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The New Circle Circular

Mitch Barnhart Denies Tennessee’s Involvement With Checkerboard Jerseys

Mitch Barnhart Denies Tennessee’s Involvement With Checkerboard Jerseys

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

University of Kentucky Athletic Director Mitch Barnhart held a joint press conference with Former President and current Czar of Tennessee Al Gore where Barnhart announced that, despite all of the evidence uncovered by people showing Tennessee with checkerboard uniforms long before UK made the switch, Tennessee had no involvement in the checkerboard uniforms introduced a few years ago.

With the checkerboards being such a bad idea, Tennessee would seem to be an easy scapegoat for the error. However, Mitch and others claim it’s not an error at all, let alone the fault of Tennessee. “I asked Mr. Gore if he tricked us into using the checkerboards so they [UT] wouldn’t look as dumb wearing them and he said they didn’t do it and they’ve never even worn checkerboards,” Barnhart said. “They had nothing to do with the checkerboards, they were all my idea and, frankly, everyone loves them.”

When presented with pictures of Tennessee utilizing the checkerboard design in the past Barnhart simply said: “those aren’t checkerboard, those are chessboard.” Barnhart went on to explain that Chess represented Tennessee because it is a game with a long history and is played by the top minds in the game whereas checkers represented Kentucky because our strategy in football has largely been centered around wildly jumping over people and getting to one end of the field and stacking players on top of one another for some reason.

UK officials were reportedly disturbed to hear Kentucky thrown under the bus but planned to do nothing about it.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


UK Basketball Preseason #4 In NBA Eastern Conference

UK Basketball Preseason #4 In NBA Eastern Conference

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

NBA Recruiting is in full-swing right now and John Calipari has positioned the Wildcats well once again. Former Cat Demarcus Cousins announced that he would be joining the Golden State Warriors as a grad transfer for $5.3 million which will allow him to get a nicer studio apartment in the Bay Area. While the addition of Cousins strengthens the Warriors position in the west, the NBA’s Eastern Conference is wide open. Kentucky, in addition to being a pre-season top five team in College Basketball, has also been predicted to finish in the playoff picture in the East.

Kentucky is positioned best of all the collegiate teams to finish in the Eastern Conference Playoff picture, their only competition coming from Duke who are not projected highly right now as it will be difficult for them to get under the NBA’s salary cap.

The Cats may not have a realistic chance of finishing at the top of the conference as Boston and Philadelphia both have very good, young teams, however, PJ Washington and EJ Montgomery pair up favorably with the Chicago Bulls frontcourt of Tall White Guy (interchangeable) and a guy no one remembers from the PAC-12 and Keldon Johnson and Quade Green are surely favorites over the Brooklyn Nets backcourt of that guy from Ohio State and probably a guy with a beard or something.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


UK Basketball Signs Deal To Wear Nike Space Force Ones

UK Basketball Signs Deal To Wear Nike Space Force Ones

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

The University of Kentucky’s student-athletes are under contract with Nike to wear their shoes until at least 2025, and the contract may not just be here on earth but in outer space as well.

Back in 2002, Nike Air Force Ones saw a big uptick in sales thanks to the likes of Nelly. While Band-Aids might still be waiting for their big Nelly bump in sales, Nike may see yet another sales boom this winter thanks to Space Force 1, the new sneaker line based off the new military branch President Trump recently announced.

Kentucky revealed, along with the shoe deal, that it is a finalist to play in the first Armed Forces Classic which will take place on a spacecraft carrier docked on the moon for the men and women of the newly announced Space Force in 2026.

With a new Space Force comes limitless possibilities, and not just because space itself is infinite. It also comes with marketing potential, and no one is quicker to jump on capitalistic potential than Nike. No one except the President, of course.

“Look, Space Force isn’t just gonna be an awesome long-awaited CGI-animated sequel to Space Jam, it’s also gonna be dope kicks. Oh, and a very expensive branch of the military. But mainly shoes -” seems like the kind of thing the President might say.

