August is the cruelest month for many reasons, but mainly because it’s one long, hot, excruciating countdown to football season. With 26 days left until the season opener at Southern Miss, football is coming, but at the same time, it feels like it will never get here. Don’t get me wrong, the pictures and videos coming out of Media Day, Fan Day, and practice are great, but all they’ve done for me is whet my appetite for the real thing. Enough is enough! I am ready for some football.
If you’re like me, over the past few weeks, you’ve found yourself falling into some familiar habits, such as…
1. Watching preseason NFL games
Is there anything more worthless or pointless than preseason NFL games? No, but that doesn’t stop us from watching them, or at least the ones in the first few weeks. Preseason NFL games are a welcome drink of water in the offseason desert; although, after 15 minutes, you realize they’re more like the spit sip of a flat beer and didn’t quench your thirst at all. At the very least, it’s good to hear pads popping and whistles blowing once again.
2. Overanalyzing every photo and video from practice
Have you seen how big this year’s freshmen look? Or how much better Stephen Johnson is throwing short passes? Hell, in that one video, he even threw it to CJ Conrad! Poring over every picture and video from practices is a preseason pastime, and thankfully, we have one heck of a photographer to feed your addiction:
3. Pulling your “football weather” clothes out of the closet
Mother Nature has been oddly kind to us recently, putting a nip in the air that we usually don’t get until late September. As a result, you may have found yourself reaching for your favorite UK hoodie or long-sleeved tee. I know I did. As excitement for football and, more importantly, football weather, builds, there’s always the temptation to don your fall gear before the temperatures call for it, but don’t be that guy in the UK pullover at noon at the Eastern Kentucky game. At the very least, layer.
4. Hanging out with non-football friends before you abandon them
I actually found myself making plans with certain friends over the past few weeks because I knew that, once September rolls around, I won’t see them on Saturdays until (hopefully) April. So, if you have some people in your life that just don’t get football (there’s always one or two), make some time for them over the next few weekends so you don’t feel quite as guilty for abandoning them once the season begins.
5. Planning your first tailgate
Did you end up getting that new generator? What about that new bluetooth speaker? (I recommend the JBL Charge 3). That reminds me, your Spotify tailgating playlist could really use some updating. Are we over “Grove Street Party” yet? Please let us be over that…except if we beat Florida. Then, we’ll never be over it.
All of those questions could send you into a panic in the last minute, but with about a month left until the home opener, you’ve got plenty of time to perfect your tailgating setup, playlist, and recipes. Can you imagine the respect you’d get if you pulled into the Blue Lot with one of these?
That’s a real thing you can rent at Auburn football games, by the way. At $1,875 per game, that’s away cooler than the tiny tailgate houses (which yes, are back for another season).
6. Working on your cornhole technique
There’s a reason this video has almost 1,000,000 views despite it being terrible:
Now excuse me while I go outside and try all of that.
7. Googling “How many days until September 2?”
Sadly, this is probably my most frequent Google search, along with “how many calories are in Good People IPA,” “how many gallons are in a liter,” and “when does the new iPhone 8 come out.”
(To answer all of those questions: 26 days; too many; 0.26 gallons; and not soon enough.)
8. Watching football movies/TV shows
Netflix timed the release of season two of Last Chance U perfectly. Other movies/TV shows I’ll probably find myself rewatching over the next few weeks:
- Friday Night Lights (TV show, obviously)
- Rudy (sentimental favorite)
- The Waterboy (guilty pleasure)
- Draft Day (I mean, if it’s already on)
This is such a habit of mine that last August, Fake Barney, Chris Tomlin, and I did a whole podcast about the best football movies, which I suggest you check out.
9. Beginning to obsess over your fantasy football team
Nobody cares about your fantasy football team except for you, which is why you’ve probably started studying pre-draft rankings, deciding who to keep if you’re in a keeper league, and if it’s worth it to switch to a new team name (you should because “Show Me Your TDs” was never funny).
10. Listening to SEC schools’ fight songs on repeat
No, wait, that’s just Freddie Maggard. And no one is more ready for football than Freddie.