On Saturday afternoon, I sat down and wrote an entire post about how no matter →
KSR’s take on recent non sports related happenings
The Walking Dead Recap is written by guest features writer Brad Morris.
Finally!!!! Thank you Walking Dead! You managed to suck us back in again. After a slow, and at times painful, 3 weeks of television, you righted the ship and brought us a great story. Jumping between several characters, but focusing on two for the majority of the episode “Sing Me A Song”, you’ve managed to make me believe that the best is still yet to come. Let’s dive into some characters shall we?
Rick’s little boy has grown up to be an angst teenager. What to do to let off some steam??? TP the neighbors house? Nah. Drink some beer behind the bar? Too easy. Oh wait! I know! Let’s jump in a truck and shoot a bunch of guys at the Sanctuary 👍🏼. After killing a couple of bad hombres, Carl gets taken in by Negan for the grand tour. And what a tour it is. I’ll get into the tour in a minute, but let’s just talk about Carl’s stupidity. I mean really dude? Hopping in the back of a box truck to see where the bad guys live is one thing. Actively shooting from the truck and being outnumbered 600-1 is befuddling. There is zero chance of survival in this situation. But given what happens after he gets caught is what drives this episode. Especially his new friend…
This was it. This was the episode that Jeffery Dean Morgan was in character so well, all I could see was Negan. His dominance over his people, his one liners that both frightens and brings a smile to your face, his harem of women, etc. This was Negan’s show to shine. We see he CAN be a nice guy, but sometimes he CAN’T be a nice guy. “Those are the rules.”
I could dedicate this entire post just to him and be happy for it. But I leave it at this. The “stuff and things” he has done up until now were almost tame. Killed two favorite characters with a baseball bat? Not bad. Taking Daryl prisoner? Just a day at the office. Smashing a scalding hot iron onto a rule breakers face? Part of the business. None of that matters until now. The scariest, spookiest, character defining move Negan has made is…
That’s right. Picking up little ass kicker Judith, hanging out on the porch, and drinking lemonade. Who in their right mind would’ve seen that coming off as nerve wracking. And I ate it up. The terror coming off the screen was almost palpable.
We did see a few other characters in the episode, and I think that helps to not make it stall or stale at any point. There was always something happening. Rick and Aaron out on a supply run. Michonne grabbing a Savior and forcing them to head for the Sanctuary. Father Gabriel telling Spencer what a little s@&$ he is, but can grow out of. Eugene made Rosita a bullet. Lot of little moving parts around the edge, but this episode was Carl and Negan’s from the beginning, and we’re all the better for it. Josh is back this week for the podcast and it’s drops tomorrow. Until then “Ta Ta”…
By Nick Roush on ©December 07th, 2016 @ 4:45pm
Sing. Sing out loud. Sing out strong. Sing for joy for the latest episode of TWD! We are rewarded for our patience of the past few weeks dreariness that we all had to endure. “Sing Me A Song” was a strong episode that featured a full range of emotions. Fear, horror, and humor all wrapped into one. This week Josh and I discuss:
– The weird dynamic between Negan and Carl
– Carl’s less than stellar decision making
– Hey look! Other characters!
– The most despicable move Negan has made yet
By Megan Suttles on ©December 07th, 2016 @ 9:00am
The Food Network is always looking for the next celebrity chef that will stick. They’ve tried grannies. They’ve tried terrible cooks. They’ve even tried cooking with children. Food Network can call off the search because I have found their next Food Network Star. Jason Smith could be the star that sticks, literally. His food will stick to your ribs because he tends to cook with lots of butter.
Jason is currently a contestant on the seasonal series, Holiday Baking Championship. The show is simple. Contestant compete to create the best Yule log, pie or some type of holiday dessert. The contestants are judged on which desserts are the most festive and delicious. (I’m still waiting on the fateful Croquembouche tower episode, it seems to be every baker’s kryptonite.) By far, Jason is the most interesting and delightful character that the show has ever had. He’s the embodiment of the opposite of Bobby Flay’s smirk.
First, he’s from Kentucky. More specifically, he’s from Grayson, Kentucky. For me, Grayson has always been synonymous with the smell that their Ham factory produces (not good) but now, I will associated the town with the most effervescent man on the Food Network (much better.) Jason sounds like my hometown. He has a penchant for moonshine. He once cooked up a depression bean pie. His speech is peppered with “Y’alls.” He cooks with a sense of place. He has a point of view (which is something that the Food Network is really into, according to Food Network Star.)
His point of view is also something that sets him apart. He is a home baker and a cafeteria manager. His personality lends itself for a cooking show. He has tips for how to peel ginger, incorporate sauerkraut in a cake and make the perfect bacon and date tart. The show practically writes itself. What is even more impressive is that Jason seems genuine, which is a difficult trait to manufacture. The man that calls his fellow contestants “a bunch of drunks” and always has a difficult time opening the oven door needs a thirty minute time slot.
This week, because he was in the bottom two, Smith dodged a bullet. His edible box looked more like a trampled package than a gift-wrapped present. As a competition food show connoisseur, I wouldn’t guarantee that Smith wins the title. It seems like the show is setting it up for Sheryl to win the competition. Her bakes are consistently beautiful and the judges rarely have notes on the deliciousness of her creations. But she’s too perfect. Sheryl complained about having to make ugly sweater cookies. You see, she can only make refined, well crafted desserts. That’s no fun to watch. No one is too good to make a tacky sweater cookie. Jason had no problem creating cookies that “look like it just rolled up out of the trash.” Food Network needs to get a little more tacky. They need someone who cooks with beans, sauerkraut and moonshine. They need a man who’s catchphrase could easily be, “and guess whut…!” I’m aware that I don’t know the first thing about what it takes to create your own cooking TV show. All I know is what I’ve learned from the silliness they have thrown together on Food Network Star. I also know that people like to watch genuine personalities cook food that looks good. Jason Smith does exactly that, and he makes you laugh along the way.
To put it in Jason’s words, to not give him a show, would be a bunch of “Caca.”
*that’s Spanish for poop.
Last Thursday on Kentucky Sports Radio a guy called in to debate the merits of experience as it pertains to success in the NCAA tournament. Specifically he referred to Villanova and their experience as a Final Four and Championship team making them potentially one of the toughest teams in the tournament this year. Matt responded that talent trumps experience and the conversation continued but the caller would not be dissuaded. Forget for a minute that UK won in 2012 on the backs of freshmen, or the 2014 Final Four run against experienced Final Four teams with freshmen, or the Duke championship in 2015 with…freshmen. It’s also worth noting that of the past ten NCAA Champions, only six (Florida ‘o7, UNC ’09, UConn ’11, UK ’12, Louisville ’13 UConn ’14) had been to a Final Four in the three years previous to winning the championship meaning that those seniors were presumably on the roster for the previous trip. Of the six teams listed above four were definitely the best teams during the year (Florida, UNC, UK, UL) which means that only two of the last ten champions can really cite their experience as a potentially major factor, and they both happen to be UConn.
