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The New Circle Circular

Doctors Discover Gene That Makes Someone A Florida Fan Is The Same One That Makes People Think It’s Ok To Go Shirtless To An Olive Garden

Doctors Discover Gene That Makes Someone A Florida Fan Is The Same One That Makes People Think It’s Ok To Go Shirtless To An Olive Garden

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Human genome researchers announced on Monday that they were finally able to isolate the gene that causes someone to cheer for the University of Florida. Researchers knew there was a genetic defect that caused people to cheer for Florida because, as Gene Watson said, “no one of sound mind and body would do that weird chomp thing so often without realizing how absurd it looked.”

When researchers pinpointed the genetic defect that causes people to cheer for the likes of Joakim Noah they additionally discovered that when this gene was removed, the person not only stopped cheering for Florida, but also felt the need to put on a shirt before going to the Olive Garden.

While this discovery has DNA researchers excited about the possibilities, they did say there were still limitations to what they could uncover. “I don’t believe current science has the capacity to figure out how South Carolina fans are able to get through a single football game with that rooster sound going off every 10 seconds,” Watson said. “It’s beyond our current realm of understanding.”

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Kroger Employees Ask To Rearrange Kroger Field Before Next Home Game

Kroger Employees Ask To Rearrange Kroger Field Before Next Home Game

em>Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Like a newly adopted dog it’s taken some time but Kentucky fans have finally started to get used to the new name of their home stadium ‘Kroger Field.’ However, as many fans will find out in two weeks when they return to the stadium, part of the agreement also allows Kroger the ability to engage in one of their favorite corporate pastimes, rearranging an entire building so that customers are completely lost next time they go in.

“We find that our customers get bored if they come in our stores and know how to find everything,” said Kroger spokesperson Sam Walton (no relation). “If they come in here and know where everything is, they’ll just walk in get their stuff and leave. So to boost profits we move everything around so you have to aimlessly wander the entire store to find bean sprouts or whatever dumb vegetables people are into now. We’re taking that same logic and applying it to Kroger Field. If you have to wander the concourse you’re more likely to buy cotton candy and bottled water.”

“I’m preparing myself for the worst,” said longtime football season ticket holder Kevin Martin. “I wouldn’t be surprised to go to my seat for the Florida game and find they’ve moved the paper towels to that section. You know what? I wish they would reorganize the frickin’ parking lot man. They could make the whole parking lot a round-a-bout and it wouldn’t be half as bad as it was last week.”

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Top 8 Highlights From Sunday’s Telethon

Top 8 Highlights From Sunday’s Telethon

Joe B Hall prepares to play his recorder at Sunday’s telethon

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

The University of Kentucky basketball team made all of Big Blue Nation extremely proud by holding a telethon and raising over one million dollars for the victims of Hurricane Harvey. In addition to the impressive fundraising, the team also opened eyes of the Kentucky fanbase by showing off the the wide-range of off-the-court talents they possessed. If you missed the telethon, here are some of our favorite highlights from the event:

Joe B Hall poses with Terry Meiners after nailing his recorder solo

  • As the telethon kicked off there was an entertaining portion where Coach John Calipari had to explain to many of the young players what a landline phone was and how to use them.
  • Joe B Hall’s Recorder solo during California Dreamin’.
  • The highest-rated hour was the one where the camera just circled John Robic’s head and captured the sheen of the studio lights off his wonderful locks.
  • Joel Justus showed off his marionette collection in a short play he wrote about the benefits of mathematics in basketball, until Kenny Payne called one of them a puppet and chairs started flying.
  • During the “Feats Of Robert Harris’ Strength” segment, Strength and Conditioning Coach Robert Harris ripped apart phone books with his bare hands, the players were impressed once they found out a phone book is “a printed off version of whitepages.com”.
  • Nick Richards had an odd but enthralling segment where he just named different types of birds he could think of (spoiler: it was a lot).
  • The most moving section was when Johnny David and Dillion Pulliam sang Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow’s “Picture” over harrowing footage of the flood damage
  • Hamidou Diallo gave tips to kids watching in his segment “Hamidou’s and Hamidon’ts”

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Fans Wonder What They Did To Mark Stoops To Deserve This As They Arrive In Hattiesburg

Fans Wonder What They Did To Mark Stoops To Deserve This As They Arrive In Hattiesburg

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

“Welcome to The Hub City,” a sign reads sarcastically as fans cross into the city limits of Hattiesburg Mississippi for what they hope is the last time. Hattiesburg, home of the University of Southern Mississippi and that’s about it, will host UK’s football team this week as they complete the second half of a home and home scheduling mistake.

