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Tailgating Recipes!


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Hello, friends. I hope you’re well. If you would today, please take a card out of the deck. Now I’m not going to look, and I want you to put the card back into the deck anywhere you want. Now shuffle it. Now I’ll take the deck. Is this your card? I thought it was.

Friends, though this past weekend in Nashville failed to deliver the desired results for our beloved Cats in the new Stoops era, it nonetheless kicked off another Kentucky football season, which means soon will come the falling leaves, the cooler climes, and the warm aroma of tailgating around Commonwealth. This weekend, as you no doubt well know, is the Wildcats’ home opener against the Miami RedskinsHawks, and I’m sure you’re more than prepared to head down to campus and get your tailgate on. As always, I’d rather light a candle than curse your darkness, so I thought I’d weigh in today with some of my favorite tailgate recipes guaranteed to keep everyone happy on Saturday morning. Good luck, get cooking and I’ll see you here next week, gang.

 

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Bleu Cheese Ranch Dip

Ingredients: Sour cream, ranch dip mix, bleu cheese crumbles, chives, carrots, celery, potato chips.

 

1. Stir together sour cream, ranch dip mix and bleu cheese crumbles.

2. Add in fresh, chopped chives.

3. Serve atop celery sticks, carrots, chips or wings.

 

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Vegetable Tray

Ingredients: Carrots, celery, cauliflower, radishes, olives, cherry tomatoes

 

1. Slice carrots, cauliflower, radishes, olives, tomatoes.

2. Serve decoratively on platter.

 

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Bourbon Fried Chicken

Ingredients: Bourbon (eight shots), flour, chicken breast, vegetable oil

 

1. Heat oil over medium heat.

2. Roll chicken in flour to coat.

3. Fry to brown in skillet, flip chicken.

4. Fry opposite side until cooked.

5. Drink eight shots of bourbon.

 

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Gameday Deviled Eggs

Ingredients: Hard-boiled eggs, mayonnaise, brown mustard, salt, parsley

 

1. Slice eggs in half, removing yolk but keeping egg whites intact.

2. Text Tracy to find out where she is. She should be here by now.

3. Mash together yolks, mayonnaise and other ingredients together with fork.

4. Drink two beers.

5. Spoon yolk mixture back into egg white halves.

6. Text Tracy again.

 

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Crowd-Pleasing Guacamole

Ingredients: Avocado, red onion, lime juice, jalapeno peppers, garlic clove

 

1, Call Tracy.

2. Drink shot of Fireball.

3. Tell Wade he doesn’t know how it is with you and Tracy. He can shut up.

4. Mix ingredients, letting stand at room temperature for thirty minutes.

5. Trip, unobserved, over a cornhole board.

 

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Prize-Winning Pasta Salad

Ingredients: Rotini pasta, Italian dressing, cucumbers, olives, green onions, diced tomatoes

 

1.Tell Wade to get his hands off you, you’re fine. You don’t need him, you don’t need anybody.

2. Boil rotini pasta until soft.

3 Drink two beers.

4. Vomit onto sleeve. Call Tracy.

5. Ask Julie where Tracy is, does she love you anymore.

6. In a large bowl, mix vegetables with cooked pasta. Chill and serve.

 

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Super-Spicy Layered Bean Dip

Ingredients: Cream cheese, spicy black bean dip, shredded Mexican cheese, olives, onions

 

1. Layer cream cheese, dip and cheese into one-quart serving dish.

2. Tell Wade you will NOT calm down and to leave you alone.

3. Fall into, knock over grill.

4. Punch styrofoam cooler apart.

5. Serve with tortilla or corn chips.

 

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Tracy Is a Slut Chili

Ingredients: Ground beef, onion, green bell pepper, cumin, tomato sauce, red pepper flakes, chili powder, chili beans

 

1. Climb up on table, announce that you hate Tracy.

2. Slip and fall on guacamole dish, shattering it.

3. Press paper towels against pressure points to stop your forearm from bleeding until paramedics arrive.

4. Text Tracy that you hope she’s happy now and that you really want her to have a good and happy life and you mean it even if it’s not with you because she’s a good person and you mean that seriously and you just love her so much and you’re sorry and you love her forever but you just want her to be happy.