A lot of people like to reference experience as a primary factor for a team’s success, but I think experience often gets confused with a far greater power…chemistry. Yes, the intangible which eludes definition when it comes to sports. What makes up chemistry? How do you quantify it? The easiest answer is “you know it when you see it” and aside from sports the most prevalent venue for chemistry is pop culture. Tv shows, movies, music, and just about any other form of pop culture features some sort of collaboration which can be hurt or boosted by chemistry. On-screen chemistry can make or break a tv show. You can have the best ensemble cast ever brought together, but if all the pieces don’t work well together then the product will suffer. Remember the movie All the King’s Men with Sean Penn, Anthony Hopkins, Mark Ruffalo, Kate Winslet, James Gandolfino, and Jude Law? Of course not because it sucked despite having so many highly touted actors. On the other hand, think about some of the best tv shows and movies: Seinfeld, Friends, The Godfather, Jaws, and others where everything just clicks and you end up with lightning in a bottle.
There are many factors which influence chemistry. For movies and tv shows writing, directing, and acting are the primary drivers of how the product will turn out. Take Breaking Bad as an example of what happens when everything comes together and it all just feels right. With the exception of an occasional one-off episode, Breaking Bad consistently brought together great writing, great directing, and great acting. As a result that show hit another level of television excellence. They not only nailed the chemistry in the show (talking about meth here) but they nailed the chemistry in the execution of the show.
Now one of the misconceptions of chemistry is that it means the participants have to like each other and they have to be best friends. Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul have a famously friendly relationship which they developed through Breaking Bad and that relationship certainly helped their performance. There are also plenty of examples of people who weren’t best friends but still had great chemistry. Two such examples are Adam Savage and Jaime Hyneman from Mythbusters.
For anyone who has watched Mythbusters, you know that these two are very different people. Despite their differences, they were able to blend their personalities into one of the most popular science-based shows of all time. How many other science shows can claim to have been voices on The Simpsons, had the President do a segment on their show, and have had a travelling museum exhibit? Despite the fact that they spent thirteen years together on the show, both Savage and Hyneman admit they don’t spend time together outside of work. This doesn’t mean they don’t like each other, but they aren’t best friends and that did not negatively affect their on-screen chemistry.
These same principles can be applied to sports. We’ve had teams at UK that had famously great relationships such as the 2014-15 N64 team. There have also been teams which were rumored to have off-court like the 2013-14 Julius Randle and Harrison twins team. Both of those teams made it to Final Fours despite lack of experience because on the court they had good chemistry, especially when the tweak went into effect.
Unlike actual science, there isn’t a way to measure this type of chemistry. As someone who typically likes to analyze numbers and data I often struggle buying into things that defy quantification. One thing I do believe based on data is that there is not a discernible advantage to experience, at least when it comes to college basketball where teams are routinely turned over and no core group is ever together more than four years. Chemistry is one of those things that sometimes you just have it. Like Tom and Hanks and Meg Ryan or Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall, when it shows up you just know it. Chemistry can help transfer mostly average talent into great talent (like Friends). When you add good chemistry to great talent you can get something special (Seinfeld, Breaking Bad). We know that UK has great talent, let’s see if they can develop the chemistry to make them special.
The panel show has been a staple on American and British television for the past 60 years. If you’re not familiar with the format, a panel show is simply an entertainment show, that consists of a panel of celebrities. Sometimes, it is a game show where the celebrities are aiding civilian contestants in achieving a goal (winning money, etc.). Other times, the programs are strictly celebrities competing against one another in a quiz show format, where the goal is to entertain the viewers with comedic rhetoric, while the game is secondary to the comedy.
Panel shows have mostly faded out in the United States, but the format is still popular in England. Early versions of the panel show in the US include: What’s My Line, I’ve got a Secret and To Tell The Truth (the latter is currently being produced by ABC). The game show has been the most frequent use of the panel show in America with programs such as: Hollywood Squares, The Gong Show, Win, Lose or Draw, and possibly the most iconic, Match Game.
The Guardian posted an article last Tuesday, arguing that panel shows in England have “fallen from grace,” citing that the shows involve comedians who are less hostile and more nuanced and insightful. That most likely has to do with the changing of culture and comedians reluctance to be too harsh, rather than seeing a backlash from online the online community, which could be detrimental to their career. Though looking at the panel show options we are offered in 2016, the format still seems to be thriving. If you live in the US, you might have to do a little digging down the YouTube rabbit hole to find some of the programs, but it is well worth it. Here are five panel format shows you might want to check out:
Would I Lie To You?
Would I Lie To You? just finished its 10th series on BBC One, and proves to be one of the more entertaining panel shows around. On WILTY, a panel of six celebrities are split into two teams, one led by David Mitchell (Peep Show, That Mitchell & Webb Look), the other by comedian Lee Mack. Each round, one of the six celebrities is “randomly” selected to read a card that is in front of them. “They have never seen what is on the card”, but the card will have some “fact” about their life. They must read the card aloud, then defend that statement as though it were true (whether it is or isn’t). The other team cross-examines the celebrity to try and suss out the veracity of their story.
Ususally five or so rounds are played, and the team with the most points (one point if you guess correctly -0r- the othe team gets one point if you guess incorrectly) wins. The first and third rounds are performed as described above, however the middle round is called “this is my…” where a mystery guest is brought on, who has some sort of connection to one of the panelists. All members of one team will claim to know the mystery guest, but only one person is telling the truth.
You can find entire episodes of WILTY on YouTube, and they make for a great half-hour break from whatever you may happen to be doing. Below is a good example of what you might see on a typical episode.
Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me!
Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me! is a weekly radio panel show on NPR (also available in podcast form). WWDTM is news focused in its format as host Peter Segal will ask questions to phone-in contestants about various things that happened in the news that week. There is a celebrity panel each week, including some regulars like Mo Rocca and Paula Poundstone, who get involved over the course of the show. Phone-in contestants will be subjected to a best 2-out-of-3 quiz, and if they get the majority of the questions right, they will win a prize of former scorekeeper Carl Kassell recording a voicemail for them.
Various games on the show include “Who’s Bill This Time”, where now scorekeeper Bill Kurtis will read a quotation from something that happened in the news and the contestant much determine the context or person in which the quotation is by/about. Sometimes the panelists will read a different story description and the contestant will have to determine which one is true. The panelists provide as follow-up commentary to most of the questions, all of which are pretty comedic in nature. Each episode will also have a celebrity who is interviewed over the phone, most recently there’s been Garth Brooks and Alan Cumming. The celebrity caller will be put up to a quiz of their own, mostly a tongue in cheek connection to their lives. Wait Wait… is a fun panel show to get into if you are more of the newsy sort, especially when it comes to U.S. news.
