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The New Circle Circular

Alan Cutler Buys Lava Lamp And Door Beads To Improve His Airbnb Rating

Alan Cutler Buys Lava Lamp And Door Beads To Improve His Airbnb Rating

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Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Ever the opportunist, Alan Cutler recently went the extra mile to improve his rating on Airbnb, adding a lava lamp and door beads to his ever-expanding inventory of hippie paraphernalia aimed toward providing the best stay possible for the road-weary beatniks that frequent his spiritual abode.

“Right now I’m at a very solid 4.2 stars,” Cutler told us, “but there’s always room for improvement. That’s actually what I call the room that I rent out: The Room For Improvement. It has everything you could possibly need to not only have a good night’s sleep, but to also find your zen and improve yourself as a human being.”

Quality craftsmanship is important to Cutler, which is why he only buys local.

“A very sweet friend tipped me off to this place called the Botany Bay,” said Cutler. “They specialize in these oddly shaped vases, and they are the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. I have one in every room of my house. It’s weird though, because I’m constantly having to clean the ones I put in my Airbnb room after each stay, because they always end up super dirty and they smell terrible.”

While Airbnb has only been around since 2008, Cutler has been inviting strangers into his home since the early 1970s. He takes pride in what he does, which is why his vetting process is extremely tough.

“I don’t let just anyone in here off the street,” he said. “Applicants have to go through a very strict screening process. They need to meet certain qualifications. They have to be well-versed in the Chinese art of Feng Shui, they need a good rating on couchsurfing.com, and they have to complete an entire hot yoga session with yours truly.”

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Entire LEX 18 Staff Mistakes Lee Cruse For An Elf On The Shelf

Entire LEX 18 Staff Mistakes Lee Cruse For An Elf On The Shelf

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Editor’s Note: The following was previously published on The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of Fake News You Can’t Count On.

The news team at LEX 18 has been on its best behavior the last few weeks after believing that Sunrise correspondent and leather jacket aficionado Lee Cruse was an Elf On The Shelf.

The confusion began on Cyber Monday, when Dia Davidson mistook a napping Cruse for the popular children’s holiday toy. Rumors of a spy from the North Pole quickly spread around the office, causing several staffers to adjust their behavior to avoid being placed on Santa’s “naughty” list.

“I’m a big believer that Santa is always watching,” said Conroy Delouche. “So when I saw the elf in the studio, even though he was way smaller than all the other Elf On The Shelf toys I’ve seen, I made sure to cut back on some of the rough language I’ve been using, at least until January. No more ‘dangs’ or ‘shoots’ for this guy.”

Once Cruse discovered his coworkers thought he was an Elf On The Shelf, he decided to keep the charade going while pretending to go on vacation.

“I’m glad Lee Cruse was on vacation this week,” said Hayley Harmon. “If the elf had seen the things Lee gets away with around here, he’d definitely be getting coal in his stocking.”

Though many at LEX 18 had fun getting into the Christmas spirit, not everyone was up for having Lee on the shelf at the studio.

“I don’t like this elf thing spying on me man. I’m just saying man, to me, it’s just like another window the government can watch us through, man,” argued Alan Cutler.

This isn’t the first time a vertically-challenged employee has been mistaken for a children’s toy at LEX 18. A few years ago, Bill Meck took pictures of Chris Goodman at all of Lexington’s most famous landmarks, as he thought Goodman was a Flat Stanley left at the studio by students from Liberty Elementary.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Mitch McConnell Asks Kentuckians To “Stay Woke”

Mitch McConnell Asks Kentuckians To “Stay Woke”

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Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Mitch McConnell came out with a strong message to Americans this week when he told citizens to “stay woke” after allegations regarding Russians hacking the recent presidential election. McConnell stood in front the media and, in his signature speaking style which emphasizes minimal mouth movement, mumbled “uh, the Russians are not our friends, guy. We need to stay as woke as possible here.”

“Look man, theres a lot of stuff going on here that you don’t even know about,” a distraught (we assume, his face doesn’t really move and the words just seem to fall out of his mouth) McConnell said. “If you guys really think that this begins and ends with vote hacking you’re just not opening your eyes. Oh, yeah, I’m sure Kanye West goes to meet President-elect Trump on Taylor Swift’s birthday and that’s just a coincidence. I’m sure you lamestream media people will just blur out my truth. If you want more of this fire checkout my youtube page.”