UK will be the sole wearers of the new Space Force Ones during the 2018-2019 basketball season, and the team’s support of the star troopers doesn’t stop there. Returnee Jonny David will be joining the University’s Space Force ROTC this summer to help stay in shape over the offseason and maybe meet an E.T.

The shoes will be available for sale in time for Christmas and will come in two colors: black and space camo, which is also black.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Liberal Legislators Introduce Bill To Turn Guntown Mountain Into Town Mountain

Liberal Legislators Introduce Bill To Turn Guntown Mountain Into Town Mountain

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Guntown Mountain originally opened in the 1960’s and featured carnival games, gun shows, and both can-can and can’t-can’t dancers. Then, over the last 50 years, the attraction suffered setbacks attributed to vandalism, ownership changes, and Barack Obama. However, in 2016 the current ownership group took over in hopes to restore the theme park to its once majestic glory. Arming themselves with hard work and determination, the group reopened the park a few weeks back to rave reviews.

However, it didn’t take long for Cave City’s western theme park to come under fire. Just two weeks after its grand reopening, some local liberal lawmakers have set their sights on changing its name. “We’re not saying you have to cancel your show here, let’s just take the one problematic part of the cast out,” began Wilson “Buggy” Williams, a tree-hugging representative from Bowling Green. “Let’s make a small compromise. We don’t want to stop glorifying violence or impact the open carry of cap and squirt guns you have, let’s just take the gun part out and call it ‘Town Mountain.'”

Williams claims his request comes from the recoil of a recent ‘scientific study’ which showed that “big game hunters from Guntown Mountain are endangering wildlife at nearby Dinosaur World.”

The owners of Guntown Mountain stood by their current signage. “If we outlaw guns, then only outlaws will have guns,” said a guy that runs a place based around the idea of outlaws having guns.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Lee Cruse Misses Perfect Game By 10 Frames

Lee Cruse Misses Perfect Game By 10 Frames

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Local celebrity Lee Cruse’s bowling game has become the subject of local lore after his infamous performance in the KSR bowling league. However, the television personality has reportedly been practicing every night at Southland Bowling Lanes and those in attendance report they saw Cruse nearly miss the perfect 300 game by a mere 10 frames.

Employees say they’ve seen Cruse at the lanes late into the night every night since the much talked about disaster of a league performance. “He’s usually here for a few hours, working on his craft until close,” said one employee, his face clouded by the mist of magic spray they use to sanitize the bowling shoes. “For the past few weeks every time you look down there you can see that bright pink 8 pounder of his gliding down the lane.”

Even though cruse came up just 10 frames short (no offense intended to Cruse here for using the word short) Southland has decided it will still honor his performance by framing his bowling shirt in an 8×10 frame that will be prominently displayed near the cash register.

Cruse has not been asked back to the KSR bowling league yet but some say that he isn’t being kept out solely because of his performance last time. “It’s an adults-only league, I shouldn’t have to find a kids size 7,” the employee behind the shoe counter said.

Cruse was last seen trying to pry the bumpers on the lane up without anyone noticing.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


I Voted 6 Times Today And Here’s What I Learned

I Voted 6 Times Today And Here’s What I Learned

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

KSR gave me 4 hours of paid leave today to get out there and vote, and like any good citizen I wanted to vote early and vote often. Unfortunately, I was only able to vote 6 times before I had to come back to work.

I learned a lot about statewide elections today since I was able to participate in half of a non-baker’s dozen of them. Hopefully, you can take what I learned today and apply them to when elections actually count for something in November.

Lesson 1: There are no bathrooms in the voting booths and the staff gets mad if they have to clean up after you. Pro Tip: Go before you get in line.

Lesson 2: An Inez Subway stamp card counts as a voter ID in Martin County.

Lesson 3: The choice isn’t always yours, you can pick your candidates but you can’t pick your seat. Many precincts don’t take reservations, the first voting hostess I met kept saying “Sir come this way, your booth is over there,” um thanks but no thanks I don’t want to have to wait I’ll just sit at the bar.

