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Need-to-Know Wednesday is Generating Ideas for the “Dead Months”

Hello, friends. What’s wrong? Oh, I’m sorry. Dame Maggie Smith might be leaving Downton Abbey? That is terrible news. Her acid-tongued aristocrat was a great character, I know. You must be crushed.

Friends, I’m going to level with you. We all know that the next few months are going to be slow-going. Surely we’ll have a few bright spots, as when our beloved starting five inevitably face the NBA draft, or perhaps more excitement from the UK Baseball team, but let’s not kid ourselves; if you’re a long-time reader of this site you know full well that the months of (late) April, May and June are commonly hailed as “dead months” for college sports as we sit around waiting to ramp up to football season. So I’m not going to lie: things are bound to get abstract in this time slot. I say this so you’ll all be aware of what’s to come, in case you’re the type of person who routinely hates what’s written here on Wednesdays and Fridays at 1:00. As I start to pull together some ideas for this upcoming period, I thought I might share from my personal notebook some thoughts for upcoming columns in a piece we’ll call, aptly, the Brainstorming Checklist. I’m also open to suggestions. So feel free to print off this page, check mark the ideas and concepts you like, and mail them postage-due to the KSR Compound. We’ll tally the votes and see what shakes out in the next few months. And, as always, happy Wednesday everyone. Remember, I love you.


___ Photo Gallery: Foods shaped like Marques Teague

___ Tubby Smith Writes a Letter to Rafferty’s Demanding Reinstatement of his Lifetime Gift Card

___ If SEC Coaches were Baroque Period Composers

___ FAQ: The Qdoba Mexican Grill on Euclid Avenue

___ Monologue: “Renardo Sidney, Upon Waking to a Kafka-esque Nightmare of Escapism, Alienation and Futility”

___ Tom Leach and Alan Cutler Discuss Favorite Episodes of Family Ties

___ By the Numbers: Helmet Guy’s Blood Alcohol Content

___ Erotic Fan Fiction about Jerry Tipton

___ Photoshop Feature: Charlie Strong’s Face Superimposed onto Vegetables

___ Prank-Calls to Alex Oriakhi

___ Replacing Words in Pitbull Song Titles with Names of Players from the 1985-86 Wildcat Roster

___ Hologram Rodney Dent on the Barnstorming Tour

___ Adam Chiles Biography

___ Ryan Lemond: Dinosaur Hunter

___ Not Dick Gabriel (?)

___ Dirty Limericks about “Blarges”

___ A pre-season preview of Alabama Football entirely in binary code

___ Fake French Person Writing about UK Rifle Team

___ Short Story: Robot Mitch Barnhart Orders a Milkshake

___ Random information I Googled Applied in a Non-Sequitir to UK Sports

___ Exclusive Q&A: Orlando Antigua’s Favorite Breakfast Foods

___ A comprehensive breakdown of the 1996 Final Four re-enacted by pre-1894 Presidents

___ All of the Above

___ None of the Above

___ Tomlin’s terrible. Matt, please get him off the site.


Hooray for the dead period! I’ll try to keep things as easy and painless as possible. Promise. We’ll all get through this together. Somehow.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

35 responses to “Need-to-Know Wednesday is Generating Ideas for the “Dead Months””

  1. well


  2. soup

    I’m Rexy and I know it???

  3. Zac

    Uhh, have you heard how good our baseball team is? It is far from a dead period thats for sure.

  4. macon_volfan

    This sounds oddly fascinating………A comprehensive breakdown of the 1996 Final Four re-enacted by pre-1894 Presidents. Tony Delk would certainly be best represented with Martin Van Buren and Franklin Pierce would make a great Mark Pope.

  5. Union Farmer

    Definitely gotta go with Dirty Limericks about “Blarges”

  6. the Big Dog

    Our dead period looks like it will extend ’til November this year.

  7. Casting

    Rick Pitino would be played by a clean-shaven Abraham Lincoln!

  8. Marty McFly

    If I go back in time to 1996 will I still know that Rick Pitino is a villian?

  9. DeadPres#8

    They should all be written, but definitely The Comprehensive breakdown of the 1996 Final Four re-enacted by pre-1894 Presidents…oh, and if SEC Coaches were Baroque Period composers. Good ideas for a dead period.