“Surely there must be some sort of explanation,” began tailgating expert Eddie Maggard, “maybe Coach Stoops lost a bet, or maybe he accidentally hit reply all to an email from the state of Mississippi when they were scheduling games for old and state?”

“You wish that was the reason Edwin,” exclaimed Maggard’s scorned wife Betty. “If there’s one thing I know, it’s what vengeance looks like, and coincidentally it looks like exactly southern Mississippi in August. This here is revenge.”

“I grabbed a pamphlet from a rest stop, called ‘What to do in Hattiesburg,’ and the inside was blank,” said Mrs. Maggard.

A low volume of home ticket sales, fans calling for his job, a general low level of respect for the sport in comparison to basketball here on campus could all be contributing factors to Stoops wanting to take revenge on the Big Blue Nation.

“Look I get it, we should have more faith in you and what you’re doing here. It was rude of us to all talk about your 12 million dollar buyout clause for 2 months straight last year. I see now that things could be so much worse, you’ve made your point coach. Now please don’t make us have to come back here ever again.”

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Joe B Hall Says “If You Didn’t Wear Special Glasses Yesterday You Probably Have A Seeing Loss”

Joe B Hall Says “If You Didn’t Wear Special Glasses Yesterday You Probably Have A Seeing Loss”

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Former UK Basketball Coach and radio personality Joe B. Hall was spotted yesterday walking around outside of the Warby Parker store in The Summit at Fritz Farm shouting at passersby, “If you stared at the sun without those fancy 3D glasses, you probably have a seeing loss.”

Hall, who was hanging out at Warby Parker while waiting for a new pair of glasses to be made because, “I was lookin’ at how weird my shadow was and I stepped on ’em,” was telling anyone that would listen that they needed to get their eyes checked. “Personally, I didn’t suffer a vision loss, but if you stared at the eclipse you probably have a seeing loss,” the crowd that had gathered cheered as he continued to repeat his famed catchphrase. However, the former coach wasn’t only concerned with the eclipse having an impact on people’s vision, “I’ve noticed that ever since the moon covered up the sun, I got a lot stronger physically, and I can even eat spicier foods than I could yesterday,” Hall concluded as he took a bite from a serrano pepper without being phased.

“I don’t want to say I have super strength or anything now but something definitely changed,” Hall explained, “I’d show you how I’m stronger but I’m kind of tired right now.” Hall then went inside to retrieve his new glasses and came out, lifted up a Mini Cooper that was blocking him in, and then got in his car and drove away.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Marlana Vanhoose To Sing ‘Total Eclipse Of The Heart’ At Kroger Field During Solar Eclipse Monday

Marlana Vanhoose To Sing ‘Total Eclipse Of The Heart’ At Kroger Field During Solar Eclipse Monday

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Kroger Field has announced an event this coming Monday that will allow fans a chance to experience the newly renamed football facility before the season kicks off. Tailgaters will be allowed in the parking lot early and will be able to purchase special parking passes and any regular season ticket holders will receive a free pair of eclipse glasses provided they make a sizable donation to the K fund.

Fans will be able to take their seats by 1pm when the pre-game show will begin when former UK quarterback Freddie Maggard will begin breaking down film of previous matchups between the sun and moon for all of the fans in attendance.

The eclipse is expected to peak at roughly 2:29 in Lexington, the real treat for fans will be Kentucky’s own Marlana Vanhoose singing a stirring rendition of Total Eclipse Of The Heart as the moon slowly passes in front of the sun.

