Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.
“Welcome to The Hub City,” a sign reads sarcastically as fans cross into the city limits of Hattiesburg Mississippi for what they hope is the last time. Hattiesburg, home of the University of Southern Mississippi and that’s about it, will host UK’s football team this week as they complete the second half of a home and home scheduling mistake.
“Surely there must be some sort of explanation,” began tailgating expert Eddie Maggard, “maybe Coach Stoops lost a bet, or maybe he accidentally hit reply all to an email from the state of Mississippi when they were scheduling games for old and state?”
“You wish that was the reason Edwin,” exclaimed Maggard’s scorned wife Betty. “If there’s one thing I know, it’s what vengeance looks like, and coincidentally it looks like exactly southern Mississippi in August. This here is revenge.”
“I grabbed a pamphlet from a rest stop, called ‘What to do in Hattiesburg,’ and the inside was blank,” said Mrs. Maggard.
A low volume of home ticket sales, fans calling for his job, a general low level of respect for the sport in comparison to basketball here on campus could all be contributing factors to Stoops wanting to take revenge on the Big Blue Nation.
“Look I get it, we should have more faith in you and what you’re doing here. It was rude of us to all talk about your 12 million dollar buyout clause for 2 months straight last year. I see now that things could be so much worse, you’ve made your point coach. Now please don’t make us have to come back here ever again.”