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Death By Wedgie’s Friday News and Views


There are several ways to die, all of them terrible, because you die, but none quite like a recent death in Oklahoma that’s caught a lot of attention across the nation.

Brad Davis, a former U.S. marine, has been charged with the murder of his stepfather, Denver St. Clair, by giving him a wedgie. A wedgie, defined by Wikipedia as, “When a person’s nether underwear or other garments are wedged between the buttocks.” That’s how Davis’ stepfather died. Sad, yet incredibly bizarre.

The police report says Davis stretched St. Clair’s underwear over his head and neck, causing him to suffocate, after the two exchanged blows during an argument. Davis described it as an “atomic wedgie” to authorities when they arrived on the scene. Asphyxiation has been determined as the cause of death and it has been ruled a homicide.

The recent news means we will no longer give BTI wedgies when he upsets one of our readers, a KSR practice that lasted over six years. We just can’t take that risk anymore, not without health insurance for our part-time writers.

We will still do the Friday News and Views, though, and I have it right here without any nether underwear interference…

 

Coach Cal doesn’t want to hear about Vanderbilt’s seven available scholarship players.

Hush. Stop it. He doesn’t want to hear it.

With the recent suspension of its leading scorer, Vanderbilt is down to seven scholarship players for Saturday’s game against the Cayts. That sounds great for UK’s chances, but Coach Cal ain’t havin’ it. When asked about the Dores’ depleted roster on Thursday, Cal reminded everyone he had only seven scholarship players last season. “Everybody felt sorry for us,” he said sarcastically.

May we remind you, this is the guy Vanderbilt is losing. He was averaging over 14 points per game.

Calipari loves the new Alex Poythress.

He had a lot to say about his sophomore forward on Thursday:

“I love it. Nothing makes me happier. Again, it took him awhile to accept the fact that he had to change. Most of it is just changing how you think and changing how you approach things, and change your mentality about practice and loving the grind and then seeing the results. They have to see results to build on that to get better. He is seeing it. Now, I want him to take some jumpers. He’s a good shooter. I love that he made his free throws. Now go get fouled. I want him to drive to the middle left to right and shoot his jump-hook that he has taken 9,000 times in two years here. Now do it in the game. You don’t have to go three dribbles, behind-your-back crossover, just take it, get the ball behind the man, take it into the lane and shoot the jump-hook. He’s got more game. I just like how he is settling into how he’s going to play. He’s in great condition, he’s in a great frame of mind, his mentality has changed, he’s changed how he’s thinking.

It’s definitely a different Alex Poythress than what we’re used to seeing, even he knows it. After the Mississippi game he told us he’s bringing more energy, even coaching his teammates from the bench during games, and his confidence level is higher than it’s ever been.

Neal Brown will name his starting quarterback much sooner next season.

Kentucky’s offensive coordinator dropped by Kentucky Sports Radio radio Thursday morning to talk football expectations for 2014. One thing he knows will be different next fall is the staff will not wait as long as it did last season to find its starting quarterback. Brown said he and Stoops already decided they will pick a quarterback as early as possible and go with him. They won’t drag it out again.

It’ll be a four-man race in the spring when football picks back up with Max Smith sitting out after shoulder surgery, but he’ll still get his look in the fall. Brown thinks Drew Barker will be right in the mix to compete right away and he’s anxious to see the improvements the other guys make this offseason. He said Towles is working hard to speed up his release and Reese Phillip throws the best deep ball of the bunch.

Contrary to popular Lonny Demaree tweets, there has been no conversation about what to do with Jalen Whitlow if he doesn’t keep the starting job. They will cross that bridge if and when they get to it.

The Bobby Petrino press conference was laughable.

He changed, everybody. CAN’T YOU SEE THAT? HE IS A CHANGED MAN. HE IS FINALLY HOME.

Matt and I commentated over the first five or six questions until we couldn’t handle it any longer. Listen during the second hour on Thursday’s podcast on TalkRadio1080.com.

I did enjoy Tom Jurich saying he told Petrino, “If you lie to me, I will kill you.”

Louisville lost to Memphis, fans taunted Josh Pastner, he fought back and his rebuttal was awesome.