5.Tell paramedics you will never be in love with anybody ever again and that you want to just be alone forever and you don’t even care because it’s what you really want. You don’t need Tracy or anybody.

6. Swing at paramedics and tell them to get off you because you’re an ultimate fighter and you know jitsu-moves.

7. Cover and simmer for 1 1/2 hours, stirring occasionally.

8. Cry, black out.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

#YOLO @CM_Tomlin

32 responses to “Tailgating Recipes!”

  1. RobS

    Great post, man! I think I’ve made a few of these before.

  2. Makers Man

    Pure gold! I got into trouble at work just now for laughing out loud……..this is what makes KSR great.

  3. LH

    BEST WORDS EVER PUT TOGTHER

  4. Duuuuuude

    Great one! We have all served this up at least once in our lives!

  5. I am Spartacus

    Tracy sucks, man!

  6. Dustin

    Holy crap dude. Thanks for my daily actual laugh-out-loud. Much like the other poster, it was an office lol but I didn’t get in trouble cuz I’m the mother f-ing boss.

  7. Tracy

    I’M JUST RUNNING LATE FOR GOODNESS SAKES ! ( PS i think we should just be friends )

  8. tltaworl

    I can’t stop laughing, and I am not the boss, should have known to wait on the Tomlin post until closer to 5.

  9. MMM

    I just tried the tracy is a slut chili. It was Delicious! I let it simmer and then slurpped it up!

  10. The Great Caytsby

    Wait….. who is Tracy?

    Great post, as usual.

  11. Ashland

    BEST. POST. EVER!

  12. DoubleZeroMostel

    I almost skipped over this article. So glad I didn’t. Truly one of the funniest things I’ve read on here in a while. Sitting here spitting on my screen laughing, snot rolling down my face.

  13. Oscar de la Combs

    You forgot to include my Possum a la Combs

  14. Been there done that

    Classic.

  15. J in Orlando

    Could Tyler add some of her sandwich recipes? lol I kid, I kid…

  16. Bob T.

    CLASSIC!!!! Got 99 Problems, brother… guess a -itch IS one!!! Been there done that…

  17. LT

    L-freaking-O-freaking-L!! But have to admit post would have been even better with some Tracy pics.

  18. Chris

    Just be careful with those deviled eggs, if they go bad you will be shooting from both ends.

  19. njCat

    Lenno coulda used you tomlin…

  20. Grits n' Gravy

    Nice build up on this one. And yes, I did actually laugh out loud. Nice work Tomlin!

  21. middlesborojoe

    Bravo!!! Best post ever!!!! I’m hurt…from laughing so hard!!! #tracyisaslut #ultimatefighter

  22. Tooblueforyou

    LMAO best post ever, thanks tomlin

  23. malibuken

    first time I spit up my drink and laughed out loud in awhile. Great job

  24. Graham

    Most epic post in a while. Too damn funny

  25. Wait? What?

    If consistency is the hallmark of excellence, Mr. Tomlin is most definitely excellent. Because he is consistent. Of course, he SUCKS, but he is consistent. Seriously, how many times can one write essentially the same thing?

  26. Red Rooster

    Tomlin is GOLD. Such a genius. Best post ever!!!

  27. John Oscar Mayer

    The Chilli recipe is brilliant !

  28. Drew Franklin

    2nd greatest post on KSR ever and we all know what the #1 is. (Original Louisville Facebook Page)

  29. Third Shift

    Brilliant!!!!!!!!!

  30. BlueTrudy

    Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!! You need a better wingman, Wade just isn’t getting it done for you!

  31. brassow

    sleeper pick for best tomlin post ever

  32. roons

    Classic Tomlin