Hello, friends. What’s wrong? Oh, I’m sorry. Dame Maggie Smith might be leaving Downton Abbey? That is terrible news. Her acid-tongued aristocrat was a great character, I know. You must be crushed.
Friends, I’m going to level with you. We all know that the next few months are going to be slow-going. Surely we’ll have a few bright spots, as when our beloved starting five inevitably face the NBA draft, or perhaps more excitement from the UK Baseball team, but let’s not kid ourselves; if you’re a long-time reader of this site you know full well that the months of (late) April, May and June are commonly hailed as “dead months” for college sports as we sit around waiting to ramp up to football season. So I’m not going to lie: things are bound to get abstract in this time slot. I say this so you’ll all be aware of what’s to come, in case you’re the type of person who routinely hates what’s written here on Wednesdays and Fridays at 1:00. As I start to pull together some ideas for this upcoming period, I thought I might share from my personal notebook some thoughts for upcoming columns in a piece we’ll call, aptly, the Brainstorming Checklist. I’m also open to suggestions. So feel free to print off this page, check mark the ideas and concepts you like, and mail them postage-due to the KSR Compound. We’ll tally the votes and see what shakes out in the next few months. And, as always, happy Wednesday everyone. Remember, I love you.
___ Photo Gallery: Foods shaped like Marques Teague
___ Tubby Smith Writes a Letter to Rafferty’s Demanding Reinstatement of his Lifetime Gift Card
___ If SEC Coaches were Baroque Period Composers
___ FAQ: The Qdoba Mexican Grill on Euclid Avenue
___ Monologue: “Renardo Sidney, Upon Waking to a Kafka-esque Nightmare of Escapism, Alienation and Futility”
___ Tom Leach and Alan Cutler Discuss Favorite Episodes of Family Ties
___ By the Numbers: Helmet Guy’s Blood Alcohol Content
___ Erotic Fan Fiction about Jerry Tipton
___ Photoshop Feature: Charlie Strong’s Face Superimposed onto Vegetables
___ Prank-Calls to Alex Oriakhi
___ Replacing Words in Pitbull Song Titles with Names of Players from the 1985-86 Wildcat Roster
___ Hologram Rodney Dent on the Barnstorming Tour
___ Adam Chiles Biography
___ Ryan Lemond: Dinosaur Hunter
___ Not Dick Gabriel (?)
___ Dirty Limericks about “Blarges”
___ A pre-season preview of Alabama Football entirely in binary code
___ Fake French Person Writing about UK Rifle Team
___ Short Story: Robot Mitch Barnhart Orders a Milkshake
___ Random information I Googled Applied in a Non-Sequitir to UK Sports
___ Exclusive Q&A: Orlando Antigua’s Favorite Breakfast Foods
___ A comprehensive breakdown of the 1996 Final Four re-enacted by pre-1894 Presidents
___ All of the Above
___ None of the Above
___ Tomlin’s terrible. Matt, please get him off the site.
Hooray for the dead period! I’ll try to keep things as easy and painless as possible. Promise. We’ll all get through this together. Somehow.