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The Best Artists and Onlookers of Forecastle Festival

The Best Artists and Onlookers of Forecastle Festival

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The lines were so short. MUCH AMAZE.

The post-music festival blues are real people and I still have not recovered, but here are my thoughts on the music and more importantly, you, the people, of Louisville’s Forecastle Festival.

Closure. This will surely bring closure.

The Peoples:

The generation gap was on full display at Forecastle this past weekend between stages and across genres.

This is true of any music festival because young and old, we’re not all here to see The Dead Phish jam out; no, we’re here to see the three bands we’re big fans of then wander about aimlessly, observing the rest and pretending to know who Britt Daniel is.

The age gap specifically was most evident where else, but at the electronic stages.

While millenials, a term that’s caught on quicker than manic pixie dream girl) caught dance performances “under the bridge” by Flume, Kygo, Chrome Sparks, Mimosa, and the douchily named, Claude VonStroke, the vast majority of the older crowd caught… anyone else.

Sun Kil Moon vs. Claude VonStroke; Ray Lamontagne vs. Flume; Band of Horses vs. Kygo–different strokes for different folks.

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I saw little to no crowdsurfing at Dwight Yoakam. Shocked.

The accessibility of Forecastle may exacerbate the rather “niche” like atmosphere of the festival more than larger scale, genre-centric fests–your Coachellas, Electric Forests, Newport Folk Fests, on and on and on.

Forecastle and, particularly, its Bonnaroo alum organizers should be praised for both the diversity of its lineup and the absolute ease with which just about anyone with a pulse could attend this festival.

Camping in a mudpit purgatory with no running water for 4 days isn’t for everyone, and neither is dance music; that’s why Forecastle is such a win. Although yes, I saw approximately 23487236782553 Bonnaroo shirts at Forecastle. We get it. You went to Bonnaroo.

Seeing a 70-year old grandmother wearing a “Dwight Yoakam girl” shirt with thumbs on it next to a hula hoop girl dressed as the Little Mermaid makes my heart soar.

Short lines for food, drink, and entrance, short walking distances from stage to stage, somewhat humane porta-potties–these little things make the diversity of Forecastle possible, and thus, explain much of the generation gap I observed throughout the festival.

You may not make the same number of lifelong friends from the foxhole as you would camping at Counterpoint, but you get to see solid music surrounded by relatively clean people.

Now let’s take a look at some of my favorite individuals I had the pleasure of creeping on at 2014′s Forecastle Fest.

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There were some protestors outside the gates of Forecastle, one of whom was shouting into a megaphone as several of his grumpy brethren handed out these lovely cards, which I of course snagged.

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So they were protesting…. everything!

Cannot wait to get my What Would Jesus Destroy bracelet.

On to the Festival itself.

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What can only be described as “Louisville fans” these delightful folk rolled around for an intense makeout session (his shirt was off at one point) during, who else but blues guitarist Gary Clark Jr.’s Friday afternoon set.

A crowd was gathered at a safe distance to watch what can only be described as Bloodhound Gang-esque animalism.

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Harley Davidson belt buckle, leopard print shirt, Nike Shox. Winning.

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As I went down in the river to pray.

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Four Loko sponsored Forecastle, leading to a rash of Four Loko head garb. Unsure whether terrifying anime fairies also sponsored the event–looking into it.

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Booty had me like.

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Colonial general guy looking sharp.

Photo by Michael Powell

Photo by Michael Powell

The squid of the “under the bridge” stage followed me EVERYWHERE.

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The generation/what the hell is this guy doing gap on awkward display. This guy’s dance moves made me wish I had Vine. Kind of. He also had on easily 8+ wristbands, presumably from the various festivals he’s somehow managed to pay for this summer. And attend. Alone.

 

The Music:

– I just have a few comments on the music of Forecastle as I want to avoid going on and on for days, but the #1 performance has to go to the world’s biggest Cubs fan, Jack White. He was one of only 2 artists to have an encore the entire weekend, he went on an extra 30 minutes and even (gasp!) after curfew.

The above video of “Icky Thump” one of the jams he followed the regular show with, and it was incredible. Being a fan of The Dead Weather and The Raconteurs, and obviously The White Stripes, seeing him solo was even more of a ride than I’d imagined.

– Outkast is fun. So much fun. Shocking right? Having seen Big Boi in a chair and all up on his kryptonite at last year’s festival, adding Andre 3000 to the equation was just FSDKJSGHJGHJHGE. Although the most crowded show of Forecastle, the mood of the crowd kept even the most claustrophobic from going into a panic; it was just so…. light? Yea, light.

The best part–when André 3000 brought some ladies on stage to dance and told all the ladies in the crowd not to wear panties ever again.

I’ll take that into considera—-.

Kygo was my favorite dance performance of the festival, and though he wasn’t the headliner of this genre, I loved his set, love his music, love his chill brand of electronica SO MUCH. It is not dubstep, I swear it to you skeptics, and you should check him out.

– On the other hand, Flume’s set felt so complete, almost as if he were his own bass-tastic orchestra simply playing for an hour. The guy transitions between songs more smoothly than any other DJ I’ve ever seen.

Flume collaborates with excellent artists as well. Flume asked “do you guys like Chet Faker?” to a thunderous yes, followed soon after by Lorde’s Tennis Court, which debuted at Coachella earlier this year.

I had front row for this show, and thank the gods I did.