To learn more about what to expect during this eclipse local eclipse enthusiast Rob Bromley weighed in. “I was there for the last one in 1935, that was probably the best one, the 1918 one was nothing to write home about,” began Bromley. “The Sun dominated all day, but this Sun and Moon matchup will be closer than the experts think. I like the Sun to win but the Moon to cover.” Bromley added that he plans to attend this year’s Eclipse viewing and will enjoy hearing Vanhoose sing saying, “I can’t wait for this year’s show. I got thrown out when they did this back in the 30’s over at Stoll Field because I kept spicing up that boring song with some F-bombs here and there.”

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Confident UK Fan Gets 2017 Camping World Independence Bowl Champions Tattoo

Confident UK Fan Gets 2017 Camping World Independence Bowl Champions Tattoo

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

“I don’t remember getting it, but I’m not surprised I did,” yelled Kentucky football superfan Theodore Logan, even though we were standing right next to him and could hear him just fine.

“It’s the year of years, a promised promise come to be. One more step towards greatness, and this step is through Northwest Louisiana,” added Logan while attempting showcase an invisible championship belt around his waist with his hands.

Bleed Blue tattoo shop owner Samuel O’Reilly explained that while Logan wasn’t the first customer that came through his shop wanting a tattoo declaring a premonition, it was the first time he’s had one for a fan of the football team. “While tattoos of confidence in UK have become a staple for our shop, confidence and tattoos haven’t exactly been synonymous with the football teams fan base over the years. In fact, football fans usually get something to do with how much they hate 3rd and long delay draws. If it’s something to do with next season, there’s usually a ‘maybe’ attached somewhere.”

Logan explained, “For a bunch of years we’ve been told to be patient, but after we beat Louisville, everything’s changed, we’re like super good now. So this year the sky’s the limit really, and no one knows the sky’s limit more than Camping World.”

While Camping World’s flags may soar high over Georgetown, UK’s football team is hopeful they can fly some sort of championship flag over Kroger Field this year but are currently aiming a little higher than Logan’s prediction.

“Look I’m not saying we can’t do better than a late December bowl in Louisiana’s third largest city, but I’m not trying to set my hopes too high. I mean this is gonna be on my body forever, and I don’t want the team to feel too much pressure because of it. If for some reason they fall short of the goal at hand, the last thing I would want is them pointing to this act as the main reason the season fell apart,” explained the longtime fan.

Logan, the eighth year senior added, “In the end, I just want one bowl win before I graduate.”

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Facebook Chatbots Develop Own Language Only Ryan Lemond Can Understand

Facebook Chatbots Develop Own Language Only Ryan Lemond Can Understand

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

News was made this week when computer scientists had to shut down artificial intelligence robots this week after the robots created and began to communicate in a language that only they could understand. At least, that’s what the computer scientists that brought you bejeweled blitz believed. As it turns out though, there was at least one person that was able to understand the newly created language of the robots, central Kentucky’s own Ryan Lemond.

“We had our best linguists trying to crack this code and we couldn’t figure it out, and that’s very concerning, considering that’s how so many futurist, dystopian movies begin, so we shut down the robot.” Faceook Computer Scientist Sarah Conner said. “But then, a few minutes after shutting down the bots we still saw messages coming in written in the robot language. It was some guy from Lexington, Kentucky.”

“I was just trying to talk to some new friends I’d made online, ya know?” Lemond said. “I saw these weird messages coming through and it was hard to understand at first but I figured it out and started responding and we really started to bond a bridge. I did have to start translating the language though, you know, to prove to my wife that everything was above board.”

“We’ve had the top researches from Stanford and MIT here to investigate and no one could make sense of the language or how it came to be,” Conner said. “So we could not wait to meet the computer savant and expert communicator out of Lexington.”

