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Northwestern Football Team Dreaming Of The Day They Will Write About Bowl Games Instead Of Play In Them

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Northwestern University’s football team is excited to take the field on Friday as they lineup against the Wildcats in the Music City Bowl, but many of the players indicated that they’d be more excited to be lining up for popcorn in the press box.

“Look, this game will be fun and everything,” senior Travis Patterson told the media after asking each of them for their autograph. “The real treat though, will be next year, when we’re getting to sit where you sit, writing about sports instead of actually playing them.”

Northwestern is renowned for its sports journalism program as it’s produced a number of ESPN and FOX Sports personalities. In fact, many call Northwestern “Syracuse for people from Milwaukee.”

Patterson concluded his media appearance by saying, “Look, most of us here at Northwestern are going to be going pro in something other than sports, but we’ll also be going pro in something other than print media, as it’s a dying industry. Luckily, our curriculum has prepared us for when our future employers inevitably pivot to video.”

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Article written by Harold Leeder