– Merrill Garbus and the ladies of tUne-yArds are legitimate rockstars, and I did NOT know that. We’ve all heard Water Fountains but outside of that, I had no idea what to expect from the “pop” star’s group. Combining elements of experimental rock, folk, rap, electronica, ukulele-ing, the tUne-yArds set was the most diverse of the festival, and one of the most fun. They are weird as HELL.

The Replacements played their entire set with Billie Joe Armstrong, who even kissed frontman Westerberg during “Can’t Hardly Wait.” It was touching.

– I attended the Moon Taxi late show on Saturday, despite having seen them 4 times prior. Worth. It. These jam rockers are some of the happiest performers I’ve ever seen, and it’s freaking infectious. The Nashville natives will be playing Moontower Festival in Lexington/Midway this coming Saturday. I suggest you attend.

I thought I would be somewhat disinterested, but I was not and neither was a crowd of onlookers that felt like it was wandering by, scrounging up food, but was sucked into this set. Those guys still got it.

Beautiful photo by my friend Alex Holt

Beautiful photo by my friend Alex Holt

I saw many other great shows including a surprisingly energetic Band of Horses, Gary Clark Jr. (good at guitar), Twenty-One Pilots (do a lot with 2 guys!), Local Natives (love), Spoon (like), Dwight Yoakam (kuntry), Nickel Creek (bluegrassy), Jenny Lewis (cutesy) and of course, the loveable nerd that is Beck, but I may be too sad to reflect anymore.

Yes, I’m too sad.

Go to Forecastle in 2015. You won’t regret it.


Morning Monologue – July 24, 2014

Morning Monologue – July 24, 2014

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Back again on a Thursday morning with Morning Monologue.  YouTube is light on monologues from last night’s shows, so we’re bringing you Craig Ferguson once again.  Last night, he went after Naked Hamburglers, National Hot Dog Days, L.A. Heat, Daniel Radcliffe and more.

Conan has been having a pretty good week.  Last night he debuted his complete cameo appearance in Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda.  Earlier this week, in continuation of his Summer Music Series, he had Reggie Watts singing “I Once Knew A Horse” from his new album “Scarves and Cabbages.”  Take a listen:

If you didn’t hear, we’re now on Facebook, so be sure to check us out over there!


Four Kentuckians Who Might As Well Be Featured on a Bottle of Maker’s Mark

Four Kentuckians Who Might As Well Be Featured on a Bottle of Maker’s Mark

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Yesterday, the fine folks at Maker’s Mark unveiled the latest in their popular series of commemorative bottles featuring legends from (or connected to) the state of Kentucky and the surrounding region. Proving that even a company that makes the most delicious bourbon on planet earth isn’t infallible, the Loretto-based distillery announced University of Louisville Athletic Director Tom Jurich’s mug would be featured on a custom white bottle with black wax. With the announcement, Maker’s proved that the standard for earning a portrait on one of their bottles has dropped considerably since icons such as The Unforgettables, Oscar Robertson, and Secretariat graced the special edition bottles.

Nothing against Jurich – I’m sure he’s a swell guy and is super good at his job – but he’s an AD, for goodness sake. I refuse to believe we are living in an era in which an administrator at a public university is worthy of celebrating with a custom-made bourbon bottle, no matter how many big-name coaches he hires or how much dough he rakes in for his employers.

Armed with the knowledge that the bar for having one’s face permanently emblazoned on a Marker’s Mark bottle is now set extraordinarily low, here are four well-known Kentuckians who should be next in line for a special edition bottle of their own:

 

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Larry Flynt
Kentucky Connection: Born in Lakeville, KY in 1942
Claim to Fame: Publisher of Hustler magazine, famously known as the raunchier cousin of skin-mags like Playboy and Penthouse

Sure, Larry is, among other things, a pornographer. But it’s 2014 and publishing a porn magazine is basically as mainstream a profession as owning a popular chain of pizza joints. Larry served his country in both the Army and Navy, and he rose from poverty to build an empire in the adult entertainment industry, one gentleman’s club and smutty photo shoot at a time. As recently as 2003, Larry claimed the top spot in Arena magazine’s list of the 50 Most Powerful People in Porn. He’s shown true Kentucky grit – he survived an attack on his life from a sniper that left him partially paralyzed – and has been known to get around in a gold-plated wheelchair, which means his swagger levels are off the charts. And if none of that impresses you, the fact that Woody Harrelson portrayed Larry in the 1996 movie The People vs. Larry Flynt should be reason enough to paint his mug on a bourbon bottle.

 

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Miss Elizabeth, aka Elizabeth Ann Hulette
Kentucky Connection: Born in Frankfort, KY, in 1960; graduated from the University of Kentucky (GO CATS!)
Claim to Fame: Oh, you know, she was only the most famous professional wrestling valet/manager OF ALL TIME, serving as the beauty to Macho Man Randy Savage’s beast for the better part of two decades during the sport’s hey day.

If you were a wrestling fan in the 1980s and 90s, then you know Miss Elizabeth was wrestling royalty. No one played the role of concerned arm-candy/damsel in distress better than her. She was on the periphery of some of the greatest matches and feuds in pro wrestling history, and she sold the drama better than most of the muscle-bound knuckleheads working inside the squared circle. But Miss Elizabeth didn’t just play Macho Man’s companion in front of the cameras; she was married to the Slim-Jim-loving Savage for almost 10 years. Sadly, her life ended way too soon when, in 2003, she passed away after reportedly downing a lethal mix of too many painkillers and too much vodka. Miss Elizabeth is one of those beautiful flames that burned too bright, too fast, and I can’t think of a person – Kentuckian or otherwise – who is more deserving of having her face plastered on a bottle of Maker’s.

