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Sippin on gin and Juice: at the Oaks with O.J.


originally published 11/22/2006

An especially brilliant Friday it was, the first of May, 2006. Spared from Mother Nature’s menopausal springtime whim, at least for a day. I, along with a collection of peers from the school of strong ambitions and broken morals, descended upon Churchill Downs for a date with the 132nd running of the Kentucky Oaks.

We were lucky enough to snag a box near the finish line among some of the most lustrous faces in Louisville, and pretty close to the Coors Lite stand. Nick Lachey was there, and so was his hair gel. Beautiful young goddesses flanked him as if he were marinated in money juice and Aqua D’Gio. And he was. I had just dropped my winning exacta ticket in my beer when I noticed a slight commotion amongst my contingency.

“I think that’s…yeah, that’s O.J.”

“Put down the drink, O.J. would nev…holy shit. That’s definitely the Juice.”

Indeed, arriving in the box right next to ours was the myth himself, O.J. Simpson. He was dressed like any murderer who successfully loop-holed the judicial system ought to be: a cream-colored linen shirt with matching linen slacks, and what I assumed were a pair of Bruno Maleighs, but who am I to suppose? He was accompanied by a group of 4-5, although the box was repeatedly visited by anxious tourists hoping to catch a glimpse of the man so famous for football. Juice was gracious, treating each visitor as if he’d known them for ages. In between entertaining the masses he would methodically study the program, perhaps hoping he was one superfecta away from settling the score with the Goldmans.

“Who do you like in this one Juice?” My friend finally blurted out.

“I hear the 2’s been unbeatable.” He confidently boasted.

I looked. The 2 sucked. I knew it, and of course, I bet it. After placing my wager I gave the Juice a nod when I arrived back at the box.

“Hope you’re right about that 2.” I said, waving my ticket.

“You and me both.” He joked, almost desperately, and further reaffirming my handicapping knowledge.

They were at the post then they were off. O.J. had a pair of binoculars and was watching intently. After all, if the real killer happened to be holing up in the Churchill Downs infield, O.J. needed to be there to exact his justice.

As expected, the 2 finished ahead of one horse.

I finally caught O.J.’s eye, and he gave me a shrug.

“She got bumped,” I said, knowingly lying but trying not to rattle his cage.

As the day pressed on we came to the ingenious decision to haggle a photo-op with the Juice. I mean, who wouldn’t want to share with their grandchildren concrete proof that you can slice two throats and still get drunk and gamble at the Oaks?

We decided that we would make our move after the big race, giving us proper chance to intake the appropriate courage.

As the Oaks wrapped up and the masses began to file out, we summonsed the great beast.

“Hey O.J.,” my buddy blurted out, “do you mind getting a picture with us?”

“Sure fellas.” He quipped with surprising yearn.

My friend handed his camera to a woman in the O.J. party and I studied her for even the faintest plea for help. The Juice stepped into our box. Our cookie cutter hands became bait for his gargantuan, powerful mitts. Almost simultaneously, it hit me: I just felt a hand that had brutally ended the lives of two people, and made a mental note to scratch that one off the list.

We posed. I was pushed to the back by my over aggressive friends, but took my place beside history nonetheless.

“So you boys in college…what you studyin’?” And with a smirk, added, “Any of you fellas studyin’ law?”

One of my friends raised his hand, perhaps hopeful he was about to be hired on the spot.

“I’ve got plenty of lawyers,” the Juice shamelessly chuckled.

Unbelievable. So cocksure in his independence. Bulletproof.

The Juice then disappeared into the sunset of an otherwise gentle evening. Off to schmooze and wink with the next set of gawkers over served on infamy.

I still look back on that encounter with mixed emotions. On one hand, I interacted with the crust of all things evil. A walking narcissism, a testament to all things unjust and undemocratic, and perhaps the most notorious figure in modern day America. A double murderer, devoid of contrition, brazen in victory.

But on the other hand, I met O.J. Simpson. Got the picture to prove it.  Pretty sweet.

 

As for the 139th edition of the KY Oaks, I like 4-Unlimited Budget

Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk

32 responses to “Sippin on gin and Juice: at the Oaks with O.J.”

  1. Larry linebeard

    Slice 2 throats and still get drunk at oaks? Wtf…. Horrible post, but there seems to be plenty of those lately

  2. SexnNursinHomes

    Great O.J story from someone who lived to tell it.

    That is definitely O.J in the pict, you can tell by the absence of living white women.