Said youtube page included a long, rambling 17 minute video in which McConnell covers many things from the Russian hacking to Pizzagate. However, the claim that McConnell makes that he threw a stick over a mile and his dog still got it and brought it back seemed pretty far-fetched.

McConnell assured the American public that he would not stop until he had figured out just how deep this all goes. “I’m not going to sleep on this for I, and we, must stay woke,” McConnell said as he produced a large corkboad with printed out facebook memes pinned to it connected, seemingly at random, by strands of yarn. “Please America, do you’re part to help us solve this. Please keep tagging me in informational memes such as these and forward me the emails you get uncovering this kind of important information whenever your uncle sends you something.”

We would like to encourage any and all patriots to please tag Mitch McConnell whenever you see truth revealed on social media. Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what memes you can help spread for your country.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


UK Fans Looking To Vote Third Party In Upcoming Video Board Election

UK Fans Looking To Vote Third Party In Upcoming Video Board Election

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Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

The voting to decide the name of the new Rupp Arena video board comes to an end this week. The Lexington Center Board Committee has chosen two finalists out of the 3,800 submissions received from fans. Many voters were confused as to how the two final options, Lexi and Seymore, were among the best options available. “Surely there has to be two better candidates out there,” said Facebook voter Lucy AllUpInThat Levinson. “Seriously, these two are the best they could come up with? This is definitely deciding between the lesser of two evils.”

Since it was an open call for submissions on the internet we have to assume that 60-70% of the nearly 4,000 submissions were thrown out because they included either an obscenity, the number 69 repeatedly or a reference to Harambe. The rest were Hillary memes and crayon drawings that we are just going to hope were made by children. Which left the two submissions presented to the public.

The two finalists that voters are currently trying to decide between are Seymore and Lexi, so here we are again choosing between a rich white man, and a woman that no one likes. Currently, Lexi leads Seymore by over 1,000 votes, but keep in mind, the system of voting via Facebook reaction emojis only allows us to see the results of the popular vote; we will have to wait until December 3rd to see how the electoral votes pan out.

For the voters out there that have yet to make their voice heard we are happy to inform you that there are other options. First of all, you are free to write in any name you would like in the comments section and, from the looks of it, Rupp Arena’s twitter account will respond telling you a different way to vote, don’t listen to them, that’s just the man trying to rig this election. Another way to cast a vote for a third party candidate is to go to the election image and select the angry face emoji, this is a vote for Libertarian and former Governor of New Mexico Gary Johnson. Please make sure your vote is heard. This is an important election as it will determine the name that no one uses for the next four years.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Kentucky #1 In Latest Polls Despite Losing Popular Vote

Kentucky #1 In Latest Polls Despite Losing Popular Vote

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Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

The Associated Press and Coaches Polls were both released this week and both had the Kentucky Wildcats as the clear cut number one team in the nation. The results of the polls are very unlikely to be changed, even though a large number of absentee ballots are still being counted, it appears Kentucky will have won the polls despite losing the popular vote.

Kentucky was able to secure their spot atop the polls by making strong statements in front of large crowds against rust belt opponents (a part of the country largely ingorned by presumptive favorites Duke). Kentucky’s key wins against teams from Michigan and Pennsylvania were part of what helped earn the cats enough votes to come out ranked number one.

“The voters have spoken, we said we were going to into those places and win and we did” Kentucky coach John Calipari said. He made no comment when asked about previous tweets from his time at Memphis that claimed the polls and the system were rigged.

Many of the fans of other schools are pointing to the popular vote discrepancy and saying the current system is not a true democracy. “The system we have in place right now is the best way to reflect the will of the people,” said AP College Basketball Pollster Brad Woods. “If we just went to a straight popular vote the largest college campuses would be the only ones that mattered. Under the current system teams have to go play against the Duquesnes and Clarions of the world if they want to have enough votes to win.”

Despite the protesting of the results led by Jeff Goodman officials say that there is no plan to alter the current process.