Big Fat Quiz Of The Year
An annual tradition on Channel 4 in England is The Big Fat Quiz of the Year. Hosted by comedian Jimmy Carr, The Big Fat Quiz proves to be, in format, your standard pub quiz, with three teams of two celebrities each. Aired in the last week of December, the Quiz asks celebrities questions about the news, sports, music, television, and high/low moments of the previous 12 months. What ends up happening is a crash course of how to get six celebrities in a room together to make great television.
Celebrities to appear on The Big Fat Quiz include: Russell Brand, James Corden, Chelsea Peretti (Brooklyn Nine-Nine), Eddie Izard, Kristen Schaal (Last Man On Earth), Gordon Ramsay and Simon Pegg, just to name a few. The names that more often than not that end up on the program include David Mitchell, Richard Ayoade (The I.T. Crowd), Noel Fielding (The Mighty Boosh), Johnathan Ross and Claudia Winkleman.
Because of the format, each Big Fat Quiz ends up as a good excuse to get celebrities together and lampoon the ridiculousness of what has happened over the past year. It would be nice to see the U.S. try and put something together like this, but the more you think about it, the more impossible it becomes. Full episodes are available on YouTube. This year’s quiz was just taped last night, but no further details have come out about the teams for 2016.
The most popular panel show currently running in the United States is @Midnight on Comedy Central. @Midnight is hosted by perpetual TV host and son of a Hall of Fame bowler, Chris Hardwick. The show, which is based around items on the internet and general “MEME-ry”, sees three comedians battle it out to see who can obtain the most of Hardwick’s arbitrary points, distributed out by how funny a comedian’s jokes are. POINTS!
@Midnight is a revolving door of American comedians, with a strong recurring group of Jen Kirkman, Paul F. Tompkins, Doug Benson, Ron Funches, Kyle Kinane, Nikki Glaser, Jon Daly, Kurt Braunohler, among others. Recurring games include “Hashtag Wars”, where Hardwick will present the panel with a made up hashtag, for example, “#RuinABook”. The comedians will get 60 seconds to come up with as many answers as they can. Note: as many panel shows happen to be, @midnight is mostly scripted, in that the comedians do have notes in front of them, as to make the show run more smoothly by not watching them mull around to think of a funny joke. That being said, you rarely ever notice it (only when new celebrities come on), and the result is a pretty slick show on Comedy Central.
8 Out of 10 Cats
8 Out of 10 Cats might have the oddest titles, but it makes for an entertaining panel show. Another British show, also hosted by Jimmy Carr, takes a look at the top news items of the week. The show is based on statistics and opinion polls, where the panel try to guess what the three most talked about news items were. With this format, it provides a nice comedic outlet for some of the crazy things going on in the world. Six comedians, split into two “teams” essentially chat about and crack jokes on topics such as Donald Trump, Justin Bieber punching a fan, British reality show “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here“, The Great British Bake Off, among other topics. If a team can guess one of the top three most talked about topics, they get a point. Much like Whose Line is it Anyway, the points don’t matter. After the three topics have been guessed, there are a few other rounds if time permits, of opinion questions in which the audience has been polled. The panel will joke about the topic, then decide which of two options was more popular with the audience.
8 Out of 10 Cats recently had a switch up in “team captains” as comedians Sean Lock and Jon Richardson have stepped down, while England’s resident neck with teeth, comedian Rob Beckett, and Irish comedian Aisling Bea have taken over the helm in the 20th (!) series of the show. Lock and Richardson can still be seen in 8 Out of 10 Cats spinoff, 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown, which is a comedic version of popular British quiz show, Countdown. I would highly recommend both versions of 8 Out of 10 Cats.
Who buys albums anymore? Hell, who makes them for that matter? I’m fully aware that I’m probably in the minority, but I’ve always been an unwavering album guy. Not a one-click-song-and-done or streaming kinda guy. Regardless, of how you package and spin it—vinyl, cassette tape, cd, digital download, etc.—I like to own it, spend time with it, swish it around a bit, chew on it for a while, decipher it, read the liner notes. First listening to it the way it was compiled by the artist, from its beginning tracks to the very last cut, then simply randomizing the songs, for days, and weeks on end, eventually shelving it, only to dust it off and rediscover it all over again. Buying an entire album can be risky—I get it, I’ve been burned before too—thinking one great song is representative of the entire album—but every once in a while the gamble pays off—with dividends. Every year I encounter a handful of really outstanding and worthy audio companions out of a vast landscape of great music.
So here are my picks for the “best” albums worth owning this year, in no particular order or rank.
Dawes: We’re All Gonna Die
Lead singer, Taylor Goldsmith oughta change his last name to Wordsmith, because he sure has a way with them. This is the LA band’s 5th studio album, and despite having the quintessential travelogues and reverberated guitars, the album has a lot more flavor than previous ones, making it the most non-Dawes sounding album, Dawes has ever recorded.
When life hands you lemons…you’re inspired to craft one of the most critically acclaimed, culturally iconic concept albums ever produced. Each song is a cathartic anthem—unburdened by genre—for all the betrayed and scorned. Although, if you’re looking for bitter lamentations here, you’re out of luck: this album is refreshing and packs a mighty good, self-empowered punch.
Black Mountain: IV
In a large bowl, sift together heavy guitar riffs akin to The Black Keys, sprinkle in a dash of dystopian Pink Floyd-esque psychedelia, add vocals reminiscent of Pat Benatar, stir in some synths, now throw some gasoline on your neighbor’s lawn, light a match, start the car, peel out, and crank the volume up as loud as it’ll go.
St. Paul & The Broken Bones: Sea of Noise
Blessed with a cavernous soul sound, the sextet creates songs that are fervently brass-infused, gospelly, Staxy…all around divine. You’re telling me the lead singer, Paul Janeway is white? I don’t believe it! The record is nothing but funky, joyful noise. So if Heaven’s Hammond organs and golden trumpets sound this warm and inviting, then take me now Lord.
Kanye West: The Life of Pablo
Say what you will about Kanye—admittedly he’s probably deserving of some of the eye-rolls and disdain—but at the end of the day, Yeezy’s a visionary artist. TLOP is an living, breathing document—his magnum opus. Listeners get a peek into Mr. West’s subconscious, and the digitized download is a multi-layered, Auto-Tuned, brain-banging, narcissistic, soulful, egomaniacal, emotional cry for help.
Margo Price: Midwest Farmer’s Daughter
Essentially a tattered moleskin notebook’s collection of songs that ink a narrative backstory of Price’s own life journey, her dreams, struggles, hopes, losses, warts and all. Her debut has the one thing old country possessed, yet modern country music seems to have lost over the years—a soul.
