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Know Before You Go

To the thousands of BBN making their inaugural trip to Papa John’s Stadium this Sunday, please allow me to share some knowledge as to what expect from a UK/UL game presented by the palace that pizza built. I’ve traversed this enemy territory several times before and have some tips for a better experience at our host’s home turf. Before you head out to the game, you are going to need to make sure you dress appropriately.

UK coeds, I love the way you rock it at Commonwealth. Little blue skirts paired with cowboy boots or high heels are awesome. Jeans, snug blue t-shirts, and face stickers- even better. However, on this day, you will need to leave the heels at home. You don’t want to arrive at your stadium seat with your stilettos looking like Foge de Chao skewers of discarded menthol filters. The path leading to the stadium is littered with empties, rolling papers, and “5 core values” but those aren’t nearly as damaging to your shoes. I don’t know if anyone makes a blue and white rape whistle, but if you are parking in the neighborhoods surrounding the stadium, I’d do a quick Google search and get one overnighted.

Guys, pick something beer resistant as Cards fans love to throw their beverage with all the accuracy of a Will Stein slant pattern. In a tight spot with unfriendlies, have some scratch off lottery tickets handy to throw down and distract them.

As you make your way to the game on Sunday, you may be tempted to listen to the home team’s pre-game radio show to get acclimated to the unfamiliar players’ names that will be featured during the upcoming matchup and late night police taserings. During portions of these radio broadcasts, you may hear what sounds to be an individual trying to read something from a teleprompter typed in Wingdings with a mouth full of peanut butter. Welcome to a press conference by Cardinal’s head coach Charlie Strong. Strong is by all accounts a good man and good coach. But, if the last obstacle on Ninja Warrior was clearly pronouncing his own name, Chuck would never reach the finish line. Even Representative Todd Akin would consider what Strong does to the English language as “legitimate rape”. Better to just tune over to Matt.

Upon arriving to the venue, the University of Louisville would like for you to bask in the awe of Papa John’s Stadium, turning a blind eye to the hot mess that is everything else surrounding it. Papa John’s Stadium is beautiful. Papa John’s Stadium is modern. Papa John’s Stadium is the $10,000 tit job on the Janet Reno of college campuses. I’m sure you are used to tailgating in the shade of UK’s arboretum while soaking in the last warm days of summer with a cold cocktail in hand. Leave that mental picture at home. The only people who find the atmosphere surrounding Papa John’s Stadium pleasant worked on the set design of the movie Unstoppable. If red and black adorned trains are your type of thing (I’m looking at you Becca Manns), you will love it. However, if you expect the same type of tailgating experience you’re accustomed to in Lexington, as Al Pacino would say and Pat Summitt would do, “fughetaboutit”.

After you park your vehicle in whatever yard is not yet roped off by crime scene tape, remember to put all valuables in your trunk should you have forgotten to leave them at home. Nothing is sadder than having your GPS stolen by someone who will never, ever leave Jefferson County. If you go ahead and program a “favorite” spot on your system such as a “library”, “graduate school”, or “dentist”, it will make the device easier to track down at pawn shops during the recovery search.

Once inside the stadium, the accommodations are much better. The beer will be flowing, the music will be pumping, and you’ll be so excited about the pending upset you’ll soon forget about the concrete slab you just spent 5 hours sitting on. You will notice the “brass section” of the stadium is no longer reserved for the band but rather the recycling of bullet casings, but other than that, it is not that bad. While the bleachers strongly resemble Arkham Asylum, the occupants of those seats are more “Idiocracy” and less “Fight Club”. With the liberal alcohol policy of the Big East, the only thing you’ll need to flask inside the stadium is Febreze.

With these ideas in mind, you’ll at least have an idea on what to expect on Sunday other than a UK win.

Wear your blue, make a ruckus, and remember, as ALWAYS….I really hate Louisville.

– TH


Article written by Turkey Hunter

73 responses to “Know Before You Go”

  1. Kyle l.

    I hate Louisville

  2. Bigbluemomba
    one of the best uofl fan pics i have ever seen…hahahahaha lol

  3. FrankFord

    Me too Kyle

  4. Bluey

    Brilliant as always. The UL trolls will be here shortly to call you racist for this post.


