEX-18 Sports duo reunited and it felt so good.   The Cut-man and MJP discuss who could potentially replace Calipari and how difficult that task will be.

See all of Friday’s episode after the jump.


BatCats Split Doubleheader With LSU

UK Athletics

UK Athletics

Thanks to the impending weather on Saturday, #10 Kentucky and #9 LSU were forced to play a doubleheader on Friday. UK took game one 12-5 thanks in large part to Riley Mahan and Luke Becker. LSU won 4-3 in a dogfight in the night session. Here is a quick look back at Friday’s games. 

Kentucky 12 LSU 5

Friday afternoon quickly became the Luke Becker show. The sophomore third baseman blasted two home runs, including a grand slam to help take game one of the series. Riley Mahan went 5/5 with two doubles and three RBIs in the win. UK’s offense dominated LSU’s Friday guy Jared Poche in game one. Poche allowed five runs in three innings and was outdueled by Sean Hjelle. LSU hung two runs on Hjelle in the second inning and one in the seventh but that was it. Hjelle allowed three runs in six innings while striking out three to pick up his sixth win of the season. LSU’s offense had a solid day at the plate, but UK overpowered them from start to finish. The BatCats had six players get multiple hits and added eight walks as a team. Mahan saw his average on the season rise to .329 with an impressive two games against LSU. He is now second in hits behind Tristan Pompey on the team.


LSU 4 Kentucky 3

LSU somehow found a way to steal this game from the Cats. UK could not capitalize on several big opportunities on Friday night. Projected-first rounder Alex Lange struggled with his command throughout his 5.2 innings and put plenty of Cats in scoring position. Kole Cottam got the offense rolling in the bottom of the second with a solo home run to right field. Following the solo shot, UK loaded the bases against Lange. Evan White walked to bring home a run and to put up a crooked number in the second inning. 

UK would leave the bases loaded in the second inning. This became a common theme for the BatCats on Friday night. UK left the bases loaded in the second, third, and fourth innings against LSU. Lange walked eight batters and allowed seven hits, but UK only got to him for three runs over 5.2 innings.

Zack Reks drove in the third run of the game in the fourth inning off Lange. After that, Lange was able to work out of a couple jams and give his offense an opportunity to come back. Just as the rain started to fall, LSU roared back to tie the game in the fifth. Starter Zach Logue lost control of his fastball and curveball and was removed with one out in the fifth. Logan Salow came on and got the second out of the inning before Nick Coomes singled home two runs to tie the game. 

Salow pitched well into the eighth, but LSU was able to get to him. Antoine Duplantis singled to the right side to score Josh Smith and give LSU a 4-3 lead. UK kept fighting in the last two innings but could not find the tying run. Tristan Pompey doubled but was stranded at third and Zeke Lewis was left at first to end the game. The BatCats left 14 men on base in the loss.

Moving Forward

There is no game tomorrow due to the rain that will move in overnight. Game three of the series will be at 1 ET at the Cliff on Sunday. 


April 21st, 2017

How the Rookies Fared in the Spring Game


Before the absurdity surrounding bowl rings took over the Twittersphere, most media outlets have dissected the spring game from every angle imaginable. I stated that the youngsters, or first-year contributors, were the storyline of the scrimmage on our Depth Chart Podcast. Let’s take a deeper look at Mark Stoops’ newcomers.


Early Enrollees

Linebacker Jamin Davis, WR Clevan Thomas, CB Cedrick Dort Jr., QB Danny Clark

— WR Clevan Thomas proved to be an efficient target over the middle. The rookie caught 3 passes for 28 yards and 1 touchdown. He also had an opportunity for another TD catch but was unable to hold on to the football in the end zone following contact. Thomas could find his way onto the fall depth chart at the slot receiver position this fall.

— LB Jamin Davis was moved into a starting role on the White team due to Jordan Jones’ spring game suspension. He made the most of the opportunity by leading all tacklers with 8 including a tackle for loss. Fellow linebacker Eli Brown showed growth at the same position. Davis is in need of weight and strength gains. But, he displayed an innate nose for the football and could play this fall if called upon. Jamin Davis is the future of Mark Stoops’ defense.