Jim James: Eternally Even
It’s the Louisville native’s 3rd solo album, and the sound is densely layered with mixture of soul-funk rhythms and electronic synths. However, it’s surprisingly spacious with James’ haunting falsetto mantras, threaded with socially and politically relevant lyrics and themes throughout. While most of James’ work is contemplative in nature, this solo effort shifts his focus outwardly, on a world in need of some introspection, and more importantly—love.
Charles Bradley: Changes
Dude’s got more funk and soul in his little pinky toenail than most mere mortals. He was discovered late in life, while moonlighting as a James Brown impersonator. While the influence of the Godfather of Soul is undeniable in both his stage presence and to a lesser extent his sound, it’s merely a façade. Having seen him perform live this year, it’s apparent to me and others, Bradley has found his own voice. And with vocals that are extremely raw and vulnerable—he’s about as real as it gets.
Dylan LeBlanc: Cautionary Tale
Despite creating two critically acclaimed albums, the troubadour, exhausted and disillusioned, turned to all too familiar, destructive vices, to deal with such immediate success, eventually succumbing to the most damaging one of all—self-doubt. This struggle fueled his latest release, and in forty-five minutes you’d be hard pressed to find the same collection of honest, melodious, soul-searching, and downright gorgeous audio-novellas from any other young singer-songwriter this year.
Combining such distinct voices together in one album seems like a no-brainer. With Neko Case’s forceful, yet beautifully-strangling vocals, layered with the trembly, flinty voice of Laura Veirs, and underscored with the textural crooning of k.d. lang—I’m surprised they waited this long to record one.
A Tribe Called Quest: We Got It From Here…Thank You 4 Your Service
Q-Tip and crew felicitously waited nearly two decades to release the most woke album in a pre-apocalyptic, Trump presidential world. From the earliest samples, until the last repeated shout-outs, it was worth the wait. RIP Phife Dawg.
Sturgill Simpson: A Sailor’s Guide to Earth
Embarking on his darkest and most experimental journey yet, the Kentucky trailblazer takes his musicianship and songwriting gifts into uncharted territory. The album is a deeply personal message in a bottle to his wife and newborn child. It’s his best work to date, essentially two middle fingers to the entire so called country music establishment—that for whatever reason—refuses to acknowledge his existence.
Andy Hull & Robert McDowell: Swiss Army Man Soundtrack
Despite being a peculiarly crude and controversial film, it’s one of the most profoundly beautiful movies ever made. Sure it’s about a farting corpse, but the soundtrack’s tranquil, necromantic arrangements are haunting and primal.
Michael Kiwanuka: Love & Hate
In his sophomore album, British singer-songwriter, Michael Kiwanuka channels his soul and R&B forefathers, creating a velvety-smooth and vintage-sounding album, following in the mnemonic of Otis Redding and Ben E. King.
Andrew Bird: Are You Serious
Bird’s wondrously ambiguous wordplay is only matched by an array of eccentric instrumental sounds, some standards including plucky and romantic violins, reechoing guitars, tight percussions, and of course his own unmistakable, redolent whistling.
Anderson .Paak: Malibu
Remember when I said earlier that I wasn’t ranking these albums? Well, that was true. You’re not going to get a #1, but if there ever was an essential album to buy on this imperfect and shortened list, Malibu might be the one. Amongst contemporaries like: Chance the Rapper, Kendrick Lamar, and the Weeknd who all made stellar—yet darker offerings this year—this album could easily get lost on me. So maybe it was kismet that I found it. Truthfully, I purchased the album right after watching Paak and his band The Free Nationals perform on an NPR Tiny Desk Concert performance. Essentially, Paak has conceived the most mellifluous, diverse, nimble, non-genre conforming record this year, courtesy of the artist’s own gritty voice and drumming, the warm soul/R&B riffs and melodies, funky bass licks, jazzy instrumentals, and the hip hop-esque lyrics and cadence, all of which combined make this album so magnetic.
Ultimately, the beauty of these albums lies in the content as well as the listening experience, in that they’re all magnificently-crafted, and yet many, if not all, cannot be easily pigeon-holed into a particular genre. No single album is greater than the other, they all stand on their own merit. I know what you’re thinking, “these are fantastic album recommendations my man…let me borrow them.”
Well, unfortunately the answer is “no my brotha—you got to buy your own!”
2016 has been a year with few bright spots. Even leaving aside my personal feelings about the presidential election (which is admittedly tough to do, but I went almost thirty seconds this morning before I remembered who we’d elected — baby steps, am I right?) and focusing solely on the music world, these past 11 months or so have been a real downer. The deaths of Prince, David Bowie, Leonard Cohen, Phife Dawg (of A Tribe Called Quest) and Merle Haggard are not only saddening in and of themselves, but each star’s passing serves as a reminder that many of the musicians who soundtracked the last half-century of western life are not going to be around much longer. Morbid, I know, but it’s the truth.
But what’s even more amazing than the fact that we lost so many trailblazers in a single year is that, aside from Merle, ALL of them released a solid-to-excellent album within a year of their passing (Haggard’s last album came out in 2011).
Bowie’s final release, Blackstar, currently holds the top spot on Metacritic’s year-end best-of composite list (which gives albums points based on where they land on other publications’ top 10 lists. Leonard Cohen’s You Want it Darker — released just a few weeks before his death in November — comes in at number 10 on the list. If I had to bet, I’d say A Tribe Called Quest’s We Got it From Here… Thank You for Your Service will be knocking on the door before all is said and done. (Even professional currency printers and occasional musicians The Rolling Stones are getting in on the act with the release of their forthcoming collection of blues staples, Blue and Lonesome, which is — you guessed it — garnering strong early reviews.)
It may seem surprising to see artists whose heydays occurred 30 or more years ago battling younger stars like Frank Ocean, Chance the Rapper, and Beyoncé on best-of lists, but given the recent runs of other, ahem, mature artists, it shouldn’t come as a shock. Before they passed, Johnny Cash and Sharon Jones were making some of their best music. Bob Dylan, Loretta Lynn, Paul Simon, Iggy Pop, Nick Cave, and Bruce Springsteen (all of whom fall, of course, firmly into the “Please Lord Don’t Take Them Anytime Soon” category) have continued to do great work long after their so-called primes.
Four paragraphs to make a single point: aging artists are having something of a moment.
Which is weird, since for decades, the greats just kind of faded away, going into semi-retirement and occasionally cashing in on their glory days with hit-laden nostalgia tours. Their fans’ fond memories carried them through, and once in a while they’d release new music that would either get ruthlessly mocked (Lou Reed, Michael Jackson) or politely ignored (Stevie Wonder, Eric Clapton), depending on the media’s predisposition toward them.