    “a $10,000 tit job on the Janet Reno of college campuses” to die for!!

  6. derek

    “10k tit job on the Janet Reno of college campuses”…… one liner ever!

  7. Jorts4life

    “as Al Pacino would say and Pat Summitt would do, “fughetaboutit”” – belongs on the Mount Rushmore of KSR lines. Unspeakably brilliant.

  8. Really?

    A Pat Summit joke? I love the site and I’m all for edgy humor, but you might have gotten a little carried away there…

  9. Blue

    Honestly…The Pat Summitt joke might have been a little too over the line. I have a grandmother that suffers from the early stages of Alzheimer’s, and it’s definitely not a laughing matter. Despite being affiliated with Tennessee, Pat Summitt is a great coach and great ambassador for all of sports, and making fun of an illness is far different than making fun of someone for being a total douche (a la Bruce Pearl).

  10. participant

    The Pat Summitt remark (not joke) is just plain tacky and beneath what UK supporters should stand for. Otherwise, excellent post because it is so accurate.

  11. Gillispie's Flask

    2nd best post ever.. 2nd only to the UL Facebook feed by Drew.

  12. gr8ness

    “brass section” LMAO! My ribs hurt from laughing all day. Can this day get any better?

  13. anonymous ted danson

    “If red and black adorned trains are your type of thing (I’m looking at you Becca Manns), you will love it. ” Well played sir, well played….

  14. Wildcatgal

    Turkey Hunter never fails to disappoint. Fabulous!!

  15. Rockfield, KY

    I think you can only laugh about that illness if its in your family and y’all are comfortable with the joke. My grandfather had alzheimers, and once you get past the initial sting, all you can do is laugh and keep in good spirits.

    Otherwise, this post was great. The Idiocracy vs Fight Club lines and the Febreeze in a flask were my two favorites. Well done.

  16. chiddarcheddar

    Please remove the Pat Summit comment. Uncalled for.

  17. KidCody

    Batman reference AND a Pat Summit joke? This post had everything.

  18. JC

    I have said since day 1 Charlie Strong speaking reminds me of what a mentally disabled Dikembe Mutumbo.

  19. KidCody

    Pat Summit is going to be so pissed about this post for the next 30 minutes or so.

  20. JC

    And I always love a Becca Manns reference.

  21. Seabass90

    I love the pat summit reference, it’s Terrible…funny as sh*t but terrible…also the blue and white tape whistle isn’t a bad idea…I might start to market that..

  22. mocha

    Becca manns makes an appearance.

  23. B-Rob6

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA im rolling over the Pat Summit joke!! And hahahahaha to 19.

  24. tyrus

    May the day never come for you Turkey where you put your life on hold to take of the person that brought you into this world.

  25. bigbluejon

    What a glorious day. Thanks for bringing it once again TH!

  26. Rick Roy

    Wahhhh Wahhh 🙁 A Pat Summit joke…Oh my god!!! U squids, get over it

  27. LynchMobJr

    @19 You had me laughing so hard my boss came out of his office to see what was going on.

  28. Pat Summit

    What is up with this joke about me? I totally was mad a second ago, but now I forget why.

  29. Al's IndiCats

    Other than the Pat Summit joke, HILARIOUS!

  30. 44 Stitches

    People complaining about the Pat Summit joke need to grow a pair. I watched one of my grandmothers with alzheimer’s become so bad off she was just as helpless as a baby before she died. The JOKE didn’t offend me or upset me in anyway shape or form. I’ve also met Pat Summit before. We stayed in the same hotel as the UT women’s team in Tuscaloosa once. She was cool as hell and was even asking me how the UK men looked against Bama earlier day. Lighten up people.

  31. Jax Teller

    Turkey Hunter killing it again. Whenever he makes an appearance, you know its going to be golden. Said it before, I’ll say it again; we need more TH.