Lesson 4: If you see people wearing an “I voted” bracelet in Louisville, it only means they voted in the statewide election today. Unfortunately, the color of the bracelets are not an indication of what base they’re willing to go to with you.

Lesson 5: Dress for the job you have, don’t dress for the candidate you want. Kudos to 3 separate election officials I saw in Lexington that detained voters wearing a sweet leather jacket within 100 feet of a polling place. Rules are rules, and technically this counts as a campaign violation for Amy McGrath.

Lesson 6: There is nowhere to write in your opinion on Outback vs. Buffalo Wild Wings!!

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


The Pros And Cons Of Legalizing Sports Gambling

The Pros And Cons Of Legalizing Sports Gambling

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Need A Mother’s Day Gift? Consider The Complete Box Set Of The Family Minute

Need A Mother’s Day Gift? Consider The Complete Box Set Of The Family Minute

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Mother’s Day is this Sunday and many Kentuckians are still (read: starting) searching for the perfect Mother’s Day Gift. While Sherry’s Berries or Pro Flowers are great options, this year dedicated Kentucky Sports Radio listeners have another option, an option ideal for a Mother you don’t really like, the complete box set of ever Family Minute with Mark Merrill that has ever aired.

The 486 tracks are compiled across seven CD’s, the full runtime for the collection is one eternity. If your mother is the type of person that enjoys listening to someone aimlessly reminisce about their childhood or talk about how hard it is to be a parent you can now give them the gift that never stops giving no matter how much you would like it to stop.

The box set is only available for a limited time so make sure to act quickly. If you’re shopping for multiple mothers this week remember your family first.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


Ohio River Racing Forces The Great Steamboat Race Participants To Add Restrictor Plates

Ohio River Racing Forces The Great Steamboat Race Participants To Add Restrictor Plates

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Louisville’s Great Steamboat Race will be undergoing a change this year as the Ohio River Racing Commission announced that this year’s race would require restrictor plates to be placed on the boats. Steamboat speeds have been increasing steadily since the 1700’s. This year, steamboat racing commissioner Samuel Clemens decided something needed to be done.

“We saw blazing speeds last year,” Clemens said, referring to the Belle of Louisville’s top speed of 14 mph or knots or whatever boat people say. “This year, after watching both boats get squirrelly through the turns we decided we need to take some precautions.”

The decision to add restrictor plates was not without opposition. Many who have already placed wagers on the race are upset about the decision and are worried that the entire strategy of the race could change. “With these plates on there, they’re gonna get all bunched up going into the turns. It’s gonna change the whole thing,” said a guy whose name we forgot to get because as he talked about how much he loved the steamboat race our minds and hearts became so full of pity for this man his alias was the least of our concerns.

“This is going to be a huge change strategically, the pit crews are really going to play a major role,” the man who loves steamboat racing in 2018 said. “If the Belle [unclear which one he was referring to] is gonna pull this off it’s gonna be because of that crew. Stern Wheel Stevie and Engine Joe are gonna be major players in this thing.”

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.


As Part Of New “On Campus Target” Deal, Next Year’s Football Uniforms Will Be Mossimo Brand

As Part Of New “On Campus Target” Deal, Next Year’s Football Uniforms Will Be Mossimo Brand

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

There was a lot of interest an excitement last week as UK students learned they would get their very own, on-campus Target store. Students were understandably excited to no longer have to make the one mile, hour and forty minute drive down Nicholasville Road to the other Target.

Today, it was unveiled that, as part of the contract to open the on-campus store the discount retailer would have the opportunity to spread their brand across campus in a number of ways; the most prominent being that this years football uniforms would be designed by the in-house, affordable fashion brand Mossimo.

“We’re excited about this move,” said Athletic Director Mitch Barnhart. “We are going to save a lot of money buying these affordable brands instead of the name brand Nike uniforms. These uniforms look just as good, no one will ever know the difference. Plus, they’ve agreed to do some special all checkerboard uniforms. So it’s wins all around.”

With Kroger’s name on the stadium and Target now designing the uniforms it will be interesting to see if Meijer is able to find a way to get their name out there on Saturday afternoons in the fall.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.