  3. _

    no black onyx in the derby

  4. Coach Durbin

    1) This post is both hilarious and well written. I guess that’s what makes it horrible?

  5. Nick

    Amen #4

  6. Mike

    I spent a week hanging out with OJ and Al Cowlings in LA back in 1990, not long before the murders. He seemed like the nicest guy you’d ever wanna meet. Now, not so much. Lol

  7. Jordan

    2) You can’t say that. (awesome btw)

  8. Jordan

    2) too soon?

  9. Bec

    I can”t tell if this is brilliant or horrific…

  10. ILuvmesomewhitegirls

    Great Post! Funny stuff and great observations. (studied her for the faintest plea of help!)

  11. david lawton

    Why would you put a picture of OJ on this site? POOR TASTE indeed and it needs to be removed.

  12. ZS fan

    Anyone remember he was a JUCO player? Hope our man Za’Darius knocks him off as best transfer ever.

  13. RICK

    Who the hell is John Dubya

  14. SexnNursinHomes

    8- never too soon. ever.

  15. Elizabeth

    I don’t care about ANY story about OJSimpson, doesn’t matter what it is about, it is NOT important enough to write about it on this site. You should remove it, it is in poor taste.

  16. mikeman

    Thanks for your opinion, Elizabeth.

  17. MattD

    Uk related or not, this kid can write. His posts drip with wit and snark, and he conveys his points like he’s telling you a story over a beer. One of the best ‘writers’ on the site. Also, there is some compelling evide…. errr, there exist arguments that the two persons murdered were in fact killed by Serial Killer Glen Rogers, who, coincidentally was caught in Kentucky (I believe).

  18. LadyJustice

    OJ was found not guilty. In case you forgot.

  19. Teachable Mo'

    The shoe brand is Bruno Magli.

    If you’re going to play the game, do it right.

  20. WestWorld

    #1 – horrible post? This was an awesome post. I bet you hated the movie Naked Gun 2.5 too.

  21. attny at law

    #18 Lady Justice, hahaha. OJ not guilty? And just exactly who do you think did it then? LOL

  22. LadyJustice

    21’s question shows a basic misunderstanding of our system. Unfortunately, that’s probably good evidence that the commenter actually is an attorney. I don’t claim to know who did or didn’t murder those people. That’s not the point. I just thought SOMEBODY should mention the fact that he was acquitted, especially since many KSR readers probably don’t remember the case.

  23. Rockfield, KY

    Elizabeth, post a pic of yourself and if you’re hot enough maybe the story will get taken down.

    #1, thanks for you contribution. It means a lot.

  24. Rockfield, KY

    OJ was found not guilty, and then his team of superstar attorneys started dying.

  25. SexnNursinHomes

    22- oh I remember the case very vivdly. I was rooting OJ on..

  26. OverThePylon

    Maybe it’s just me but it sure seems like the commentariot around these parts lately have the thinnest skin of anyone on the internet ever. Don’t bring up Kris Kross at all! Don’t even think of OJ Simpson. Refuse to even admit you are aware of his existence!

    It’s the internet, folks. That’s why there’s like literally a billion different websites. For those complaining about the content on KSR and its “poor taste” might I suggest YouTubing cute kitten videos for the rest of your existence?

  27. Larry linebeard

    20- just saying as others have I think it is in poor taste, jokin about murder victims, their families and slit throats on a Kentucky sports site?

    26- yes there are many sites, we choose this to read about kentucky sports and related things not jokes about murder.

    That being said I do agree he is a good writer and although it is mY opinion that it is in poor taste it was well written and it is just our opinion people simmer down

  28. Roland

    When 1st reading this, Thinking, OJ has escaped and gone to the track? That man is NOT RIGHT. (On December 5, 2008, Simpson was sentenced to 33 years in prison with eligibility for parole in nine years)
    Then I noticed the originally published tag.
    LOL on me.

  29. Jealous

    I wish I had a picture with OJ. All you people demanding that the post be removed: how are you not completely desensitized to violent murders by now? Read the paper once in a while, jeez.

  30. Roland

    29, plan your vacation accordingly and sign up for the guest list:
    OJ “is serving his sentence at the Lovelock Correctional Center in Lovelock, Nevada.”

  31. Don

    I see Phil aka the donkey in the pic!!

  32. Elvis Is Alive

    The glove didn’t fit so they had to acquit
    R I P Johnny Cochran