Kentucky Sports Radio

University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Bachelor Running Diary

Flener’s Bachelor Running Diary: Episode 6 “I Want to Punch Her in the Teeth Holder”

Flener’s Bachelor Running Diary: Episode 6 “I Want to Punch Her in the Teeth Holder”

bachelor cast

When it comes to The Bachelor I’m here for three things. The cat fighting, the tears, and the delusion. While you can argue that those three things are one in the same, you probably shouldn’t. If you are here for an in depth review of what girl he should pick, go somewhere else. You won’t enjoy this. I have no interest in the final outcome of the show. The future happiness or despair of the contestants on this show is of no concern to me. He will pick someone, they will be apart “trying to make it work” while the show airs. They will appear happy at the reunion show, then you’ll see something like this or this a week or a month later. The format of this column, as always, will be a running diary of my thoughts throughout the show. There a lot of places to go for Bachelor commentary so let me thank you for choosing a sports website. Let’s get involved, what do you say?


8:01- “There is something in the air. B****** be crazy.” -Kaitlyn. She just described this show in less than 10 words.

8:02- The girls seem completely unconcerned about Kelsey’s well being as she lays on the tile floor of this place freaking out. Do you know how disgusting that tile floor probably was? Tile floors, as a flooring type, are probably the most disgusting things you can lay on.

8:05- Kelsey is so insane. She just “fainted” and recovered in a matter of what I’ll call twenty minutes and now she’s been talking for 5 straight minutes to the girls about everything that is going on. Kelsey makes me really uncomfortable because words are one of my best things and I can’t find any to describe her. She said like she felt like she has tied up all the loose ends, to which Kelli Turner asked a legitimate question…


8:10- Jade gets a rose.

8:11- Kaitlyn gets a rose.

8:11- Megan, Becca, & Ashley I. get roses.

Final Rose Kelsey gets the final rose. America will deal with her for at least two more hours.

8:12- Mackenzie and her alien talk are headed home as well as Samantha, who had to set the record for least words said by someone who made it into the 6th episode.

8:14- “I want to punch her in the teeth holder.” -Kaitlyn. I think there needs to be a “Top 5 funniest things Kaitlyn said tonight” list every week, but I’m too unorganized to compile it. 8:20- The crew has traveled to Deadwood, South Dakota. Josh Cohron sends an A plus tweet about Megan:


8:21- “I’m with 8 beautiful charming women. And Kelsey is here too.”-Carly. OH NO SHE DITTINT.

8:23- Becca gets the one on one date and Kelsey takes it predictably not well.

8:29- Chris and Becca go horse back riding. I can’t say enough negative things about horse back riding. Let me explain. Once upon a time my youngest brother rode horses a lot. He kept his horse in a barn with other horses. As an older brother who wanted to support the interests of his little brother, one day I decided to go to the farm with him and ride one of the other horses as he rode his horse. This was a bad choice by me. As we rode these horses alongside a fence, my shoe got caught in a bolt sticking out of one of the fence posts and got stuck. The horse did not get stuck. It kept going. So, the horse continued forward and my right foot stayed where it was. Stuck on the fence post. Eventually, this turned into me doing the splits. I can’t do the splits. This caused me pain. I yelled, I punched the horse and yelled “stop!” But I don’t know if you all know this or not but horses don’t speak English, and this was the first time I’d ever ridden a horse so I wasn’t sure of the stopping techniques. The horse finally stopped, I got my foot off the fence, cursed some, then vowed to never ride a horse again. And I haven’t. That’s called commitment.

8:32- “I’m blessed with eloquence and use big words sometimes,” says Kelsey about something that has nothing to do with anything.

8:42- Chris and Becca talked about 5 year plans for a bit. It was boring. The best five year plan comes from Adam Sandler in Big Daddy, when he asks a girl who left him for an older man if that man’s five year plan was “DON’T DIE.” I miss the days when Adam Sandler was funny.

8:44- The group date is everyone except Ashley I. & Kelsey, which means they will have a 2 on 1 date with Chris in which one of them will go home. I don’t like either one of them, so I win. Andrew Brown called it. I hope his prediction of a cat fight comes true as well.

8:45- Becca gets a rose and her first kiss with Chris on the one on one date. I got my first kiss in the movie theater when I was in 6th grade watching Casper the Friendly Ghost. That information is free of charge, and if my Mom is reading this she now knows why my friends and I liked going to the movies in middle school.

8:47- The girls are going to write songs for Chris with the help of Big & Rich. It says a lot about where Big and Rich are as a duo that they agreed to come on this show. How many people said no before they called Big and Rich?


8:50- No one can be more excited about this than Carly. Let me take this opportunity to remind you that her job is to sing on cruise ships. She’s a “professional.”

8:52- Jade is nervous, so Big Kenny makes her run down the street yelling “I’M GONNA SPEAK MY SONG!!!” You know who else is gonna speak their song? Rock Oliver.




9:00- Chris does not have a future in music. What he just did set music back 100 years. Thank god Rihanna, Kanye, and Paul McCartney did this and totally redeemed Chris. 

9:01- “Chris has a cool situation here”- John Rich. If 8 beautiful girls and Kelsey fighting for your affection is your thing then yes, I’d say it’s a pretty cool situation.

9:02- Of course Carly the cruise ship singer kills it in the singing portion of the date. She is a singer by profession. You know who else would’ve killed the group date? Fake Barney would’ve have killed the group date.