For more from the #1 source of fake news in Lexington visit newcirclecircular.com

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


UK Recruiting Tim Couch’s Nephew, Dual-Threat QB Todd Futon

UK Recruiting Tim Couch’s Nephew, Dual-Threat QB Todd Futon

toddfutonEditor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

The Kentucky Wildcats already have a solid future at the quarterback position. Stephen Johnson should be back for his senior season next year, and hopefully Drew Barker will return healthy in 2017. The Cats also have highly touted freshman Gunnar Hoak, as well as two big time commitments in Danny Clark and Walker Wood. Still, it’s never a bad idea to have a backup plan, which is why the Wildcats are actively recruiting the nephew of former UK legend Tim Couch, dual-threat quarterback Todd Futon.

Futon, a homeschool student, has been been praised for his versatility in the pocket. He’s shown the ability to stand in the pocket like his uncle Couch, but he’s also resourceful enough to escape the pocket and collapse defenses with his mobility.

“I like Todd Futon because of the adaptability he provides,” said UK head coach Mark Stoops. “I still plan on using our other quarterbacks, but if there’s ever a situation where my wife is mad at me or something, I can just pull Todd Futon out of the locker room and use him.”

While Futon should provide the Wildcats with multiple options next season, he still has several things to work on. He rarely seems comfortable when he’s facing a heavy pass rush, and he often folds under pressure. He also sinks down in one spot and makes a lot of weird noises.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Many Voters Worried They Didn’t Vote For Enough Soil And Water Conservation Supervisors

Many Voters Worried They Didn’t Vote For Enough Soil And Water Conservation Supervisors

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Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

When Lexington voters came to the polls prepared to vote in one of the largest and most divisive elections in recent memory they were thrown a curve ball in the form of the heated Soil And Water Conservation Supervisor race. The race seemed to really rattle even the most prepared citizens. We spoke to a few voters as they left their polling place and tried to come down from that sweet post-voting high we all experience.

“It seemed like there weren’t enough options or something. It said to vote for four but then there were only like two names listed,” said Doug IDontWantToSayMyLastName. “Like I studied, I didn’t know there’d be trick questions though. Guess this is how you rig an election. I tried to look over at my neighbors like Trump did with his wife, but I was the only person voting at my polling station.”

Other people we talked to were just happy to have the opportunity to proudly vote for a woman for the esteemed office of Soil And Water Conservation Supervisor. Amy McManus said, “I voted for those two ladies, and I got a little teary eyed, then I wrote in my friend Gale’s neighbor I think, but after that I didn’t know what to put, even though it said vote for four people.”

Some citizens jumped at the opportunity to write-in some candidates. Todd Ellingsworth told us that “It said vote for four, but there were only 2 names listed so I wrote in Daniel. I hate that guy. If there’s anything that will teach someone not to try to buy drinks for another man’s wife it’s making them serve as a Soil and Water Conservation Supervisor against their will.”

Authorities are currently working on locating Daniel and forcing him to serve his time.

For unprecedented, live, up-to-the-minute coverage of Election 2016 check out New Circle Circular’s Election Center.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


UK Routs Clarion Hotel Staff In Exhibition Opener

UK Routs Clarion Hotel Staff In Exhibition Opener

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Editor’s Note: The following was previously published on The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of Fake News You Can’t Count On.

 

It was business as usual for Kentucky Sunday night who pummeled the Clarion 108-51 in the way you’d expect the No. 4 ranked team to knock out a Division 2-star hotel. The exhibition, which was set up by Mitch Barnhart after scoring a Groupon for the Clarion last month, is expected to be great exposure for the hotel chain who received a fair amount of praise during Coach Cal’s post-game press conference for a hotel that no one ends up at “by choice.”

“I was really impressed,” said Cal. “In all my years of coaching, that’s the first time the opposing coach as ever left a mint on my chair.”

The Cats, who had six different players in double digits, were led by freshman Malik Monk who bellhopped over multiple defenders on his way to scoring 15. And while senior guard Dominique Hawkins didn’t score many points in the game, he said afterwards, he’s finally racked up enough rewards points to get a free breakfast during his next stay at the Clarion or any of the “By Choice” hotels.