For Lemond, his understanding of computers goes back quite a ways, “I started learning about computer languages the first time I tried to figure out our Domino’s delivery tracker thing. I dunno, those computer languages have always made sense to me. It’s all ones and zeros, which is great because I’m not great at math. The computers they just do one, zero, zero, one, one you know? But when I talk to Matt he tries to bring in all these other numbers and says stuff like ‘no, it’s not ten, double o, one, that’s ten thousand and one. People make stuff way too confusing dude, computers, that’s where it’s at.”

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Girl Scouts Begin Setting Up Cookie Booth Outside Kroger Field

Girl Scouts Begin Setting Up Cookie Booth Outside Kroger Field

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Now that the football stadium has officially been renamed and the ‘Kroger Field’ signage is in place, Girl Scouts have begun setting up their cookie booths near all of the stadium’s entrances as they prepare for a season of guilting fans into buying cookies every time they come to the game.

“I mean I like the cookies and everything but I don’t want to buy them every time I go to the stadium,” said long-time season ticket holder Kyle Trefoil. “I just want to walk into the stadium, I don’t want to have to fend off these poor girls that have been pressured by their parents to approach strange people asking for money while I’ve been drinking in the hot sun all day.”

Other fans felt the cookie booths were a bad idea for different reasons. “This is entrapment!” student ticket holder Caramella D. Lites said. “If I’ve been out tailgating since the sun came up, I’m obviously gonna hand over all of my cash for those cookies. Then I’m going to have to pick up extra shifts at the cafeteria.”

In addition to Girl Scouts outside the stadium, later in the season fans can look forward to pretending not to have any change when Salvation Army bell ringers setup by the entrance. Other changes fans can expect include more crowded concourses on game days as old ladies will be standing in front of concession stands with free sample cups full of olives and employees pulling giant Click List carts clogging up the walkways for fans that want to enjoy the game but don’t feel like coming inside.

Not all of the changes are expected to be negative though. Many are praising the discontinuation of senior discounts, saying it couldn’t come at a better time as most of the offensive line will be playing in the final season this year.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Ryan Visits London, Paris and Florence KY So He Can Talk About Europe When Everyone Gets Back

Ryan Visits London, Paris and Florence KY So He Can Talk About Europe When Everyone Gets Back

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Feeling a little bit left out after seeing co-hosts Matt Jones and Drew Franklin jet off to Europe for the summer, Kentucky Sports Radio’s Ryan Lemond has decided to backpack across the state to as many European named cities as he can find so that he will be able to keep up with the conversation when everyone gets back next month. Lemond was trekking across the state at press time so we were not able to speak with him directly but we were able to obtain a few pages from his travel journal.

Lemond began his journey in Florence. He began with an authentic Italian meal in the heart of Kentucky’s Tuscany region, seated alone but surrounded by family at The Olive Garden. Then went to take in some of the beautiful art and architecture that Florence is known for. “Matt I’m not sure if you’ve ever been to Florence, but what a beautiful home for art and design,” the journal read. “My favorite site might be the Duomo, it’s a beautiful gothic cathedral with an unmistakable tiled dome which highlights the top of the city’s skyline, and on the outside it says Florence Y’all.”

The next stop on the trip was London. “London, nestled closer to Manchester than one would think, is home of some fine teas, though mostly sweet.” Lemond continued, “the people talk kind of funny here. I had some fried catfish and some chips for lunch, so that was good. It’s crazy how London, once great, is now merely the shadow of the empire that the sun once never sat upon, especially now that most people prefer Nashville’s hot chicken to KFC’s.”

Then it seems Lemond stopped briefly in Richmond, writing, “I wasn’t sure if Richmond is in Europe or not, it sounds like it might be but I don’t know where. Stopping off just in case.” He also appears to have stopped in Frankfort to get a hot dog and a bratwurst but it’s not clear if that experience was on purpose or by coincidence.

The final stop was in Paris. The journal reads, “Paris is the City of Love (please don’t tell Amanda I came here without her permission). I stopped by a Kroger to speak with a female bagger, they were right, the baguettes are worth the trip (also, please don’t tell Amanda about this). The weird thing was, you always hear about bicycles in Paris but I was in Paris for a while, and didn’t see one bike, there were a lot of people driving there though, just for the deals it seemed, because the only thing I found there was a car dealership.”

