People of Louisville, your city is crumbling. Experts call it a massive sinkhole; I say it’s the Earth collapsing after soaking up all of the sins from the University of Louisville, thus creating a direct route to hell through which the souls of all who participated in the university’s unsanctioned and sometimes criminal activities will be sucked down beneath the Watterson Expressway and into the fiery bowels of the devil’s dungeon for an afterlife of torment and punishment.
But it’s probably just a big sinkhole.
— Hobie Crase (@HobieWDRB) March 6, 2019
The Louisville Zoo is temporarily closed, so plan accordingly.