While the Cats set a frantic pace and played stifling defense, the Clarion staffers displayed a much more hospitable approach. In fact, during one TV timeout in the second half, Clarion’s starting point guard/maid brought over ice and some extra towels to the Cats bench.

Unfortunately, the Clarion staff and players were unavailable for interviews after the game since the visiting locker room had a “Do Not Disturb” sign hanging on the door.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


What We Learned From Last Night’s Rand Paul/Jim Gray Debate

What We Learned From Last Night’s Rand Paul/Jim Gray Debate

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Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

If two people debate on KET and no one is around to see it, did it really happen? Well, after we only made three people angry last night live tweeting it, our guess is no. However, elections are important, so who better than fake news site, the New Circle Circular, to break it down for you. Here’s the Top 8 things we learned from last night’s debate coverage.

8. Both candidates revealed that they’re not cut out to be President of the United States after using the debate forum mostly to discuss legitimate policy ideas.

7. If you were a few minutes late to the debate, you missed their walkout music which for Rand Paul was “Stuntin’ Like My Daddy” by Lil Wayne and for Jim Gray “Hole In The Earth” by The Deftones.

6. Rand Paul went on the attack early by saying Gray was the 7th craziest person he’s ever debated.

5. Upsetting the Richmond voter base, after lengthy discussions on bridges in Kentucky, neither could answer a single trivia question on the book/movie, “Bridges Over Madison County.”

4. You have to be careful about putting your foot in your mouth. Jim Gray attacked Rand Paul for running for president, meanwhile totally forgetting that he’s planning to run for President of Gattitown next cycle.

3. Between all the discussions about holes and Jim Gray calling Rand Paul out for having “wild ass philosophies,” the KET program got hit with a PG-13 rating.

2. If you have a debate on Halloween night, no one watches it.

1. If you have a debate on KET, no one watches it.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Austin MacGinnis Chokes Up After Teammates Finally Invite Him To Tolly Ho

Austin MacGinnis Chokes Up After Teammates Finally Invite Him To Tolly Ho

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Editor’s Note: The following was previously published on The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of Fake News You Can’t Count On.

It looked like the Wildcats were gonna get snake bit again Saturday night and leave the 50,000 fans in attendance at Commonwealth Stadium in a state of total belief. However, after Mississippi State’s defense scored off a late Stephen Johnson fumble and eventually took a 38-37 lead with 1:09 left, an unlikely hero for the Cats emerged. Kicker Austin MacGinnis, as time expired, nailed a 51 yard game-winning field goal proving that, well, Mississippi State is really, really bad at football.

The 51 yard kick was a career long for the junior and the memory is sure to go into the scrapbook he keeps, the MacGinnis Book Of World Records. The amazing ending, though, was just the tip of the iceberg for Austin. In the midst of all the celebration and chaos that ensued, someone reportedly mentioned to MacGinnis that he could join some of the other guys at Tolly Ho after the game if he wanted to. “I mean, the feeling of the ball going through those uprights was cool and all,” said MacGinnis, “but I can’t begin to describe what it was like to get that invite to Tolly Ho afterwards. It’s what every little kid who aspires to be a kicker dreams of. Making the winning kick and getting asked to join the other players at dinner after the game. You just don’t think it’ll ever happen to you.”

MacGinnis said he’d never been to Tolly Ho, a local hotspot famous for their burgers. “Yeah, usually if it’s still open, our punter Grant McKinniss, long snapper Blake Best and myself head over to Panera after the games and grab some grub. Usually just a sensible salad or a scone or two. And if it isn’t open, we head back to the dorms and use the kitchen in the common area where I make some cups of ramen soup using the recipe passed down by my mom. The secret is to add half of the flavor packet while it’s cooking and the other half after. To be honest, it can get a little wild. One time we used two packets of flavoring in one cup, so yeah, we know how to party.”