 

HW1

Harvey Westmoreland
Kentucky Connection: A resident of Lawrenceburg in November 2010
Claim to Fame: Harvey was forced to eat his own beard.

Here’s the harsh truth – people who live outside of Kentucky have certain misconceptions about what goes on in Bluegrass country. For the majority of the country, Harvey being forced to eat his beard after getting into a fight with two good ol’ boys over a lawnmower sale gone bad is pretty much the most Kentucky story of all time. Harvey’s story went viral in less time than it takes to whip up a chin-whisker sandwich, and, like it or not, he became the face of Kentucky for a few days during the winter of 2010. If nothing else, forever being known as The Guy Who Ate His Own Beard should qualify Harvey to be immortalized on a bottle of the good stuff.

 

LB1

Larry Birkhead
Kentucky Connection: Born in Louisville in 1973
Claim to Fame: Impregnated Anna Nicole Smith

Has Tom Jurich (or anyone else who has ever graced the front of a bottle of Maker’s Mark, for that matter) ever romanced someone as smokin’ hot as Anna Nicole Smith in her prime? Doubt it. That fact alone makes the man a worthy candidate for bottle-dom in my opinion. Not to mention the fact that the poor guy had to endure one of the most high-profile custody battles of the last decade, battling the likes of Howard K. Stern and Zsa Zsa Gabor’s ex-husband for the parental rights of his child. Not only should Larry be featured on the next Maker’s Mark bottle, but the company should deliver a few barrels of the sweet brown nectar to his front porch, free of charge.

 

Famous/Infamous Kentuckians Who Just Missed the Cut: Lance Burton (magician), Nick Lachey (TV host/former boy band member), Rebecca Gayheart (“The Noxzema Girl”).

 

@TheSEShepherd

 

 


What Kind of Movies Get a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes? Here Are Five of Them

What Kind of Movies Get a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes? Here Are Five of Them

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While this summer has seen a few winners — winners like Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Edge of Tomorrow and 22 Jump Street — the hotter months of 2014 will likely be remembered for a noticeably bad run of flops: Tammy, Sex Tape, Maleficent, Planes: Fire and Rescue, A Million Ways to Die in the West and others. Truly it does seem like a bad summer for movies; Rotten Tomatoes, as always, remains the best barometer for audiences by which to measure a movie’s critical success. But what happens when critics across the board hate a movie? It’s certainly rare; even the 7%-ranked Grown Ups 2 had one critic call it “reasonably pleasant.” Today we look at five fairly recent films which, despite the reviews being in, all ranked the most dismal rating of all — 0% — and find out what it takes for a feature film to bottom out entirely.

Pudsey the Dog: The Movie

What, you don’t know Pudsey the Dog? He’s only half of the Britain’s Got Talent-winning act “Ashley and Pudsey.” The duo won the popular Brit competition after the rousing finals which, according to online accounts, is described as “Pudsey walking across the judging panel and then climbing onto Ashley’s back.” That’s plenty enough to give him a Babe-esque film where he talks and does tricks, yes? Unfortunately, fickle talent-show audiences were on to the next big thing by the time Pudsey the Dog: The Movie arrived in theaters, and the result had critics declaring the film a dog. It probably also didn’t help that one of the big moments of the film’s trailer involves a pig thinking he laid an egg when he actually just pooped.
Sample Review:This is a British film so depressingly bad that cinemas should play the adagietto from Mahler’s Fifth over a loudspeaker as audiences file out grimly into the foyer afterwards, silently asking themselves if life has any value.”

InAPPropriate Comedy

In the same vein as Movie 43 (which, if you haven’t seen that, means your life is fuller and more satisfying than mine), InAPPropriate Comedy is another in a series of short-vignette-films made by a producer who had a lot of favors to call in and not one of them was to a decent comedy writer. Look no further for proof that InAPPropriate Comedy is terrible than the trailer itself, which features Lindsay Lohan whipping out guns on the paparazzi, Oscar-winner Adrien Brody as a gay policeman named “Flirty Harry,” slavery jokes, Asian jokes and Jewish jokes. Also Rob Schneider, which might be the most offensive thing of all.
Sample Review: “There’s no way anyone could have guessed just how offensive, brutally awful, grossly unfunny, and absolutely poisonous this garbage could have turned out to be.”

 

Dark Tide

Poor Halle Berry. So pretty, so terrible at choosing things to do. “Dark Tide” features Berry as Kate Mathieson in a maritime thriller billed by the studio as a “refreshing breeze into shark movies.” Kate, known as a “shark whisperer” for her technique with the dangerous fish, is approached by a shady millionaire who wishes to swim with great whites outside of a safety cage. So, as I’m sure you can surmise, this movie makes tons of sense on every level. Watch closely at the trailer for peeks of Berry in peril, stunt doubles scuba diving and — by my count — no less than three very well known pieces of shark stock footage you’ve seen over and over again on Discover Channel’s Shark Week.
Sample Review: “It is often impossible to figure out what’s going on.”

Fred: The Movie

If you can watch the above trailer for Fred: The Movie without committing ritual suicide you’re already taking a step in the right direction. The film, produced by Nickelodeon and based on a “YouTube sensation” (because so many of those deserve two-hour feature films), revolves around the character of Fred Figglehorn, who is devastated when a girl he wants to sing a duet with in music class moves away — so he goes on an expedition to find her new house and sing a duet with her there. I defy you to tell me this isn’t the most intriguing premise in cinema history. Also, John Cena shows up to bodyslam him, I guess. Sure. Okay.
Sample Review: “It’s like a bad dream that you keep hoping will stop.”