So why exactly are we suddenly witnessing a musical renaissance of those so long-in-the-tooth?
I have a theory. The splintering of the music market has essentially killed the idea that album sales = success, drastically reducing the expectations placed on artists to create music that resonates with the broadest possible swath of the public. Yes, artists like Beyoncé and Taylor Swift can generate millions in album sales, downloads, and streaming revenues, but most artists and labels have had to content themselves with modest sales, making up the difference with tours and merchandise sales while trying to build their followings through internet and social media platforms.
My list of artists from above all fall into a category of musicians that has, in a weird way, benefitted from this inversion. If a hit record was still the primary metric of success in the industry, that’s what they’d be gunning for. And, like generations of older artists before them, they’d fail. But now, instead of trying to recapture the old magic with tired retreads of the work of their youth, they’re free to just make music that they find interesting. Since they know that the days of writing true, culture-saturating hits are gone (for just about everyone, not only them), they can stop worrying about mass appeal. This is the formula that indie artists have been relying on to grind out a musical existence for a long time, and the one-time mainstreamers are taking a page out of their book.
Gone are the A and R men saying they don’t hear a single. Gone is the push for radio play that leads to compromised creativity. Gone is the notion that artists should hope they die before they get old.
What’s replaced all that stuff? A whole lot of really freaking good music, made by a slew of artists ready to go down swinging.
Producer’s Note: Due to the Thanksgiving holiday travel, last week’s episode did not get posted. You have my sincerest apologies.
Happy After Thanksgiving Week! If you’re like us you ate way to much and settled down for a nice football coma. Unfortunately for The Walking Dead, “Swear” seemed to have the same effect. Trying to catch up with every single character this season has proven difficult, but we march on.
This week Josh is out of pocket, so I’m joined by Matt Tapia, otherwise known as Mr. Tyler Thompson. We discuss a variety of subjects, including:
— Tara and her dealings with the Oceanside group
— Just how far away is the ocean from Alexandria
— The difficulties of having an actor make it big and trying to get him back on the show
— Matt is quizzed on Zombie Apocalypse Survivalist guides
By Megan Suttles on ©November 30th, 2016 @ 9:00am
There are so many spoilers below! You have been warned.
Over the holiday weekend, some parts of Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life felt like a food coma fever dream. In my tryptophan induced stupor, it was hard to determine if Lorelai’s hats were truly terrible or if the talking ravens were real. Consuming all of the episodes in such a short time frame felt like an accomplishment. Like Cheryl Strayed, I too set out on a wild, impossible journey and found more clarity and peace in the end. Though we never got the shot of boot throwing into the canyon, I do believe that there were moments that were just as memorable and flawless as Reese Witherspoon in the wilderness.
There was one scene in the series that was absolutely flawless. But, before I unveil this highly anticipated announcement, let me tell you which scenes are absolutely flawed.
Flawed: Anything involving a Wookiee.
Rory’s one-night stand story line is painful. I truly hope they have another season so that when Rory has her baby, its first words are “UUUHHHRRR AAAHHHHRRR.” That’s a terrible Chewbaccca joke, but apparently in 2016 the standards are lower.
Flawed: Stars Hollow: The Musical
I love a good Stars Hollow ear-worm and Hamilton tribute, but Stars Hollow: The Musical was too long. You cannot have ten minutes of zero plot development (especially, when the series is set up for binge watching.) This should be the first rule in the Netflix bylaws.
Flawed: The Hep Alien Reunion
How Paris feigned interesting during their “I’m a Man” song, I’ll never know. Paris doesn’t suffer fools, but for two minutes, she put up with listening to a sub-par pop song. Impressive.
Flawed: The Life and Death Brigade Shenanigans
Long ago, I went through an Across the Universe phase. I didn’t need to relive it during my Gilmore Girls reunion. Those top hats were terrible. I also went through a Moulin Rouge phase. I don’t need to relive it during my Gilmore Girls salsa dancing scenes. The whole thing is as infuriating as Logan’s stupid face.
Flawed: The Wedding.
I loved it and never wanted it to end.
Flawless: The Paper Delivery Scene
First, there’s something you need to know about me. I love more than any other cinematic trope the moments when people have to come together and complete a task. Nothing brings me more joy than to see people problem solve with their collective creative thinking. For me, nothing beats the “square peg in a round hole” scene in Apollo 13. Nothing. Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life had a “square peg in a round hole” moment. During the “Summer” episode, Rory needs to deliver the Stars Hollow Gazette (square peg), but she doesn’t have any delivery boys (round hole.). Paired with the perfect Nancy Sinatra song and a few “women-are-directionally-challenged” jokes the scene solidified my approval of the reboot.
The “These Boots Are Made For Walking” scene is flawless.
To begin, the song selection is perfect. The slow, descending bass line is the embodiment of Rory’s dwindling confidence. The song is a cultural touchstone. People are born knowing the lyrics and exactly what the boots were made for.
This scene is also perfect because it stars the only unaccredited talent in the series—the town. We get a quick tour of the town. Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy seeing Mrs. Kim’s antique store and learning that their dentist’s name is Dr. Eastside.
There is yelling over the gazebo. There is choreographed karate. There was a change in the tone of the show. Before the paper delivery, there were wookiees, love triangles, and heart wrenching funerals. During the paper delivery things seemed a little brighter. It was summer. People were working together to get the square peg to fit in the round hole. The Gilmore Girls were back with a purpose and all felt right again.
This recap is written by Funkhouser guest features writer Brad Morris.
What to do, what to do? I “Swear” was both the title of last nights episode, and what I did several times while watching. I didn’t think TWD would ever get back to how slow Season 2 was, but this wasn’t the episode that didn’t just bring back those bad memories, it completely reaffirmed them. So as rough as this can be, let’s slog along like a walker in sand.
We haven’t seen Tara for 9 episodes! What are the reasons on the show? She left with Heath to go out into the wilderness for a two week supply run. What are the real reasons? Alanna Masterson was carrying and giving birth to her first child. This episode actually had two actors that have real life scheduling conflicts that forced the show to get creative, but we’ll get to that.
Tara is seen out on the road with Heath when they become separated on the bridge of 1000 sand walkers. What she comes upon is yet another new community, know as “Oceanside”. What’s different about this one? No men. Not a one. At first I theorized that there was some Amazonian power trip going on, however that’s not the case. These poor ladies had all their man folk killed off by the Saviors. Simple as that. The problem with this new Lord of the Flies only female group is their complete distrust and fear of any outsider. They don’t want the Saviors to know where they’re at, to the point of killing anyone that stumbles into their camp. And with the bounty of the sea at their fingertips, who can blame them? Still, pretty harsh.