— CB Cedrick Dort Jr. took on a block from pulling guard Logan Stenberg. 6’6 320-pounds vs. 5’11 170. You do the math and guess the outcome. Dort shook off the results from the collision and broke up a pass on the next play. He wasn’t as heralded as other defensive backs in the 17 class. Pay little mind to those recruiting cycle prognostications. Most likely a redshirt season awaits, but his spring performance catapults him in the conversation to play as a true freshman.


— QB Danny Clark’s maiden voyage into college football started off with a bang. That bang was the noise that resonated from the true freshman’s cannon for an arm. Arm strength will never be a liability for Clark as he nearly decapitated Kayaune Ross on a short hitch route. He’ll learn touch and other nuances of the position. 2017 will likely be a redshirt season in which he can study under Stephen Johnson, Gunner Hoak, and Drew Barker. The kid has swagger for sure.

The Redshirts


Defense – DT Ja’Quize Cross, DT Kordell Looney, Nickel/Safety Tobias Gilliam, DE/LB Jaylin Bannerman, DE/LB Jamar “Boogie” Watson, CB Kei Beckham, CB Zy’Aire Hughes, MLB Roland Walder, FS Davonte Robinson 

Offense – QB Gunnar Hoak, C Drake Jackson, G Luke Fortner, TE Justin Rigg, RB AJ Rose, G Tate Leavitt

— We have to start this category with the spring game’s most valuable player, Jamar “Boogie” Watson. A week prior to the spring game the media witnessed his emergence in an open practice as he more than capably filled the starting DE/OLB role vacated by Denzil Ware. Watson was all over the field and was the defense’s leading havoc stat producer. What the BBN saw last Friday was merely more of the same. Watson will be called upon to become a designated pass rusher. The former 2-star from DC’s future is limitless.


— QB Gunnar Hoak put on a show: 16-24, 174 yards, 2 TDs. His spring game a year ago provided a glimpse, last Friday solidified impressions of the offense’s future. Just when that future begins is the question. Hoak could step in and play immediately. He does not possess Clark’s arm strength but relies more on anticipation and timing to complete passes. Gunner Hoak will be a starting quarterback for the University of Kentucky.

— TE Justin Rigg is Vince Marrow’s guy. More athletic than originally projected, the redshirt freshman caught 2 passes for 21 yards. Rigg is a solid third TE for Eddie Gran.

— RB AJ Rose is fast. GPS tracker measured a spring practice run at 21 mph which is faster than any RB from 2016. Rose showed enough to excite even though his spring game was cut short due to a neck injury. I’d imagine a Wildcat package will be installed to fit the high school quarterback’s skill.


— Guard Luke Fortner and center Drake Jackson were critical pieces on the White team’s offensive line. Both will be a part of a two-deep OL in 2017. OL coach John Schlarman indicated that guard Tate Leavitt showed strides in spring practice. He will need to continue that momentum into the offseason to move into a highly competitive rotation.


— Defensive backs Tobias Gilliam, Davonte Robinson, Zy’Aire Hughes, and Kei Beckham will provide depth and push starters in fall camp. Safeties Gilliam and Robinson fill a position of need following the departure of Marcus McWilson and Blake McClain. Beckham intercepted a Stephen Johnson pass in the scrimmage and joins a talented group of cornerbacks. Zy’Aire Hughes was moved from receiver to cornerback. That transition payed dividends in the form of a forced fumble. Hughes is an upper-level athlete and too talented to keep off the field in some capacity.

— Another position of need is defensive tackle. Kordell Looney’s 4 tackle, 1 QB sack, 1 QB hurry, and 2 tackles for loss performance was an indication of what’s to come. The best defensive lineman in the game was Adrian Middleton. Second best was his backup Kordell Looney.

— Linebacker Roland Walder quietly registered 4 tackles. OLB Jaylin Bannerman joins Boogie Watson at DE/OLB.

What does all this mean?

Not a great deal in all actuality because the spring game was well, just a scrimmage. Both true and redshirt freshman currently on the roster have a long way to go. But last Friday provided an obvious sign that young talent is present on Kentucky’s roster; significant contributions will be made from some that are listed above. However, the future is now for the Wildcats. A critical offseason preparing for an urgent season starts now.

KSR Top 10 Tweets of the Day


The one and only Big Mick is a meaty masterpiece in its
own right. Composed of two quarter-pound patties* of never-fresh, frozen,
mostly beef raised close to the processing plant. Only McDowell’s
has the frosted beef and processed cheese to give you a major reason for
the afternoon trip to the secret bathroom only you and Debra know about on the 9th floor that is under construction.