  32. UK F' eva

    It reminds me of about 15 years ago I walked into a bar close to the UL campus only to spy this beautiful lady sitting at the bar. As I sat down she turned her head to see she had a humongus Black eye. I could feel her pain, I knew just what happened, she was a woman of a UL basketball player.

  33. thewaitfor8

    From the Charlie Strong paragraph to the end, I was in tears. That’s one of the funniest things I have ever read.

  34. TheLaw

    I was raised by my grandmother, whose Alzheimer’s has progressed to the point that she no longer knows who I am, nor does she recognize her husband of 53 years. From experience, I can tell you that the only way to deal with this disease is to have a sense of humor about it. I echo the statements made by #s 15 and 30, no need to get offended here.

  35. Rod

    I can’t believe the Pat Summit joke. Is there anything that could be so low. I remember when… Oh What was I saying?

  36. take dat take dat uhhuh uhhuh

    Pat Summits memory > Ricky P’s libido

  37. MattD

    Quality post. TH is terrific. His appearances are rare, but they never disappoint. The wit is almost unbearable.

  38. Cat Skinner

    You bluenecks once again show your idiocy. After reading this (I’ll admit) witty rant, this response seems appropriate…

  39. katzrjamers

    Love this post sans the Summit reference. I want the FF BB experience again but this time with football and the favorite goes down. All we need is some dialysis clinic action. You nailed it Turkey Hunter.

  40. UKGradProbs


  41. kentuckyjoe

    I sure am tired of all this louisville crap on the site today. I’ve decided to root for them on Sat.

  42. Miranda

    This is comical only because UK fans are the ones who vandalize property, catch couches on fire, and attack homeless people (all in the news just a few months ago). You also had a fan just a year or so ago that vandalized our vehicles and was charged for it, yet somehow UofL fans are the problem? WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I understand humor, but please at least know your facts before you start pointing fingers and use pathetic writing such as this to make yourself feel a little bit better about the loss you are about to suffer this weekend.


  43. tvillian

    41. game is Sunday champ

  44. Miranda Sucks

    Difference between UK and UofL fans is that UK fans do those things after winning championships. UofL fans do that after getting a large Papa John’s pizza for $12.

  45. Jennifer

    Cat Skinner, I actually thought that was funny when I read it…last year. Put your back into it.

  46. bad_taste

    Hilarious post but the pat summit joke was to much! And to hell with everyone saying to calm down and to be able to take it as a joke. Alzheimer’s is not a laughing matter.

  47. blueballs14

    43 and 44,..very nice!!



  49. jill

    #18,,,racist statement..were you and Rupp best buds? UK won’t know how to act sitting in chair back seat instead of metal bleachers…

  50. Pat Summit

    42 – Miranda, get the sand out of your vagina. Trust me, a sandy vagina is a cranky vagina.

  51. Esmer

    Turkey Hunter wins UL hate day! What a treat! Come back and humor this place up a bit more!


    I’ll wager Matt Jones attempts to hide behind an LMPD Female Officer to enter the PJCS without being Bitch Slapped.

  53. Blue and white embarrassed

    Oh great, two rape jokes in one KSR post. Cant you guys even try to be above lame tasteless writing like that?

  54. Joe

    I am glad cat fan has a sense of humor. It will be needed this year!

  55. Rixter

    The ONLY thing that could have made this post better was to have Louisville fans come on and feign outrage over the Summit joke!

  56. UofLAME

    I sense much fear in you Cardinal fan base. We are just trying to have a good time, go to your own fan sites to be insecure and defensive. Deep down you all know whats up. You may win this game you may not but no matter the result you will still be UofL and we will still be Kentucky. That means you will always play second fiddle to UK locally and nationally. That means you will always be a commuter school and therefore never really taken seriously as an athletic or academic institution. It also means your beloved coach Strong will inevitable leave for greener pastures (anywhere but UofL). The cycle will continue indefinitely. Your burning desire to be relevant on a scale even remotely comparable to a REAL university is laughable at best. Have fun Sunday but remember who you are…A second rate institution on and off the field.