A Thousand Words

Ugh. I knew if I kept looking at this list I’d find something I’d seen, and here it is. If you’re like me, you keep wanting to give Eddie Murphy another chance. And also, if you’re like me, he keeps hurting you. It’s like an abusive relationship. A Thousand Words is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, so it doesn’t surprise me to find it at 0% here; Murphy plays a literary agent who offends a new-age guru only to find a magical tree sprouting in his backyard which drops leaves every time he speaks. You know, that old storyline. It might have been interesting; instead it’s just another reason to feel sorry for Eddie Murphy.
Sample Review: “Makes The Adventures of Pluto Nash look like Beverly Hills Cop.”


Morning Monologue – July 23, 2014

Morning Monologue – July 23, 2014

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Welcome to week two of Morning Monologue.  In Morning Monologue, we will post 1-2 of the best monologues from some of your favorite late night talk shows.  Today’s monologue comes from David Letterman, in which he discusses Hercules, Naked and Afraid, and the Royal Baby.

Also, from Late Night with Seth Meyers, Seth puts together a bit called “Live New Yorker Cartoons.”  Just disappointed they didn’t pick any of the ones by Pete Holmes.

 


Morning Monologue – July 22, 2014

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Welcome to week two of Morning Monologue.  In Morning Monologue, we will post 1-2 of the best monologues from some of your favorite late night talk shows.  Today’s monologue comes from Craig Ferguson, in which he discusses Comic-Con, The Kardashians, Big Butts, and how cold it is in California.

A few other interesting bits came from Jimmy Kimmel last night.  He had on the cast from Guardians of the Galaxy.  First, it was noted that Vin Diesel and Bradley Cooper, who star in the movie together as animated characters, met for the first time that very night.  Also, apparently while on Ambien, Chris Pratt sends wrestling challenges to Dave Bautista.

 


Moony Musings for a Monday Morning

Moony Musings for a Monday Morning

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Which, by the way, is the title of my new volume of poetry coming out next month.  It’s self-published, of course, on yellow legal pad with a sharpie and stapled together.  Let me know if you want one and I’ll send you a copy!

Happy Anniversary of the Moon Landing (yesterday/today) everyone!  That’s about as good a thing to celebrate about July 21st as anything else, especially since, in some people’s opinion (*cough cough over here*) the Moon Landing is the pinnacle of human achievement, no big deal.  It’s also somewhat apropos to this post since I’ve done almost nothing of pop culture significance in the past week.  I was busy applying for jobs (more on that later this week), playing L.A. Noire (not exactly a recent game), and going to an event called the “Quesoff IV.”  It’s a cook-off for queso and, trust me, was as delicious as it sounded.  Especially the show-stopping, prize winning Brisket Queso, which was the best (Queso Ice-Cream, definitely the worst).

So, because I didn’t go to see The Purge: Anarchy or Sex Tape this weekend; because Eddie Murphy still hasn’t released his new album yet; because few would probably enjoy the books I’m reading (The Moviegoer by Walker Percy and From Eternity to Here by Dr. Sean Carroll) here are a list of pertinent links with which to fill your morning.

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Who Still Watches The Simpsons?

Who Still Watches The Simpsons?

The SimpsonsLet me start with this: I am not asking with sarcasm, snark, or smugness. I really want to know, who still watches The Simpsons?

I count myself as a former super-fan among a close group of super-fans of one of the best American network TV comedies ever. (You don’t make it to the Fawlty Four of Funkhouser’s 2014 Greatest Television Episode Tournament if you ain’t good.) Half a dozen of us would spend entire weekends watching episodes old and new on TV or DVD or VHS(!), bickering over which ones were funnier, cobbling together conversations entirely from Simpsons quotes. We played Simpsons boardgames. We destroyed local Simpsons-themed bar trivia nights. Yet all of us, every single one, stopped watching almost a decade ago. Come to think of it, literally not a single person I regularly speak with watches The Simpsons anymore.

It’s not just us. Uproxx points out that the 1990 episode “Bart Gets an F” pulled in 33.3 million viewers33.3 million—while the last first-run 2013 Simpsons episode logged 4.8 million. I’m sure some of the decline is due to familiarity: “Bart Gets An F” was the first episode of Season 2 of a new-ish, highly anticipated, slightly edgy and controversial (at the time) show that has now run 25 seasons and counting. And yes, the number of TV shows in general has exploded as have the methods of delivering them, leaving us with difficult choices as to how we spend our time as entertainment consumers. But still, sloughing off tens of millions of viewers, even if it is over 20-odd years? If across-the-board quality and viewership are dropping, why not pull the plug? There’s something else at work. It must still be making money, which is what is important to Fox, and rightly so. Creating a TV show isn’t free. That doesn’t change the fact (? yes, I know comedy is subjective), that The Simpsons has struggled to remain consistently funny and relevant.

For former Simpsons fans, though, we can’t pinpoint a specific time that we stopped watching. Did we change? Did the show? Or both? If you ask fans of other shows why they stopped watching, most can give a moment or window of time. When Friends became all marriage and baby drama, when David Duchovny left X-Files, when the American version of The Office morphed its characters into two-dimensional stereotypes. And, of course, when Fonzie jumped the shark. As I’ve gotten older and parent-ier, my views of certain things have changed, but I don’t feel like my sense of humor is that different. I still laugh my ass off at the “Marge vs. the Monorail” or “The Cartridge Family” episodes. We just…drifted away, like friends who don’t have much in common anymore. I don’t know if that’s better or worse. I do know that we didn’t laugh nearly as much in those later years and when we did, we were forcing it, trying our hardest to recapture feelings that just didn’t exist anymore. The old, worn-out jokes. The gratuitous special guest and cameos. It was too planned, too contrived. We simply couldn’t go on like that.