You can be a part of McDowell’s KSR Top 10 Tweets by using hashtags like #KSR #BBN or #KSRtop10. You can also nominate tweets by mentioning them with the hashtag. If we like what we see, it could be posted the next day.

If you are interested in sponsoring KSR’s Top 10 Tweets, please contact us at Via Email 

Now. On to the tweets:

#10 JimTheChin

That would be an interesting day.


#9 Erin Waggoner

These aren’t secret.


#8 Matt Day

Nah, he’s just their lead-off.


#7 pMikey

Up next on Monday…


#6 patrick


#5 Daniel

The shot heard around the world.


#4 Heather Bryne

I mean, it’s not false.


#3 Jeff Pile

This is how Ryan does all radio shows.


#2 The Vanzant

At least he’s not arrogant?


#1 Wattsittoya

Hey, that was a solid song.

Romeo Langford and Zion Williamson get buckets, Langford goes home winner

Zion Williamson

Zion Williamson

Romeo Langford and Zion Williamson are major Kentucky recruiting targets, and tonight the two duked it out.

Langford’s team, 22 Vision, came away with the win over Williamson’s, SC Supreme, in a 66-62 win.

Both came away with big points, Langford scoring 28 and Williamson scoring 26. A strong showing in front of coaches from UK.

Check out some highlights from the game here:


Devin Booker is ready to be the face of the Suns


Devin Booker has made quite a name for himself in the NBA this season and continues to do so.

Moving forward, it’s obvious that Booker is a large part of the Suns future and he’s ready for it, according to Craig Grialou of

“I grew up being fans of all guys that were faces of franchises. The Kobe Bryants. The Dwyane Wades. Michael Jordan. I always grew up wanting to be like those guys. I know what comes with it: putting a lot of time in the gym and winning, so I know we have to win. That’s my goal,” he said, adding about the responsibility of such a distinction, “Obviously you have to know how to speak. Carry yourself in the community. Be a role model. Be involved in the community. Those are all things I feel like I do naturally.

“It’s a big statement to say ‘be a face of a franchise’ and it comes with a lot of responsibility, but I feel I’m built for it.”

He’s one of just six in NBA history to score 70+ in a game, one of four to lead their team in scoring twice before turning 21 and his getting praise from some of the league’s biggest names in coaching.

“Golden State’s Steve Kerr called Booker the “centerpiece” for the Suns future.

Dallas’ Rick Carlisle, prior to their meeting against the Suns on April 9, offered up this anecdote.

“Last summer in Las Vegas, I was out there a few times with (Harrison) Barnes with the USA team,” he said, “and one of the gyms we were working out at I saw Booker. He was in there every night for hours just working on stuff, working on stuff, working on stuff. He’s a guy that’s wired to try to be great, there’s no doubt in my mind, and he’s on his way.”

Booker would be a junior at UK this year, the same year as me. He’s making stacks while I’m writing about it. I’ll let you decide who’s winning.

LaVar Ball said something dumb again


By now, you might’ve heard that Nike executive George Raveling called LaVar Ball “The worst thing to happen to basketball in the last 100 years.”

Well, the Big Baller Brand head honcho just wasn’t going to sit silently and take it. So the only person who could take Michael Jordan one-on-one decided to chip in his two cents, this time while grilling chicken. 

We coming #BBB

A post shared by Lavar Ball (@lavarbigballer) on

 “George Raveling, you’re the worst man to be a best man.” Ball said. “If nothing like this ain’t happened in a hundred years, then we in a new age.”

So, who wants to bet how long it takes for Big Baller Barbecue to show up in our local Kroger’s?

Kentucky coaches watching 7’1 Moses Brown in New York tonight



Live recruiting period has begun and according to Adam Zagoria, Kentucky basketball coaches are up in New York to watch class of 2018 7’1 center Moses Brown.

The center from Jamaica, New York is playing at an Under Armor AAU event, while several other UK signees are playing in the Adidas Uprising Event.

According to 24-7 Sports, Brown is a five star athlete, ranking first in his position and eighth overall nationally.

A laundry list of schools have offered Brown, including: Kansas, Duke, Maryland, Florida and Louisville. However, Maryland, Kentucky and Duke are predicted to be at the top of Brown’s list with Maryland leading at 50 percent, Kentucky at 30 percent and Duke at 20 percent.