While the players were elated to get the win and proud of their teammate for making the big kick, no one could figure out who actually invited MacGinnis to Tolly Ho. “Yeah, it was fine that he was there,” explained receiver Jeff Badet, “but I’m not sure who gave him the invite. We actually weren’t sure which special teams player we invited, we just knew it was that Irish sounding white kid who doesn’t have to do tackle drills. But man, he kept going on and on about how he and his kicking crew have turned their post-game dinners into some kind of book club. Kept bragging about how they were currently reading A Tale Of Two Cities which was cool because Paris and London ain’t that far away. So, we’re obviously trying to figure out who invited him.”

According to other customers, it was easy to tell MacGinnis had never been to the diner before. “First, he tried to come in through that one door on the side of the building even though it plainly says to use the other door. Then, he kept playing Tekken 2 but would only use the kick button. Finally, he actually had the nerve to ask for a free refill of his Pepsi.”

One source says during the post-game dinner, quarterback Stephen Johnson dropped some of his cheddar tots on the ground but MacGinnis jumped in and gave Johnson his extra cheddar tots off his plate. “Yeah, those tots slipped right through his hands,” tells MacGinnis, “but there I was, willing and able to bail him out…again. I was glad to do it though. The night meant so much to me. I actually kept my receipt and put it in the case that the university gave me for the game ball.”

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Inspirational: Here’s The Classy Letter Joker Left Mark Stoops When He Left The Coach’s Office

Inspirational: Here’s The Classy Letter Joker Left Mark Stoops When He Left The Coach’s Office

 

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

joker

Dear Mark,

When I walked into this office just now I felt the same sense of being overwhelmed by what to call on 3rd down that I felt two years ago. I know you will feel that, too (don’t run the draw, they hate that).

I wish you great happiness here. I never felt the excitement of winning some coaches have described.

There will be very tough times, made even more difficult by criticism you may not think is fair (like the draw thing I mentioned earlier, or when you don’t use your timeouts at the end of close games). I’m not a very good one to give advice; but just don’t let the critics get to you. Also, don’t get blown out by Vanderbilt.

You will be our Coach when you read this note. I wish you well. I wish your family well.

Your success is now our team’s success. I am rooting for you.

Good luck – Joker

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


ITT Tech Locksmith Student Thinks Locked Doors Are Just A Mid-Term Exam

ITT Tech Locksmith Student Thinks Locked Doors Are Just A Mid-Term Exam

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Editor’s Note: The following was previously published on The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of Fake News You Can’t Count On.

Many ITT Tech students and faculty were shocked when they arrived at the “college” Tuesday morning, only to find it had permanently closed its doors with little notice. Despite emails being sent out yesterday morning and the writing being on the wall for months prior, some were still in denial by the news such as locksmith student Todd Rhodes, who assured everyone this had to be his mid-term exam. The aspiring future Pop-A-Lock employee feverishly worked on the sealed doors for six straight hours before being corrected and dropped one full letter grade by his now former professor for not taking a break after two hours since he’d probably be union.

While Rhodes may have been in a denial about the closing, students from the welding department felt the most duped after spending their last class welding the doors shut. “We were told it was our ‘final exam’ which we now realize should’ve been a red flag since it’s only September,” said intro welder Todd Bailey, “but when we arrived Tuesday morning, we started putting two and two together and realized, we hadn’t learned how to put two and two together yet.”

Students from the accounting department cried foul on the reason given for the “college” closing. “I don’t understand how they couldn’t obtain the proper accreditation with me and all my friends paying for all our classes with a credit card,” said first year economics major Ellen Wolfe. “It just doesn’t add up on my TI-80 calculator how they’re not making a profit. But maybe I just haven’t learned enough about business yet.”

A range of emotions were felt on campus as news of the closing traveled. Some were furious, such as Todd Mulberry who was livid since he was only one week away from finishing up his two week certificate program. Others took it all in stride such as honor roll student Todd Wang who still waited the mandatory fifteen minutes for his teacher to show up before leaving.

Many faculty members were at a loss as well. “I’ve taught here for over 30 years so I will miss it but I also know with my experience, I should have no problem finding another college or university to teach my course at,” said VCR repair professor Maxwell Oldman.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Jim Gray Supporters Glitter Bomb Rand Paul’s Field Office

Jim Gray Supporters Glitter Bomb Rand Paul’s Field Office

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Editor’s Note: The following was previously published on The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of Fake News You Can’t Count On.