So if you do still watch The Simpsons, can you let me know why? Is it for old times’ sake? Is it still funny, or at least funny enough often enough? Is it out of respect? To be clear, I haven’t rejected The Simpsons. I want to love it again. We never had a falling out. We just went our separate ways. And when the time comes and I read about its death, like an old friend in an alumni news letter, I’ll raise a glass and toast the good times we had. I may even cry a little.


ICYMI: A Week’s Worth of Weird Al

ICYMI: A Week’s Worth of Weird Al

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On Tuesday of this week the ever-present Weird Al Yankovic released his 14th studio album, “Mandatory Fun.”  This is the first album he has released since 2011′s “Alpocalypse” and, in this blogger’s humble opinion, it’s every bit as good as Weird Al has ever been.  In today’s super-speed online world, there are parodies of songs up withing days for the big hits, so what Weird Al lacks in timeliness, he always makes up for in quality.  People still dig Weird Al and, with parodies of hits like “Blurred Lines”, “Fancy”, and “Royals” (all songs still in heavy radio rotation) I think that Al has hit the mark again.  But you don’t need me to tell you that.  In fact, for this release, Al has been releasing a music video a day this week with three more to come Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.  So as to preserve loading speeds, catch the videos and the entire album after the break (or click on the article title.)

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Morning Monologue – July 18, 2014

Morning Monologue – July 18, 2014

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Welcome to day four of the initial week of Morning Monologue here on Funkhouser.  In Morning Monologue, we will post 1-2 of the best monologues from some of your favorite late night talk shows.  This morning we’re going to do something a little different.  That’s right, we’re straying from the original idea just four days into the life of this bit.  

Yesterday, Broadway legend Elaine Stritch passed away at the age of 89.  Stritch was a five time Tony Nominee, winning once for her one-woman show, “Elaine Stritch at Liberty.”  She was also an eight time Emmy nominee winning three times, once for the aforementioned one-woman show.  She was also nominated five times for her guest roles on 30 Rock as Jack’s mother, winning in 2007.  Another fun fact: Stritch auditioned to play Dorothy on The Golden Girls, but according to Stritch, she blew the audition.

In looking for monologues on YouTube for this morning’s post, I ran across this video that The Late Show put on their YouTube Page.  A monologue of sorts, this time from Elaine Stritch, who has wandered onto the Letterman set in 1996 and confused Dave for her pool boy.  It’s certainly worth the watch.  (Just to really date this video, the guests on the episode are Randy Quaid, Sheryl Swoops and The Cure)

 


Need to Know: Essentials for Forecastle Music Festival

Need to Know: Essentials for Forecastle Music Festival

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I’m too excited for Forecastle to really write about Forecastle. You’re welcome?

The biggest music weekend for our fair state and one of the biggest outside the Derby for the city of Louisville–Forecastle weekend, is finally here.

I’m here to coddle you through this next day of preparation and give you a few tips for your survival.

Surviving Outkast on opening night will be a task. Good luck to ye white people pretending to know the words to any of these songs. Bomani Jones is watching.

 

THINGS TO BRING (AND SECURITY):

You need approximately 7 things:

Phone

Sunscreen for you fair of skin types

Sunglasses for you fair of eye types

Nalgene type o’ bottle for filling at the FREE water station

A flask if you so choose (did I say that?)

A towel or blanket to sit on with your many friends and loved ones

Currency

B*tches

There will be searching each time you enter and exit the festival (including hasty searching if there is a storm delay a la 2013), but it’s not much. So if you want to try to bring a few s’mores Pop-Tarts or some glow sticks or the liquor flights of your choosing then….. #DoWhatYouWant

Not encouraging bad behavior but remember ladies and gentlemen that no one is going to pat a girl down. Just a thought.

Oh, and don’t be like the dude from Seattle I met last year who brought an iPad and proceeded to take creepy videos of my friends and I dancing during the Avett Brothers. Don’t be that guy.

 

Beck eats fish flakes.

Beck eats fish flakes.

FOOD AND DRINK:

The food and drink options last year were fairly impressive and located throughout the festival with little in the way of lines. I ate gyros, jalapeño corndogs, pitas, popsicles, and who knows what else last year for a fairly reasonable price.

There’s a lot of new pizza, taco, Chinese, etc. food trucks rolling in this year, so be sure to explore your options when you arrive. Don’t forget to eat people. Or drink water. WATER IS IMPORTANT.

Drinks on the other hand…. Sierra Nevada+PBR+Heineken are the random beers of this event. Your PBR runs in the $6 range if I recall and Sierra Nevada can get to $9+ so be careful not to blow it all at once.

There were also stands offering mixed drinks, overpriced Wal-Mart pouch margaritas, and other such drinks about the festival.

Old Smoky Mountain moonshine, which is that fake moonshine in a fake mason jar, is the official moonshine of Forecastle! My bootlegger ancestors would be have been ashamed.

The Bourbon Lodge is available as well and features talks from bourbon distillers and other fancy things that I neglected to check out last year. Apparently Brittany Howard of the Alabama Shakes bartended for a while, and I missed it. (There is also booze in the Bourbon Lodge if you hadn’t guessed.)

You buy 10 $1 tickets to get in the Lodge and from there, the drinks are likely out of my price range so you’re OYO.