Per several people on Twitter, following Louisville’s home loss to Memphis, which Russ Smith called the worst loss of his career, the UofL crowd taunted Josh Pastner as he walked to his postgame radio show. Of the many insults thrown his way, the one about his players being thugs sent him over the edge and into a shouting match with the fans. His comeback? “We have a perfect APR score!” Got em! Take that, haters! Perfect APR score!

The funniest part of all this is the handful of Louisville fans saying Pastner has no class. Think about that one for a second. A Louisville fan, a fan of the University of Louisville, accusing an opposing coach of having no class.

ESPN.com’s new NBA lottery machine is really fun, especially if you’re Andrew Wiggins, Jabari Parker or Joel Embiid.

Chad Ford and ESPN.com’s draft crew launched a new interactive NBA lottery generator that projects the top 15 picks in next summer’s draft. Give it a click and see what results you get for the 2014 lottery. But just a warning, of the 2,184 possible scenarios, only Andrew Wiggins, Jabari Parker and Joel Embiid pop up as the No. 1 pick.

Here’s how my first spin looked:

lottery-machine

The Los Angeles Lakers, with a 1.4% chance of earning the top pick, got it and selected Embiid first overall. Julius Randle went sixth to the Kings, hell yes, with Willie Cauley-Stein to the Celtics at No. 8 and James Young joining Marcus Smart in Orlando at No. 15.

You can give it a try here.

Who knew DeMarcus Cousins had his own sushi roll?

(@MrGill_PE)

If you vote for DeMarcus Cousins on the NBA All-Star ballot, which you should do, you get 50% off the DMC roll at Mikuni in Sacramento. I just want to know when DeMarcus got his own sushi roll. It looks good.

Stop by the official UK alumni pregame/postgame party in Nashville.

Big Blue Nation will be gathering at Corner Pub in Nashville prior to Saturday’s game against Vanderbilt and the party won’t stop until well after Kentucky’s inevitable win. Doors open up at 10:30 a.m. and there will be plenty of food and drink specials to get you feeling good before, during, and after the basketball game.

Mrs. Tyler will be in the house alongside the 247 Sports team. Got questions for national recruiting analysts Jerry Meyer and Barton Simmons? They’ll be there, too.

That’ll do it for now, friends. Arizona just won at UCLA. The other Wildcats, the undefeated ones, are really good.

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

37 responses to “Death By Wedgie’s Friday News and Views”

  1. Louisville1Cal5

    Wouldn’t surprise me if Tommy Turtleneck did have Petrino killed if (when) he leaves soon. He’s taken enough hits by the media already ha
    Also, hilarious & spot on about UofL fans accusing someone of having no class, they are the definition of “no class”. Know why they get upset when they are told they have no class? Because they know it’s true.

  2. uvel blows

    Those clowns at uvel never cease 2 amaze me. What a joke!

  3. Everybodyisequal

    Hold on now! Liberalism at its finest says everyone there must have health insurance with no pre-existing. Wedgies included!

    1. Lexington 3

      U mad bro?

  4. Blue Jesus

    Today is also the birthday of our one and only, Mr. Terrence Jones.

  5. Chaz

    Too much UL on this UK fan based website.. satire is fun, but when I see death by underwear and yet more UL news, I think it’s time for me to give it a rest. This should be a fun time right now with the really talented bb team and much to look forward to with the fb team. I think I’ll listen to Tom Leach and KSR radio for interviews and news on the, and UK athletics/coachcal.com for the web and see if the KSR website calms down some about our rivals down the road. I understand it’s driving traffic for the website, but I’m just tired about reading about how UL ****** up today..or tomorrow..or the day after tomorrow. Just me getting it out of my system. The KSR staff has done an excellent job..btw, you’re lucky to have MTT.. giving her full time/more pay/benefits(?) will pay dividends.

    1. Louisville1Cal5

      I agree to extent, it’s fun to read about UofL’s failures, but the cowards won’t come here unless it’s non failure related news. How can we remind them that they are Little Brother if they never show up? They need to be reminded in every way possible, whether it be conversation, on tv, Internet forums, radio, or blogs.

  6. binarysolo

    I can see the Cavs picking Joel Embiid. He and Anthony Bennett will form their front court of the future.

  7. Clint Hurtt

    I brought a lot of “class” to UofL. It cost me and arm a leg and getting his dad a hooker but Teddy finally showed up.