With Tara being civil in dealing with them, she’s met with at least a sit down meal before they try to take her into the woods to shoot her in the back. Tara’s resourcefulness allows her to escape, and some help from a sympathetic Oceansider gets her across Sand Walker bridge. Tara does make it back to Alexandria, where she finds out her girlfriend Denise is dead, Abraham and Glen are dead, and all Hell has broken loose. Welcome Home!
Here’s my biggest misgivings about Tara. I don’t care. That’s harsh, but true. She doesn’t have that much of an interesting backstory to begin with, and no major impact on the main storyline. So this episode was a wash for me. What do y’all think? Having said that, Congratulations to Alanna for her bouncing bundle of joy.
This was the more interesting character from last night, but for completely off topic reasons. For most TV actors just starting out, they develop a following for their craft, then get pried away to bigger and better things. George Clooney. Chris Pratt. Countless others. This is where TWD has a different dilemma.
We see Heath at the beginning with Tara, but by commercial two, he gone. Peace out. Got other shows to do!
Corey Hawkins, the actor portraying Heath, did not have a large body of work when he was cast. When I first saw him on screen as Heath, I was impressed. He seemed to be perfect casting in relation to his graphic novel blueprint. But a funny thing happened on the way to the Zombie Apocalypse. He made a little movie called Straight Outta Compton, where he played Dr. Dre, and he was rightfully praised for his acting chops. After that performance, he was cast as the new lead in 24: Legacy. And also the big budget action flick coming soon, Skull Island. So many choices, so little time.
So this begs the question. When an actor no longer has the time to serve the TV show, do you try and work around the plot lines, or do you recast the role? Writing around Heath is severely hurting the character on the show. IMHO, they’re going about this the wrong way. We hadn’t seen Heath in so long, he hadn’t made a huge impact on the story yet, why let the show suffer from Corey Hawkins success when giving another actor the chance to play Heath would be easier on everyone. Does anyone care they replaced the mom on Fresh Prince of Bel Air? No. as Tyler Durden would yell at the Narrator “Just let go!”
I’m sorry TWD fans. This is getting rough. But we’ve been through worse. As I texted with my podcast guest this upcoming week, Mr. Tyler Thompson himself Matt Tapia, this is shaping up to be the equivalent of Game of Thrones season 5. Lots of slog, lots of context, a few surprises along the way, but ultimately setting up the War that’s to come with Negan and the Saviors. If you have any questions or comments about this weeks snooze fest, or any in general, comment below or hit me up on Twitter @Bhmfire. Until then, Ta Ta…
By Matthew Mahone on ©November 28th, 2016 @ 8:30am
In this Funkhouser series, I conduct spontaneous interviews with my daughters, “A” age 10 and “E” age 7, where they are shown an image of a theatrical movie poster and asked to share their insight in an attempt to decipher the forthcoming feature film’s plot.
Welcome to “Movie Posters Explained By Kids”.
Anonymous (December 2016)
A: “It’s a movie about a guy who keeps sending scary messages to people, and he gets so involved in it, the computer takes him over and he actually becomes the computer.”
E: “He makes dare videos, or plays these games on people for a long time, like 99 months or like 100 hours.”
Best and Most Beautiful Things (December 2016)
A: “About a girl that’s blind who has a really hard time in life because she’s blind, and she’s really pretty too, but people cant see that.”
Sugar Mountain (December 2016)
A: “People who travel up the mountain, but it’s a trick, because it only has gold, jewels, diamonds and gems—not sugar!”
E: “People that travel together and they all have cavities. They find gold on Sugar Mountain, and they take it—it’s enough gold to pay to fix their cavities, but they don’t because they’re rotten. The people…and the teeth. So they betray each other and at the end everyone died because the mountain was cursed.”
The Brand New Testament (December 2016)
A: “Looks like it’s about a family, and they go on a really wild ride and find a gorilla.”
E: “The family went on a vacation somewhere, but they were really all dead the whole time and they meet a gorilla in Heaven. Now they can talk to the gorilla in like gorilla talk, but he’s mad because the family starts to get on his nerves because they’re complaining a lot—like about being dead—so he makes them come alive again.”
All We Had (December 2016)
E: “She needs a nap.”
A: “Girl that lost everything. Maybe her family, her house, her bed, her car…and all that.”
Three Days in August (December 2016)
A: “The three most important days that happened in that month—the third day was special because either something good or bad is going to happen.”
E: “Someone finds a nest and they get three wishes. When the eggs hatch—watch out!”
Live By Night (January 2017)
A: “A detective movie, and he’s looking for some weird people but he’s kidnapped…”
E: “It’s about…”
A: “Hold up! Dad, is this a remake of that stupid movie you made us watch? The guy with the yellow hat and coat? Not the guy that takes care of Curious George, whatever his name is. He fights all those ugly people? What was that called? Ugh, I hated that movie.”
The Bye Bye Man (January 2017)
A: “Ooh he’s scary. About this dead monster guy and like people who dream bad dreams, so he snatches them and writes on them so they remember what they dreamed about.”
E: “A man who’s a monster who comes only in the morning time and says “bye bye”. Then you’re dead. I had a bad dream last night. There was a great white, hammerheads, tiger sharks, reef sharks, bull sharks…they were all there. They started chasing me. It’s ’cause I saw The Shallows trailer!! Why did you let me watch that?!?”
A: “Dad, my friends have all seen it—it’s not that scary. She’s being a baby!”
A Dogs Purpose (January 2017)
A: “He loves his owner and how he once saved his owner’s life. Probably sad.”
E: “It’s a nice dog, but he poops and pees everywhere. He’s thinking, this is mine…mine…that’s mine—marking his territory. That’s his plan. That’s his purpose.”
Fifty Shades Darker (February 2017)
E: “A grown up girl, who’s like fifty years old, and she’s bad. She dressed up for a costume party and ended up killing someone to stay young.”
A: “A girl who went to a party and meets someone there. He’s trying to kill her by making her darker by putting evil into her.”
Cure For Wellness (February 2017)
A: “Someone who isn’t very happy and they need a happiness cure. Oh it’s rated R—that looks good.”
E: “An old man who sells bad medicine—it’s actually fake—tastes like root-beer. He puts a live fairy in the bottle. He caught the fairy with a net because he’s fast—well sort of—I mean he’s an old man—so he’s very slow, but he’s also kinda quick. Probably ’cause the medicine. Oh would you like some medicine to cure that? Oh, I have just the thang!”
Hello, friends. Like me, you’ve probably noticed that today is Thanksgiving, and that many people around you at this very moment are either eating, waiting to eat or have already eaten. Go on, look around. I know; it’s like I just read your mind. You’re probably blown away, right?