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Richard Pitino Releases Email Exchange With Russian Recruiting Service

Richard Pitino Releases Email Exchange With Russian Recruiting Service

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Under heat from multiple media outlets Richard Pitino tweeted out an email exchange confirming he had contact with Russian recruiting services while an assistant coach at the University of Louisville. The emails show an interaction that showed Richard Pitino was attempting to bring in players to benefit his father’s NCAA title campaign.

The emails detail a meeting between the younger Pitino and a Russian recruiting service that promised “detailed scouting information on foreign players that will help us in your cause to defeat the University of Kentucky.”

The NCAA intelligence committee said it doesn’t care about this information and wishes Richard would stop sending them unsolicited emails

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Ryan Lemond Wins His Own Personal Hot Dog Eating Contest At Speedway Gas Station

Ryan Lemond Wins His Own Personal Hot Dog Eating Contest At Speedway Gas Station

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Ryan Lemond celebrated America’s independence today the only way he knows how, by winning his 3rd personal hot dog eating contest and beating his own previous record by eating 4 hotdogs and half of a pretty old breakfast tornado at the Speedway on Euclid Avenue.

While Lemond is a champ at home here in Lexington, his numbers don’t quite compare to the competitors in Coney Island, “Sure Joey Chesnut may eat 72 hotdogs, but is he eating them while his wife fills the car up with gas, and thinks her husband is just inside using the bathroom?”

Lemond was able to eat the hotdogs and throw away his trash before exiting the popular off campus gas station, “I mean she’ll never know, unless she checks the debit card statement. Who am I kidding, these are speedway dogs, her and everyone in my house is going to know what happened in about an hour.”

Second shift manager Terry Watson explained that Lemond’s victory comes with an asterisk, “I mean I’ve seen 3 other people eat at least 7 hotdogs at the roller today, although technically we’ll say Ryan won, since those guys should be disqualified because they try and just pay for 2 of them. So at least Ryan’s honest with me, but I wish he hadn’t made a championship belt out of my mustard packets.”

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


While In Egypt Cal Finds Hieroglyphics That Suggest WCS Might’ve Played Wide Receiver In High School

While In Egypt Cal Finds Hieroglyphics That Suggest WCS Might’ve Played Wide Receiver In High School

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

While coaching the Team USA Under 19 team in Cairo, Egypt Kentucky Coach John Calipari decided to take in a little culture while he was in the cradle of civilization.  Since he arrived with the team Coach Cal has been seen walking around like an Egyptian, as he’s toured sites many sites from Cairo and Giza. The Coach even got some souvenirs from the Sphinx and the Great Pyramids. However, during one of the tours of an ancient pharaoh’s burial grounds, Coach Calipari came across a hieroglyphic that stopped him in his tracks.

“These hieroglyphics hold the secrets of the past,” Calipari said. “The whole thing was fascinating to see but as I passed by, something caught my eye and I did a double take. It seemed like there was a single message I was able to decipher within the ancient code. It looked, to me, like there was a section that suggested that one of my sons, Willie Cauley-Stein may have played wide receiver in high school. Something I almost forgot!”

Using carbon-15 dating scientists have believe the engravings were made circa 2500 BC. Kentucky fans have confirmed this timeline as this was also the same time period when television announcers began using the anecdote.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


The New Circle Circular Dives into the World of Bike Polo

The New Circle Circular Dives into the World of Bike Polo

Just because Lexington is the Horse Capital of the World, doesn’t mean you need a horse to play polo.  Ahead of the World Bicycle Polo Championships in Lexington this October, The New Circle Circular introduces you to the sport you probably haven’t heard of.

Watch Monday’s Matt-less episode with Lee Cruse and Mary Jo Perino after the jump.