  10. nolablue

    What I would really love in the “dead period” is stories from old timers, and if possible, anyone who can find rights
    to some old games we can listen to from back in the day would be awesome. To hear some of those old Cawood
    games would be really something to look forward to, or even more of the call-in shows. But yeah, we need some
    old-timers to step up and tell their memeories and tales in that way that only Kentucky old-timers can. Where
    else would we learn to think of our Cayts in terms of findin’ their “climbin’ gear”!?! : )

  11. bigblueyoda

    #8 lol

  12. NapaKnowHowGuy

    How about a 2012 starting five jock strap tour!

  13. Nick

    No, I think Van Buren has to play Anthony Epps…though James Madison could do it too. I think John Tyler could make a great Tony Delk. Lincoln would be a good McCarty, because both are kind of gangly.

  14. Nick

    Tom Leach and Alan Cutler Discuss Favorite Episodes of Family Ties <— THIS

  15. NapaKnowHowGuy

    I heard Millard Fillmore could “fill it up” from 3.

  16. Al's IndiCats

    C’mon Tomlin, you completely omitted to newly re-released Classic film in “Technocolor” no less starring Micky Rooney and Judy Garlan. “Andy Hardly gets a Hemroid Hicky” soon to be on Netflix in early June…. Sheesh!

  17. Rae

    Call me crazy, but the sexual exploits of Jerry Tipton sound amusing. I don’t know if you can call it “fan” fiction though.

  18. the spank

    A list of college basketball players, coaches, or broadcasters who have TV/ Movie character look-a-likes. We are all pretty familiar with Kevin Stallings/ Bill Deauterive, Darren Horn/ George McFly, Tom Crean/ Dwight Schrute, Billy Donovan/ Eddie Munster and Pat Forde/Mr. Hanky from South Park. There have to be some other really good ones.

  19. SweetTeaMob Til I DIE

    Everything from ‘Dirty Limericks About Blarges’ to ‘Exclusive Q&A: Orlando Antigua’s Favorite Breakfast Foods’ will do just fine. Looking forward to ‘Short Story: Robot Mitch Barnhart Orders a Milkshake’

  20. uk3k

    I would like to see a hologram team of tupacs schrimage the WBA

  21. #FollowAnthonyBennett


  22. Ray Mysterio

    Yahoo is loving themselves some UK news recently. Articles about the starting five leaving and John Wall playing too many charity games in the offseason. #allcatseverything;_ylt=A2KLOzLgCY9PekwAllxNbK5_

  23. Hazard Kidd-Katt

    Erotic Fan Fiction about Jerry Tipton … ugh.

  24. isaac in san francisco

    who the hell is “marques teagues”?

  25. shields eyes

    Replacing Words in Pitbull Song Titles with Names of Players from the 1985-86 Wildcat Roster

    “Hey Rob Lock (Drop It to the Floor)”

  26. KDPearson

    There once was a call on the stage large.
    Some thought it should be a charge.
    Others saw block.
    Said ref, what a crok,
    If it was anything it was a blarge.

    (ok, so not dirty, but…)

  27. Kige Is the Oracle@Delphi

    There once was a girl named Kate
    Who lived on a street named State.
    When UK proved they’re the best,
    She showed us her breasts,
    And I totally blarged my pants.

  28. BG Revolution

    Post about
    Lexington’s newest Pro team. that includes athletes from UK

  29. Hal

    so there i was, waiting for the pizza guy to show up and, magically, from my back door appeared a man who called himself Jerry “just the tip”ton……

  30. WTF

    Every time I see an article by Tomlin, I start reading and about 2 sentences in I ask myself, WTF is this!? I just don’t understand his sense of humor. Could someone help me out here?

  31. theWilkman
  32. Paducah Patty

    Not the last one! Tomlin is hilarious. He needs to be on the site more!!

  33. WTF

    @31 I understand tongue-in-cheek, basically I’m trying to say I don’t understand how he is humorous. I just think what he says is stupid, has no point, etc.

  34. nolablue

    #28: Pretty neat, pretty cool. But I’m a li’l confused. Why the fleur de lis?
    Lexington isn’t a French river city, and has no connection with that
    symbol, because the city that would have a connection to that
    symbol in Kentucky, DOESN’T EXIST. ‘Splain me, Lucy!

  35. ZombieLibrarian

    WTF, I’m just taking a stab in the dark here, but you probably don’t ‘get it’ because you think things like ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ or the comic strip ‘For Better or Worse’ are funny. Just because something is not to your taste, that doesn’t mean you need to be a critical dickhead about it. Plenty of us think Tomlin is funny as hell.