  8. Plenty

    Real classy Louisville, real classy. Although it was a select few butthurt fans doing this, I don’t see how the hypocrite UL fans could ever say anyone else isn’t classy. Especially after the ridiculous week they have had. Keep acting this way, and you will continue to be the joke of the country. You make it worse and worse. I see a complete self destruction on the horizon.

  9. Unboltedharp

    Saw Pinocho on the news saying in a dull, flat, unexcited voice how happy he was to be back. Really? If he’s so happy where is the smile and excitement? It was comical, gave me the impression like somebody done walked over his grave. Thanks Mitch for not hiring this clown!

  10. Bobbysueflay

    I have a question. Why do you want our players to leave year in and year out? This does not get us titles nor benefit our program other than to say they went to Kentucky for a year or two. Sorry I don’t get excited this. If I loved the nba I would get excited. But this is uk!!!!!!!!

    1. BlueRedNeck

      It’s the way of the world bobbysue. Don’t know what to tell you, other than find a team like Harvard to root for.

    2. TimeFor9

      “this does not get us titles”… Am I mistaken, I thought we won the championship in 2012

  11. BlueRedNeck

    Fifteen or so years ago, when the hip-hop clothing style first emerged with kids wearing their pans halfway down their waist and their boxers hanging out, my young nephew had the gall to show up at a family function sporting this “style”. I promptly picked him up by the boxers and lifted him off the ground in the most epic atomic wedgie you would ever see. The kid spent the rest of the afternoon digging his underwear out of his ass, and he never showed up around me wearing that shizit again.

    1. KRS One

      Cool story bro.

    2. Actually...
  12. MCheek

    I prefer my Demarcus Cousins Sushi Roll without the big fat red-worm crawling through the middle of it!!!

    1. MCheek

      Oh wait, my bad, its not a red-worm, its a dog penis!

  13. kramer

    The radio media here in Louisville, namely the underdogs, Drew Deener, and J Demling crap me up. They could tell by Petrino’s words he has changed, they truly believe he will retire here.Tom Jurich is a god in their eyes, and Charlie S, they are dogging him left and right, if this happened at UK they would have never let us live it down, I don’t plan on letting my friends and family who are card fans forget their slimy AD and coaches either!!

    1. Wi Tu Hi

      I agree, I heard the underdogs say Tommy Turtleneck had BobbyP at Western so he would be available if UL needed him. I guess Western is their AAA team.

    2. Rixter

      Here’s what I learned about this situation:

      Apparently, Jurich is AD at both schools.

      The only reason Petrino went to WKU was to be close to Louisville (had nothing to do with that being his only offer)

      Bobby was the ‘coach-in-waiting’ at Louisville, he just happened to coach at another school. Louisville does it their way, you do it your way.

      and 1 question: If Bobby screws up here, does he get demoted back down to WKU for a time?

    3. millwooded

      i remember an article back when krag went 5-7, and jurich blamed it on the way petrino recruited, and the fact that the coach had to dismiss players to clean up their image…i guess love is blind

  14. kramer

    *crack me up*

    1. TimeFor9

      I liked crap me up, much more entertaining.

    2. Come on

      Crap you up is appropriate for anything said by underdogs

  15. Outoftown

    This is great, now Petrino and Trader Rick can go on double dates to area restaurants!

    1. kramer

      I am going to have my phone ready when I go out from now on, never know what I

    2. kramer

      never know what I may see, damn I can’t type today!!

  16. mike

    anybody else think of Devil May Cry when they see DMC?

  17. actually ...

    i think of Run … DMC

  18. AtomicWedgie

    I will miss you BTI…We can still be friends, right?!?

  19. Mean Randy

    Ugh

  20. Syrin

    You all still doing the circle J after that “epic” win over a massively over rated Louisville team where we shot 20% from behind the arc, 50% from the line and gave up 40+ points to their guards?

    1. Negative Nelly

      Yeah bc just think how terrible we would be if we had lost to those losers.

  21. Melvit

    You’re fooling yourself if you think Randle should go Number 1 overall. The way he’s playing now, he shouldn’t be top 10.

  22. Kidnut

    I think if Polson dyed his hair jet black and started looking super EMO then Jack Frost would have an issue with it.