Bourbon Lodge

 

PARKING AND RIDES:

You can find free parking all about Louisville near Waterfront if you’re willing to look and especially if you’re willing to get up early. Additionally check out the parking garages downtown if you’re a fool, and don’t take a cab, Uber and Lyft are up and running in Louisville. Check out their mobile apps and free rides for first time users; Uber is even offering a first ride free to Forecastle dealy.

They will be incredibly difficult to find after the headliners wrap up each night so you may want to consider running towards the exits/running from Waterfront to find rides.

Also, phones go dead. Prepare for this festival inevitability and getting separated from that one hot mess of a friend. Suzy is always drinking too many frozen pouch margs. Silly Suzy.

 

FIVE OF MY FAVORITE ACTS:

Sorry to Gary Clark Jr. and my other favorite, non-headliners, I neglected to mention here. Everyone’s going to see you; don’t worry Gary. And Ray LaMontagne, if you make some random lady cry I will be coming after you. Local Natives, stay hip. OK>>done.

St. Lucia
Friday 4:45-5:45, Ocean Stage

St. Lucia is an alt-pop group out of New York, not the Caribbean. They’ve been very popular at bigger fests all across the country, like Rothbury’s recent Electric Forest, and I’m excited to see them live. Get there early to party under the overpass with some upbeat tunes.

Soundcloud

 

Kygo
Saturday 6:30-7:30, Ocean Stage

This 22-year old Norwegian producer and DJ will be playing a little festival called Tomorrowland next weekend, but for now, we have him here in Louisville. He will be opening for Avicii later this year as well.

Kygo’s chill brand of deep house and electronica will be perfect to “vibe to” early Saturday evening, and I’m looking forward to his hugely popular remixes of artists I may not normally enjoy like Ed Sheeran, Passenger, and Coldplay. Kygo makes everyone cooler.

Soundcloud

 

Flume
Sunday 8:45-9:45, Ocean Stage

Flume (Harley Edward Streten) is an even bigger up and comer in the electronic world; hailing from Australia, Flume’s studio albums and singles have received critical acclaim, especially in his native land, where he’s garnered a number of Australian Recording Industry Association awards. Sounds fancy.

Flume’s unique production of Disclosure-eque UK garage, chillstep, deep house–basically all of the genres, is sure to interest any fan of electronic music.

He caught the eye of pop star Lorde recently, working directly with the fellow Aussie to produce a remix of Tennis Court, which premiered earlier this year at Coachella.

Soundcloud

 

Sharon Van Etten
Sunday 3:15-4:15, Boom Stage

This indie folk rocker makes me feel all kinds of painful, beautiful feelings. She has a Florence Henderson voice, but without the annoying OOOAAHAOOOAHAHHAOAAAHHHs.

 

tUnE-yArDs
Sunday 7-8, Ocean Stage

Last up for the artists one Brennan’s list, we have bizarre-o indie pop/folk/whatever artist, Merrill Garbus, the face of tUnE-yArDs. The Rolling Stone, TIME, The New York Times, Spin–they’ve all gotten on board with whatever tUnE-yArDs is selling, and I have too.

Garbus plays ukulele, drums, tambourine, and layers them with the bass and other instrumentalists of her group during live performances. It’s sure to be interesting, so #LEGGO

And don’t compared her to Sia, she hates that.

No water in the water fountain Ba Da Da Da da Da Da. No side on the side walk.

 

NAVIGATING THE STAGES:

It is REALLY not very difficult, and this is the perfect festival for a newb–plenty of room to roam and get some air, but not so spread out you have to miss set after set switching stages.

Anyone could handle this atmosphere (I’m talking you olds); this is not Bonnaroo. There won’t be that much rampant and open drug use and you won’t get lost.

While maps will be handed out upon your arrival at Forecastle, here’s some pro tips:

Mast stage=Main stage. That would have been a much easier name. It is the big one right on the river that looks like a main stage. You will notice it. It’s on the east side of the Fest.

Ocean stage=The stage under the overpass. It is literally located under an overpass, far from any ocean. So it can be the overpass stage for your weekend. It is where most of the dance shows will be taking place. Gotta keep those riff raff out of site. This used to be called the Boom Stage which is a bit confusing, but we can handle it.

Boom stage=Joe’s Crab Shack Stage. This is the furthest stage, and it’s on the West side of the festival. By the Joe’s Crab Shack. Stop in and have a bite of delicious fried dough, and why not grab a t-shirt?!

Port stage=the one actually by a kind of a port. Last year, it was over in some random grass, not being by a port. Now, the “WFPK Port Stage” is on the East side of the fest, where some food and bench options were once available. Now there will be music!

 

LATE SHOWS:

You MUST attend at least one late show. It’s a must. With each headliner wrapping up around 11, you may just be getting started on your evening of dancing poorly with strangers when BAM, you’re supposed to go home and watch Food Network?

Naw, this is a festival and this should not be how you roll. Last year I saw Houndmouth and The Wheeler Brothers on the Belle of Louisville and it was a fabulous and intimate music experience with many way too sweaty people.

One night show may be enough for you, but this year’s options have a variety of venues and artists to mix up your weekend.

Anticipate VERY different crowds at each; you don’t need to be attending the Fest itself to head to the late shows, so bring your loser cousin Darrin along and pretend to like him.

Soul group St. Paul And the Broken Bones will be playing Headliners Friday at midnight while dubstep/hip hop DJ MiM0SA will be have his set at midnight on the Belle of Louisville.