  57. Billy Gillespie

    How much are beers inside the stadium?

  58. Kentucky_Girl

    wow you really hate LOUISVILLE? funny facts about the city you hate so much,
    1.)A lot of UofK fans live in LOUISVILLE.
    2.) Louisville taxes go to other cities in the state such as Lexington
    3.) UofL is the school. LOUISVILLE is the city
    4.) A UofK fan is the one who vandalized cars at the game last time.
    5.) by saying you hate a city and encouraging others to do so, kinda makes you no better then osama bin laden.
    6.) grow up its a game. win or lose we are all Kentuckian’s which is a million times better then being a west Virginian. thank GOD!!!!

  59. Rae

    58. On ESPN, they often refer to a university just by the last word. Georgetown is simply Georgetown, instead of Georgetown University. UL is Louisville, UK is Kentucky and WVU is West Virginia. University of Alabama is simply Alabama. Same thing here. Using context clues, in this context, Louisville refers to UL, not the city. The photos are related to the university, not places in the city itself. The shirts are for the university, not the city. The word Louisville can apply to both, depending on the context. Many of your UL shirts just say Louisville, after all. Many of our UK shirts just say Kentucky.

    Therefore, we are saying we “hate” the university, not the city itself. Louisville residents are participating too.

    And this is a joke “holiday” by the way.

  60. thewaitfor8

    #58, what #59 said. For reference, see the picture above. Notice how the school only puts Louisville in the endzone.

    And in reference to that area of the city, I grew up not far from it. Let’s not pretend like it’s a safe area. It might not be the ghetto, but it’s well below average. That aside, we are joking about the university, but thank you for pointing out that the university is found in the city it is named after. We are all better off due to your post here today.

  61. buckster1

    Last time I checked Lexington has it’s own tax base. It sure doe not come from Louisville the city.

  62. Get even

    Hey u of l fans here’s a bright idea. Excerpts from this post about Pat summit should be tweeted to every major news outlet personality on twitter. They worship summit and the media loves a controversy. This entire piece is loaded with jokes about a horrible disease, rape, and not so subtle racial overtones. This writers don’t realize that these pieces are a media storm waiting to happen in our pc culture. If you want the last laugh its there for the taking.

  63. Andy

    It was a great post but jokes about a person with a terrible disease is too far

  64. Bob
  65. UKFANATIC12!!

    I believe that we will be going undefeated in SEC this year. He is why…

  66. jill

    Yall I am a c*nt and a skank

  67. Hunttheturkeyhunter

    If this idiot, the same one that the nerds on here like to call Turkey Hunter, had ever been brought his pathetic ass out of the back hills of Eastern Kentucky he would know that Papa Johns Stadium doesn’t have bleachers. Bleachers are only reserved for the beat up tin can that you all call Commonwealth Stadium. Sunday afternoon is going to be great and Sunday evening is going to be even better.

  68. Hunttheturkeyhunter

    I am butt hurt because my cards suck at everything and our pizza box stadium still doesn’t seat as many as Commonwealth Stadium.

  69. suzie

    Ha Ha ! That was funny! But, I have to tell you, your U of K girls with the tight T-shirts and high heels did not listen to your warning, they have all been seen here in Louisville at the Wall Mart! 🙂

  70. GoUofL

    “To the thousands of BBN making their inaugural trip to Papa John’s Stadium this Sunday, please allow me to share some knowledge as to what expect from a UK/UL game presented by the palace that pizza built.”

    Actually, here’s what to expect. A second butt whoopin’ in a week by UofL.

  71. george

    Never seen any concrete seats at papa johns guess they were passed out on the ground..pace your self you dont have to get sloopy drunk before the game beer is sold till the end of the third need to rent a chair back seat as there are no bleachers at papajohns cardinal worries about a drunk fan spilling a drink on your 12 inch space of bleacher at commenwealth.sit back and enjoy football as it was meant to be..

  72. george

    To all ky. fans coming to the game…Welcome to the Uiversity of Louisville. THE Unisversity of kentucky

  73. george

    lol funny how leters seem to move around after post