Calipari says NBA teams that passed on Tyler Ulis are eating crow

Tyler Ulis has been proving people wrong his entire life, and after his successful rookie season, John Calipari couldn’t help but serve some crow to those who doubted Ulis could make it at the next level. In an interview with Arizona Sports 98.7 FM this morning, Calipari said he reminded the teams that passed on Ulis what they’re missing out on. 

“I talked to three or four teams, like, ‘You understand what you did by passing on Ulis?,’” Calipari said. “(And they said) ‘I knew I was getting this call, you were right.’ So I think Phoenix, with Tyler Ulis, I mean come on now. This kid’s heart, this kid’s ability to do what he does, it’s amazing.”

Their loss is the Phoenix Suns’ gain. The Suns got one of the steals of the draft by taking Ulis with the 34th pick. In a guard-heavy lineup, Ulis averaged 7.3 points and 3.7 assists in 18.4 minutes per game this season. When the Suns decided to rest Eric Bledsoe and Brandon Knight late in the season, Ulis started and led all rookies in scoring in the month of April with 20.7 points and 6.8 assists per game. That performance was good enough to earn Ulis Western Conference Rookie of the Month, and is further proof that Suns GM Ryan McDonough made the right choice in taking a chance on him, one year after he made Devin Booker a lottery pick.

“Devin Booker coming out there, he was the youngest player in the draft, did not start for Kentucky,” Calipari said. “And Ryan made him a lottery pick? What the hell are we doing? What is that? And then when he takes a 5-foot-6 player that’s 150 pounds, everybody’s like, ‘Are you kidding me? Why would we do that?’ So I don’t know exactly what they’re looking at or what they need or what draft picks they have, but they’ll do their homework. I have a lot of faith in that.”

Listen to the audio of the interview here, or enjoy Ulis’ rookie highlights below:


Calipari: “I’ve had my heart broken” by players that went pro but weren’t ready


John Calipari’s latest podcast guest is former NFL great Jason Taylor, a regular participant in Cal’s annual fantasy camp. Like Calipari, Taylor hails from the Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania area, and the two spend some time chatting about his career and what advice Taylor, who will be inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame this year, would give to aspiring professional athletes. That’s all fine and good, but the most interesting part to me came about ten minutes in when Calipari, who is famous for not holding his players back from going pro, described how difficult it can be to see kids who aren’t ready to make the leap to the next level leave.

“I feel a sense of responsibility that this young man make it,” Cal said. “That’s why when kids leave me earlier than they should, sometimes it breaks my heart because I know they needed more time. You shouldn’t go yet, but I’m not going to hold you back because it’s your decision and your life has to be your life but I’ve had my heart broken — not that I’m mad — I just know it’s going to be a hard road and that I cannot play a part of that road. I’m done now. And you’re going to be out there, son, by yourself, fighting those sharks.”

I can think of a handful of players Cal may be referring to here, from Dakari Johnson to Marquis Teague to maybe even Isaac Humphries. For a man with a reputation for pushing kids out of the door, it’s always interesting to me to hear Cal reflect on those he knows aren’t ready for the next level. Unlike some coaches, he still lets them go because, as he said, it’s not about him. It’s about them.

To listen, subscribe to Cal Cast on iTunes, Stitcher, or Podbay.

Watch four of the six 2018 recruits Kentucky’s offered play tonight


Want to spend your Friday night watching some of Kentucky’s most coveted 2018 prospects? You’re in luck because the live period starts today and to tip things off, Romeo Langford’s 22 Vision will square off against Zion Williamson’s SC Supreme at the adidas Uprising at 7 p.m. In the game following that one, Immanuel Quickley and Quentin Grimes, both point guards with offers from John Calipari, will square off. You can stream those games at

With four of the six players he’s offered in the 2018 class in action, I have a feeling John Calipari will be in the stands in Dallas to see it all go down. If he’s not there, he’ll probably be in New York to watch Naz Reid, who doesn’t have an offer from Kentucky yet, but probably will soon.