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Matt Bevin Cites Russ Smith’s Open Letter As Another Piece Of Bad Writing By The Courier-Journal

Matt Bevin Cites Russ Smith’s Open Letter As Another Piece Of Bad Writing By The Courier-Journal

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

The ongoing saga of the Governor of Kentucky versus the Courier-Journal continues this week; Matt Bevin used the latest installment of his facebook live web series bashing the Courier-Journal to critique an article penned by none other than former UofL basketball player and john, Russ Smith. Bevin pointed to the open letter as another example of poorly edited writing filled with factual errors.

The letter seems to acknowledge that there was some wrong doing between Katina Powell and Andre McGee but then also suggests that there was no wrong doing and no one should get in trouble. Smith writes “This paints a terrible image of the university and most important my coach, who, for a fact, if he had found out what was at hand or that woman’s business, would have had charges brought upon her, and the people involved would have lost jobs immediately.” This is somewhat ironic since the facts of ‘that woman’s business’ have come out and no one has lost their jobs.

The governor went on to point out other inconsistencies in Smith’s letter printed by the Courier-Journal,  “He writes and I quote, ‘We have had plenty of talented kids visit our school, but our coach gives us the decision to choose our teammates.'” After reading the paragraph aloud the governor asked rhetorically, “if Russ Smith was involved with recruiting why didn’t he offer more 5-star recruits? Think of how good they could’ve been.”

For as much as the governor dislikes the Courier-Journal, he openly admits to reading quite a bit of it, “This paper is simply garbage printed on top of garbage, just yesterday I read the entire classified section, and there wasn’t one example of all the jobs I’ve created. And now they’re apparently hiring writers that start sentences with ‘and’ and ‘but’, ridiculous, just ridiculous.”

Smith ended his letter saying, “That’s where I stand. I hope the NCAA reads this and this sheds a brighter light on whatever you may have.” The governor responded by saying, “I speak for all of us when I say, I hope the bright light you shine on this is not a black light, because I don’t want to know what kind of stains you would find.”

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Joseph Beth Booksellers To Release New Children’s Book Series “Where’d Eric Go?”

Joseph Beth Booksellers To Release New Children’s Book Series “Where’d Eric Go?”

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Joseph Beth Booksellers are doing their part to help the FBI find attorney at large Eric C Conn with this new children’s book series Where’d Eric Go?

In this new series of books, law enforcement has illustrated Eric traveling to extraordinary places that he may or may not be hiding. They’ve enlisted the help of the young and the young at heart to help find the man on the run, as he sends postcards, emails, and faxes to the reader as well as random media outlets. So while the FBI search for Eric in real life, the readers will locate Eric on each page. Where’d Eric Go? is the hottest new children’s book series, available at Joseph Beth Booksellers, pediatrician’s offices, and the walls of post offices everywhere.

(Click the image to see the full version)

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UK Baseball Managers Using Sharpies To Change Team’s Bat Brand To Lexington Slugger

UK Baseball Managers Using Sharpies To Change Team’s Bat Brand To Lexington Slugger

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

The University of Kentucky’s baseball team finished celebrating last night’s win sometime early this morning, but by the afternoon they’d already moved their focus to preparing for the school’s first ever College Baseball Super Regional. As Coach Mingione began evaluating the University of Louisville’s baseball team, looking for ways to squeeze out runs, the managerial staff began their own preparations for the weekend. Armed with only a few sharpies, UK Baseball managers spent today crossing out ‘Louisville’ and changing the brand name on UK’s bats to ‘Lexington Slugger.’

“Everyone around here is pretty hyped up, and we all want to contribute anyway we can,” manager Charles Ball said. “There’s only so much you can do to motivate the team via laundry. We decided we could help motivate the team by altering the equipment to remove the word ‘Louisville,’ so that’s exactly what we did. Once the game itself starts we will have more to worry about, like that one of the player’s rally cap of cups might touch the ceiling.”

An assistant coach for the UK baseball program told us that winning this weekend would not be easy, but he balked at the idea of the team just conceeding defeat. “They’re good, we’re going to have to find some new ways to get runs. If there’s one thing that’s obvious, it’s that a team with that many players with bleached blonde hair knows how to handle rolling bunts.”