Friends, we all have our family Thanksgiving traditions. One tradition at my house, for instance, involves eating turkey while watching Bill Cosby’s Ghost Dad, something we’ve done for the last, oh, I don’t know, number of years since Ghost Dad came out. But that’s just me. I reached out to some of my famous friends this year to see if they’d share some of our own and, on this holiday and I’d like to share them with you, because otherwise it wouldn’t have made any sense for me to do it. Enjoy the day, everyone, and a happy Thanksgiving from the KSR family to your own.
“Each year we all go around the table and say what we’re thankful for. It’s a good way to take stock in the blessings we have and enjoy those around us.”
“My family all sits around a table and then I climb up a stack of encyclopedias, take my place at the head of the table and put on my acorn hat. Then I start to carve the turkey, which I do with a thumbtack and a little piece of glass. It takes five hours, and during that time we all think about how grateful we are.”
“Everyone enjoys a nice meal at our house, and we invite all of our extended family. Then we watch football. Then later, as each person leaves, I kiss them deeply on the mouth. It’s how our family does things.”
“Every year I make a big Thanksgiving dinner – a turkey, cranberry sauce, stuffing, potatoes, green beans, two pies – and secretly eat it in the closet while my family thinks I ran to the store for something. Then I hide the plates under a blanket and eat a lame Thanksgiving with my family where I only get, like, two plates of food.”
“My cousin Phillip and I have a great thing worked out for Thanksgiving. I have extremely long arms and Phillip has extremely short arms, so we sit next to one another and I reach everything on the table with my long arms and bring it back to us and then he feeds both himself and me with his short arms. It works perfectly. Family ‘synergy’ in action!”
“My family and I invite everyone over to the house and we eat a dinner that my wife Gisele prepared herself – usually pureed ham with raw asparagus, ketchup with cut-up hot dogs mixed into it, some whole wheat bread slices and a pie made of leftover Halloween candy with wrappers she cooked into a pie crust for 45 minutes. We all just eat it and act like it’s delicious. My wife is a beautiful, famous model, not a professional chef.”
“I usually make a delicious turkey and then when everyone in my family sits down to enjoy it I tell them that it’s stuffed with my disappointment in them. Everyone gets sad for a moment, but then they get happy when they taste it. The secret recipe in my disappointment is finely cubed green apples! Ssshhh! Don’t tell!”
“I know everyone thinks the show on Thanksgiving is on the table, but to me the real action is underneath it. See what I’m doing? I’m winking. Do you see my winking? I think you totally get what I’m saying.”
I listened to the Hamilton cast recording for the first time last week (just one day before Mike Pence caught the live treatment, as it turns out). It is, I can happily report, freaking incredible. Lin-Manuel Miranda deserves his MacArthur genius grant, I now look at 10-dollar bills very differently, and I’ve joined the legions of people hoping that the (moronic) #BoycottHamilton thing leads somehow to greater ticket availability.
And yes, I realize that I’m about 18 months behind the rest of the world.
I could try to come up with an explanation for my cultural tardiness, but the truth isn’t grounded in a whole lot of logic. Honestly, I have a hipster’s flair for arbitrarily avoiding things that garner universal praise if I don’t get in on them more or less on the ground floor (like, I still haven’t seen Avatar and probably never will).
This is an irrational, childish way to live, I know. Why on earth would I willfully deny myself potential enjoyment of something just because it’s ultra-popular? What difference does it make if a whole lot of other people take enjoyment in the same thing? How can that possibly detract from my experience?
As a great philosopher once said, “It’s a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart.”
None of my attempts to break the bad habit have gotten very far, and at this point, I’m more or less resigned to my own stubbornness and the inevitable missing out that comes along with it.
But I’ve recently realized that there’s an upside to my pigheadedness that occasionally makes being a complete idiot totally worth it: the special kind of appreciation for something that comes only when you discover it way after everyone else you know.
Because here’s something about fandom that’s only been true since about the time the first smart phones launched: it’s exhausting. Think about it: if you’re really into, say, Game of Thrones, the internet serves as an unofficial proving grounds where fans are in a constant race be in on as many jokes, recaps, new theories, and memes as possible. Having to DVR just one episode to watch 24 hours later puts you behind. You spend the day avoiding spoilers (which means ditching social media, ignoring texts, answering the phone with, “I HAVEN’T WATCHED IT YET!”, and keeping your eyes down as you pass by your coworkers desks, lest you accidentally catch a glimpse of their feeds. It takes a tremendous amount of time and energy just to feel like you’re a part of the culture surrounding the stuff you love.
Don’t get me wrong; some of that is what’s so great about what constant access to the internet (and thus, other fans) has done for being a nerd. It’s no longer a solitary experience, which is great. But, of course, that connectedness leads to a need to keep up not just with a show or film series or band, but with other fans as well.
But you know what? When you don’t start watching a show until it’s off the air? Or when you don’t see that movie until it’s on the bargain shelf at Target? Or when you don’t listen to the cast recording of that hit musical until its biggest stars have moved on to other projects? Well, then you’re free. You feel no pressure to have an opinion, you’re not likely to get caught up in the hype (good or bad), and all the stuff that the rest of the fandom has spent their lives creating during the height of the thing’s popularity? You get to enjoy that too. All of it. At your leisure. You suddenly understand all the references you haven’t understood up to that point, but feel no need to be in on making them yourself, because everyone else has, for the most part, moved on. Granted, you miss out on the feeling of common experience that comes with partaking of something at the peak of its popularity, and that can be special (knowing that everyone else just got their mind blown by the same scene as you is kind of awesome), but as I pointed out before, that can sometimes be more of a burden than a pleasure.
So here I sit, well more than a year since Hamilton hit Broadway, enjoying the hell out of a cast recording (don’t call it a soundtrack; apparently that’s a sore spot amongst theater folks) that’s old news to just about everybody. I’m out of the loop. Behind the times. Late to they party.
I can’t recommend it enough.
By Megan Suttles on ©November 23rd, 2016 @ 9:00am
It is a scientific fact that all Thanksgiving day dinner conversations will lead to political discussions. Like Kevin Bacon, political discussions are always less than six degrees of separation away from any conversation topic. The minefield of political discussion makes the holidays more stressful. There is always the specter of differing opinions looming over the dinner table. Just to give you a heads up, here are a few of the potential examples of how good-natured conversations can turn into catastrophes within minutes.
Kim Kardashian ➡️ Kanye West ➡️ Kanye 2020
In pop culture, all roads lead to the Kardashians. Whether the topic is brought up in regards to robberies, interesting baby names or meltdowns, the Kardashians are just three degrees of separation from bold predictions for the 2020 election. We just closed the books on the 2016 election, but we might as well get started on the heated discussion of the next election.