It’s Friday afternoon and you probably don’t have anything better to do at work, so enjoy a plethora of mixtapes on each prospect I just mentioned:

Romeo Langord

Shooting Guard  6-6 195 lbs. New Albany, Indiana
Rivals: 3 Scout: 3 ESPN: 3 Top 247: 3

 Zion Williamson

Small Forward 6-7 220 lbs. Spartanburg, SC
Rivals: 2 Scout: 2 ESPN: 2 Top 247: 1

Immanuel Quickley

Point Guard 6-3 180 lbs. Bel Air, Maryland
Rivals: 15 Scout: 10 ESPN: 12 Top 247: 18

 Quentin Grimes

Point Guard 6-4 195 lbs. The Woodlands, TX
Rivals: 12 Scout: 24 ESPN: 14 Top 247: 8

 Naz Reid

Power Forward 6-10 240 lbs. Neptune, NJ
Rivals: 14 Scout: 12 ESPN: 11 Top 247: 14


It’s Time for the KSR Stakes!


Well, it’s time. This weekend, as you all know, is the prestigious KSR Stakes Race, which always takes place two weekends before the Kentucky Derby. Last year, of course, saw an exciting finish wherein three-year old colt Minardi Delight, ridden by award-winning* jockey Raul Esteban Schneider, took the purse in the final moments of the race. This year promises to be a similarly exciting field, and those looking to wager on the race this weekend should know a little about its entrants. So today, we’re going to Handicap the KSR Stakes for you and hope this will help give you a little insight. Good luck!


1.  General Ulis (3-1). The clear favorite in today’s field, General Ulis is a strong choice especially if it rains, which is expected over the weekend. He won handily at Wilkes-Barre two weeks ago in a torrential downpour, so consider him a valid contender in inclement weather.


2. Crean’s Folly (5-1). If you recall the Paducah Turf Classic in March, you’ll recall that Crean’s Folly led by nearly fourteen lengths before jumping the fence; he was secured later after a lengthy police chase on Kentucky Route 348. Don’t hold that against him, though. I still think if he can be contained he stands a good shot against this field despite worrying early reports hint he may have diarrhea from some bad hay.


3. Wordunrelatedwordanotherword. (6-1). Remember last summer when John Calipari made the mysterious statement that he was “planning to visit a recruit that wasn’t a person, but is instead a horse?” Many believe this Wordunrelatedwordanotherword was the recruit in question. It didn’t work out, because it is a horse, but this colt’s speed continues to raise eyebrows, forehead wrinkles and worrisome facial moles across the industry right now. Consider him if planning an ultrafecta square wager.

4. Exclamation! (9-1) A horse that could make a surprise trip to the winner’s circle is Exclamation!, but only if jockey Clem Yarnall can wean him off his current binge-watching of Narcos. Consider him a real threat on the inside in sunny weather but, as this seasoned four year-old suffers from devastating seasonal affective disorder, rain makes him very sad. Should things get gloomy this weekend, call off the dogs.**


5. Last Place Finish (13-1). It’s not just an unfortunate name; Last Place Finish has done just that in his last twelve races and is currently in a full-hindquarters body cast after falling into a hole in the track at the Santa Velveeta Cup in late February. Still, we like his odds, as well as the heartwarming story of the terrified seven year-old who is unwillingly lashed to him in each race — there’s not a greater tale of friendship against the odds in the industry right now.


6. Brent Stevens. (19-1). Brent Stevens is technically a centaur, which is half-man and half-horse. He was fathered by Zeus when Zeus spilled his seed upon the ground in ancient Cyprus. His people beat Thessalian hero Caeneus to death with rocks and tree branches. He’s great on a dry track and would be a good inclusion in a Megafecta Oval.


7. Trotty (22-1). I’m going to be honest, Trotty is a real dick. He’s fast and agile but his personality really makes you not want to wager on him. I mean, I can’t believe he treated Susan like that. She deserves better, after all she’s been through. Can you believe he did that? Who does he think he is? Seriously, screw Trotty. I hope he loses.


8. Handsome Tom (43-1). In perhaps the most shocking turn of events, it’s worth noting that Handsome Tom was a 2-1 favorite three days ago before he broke from his stall and got into Kaylee’s birthday party food. Owner Edmund Halter-Topp is confident that his trainers can work some of the extra pounds off by Sunday and it’s an around-the-clock situation, but not looking good. Check in again on race day.


*2014 Grammys, Best Sound Mixing for a General Reference Audiobook.
**Please, as stated in club rules, do not allow your dogs to attack the horses.