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Joe B. Hall Eliminated In Second Round Of American Ninja Warrior Tryout

Joe B. Hall Eliminated In Second Round Of American Ninja Warrior Tryout

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

While season 9 of American Ninja Warrior is just around the corner, many had their first glimpse of the new challenging course last Thursday Night when a special Celebrity Ninja Warrior episode aired. While many of us American Ninja Warrior-heads are excited about the new season and its new challenges, some fans back here in Kentucky, specifically fans who are also members of the UK Basketball family, were left wondering “Where the heck was Coach Joe B. Hall?”

At this point it’s no secret, former Coach Joe B. Hall has spent the last two years training for his chance to climb Mount Midoriyama, and be crowned American Ninja Warrior, or whatever they call someone that wins that show… champion maybe?

“There’s few things I love more on this earth than a good salmon ladder,” said Coach Hall about what we’re hoping is an obstacle on the course this year, and not just something he ate the last time he was at Red Lobster.

We traveled with Coach Hall back on April 7th to witness his tryout this year, after finding stories of his 2015 tryout both impressive and, a little bit unbelievable. Although this year, there was no denying that Coach Joe B. Hall was born to be a Ninja. In fact, we were able to witness Joe B. become the real star of the night first hand, as he became the first former NCAA Basketball Head Coach to complete any stage of American Ninja Warrior.

Many on site agreed the Coach ran through the first round in style, as he showed off his recent gymnastic training, while sporting a classic sweater vest. Coach was able to slam the buzzer with just over ten seconds left on the clock, placing him seventh after the first round of the Daytona Beach regional. However, while the ageless wonder that is Coach Hall made waves, he ended up doing so figuratively and literally when he fell in the water during a particularly trying second round of the regional tryout.

“Maybe they’re saving my performance for the regular show? The celebrity episode is just so people at home can watch famous people fall down, like tyrannosaurus rex costume guy and Rob Schneider,” explained Hall as he stared at the screen through a single tear, as the credits of the premier rolled on, “yeah they’re saving the old Coach for the real show, that’s it.”

Be sure to tune in for the premier of this season’s American Ninja Warrior on June 12th, on LEX18 right after Hey Kentucky.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Predators Fans Remember Dark Days When Team Was Hunted By Arnold Schwarzenegger

Predators Fans Remember Dark Days When Team Was Hunted By Arnold Schwarzenegger

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

In a geography lesson to us all, the Nashville Predators were able to win the NHL Western Conference finals. The Predators topped a Gordon Bombay-less Anaheim Ducks team on their way to the Stanley Cup Finals. After the win, NHL Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly awarded the Campbell Bowl to the Predators, which inexplicably contained no soup.

As the team prepares for their first appearance in the Stanley Cup Finals and many new fans jump on the Nashville bandwagon many long-term fans are taking time to reflect on how far the team has come. The long-time Nashville Predators fan, Steve DaCanadian, remembers back before any sort of success, when the team was going through their toughest time, being hunted by future governors Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura.

“They used to come out to the games, by helicopter, just covered in mud. They thought it would keep ‘the preds’ from being able to see them or something,” DaCanadian told us. “It was just a weird time. As a fan, I can tell you I’m glad they started playing the games at Bridgestone Arena instead of that jungle.”

Many new fans have really gotten behind the team and are looking forward to the finals. One fan showed his excitement about the team but warned other new fans not to get too far ahead of themselves, “This series will be the toughest matchup for the predators since they took on the aliens back in 04 and 07.”

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


The New Circle Circular Explores Industrial Hemp on Hey Kentucky!

The New Circle Circular Explores Industrial Hemp on Hey Kentucky!

Hemp is not the same thing as marijuana, but you still need the government’s permission to grow it.  The New Circle Circular explains this conundrum by giving it the School House Rock treatment.  They also talked to Kentucky Agricultural Commissioner Ryan Quarles about hemp’s many uses, how it can help Kentucky farmers and much more.

Watch today’s entire episode after the jump.

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