Kentucky Sports Radio is hitting the road for a cross-country drive to sunny Los Angeles. That’s right, we’re piling up in a Dodge Caravan and heading west for next week’s basketball game at UCLA. Wheels up! Er, wheels round and round!
Now, most of you are probably sitting there, saying to yourself, “Why the f*** would anyone drive to LA?” It’s a very good question. I asked the exact same thing. I asked it many times.
You see, I had a round trip flight booked long ago because, you know, it’s two-thousand and fifteen and we have a pretty reliable form of transportation called airplanes. It’s a pretty remarkable thing, really. You just sit there and it takes you from point A to point B in a rather timely manner. It was going to take me about five hours to get from Lexington to LAX. That’s like two Forrest Gumps. But then Matt came up with this genius idea of driving an automobile, so instead of five hours, we’re taking five days. That’s like four thousand Conway Twitty songs.
Here’s our plan of attack:
Of course, that route can easily get derailed, and likely will. We could end up in any of those U.S. states, and in some of the northern parts of Mexico. Nothing is out of the realm of possibility.
Here’s our most probable attack:
Who up Los Mochis!
Of the many things we will see and do on this journey, only two are set in stone:
Bills @ Chiefs (Kansas City, Sunday)
For Matt, Ryan and Shannon, this will be their first trip to Arrowhead Stadium. Me, this will be my fourth or fifth, although it’ll be my first since Elvis Grbac retired. I’m really looking forward to getting back in Arrowhead because it is a great place to watch football, and that game will be one of the 12 best games in the league on Sunday.
Andre Rison throwback coming in hot.
8 pm dinner reservation (Las Vegas, Wednesday)
How we get to Vegas is anyone’s guess, but we will be there for our 8 pm dinner reservation, one way or another. The Vegas stop was the ultimate selling point for me and I plan to give’r hell for the limited time we are there.
Must-see SnapChat story Wednesday night. Er, Thursday morning.
Aside from those two things, we’re pretty open. We’re planning to spend nights in Wichita, Tulsa and Santa Fe, but that could easily become Denver, Seattle and prison. I’m counting on at least one of the following hypothetical scenarios:
Ryan’s wife chases us down somewhere outside St. Louis.
Honestly, if Ryan makes it to L.A. without flying home from somewhere along the way, I will be quite surprised.
Amanda, if you’re reading this, I will take good care of your husband. No fried foods, no hotel porn, and lights out at 9 pm every night. No funny business.
Shannon The Dude finds Oklahoma booty shaking contest, never leaves.
This is our first trip with Shannon and I have no idea what to expect. I assume he’s like radio Shannon and will be judging booties in random cities every night.
I also assume he will pack nothing but rock t-shirts and Hex Head art.
I jump out of the car at 80 mph after the fourth straight hour of Travis Tritt.
Matt claims we will each get one hour of music, but I’ve been on several road trips with Matt and you have a better chance of seeing Big Foot playing checkers with a unicorn outside a Cracker Barrel than you do touching the radio. I’ve developed a tolerance for his song selection, but one can only take so much. Don’t be surprised if I’m scattered across I-40. Tell my mother I held on as long as I could.
Matt leaves Ryan for dead in New Mexico desert for doing something dumb.
Maybe he gets bitten by another rabid dog outside a fast food restaurant or fights someone outside a Roosters. Ryan’s got at least one good Ryan moment in him, and if it’s dumb enough, Matt will leave him.
At this time I would like to thank our sponsors: Sternberg Automotive, for providing the car; Pie Five Pizza, for providing all of the Pie Five Pizza we will eat; and the Kentucky Office of Highway Safety, for the highways and the safety.
If you have any suggestions for our voyage, or if you would like to follow along, we will be very active on the Twitter.com. You can also expect several Periscopes from inside the car and from the various places we end up.
We hit the road immediately after the football game Saturday.