The Walking Dead:
The Walking Dead ➡️ Negan ➡️ Baseball Bats ➡️ The Cubs ➡️ 3-1 Leads ➡️ Cleveland ➡️ Republican National Convention
The Walking Dead is also another universal topic of conversation. I gave up on the show long ago, but I will never be able to shake Rick and his gang of goobers. It may seem, if you are trying to avoid WWIII at your dinner table, that this is a perfectly acceptable topic of conversation. Well, it’s not. The Walking Dead naturally settles at the Republican National Convention. It will no longer become a lively conversation about zombies and cool swords, now you’re stuck talking about “borrowed” speeches and promises that we have all forgot.
Dallas Cowboys ➡️ Tony Romo ➡️ Tony Roma’s ➡️ Ribs ➡️ “Ribbing” Someone ➡️ SNL’s Alec Baldwin
Sometimes, sports seem like a no-risk option for polite conversation. Did you hear that one story about the church that showed the Cowboys game during their morning service? Crazy, right? Well, thanks to that delightful anecdote, now you’re stuck debating whether Alec Baldwin’s “ribbing” of Donald Trump on SNL is appropriate or if it changed to outcome of the election.
Gilmore Girls ➡️ Coffee ➡️ Caffeine-induced-fast talking ➡️ Best talkers ➡️ Donald Trump
If you’re like me, the only conversation worth having this week is counting down the days till Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life. This is the only topic of conversation that is on my docket. Naturally, this quick-talking and witty discussion will lead to who is the “best talker,” which will remind everyone at the table of all of Trump’s self-proclaimed accolades. This conversation is the the only thing that could make me regret bringing up a conversation about sweet Rory and Loralei.
She’s All That:
She’s All That ➡️ “Kiss Me” ➡️ Sixpence None the Richer ➡️ Mike Pence
As a test, I wanted to try an older piece of pop culture, to see if the recency bias factored into the six degree rule. I wanted to see if anything would naturally lend itself to a political diatribe. So, I went with the cinematic masterpiece, She’s All That. It was too easy. And now, not only have you landed on the least desirable topic of conversation, you’ll be singing about the “milky twilight” for days.
Water will naturally find its level and conversation will ultimately land on the topic you least want. It is a proven fact. You might as well load up on the turkey and dressing, no one wants to have a political discussion on an empty stomach.
On Monday news broke that Jurgen Klinsmann had been fired from his post as USMNT coach. This news wasn’t surprising given the recent results that the USMNT have suffered and Klinsmann’s increasingly touchy press appearances. It is disappointing though, considering that there have been some obvious strides made in making U.S. soccer a respectable presence on the international stage. In the ten years that I’ve considered myself an invested soccer fan there have been some quality moments like beating Spain in the Confederation Cup (2009), beating Mexico in Mexico City for the first time (2012), or my personal favorite: the Landon Donovan goal against Algeria to advance past group stage in the 2010 World Cup. When Klinsmann took over in 2011 it felt like the US was poised to take the next step. In the 2014 World Cup the U.S. played well and were a Wondo missed chip shot away from advancing to the quarterfinals. There has been some other moderate successes in international play, but that next step never really came.
In the last month they’ve lost to Mexico and Costa Rica (whom they beat 4-0 earlier this summer) and the wheels look like they’ve come off a bit so Klinsmann was understandably let go. The best part of any coach getting fired is the ensuing coaching search. Though Bruce Arena has been tapped to return to his old post, there are some other coaches which should get a look from U.S. Soccer. Here are five coaches (not necessarily soccer coaches, but a little unconventional approach can be good) who have proven their ability to take teams from below average to championship caliber:
Sport: Little League Football
O’Shea was always in the shadow of his brother, football star Kevin. Danny decided to challenge Kevin’s supremacy as a little league football coach after Kevin refused to let Danny’s daughter Becky “The Icebox” O’Shea on the team despite her obvious talent. Coaching a team of underwhelming misfits, O’Shea was able to inspire and motivate his Little Giants to the biggest upset in little league football history. With O’Shea’s ability to motivate and willingness to try unorthodox methods (Annexation of Puerto Rico, anyone?) he could certainly be just what the USMNT needs right now to take the world by storm.
Tom Palmer/Anne Montgomery
Sport: Little League Soccer
Sheriff Tom and Miss Anne are responsible for one of the biggest turnarounds in soccer history. They successfully transformed the struggling Big Green from the laughingstock of Elma, TX into a championship team. This coaching duo succeeds through Miss Anne’s knowledge of the sport (from growing up in England) and Sheriff Tom’s ability to scout local talent (Juan). This foundation of strategy and scouting is just what the USMNT needs to continue to grow as a soccer program.
Sport: Dodge Ball
Patches is a wily veteran whose advice would surely impact the USMNT. The seven-time ADAA All-Star’s gruff coaching style serves as motivation not only to succeed but also to stay alive. Patches only wants winners on his team so he would naturally find the bigger, stronger players and put them through an intense training regimen to churn out ruthless killers on the soccer pitch. After all, like dodge ball, soccer is a game of violence, exclusion, and degradation. The turnaround Patches created with Average Joe’s is nothing short of amazing and with actual professional soccer players the potential would be unlimited.
George Knox/ Al the Boss Angel
Sport: Major League Baseball
Somewhere out in the country a little kid is asking his dad when they will be a family again. If the guy is a deadbeat who has no interest in their kids then they’ll likely respond with “When the USMNT wins the World Cup”. Every once in a while, though, miracles do come true. For the USMNT to get their miracle they need to hire George Knox and the band of angels led by Al. There isn’t any exceptional coaching or talent required with this combo. In fact, it’s blatantly cheating to use angels to compensate for lack of skill and talent. For one magical World Cup though, it’d be nice to see a ball defy the laws of physics and go into a goal because an angel was carrying it or to see an opposing penalty kicker completely whiff on the ball because an angel moved it out of the way. Then, after the USMNT wins, that previously mentioned kid will still be spurned by their father but end up with a better family anyway.
Sport: Little League Hockey
Perhaps nobody is better fit to coach the USMNT than Mighty Ducks’ coach Gordon Bombay. Sure he has a background in hockey, but hockey is just a faster paced soccer except it’s on ice and has fewer people and a smaller playing area. Still, there’s a goalie and games are typically low-scoring so it’s close enough. Bombay has a history of turning around underachieving teams on both the domestic and international levels. He can obviously discover talent, as evidenced by his discovery of the Bash Brothers and Russ Tyler (of knucklepuck fame). He also is a stickler for finding rules that benefit his teams, like when he learned that the “cake-eater” Adam Banks should be playing for his team instead of the cross-town rivals. This ability to find advantages when there seemingly are none is another strategic advantage to having Bombay. Above everything else though is that Bombay instills a strong team unity in his teams. Despite the egos and clashing personalities, at the end of the day “Ducks fly together” and that’s what the USMNT needs.