The Belle will be walking distance just down the river past Joe’s Crab Shack and beyond, while you’ll need a ride to Ye Olde Headliners.

On Saturday, indie/jam rock band Moon Taxi will be playing the newish Louisville Palace affiliate, The Mercury Ballroom at midnight. I will be there seeing them for the umpteenth time, and I am excited. These guys put on a great live show.

Conversely, you can see The Bluegrass Situation and Americana Music Association Late-Night Hang Featuring The 23 String Band, Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors, Humming House, and Matrimony, the longest show name in the history of show names, over at Headliners. The long name speaks for itself. Bluegrass music!

Get your late show tickets and pricing here.

 

TICKETS:

There’s tickets galore on Craigslist people. While I have a media pass (aren’t I special?) my comrade in arms purchased hers for $55 less than the current price for GA weekend passes. Or phone a friend, maybe that friend will come down with something and sell your his/her tickets. There’s always hope.

Or you can buy them on Forecastle’s website.

Tier 4 – $184.50 for the weekend.

Tier 2 – $84.50* for single day tickets

 

SCHEDULE:

Making your schedule is always a trip and a half, especially if you have a diverse group doing the choosing, but just have faith. You’ll make it through.

My simple advice: pre-plan your “must-sees” and just go with the flow the rest of the time. Wherever the crowd sweeps you off to. Or just sit at one stage all day on your laurels.

Check out the sched here.

Get yourself warmed up for some good jams and good times. If you have any questions for me as a phony “expert”, then let me know on Twitter.

 

I enjoy mocking Band of Horses song, “The Funeral” (because why not) but this cover/remix is perfection. Enjoy.

@BrennanKSR


Morning Monologue – July 17, 2014

Morning Monologue – July 17, 2014

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Welcome to day three of the initial week of Morning Monologue here on Funkhouser.  In Morning Monologue, we will post 1-2 of the best monologues from some of your favorite late night talk shows.  This morning we look at the longest standing late night talk show host going right now, David Letterman.  Letterman takes looks at the FDNY Calendar, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and more:

After watching David Letterman clips over the last couple of days, it seems that Dave is having some of the most fun behind the desk right now.  Right now, go to YouTube and look up his interview from last night with Emma Stone, as they’re both cracking up over supernatural things.  The one that I enjoyed the most was this interview with Jason Segel, where the two talk about top five best sandwiches.  Reminded me of Marshall’s fish list from How I Met Your Mother.  Also, Segel geeks out on Dave over Mexican food faux pas. TV gold right here folks.

 


Morning Monologue – July 16, 2014

Morning Monologue – July 16, 2014

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It’s a great day for America, everybody.  Well, we got through the first day of Morning Monologue, now on to day two. Each morning we will post 1-2 of the best monologues from some of your favorite late night talk shows. From Fallon to Ferguson, Conan to Meyers, Pikeville to Paducah, we’ll post a monologue that you may have been too tired to stay awake for. We’ll try and switch it up between hosts each day, making sure to cover all of the top late night programs.

Today we bring you Craig Ferguson’s monologue from Tuesday night’s “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson.”  Craig and his handy sidekick Geoff take on L.A. dryness, The View, the MLB All-Star Game and more.  Make sure to enjoy as many Craig Ferguson monologues as you can, since they’ll be no more after the next 5-6 months.

Who are some of your favorite late night hosts that you’d like to see included in Morning Monologue?  Let us know in the comments below or @funkhouserKSR.


Morning Monologue – July 15, 2014

Morning Monologue – July 15, 2014

Fallon

Welcome to the Morning Monologue, a new feature here on Funkhouser.  Each morning we will post 1-2 of the best monologues from some of your favorite late night talk shows. From Fallon to Ferguson, Conan to Meyers, Pikeville to Paducah, we’ll post a monologue that you may have been too tired to stay awake for. We’ll try and switch it up between hosts each day, making sure to cover all of the top late night programs.

For the very first day, we start with the long running Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. Topics include: The World Cup, Putin, Christopher Walken, Twinkies, and more.  Give it up for the Roots, everybody!

Who are some of your favorite late night hosts that you’d like to see included in Morning Monologue?  Let us know in the comments below or @funkhouserKSR


Four Thoughts on the End of the World Cup

Four Thoughts on the End of the World Cup

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Guten Tag, Meine Damen und Herren!  Just like that, it is over.  The Germans are champions, the Argentines are very sad, and tears of Brazilians world wide are forecast to continue falling.  I can’t remember the last time there was a tournament that I enjoyed as much as March Madness, but this was definitely it.  Though I know that some of you checked out after the US lost to Belgium–or you were never checked in at all because, soccer–we’re going to take one last look at the amazing World Cup we just witnessed.  So as we bid farewell to this Copa (and, sadly, to Samba K) here are my four final thoughts on the tournament, one for each star on the German crest:

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1.  This Was the Best World Cup I’ve Watched (2002-Present)

This WC had everything.  It was a wide open tournament, with lots of goals, lots of exciting open play, and myriad great individual performances.  There are so many moments to remember.  Here are a few of my favorites:

  • Clint Dempsey’s 30 sec goal against Ghana.
  • Robin van Persie’s crazy header against Spain.
  • Tim Cahill’s goal against the Netherlands.
  • Brooks’ header to clinch the Ghana game.
  • Jermaine Jones’ crazy strike from distance to even up with Portugal.
  • Messi’s winner against Iran.
  • Everything with Herrera.
  • Switzerland almost tying Argentina in extra time.
  • The fun that James Rodriguez and the Colombian team had.
  • That first Mexican goal against NED from Dos Santos.
  • Arjen Robben
  • The fact that Julian Green scored in his first 30 sec on the pitch
  • The brutal nature of the 7-1 drubbing of Brazil by Germany
  • The last goal by Götze, what an angle, what a shot.
  • All the coverage from Men in Blazers, the most fun commentary duo I’ve ever seen at a sporting event.