In a senseless act of passive aggression, Rand Paul’s Bluegrass Field Office in Lexington was glitter bombed early Tuesday morning and the words “We Want A Permanent Solution, Not A Perm” spray painted on the outside of the building, according to local officials.

No arrests by the fashion police have been made.

Sen. Rand Paul on Tuesday called the glitter bomb an “assault on our democracy and decor”. Speaking from the scene, Paul said the incident won’t get in the way of fair elections or his campaign.

“These radical Hobby Lobbyists aren’t gonna stop our plans to represent Kentuckians and defend our constitutional liberties. And while I respect the right of anyone to protest, I don’t support non-traditional protests such as glitter bombing or going to Cher concerts.”

Gov. Matt Bevin weighed in on the “attack” and said he hopes local officials can bring the glitter bombers to justice and face trial. “If I was the judge on this case, I’d throw the scrapbook at them and give a Lifetime sentence for sure.”

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Bevin Promises “We’ll Get To The Bottom Of This” When Asked About KY’s Rank Among States

Bevin Promises “We’ll Get To The Bottom Of This” When Asked About KY’s Rank Among States

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Editor’s Note: The following was previously published on The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of Fake News You Can’t Count On.

In January, Politico released its 3rd annual rankings of the United States. Kentucky came in a very poor 44th, and apparently Governor Matt Bevin is finally finding out about it.

“We’ll get to the bottom of this,” Bevin assured Kentuckians when he was asked about the list. “I’m very curious about the methodology behind this list, and I refuse to rest until we get to the bottom of it.”

“When I find out who decided this ranking, I’m gonna be ready to fight,” Bevin said. “I wont be pulling any punches. It is going to go down.”

“I really want to know each thing that goes into determining the rankings,” Bevin said, clearly unaware that each factor was plainly laid out within Politico’s article. “Did they consider our Strength Of Schedule (1 Narcotics)? Does it include KenPom? Who knows? The rankings are probably just in alphabetical order.”

“At the end of the day, we’re gonna scratch and claw our way through this,” Bevin said. “And when they stack us up against the country again, we plan on being the last state standing.”

“I want Kentucky to be the bell [sic] of the ball. Even if that bell came from a factory that burned down and then took a bunch of government bailout money.”

It’s unclear whether or not Bevin leaving New Hampshire factored into that state’s #1 ranking, but come on, it most certainly did.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Mom Pretends She’s Fine Eating At Hooters On Richmond Road Every Tuesday Night

Mom Pretends She’s Fine Eating At Hooters On Richmond Road Every Tuesday Night

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Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Lexington mom Cindy Bradford is apparently completely okay with her family’s weekly trip to Hooters every Tuesday night, despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.

“This is totally fine,” said Cindy Bradford as she picked around her shrimp and spinach salad while her husband Jeff and adult son Lucas, who still lives at home, challenged each other to a beer chugging contest. “This salad should be enough for me. I dunno, I don’t like spicy stuff, and the mild wings here just take like orange water.”

The Bradford family usually arrives at the Richmond Road Hooters location around 7:30 PM every Tuesday, right after Jeff, Lucas and the family’s youngest son, 9 year old Braden, each finish their haircuts at Knockouts Haircuts For Men.

“We like to make a whole day of it,” said Jeff. “I get home from work around 3:30, and the whole family goes to Walmart to browse the sporting goods section. Then we knock out a quick 10 frames at Eastland Bowling Center before heading to Knockouts for our weekly trims. From there, we just walk to Hooters, where they usually have the same table waiting for us.”

Jeff and Lucas checked in on Cindy as they ordered a fourth pitcher of Miller Light, “What? No I’m not mad” she replied through pursed lips. “Look I don’t even know why they keep asking if I’m mad, I’m definitely all right with all of this, I mean if this is what they want. I’m not one to complain, besides a few months ago, they asked what I wanted to do for dinner, and I said I don’t care just pick some place, and well, we’ve been coming here ever since.”

Lucas explained “We just love the…. wings here, she’s super super hot. The wings I mean.”

Jeff confirmed that the family tradition is likely to continue, “It’s always great when we can do things the whole family enjoys.”