Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.
Former UK Basketball Coach and radio personality Joe B. Hall was spotted yesterday walking around outside of the Warby Parker store in The Summit at Fritz Farm shouting at passersby, “If you stared at the sun without those fancy 3D glasses, you probably have a seeing loss.”
Hall, who was hanging out at Warby Parker while waiting for a new pair of glasses to be made because, “I was lookin’ at how weird my shadow was and I stepped on ’em,” was telling anyone that would listen that they needed to get their eyes checked. “Personally, I didn’t suffer a vision loss, but if you stared at the eclipse you probably have a seeing loss,” the crowd that had gathered cheered as he continued to repeat his famed catchphrase. However, the former coach wasn’t only concerned with the eclipse having an impact on people’s vision, “I’ve noticed that ever since the moon covered up the sun, I got a lot stronger physically, and I can even eat spicier foods than I could yesterday,” Hall concluded as he took a bite from a serrano pepper without being phased.
“I don’t want to say I have super strength or anything now but something definitely changed,” Hall explained, “I’d show you how I’m stronger but I’m kind of tired right now.” Hall then went inside to retrieve his new glasses and came out, lifted up a Mini Cooper that was blocking him in, and then got in his car and drove away.