There are plenty more that I’m sure I’m forgetting, but all of those being off the top of my head just goes to show how exciting a tournament this was.  Where 2010 seemed like a slow, tactical march to Spain’s victory, this tournament felt wide open, like anything at any moment could happen.  The feeling as though the outcome is unpredictable is what makes sports great and, even though one of the pre-tourney favorites ended up winning, teams like Colombia and Costa Rica were in it right until the end.  Still shell-shocked by the all around excellence of the tournament.

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2.  The Germans are good.  Sehr Gut.

While the Germans don’t appear to have a national style the way that Spain employed tika-taka or the Brazilians back in the day played Samba Futebol.  What they do have is a possession-oriented team, with amazing counter speed, excellent mid-fielders and an other worldly goal keeper.  Given tools like this, it’s no wonder the Germans won this tournament and they did it using several different styles.  Just think of the open match-ups they had against teams like Portugal and Brazil.  They murdered those teams back lines, especially against Brazil.  Die Mannschaft took such advantage of holes in the Brazilian defense that I’m fairly certain Julio Cesar is still having Teutonic nightmares.  I still can’t believe that that game happened.

But what the Germans did best this tournament was to hold on to possession long enough to take high percentage shots.  Almost every time they took a shot, it was on goal and they were almost always a threat on set pieces.  Yesterday it certainly felt like the first team to score was going to win, and you have to give credit to the super stout Argentinian defense, but Germany just had too many weapons.  Most countries would start players that Germany has on the bench from Götze, to Klose, to Podolski, and Schürrle.  It’s an embarrassment of riches, and when Germany finally got the chance they were waiting for (the missed Höwedes header aside) they put it in.  Das war nicht schlecht.  Gut gemacht Deutschland.  (Würden Sie verärgert sein wenn ich der Posten komplett auf Deutsch geschrieben hatte?)

Rio Favela Overlooks Maracana World Cup Stadium

3.  Brazil Looked Like a Fantastic Host, but at What Cost?

Well, $11 Billion dollars, if you want to put a price tag on it.  The constant shots of Christ the Redeemer, of the beautiful beaches at Ipanema and Copa Cobana, and the great shots of the FIFA fan zones gave a sense of a great national party in Brazil.  From all reports, the tournament went off nearly without a hitch (Chilean fans breaking through barriers at the Maracana was probably not intended) and if you’d just watched the TV coverage everything might seem peachy keen.  When you start to dig a little bit, though, the cost of putting on this tournament seems to have gone far beyond money.

From favelas (the neighborhoods of extreme poverty in Brazil’s biggest cities) being cleared out, to the protests over the rising cost of public transportation to fund the World Cup, a feeling of discomfort seemed to be teeming underneath the surface of the entire tournament.  The fact that the majority of reporters and talking heads expected massive riots as soon as Brazil lost speaks to this sense of dread.  Yet, though there were minor incidents, the country seems to have held together and this is likely, in part, due to the over-whelming police and army presence.  What you never saw on ESPN’s coverage were the submarines and destroyers right off of the beach.  An election is coming up in October in the country and speculation is that the cost and poor-showing of the Seleçao at the World Cup is going to cost President Rousseff her position.

To get an even better idea of the behind the scenes part of the World Cup, read this excellent piece by Wright Thompson at ESPN.

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4.  This Was a Great World Cup to be an American!

We may have just matched the results of the 2010 World Cup, but you’d never know it from the press and the tangible feeling of excitement that this US team engendered.  There didn’t feel like there was a ceiling for this team (though, obviously, there was) and even after we were robbed of one of our best players in the first game, we pulled together to go out of the group and give Belgium a run for their money.  I’m so proud of this team, proud of the grit and determination they showed, and proud of the way the country rallied behind them.  How much fun was the Ghana game?  And 93 minutes and 40 seconds of the Portgual game?  We had a real chance to win every game we played in this tournament, all while noses were being broken and all of our guys were playing out of position.  How amazing is that?

In extra time of the Belgium game, when everyone though it was over, and Julian Green came on and immediately scored, I was watching at home.  I’m generally pretty docile for sports, I make the occasional noise of frustration or cheer, but for the most part I’m subdued and I take things in stride.  When Green put that goal in, I immediately stood up and hopped, in place, for the next 20 minutes chanting to myself “I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN!”  I’m sure the neighbors, through my paper thin walls, thought that the mad, chanting, jumping guy next door was finally cracking and going off of the deep end.  Maybe I was, but I know that for the rest of that game I KNEW we were going to do it.  We didn’t, but that was probably the biggest sports rush I’ve ever felt.  And that, finally, is what was best about this tournament, and what’s best about sports.  That feeling of optimism and that feeling of attachment.  I’m not sure how exactly he phrases it, but Roger Bennett of Men in Blazers has it right when he says sports are good because they make you feel the feelings you’re supposed to feel in real life, but don’t.  Amen, man.  Amen.


 

And now, sadly, we must bid Aufwiedersehen to Samba K.  As the Copa is over, I’m now going back to plain, old, boring Kalan.  But have no fear, because 4 years from now it’ll be time again and I know that you’ll all just LOVE депрессии футбол К (@KalanKucera)!