9:21- Chris gives Britt the group date rose on stage at the Big and Rich concert. Chris walks her back in to a room of stone faced killers. All girls not named Britt are not excited that a girl named Britt got the rose at a Big and Rich concert. Josh Cohron with another gem…


9:27- Whitney drops that she is “here for the right reasons.” Finish your drink.

9:31- This is the Super Bowl of 2 on 1 dates. It’s in the Badlands and OH LOOK THERE’S MOUNT RUSHMORE!! These are two of the most hated girls on the show. You guys had some great tweets about this 2 on 1 date…



9:34- “Literally with this I just can’t even” is a sentence Ashley said about Kelsey that means nothing. “She looks like a Kardashian” is a sentence that Kelsey said about Ashley that means nothi… well, wait. That actually has merit. Look:

ashley I








9:37- Ashley talks crap about Kelsey during her one on one time with Chris when she doesn’t have her tongue down his throat. “I’m real, and she is fake. *Except my eyebrows. Those are definitely fake.”

*I made this part up. Or did I?

9:39- This two on one date makes me hate everything. Mostly this show. I find myself screaming “SHUT UP” every time Kesley opens her mouth.

9:40- Text from Drew Franklin: “I’m just sad that our four most famous presidents had to see this.”

9:49- This date did not go well for Ashley. Looks like Kelsey will get the ros….


9:51- Both girls go home. Ashley and Kelsey both going home is like Louisville and Duke playing and both teams losing or a *bomb hitting the arena.

*I’m kidding, I wouldn’t want a bomb to hit the arena. Kentuckians paid too much for the Yum! Center to just blow it up.


There you have it, folks. We’re down to 7 girls (I think), the point in the show where everyone’s emotions get really involved. KSR favorite Whitney is still looking like a front runner. Just think, if she wins UK can hang two banners this spring! Thanks for tweeting along last night, you guys help make the craziness bearable. As always, I’m Flener and until next week this has been my Bachelor Running Diary.



UPDATE: Ashley I. appeared on Jimmy Kimmel to talk about it. If you have 8 minutes to waste, go ahead.

Flener’s Bachelor Running Diary: Episode 5 “Kelsey Joins Bachelor Mt. Rushmore of Crazy”

Flener’s Bachelor Running Diary: Episode 5 “Kelsey Joins Bachelor Mt. Rushmore of Crazy”












When it comes to The Bachelor I’m here for three things. The cat fighting, the tears, and the delusion. While you can argue that those three things are one in the same, you probably shouldn’t. If you are here for an in depth review of what girl he should pick, go somewhere else. You won’t enjoy this. I have no interest in the final outcome of the show. The future happiness or despair of the contestants on this show is of no concern to me. He will pick someone, they will be apart “trying to make it work” while the show airs. They will appear happy at the reunion show, then you’ll see something like this or this a week or a month later. The format of this column, as always, will be a running diary of my thoughts throughout the show. There a lot of places to go for Bachelor commentary so let me thank you for choosing a sports website. Let’s get involved, what do you say?


8:02- The following are all things said about Santa Fe…”Santa Fe seems like the perfect place to fall in love.”-Chris

8:03- “I’ve never been to Santa Fe or New Mexico. It’s like one of those beach resort type places. I’m really excited, I’ve never been out of the country.”-Megan

8:04- OMG Megan thinks Santa Fe, New Mexico is in a different country and she thinks it is a bean resort. I think she got Cancun, Mexico and Santa Fe, New Mexico mixed up. Congratulations Megan, you are the first person to ever do this.

8:05- Carly gets the one on one date, and according to the previews she might have some sexy time.

8:07- They meet with a “Love Guru.” I don’t know what a Love Guru is but it sounds like a profession someone on this show would have. And it seems like someone who could really get a long with a cruise ship singer. Like Carly.

8:13- If you thought the girls on this show were crazy, you haven’t seen anything until you see this Love Guru do her job.

8:20- I’m uncomfortable for human beings on the whole right now. Most first dates are happy hours, or dinner and a movie. This first date is Chris bending Carly over at the waist and massaging her thighs and having her breathe heavily an inch from his face. The Bachelor is rated R tonight. I hope you guys out there were watching with your ladies. And as ridiculous as this whole thing was, Josh points out something else really odd…


8:27- Carly said her last boyfriend didn’t touch her and they were never physical. Carly said “I haven’t had a reciprocated relationship in a really long time.” While it’s shocking that a beautiful blonde wouldn’t have had a reciprocated relationship, most shocking to me is that Carly knew the word “reciprocated.”

8:37- When I watch the Sprint commercial that says they’re going to cut your phone bill in half if you bring it in I just yell at the TV “It’s 2015 I’m not a terrorist I don’t get a paper bill mailed to my house.”

8:39- Megan isn’t the smartest. She did not pronounce Rio Grande correctly. Also, she ‘s been in New Mexico for some amount of time and still believes she is in a different country.

8:41- Jade fell off the raft into the water and said her life flashed before her eyes. Again, all that happened was her falling into water. With a lifejacket on.

8:48- JORDAN DROVE TO SANTE FE FROM COLORADO. I have some questions. How did she know where they were? How did she make it without getting lost? How did she make it without getting drunk? I think that ends my questions and the only question that even matters is the one asked by Lauren Taylor on twitter:

8:58- Jordan is about as welcomed by the other girls as Rick Pitino at Rupp Arena. Or Ryan Lemond in a restaurant with fancy silverware.

9:07- The girls find out Jordan is leaving and then they are all like “oh it was so great to see you” and stuff. One girl even said “I truly admire you.” I don’t know what there is to admire except her tolerance.

9:11- Whitney gets the group date rose!! WHITNEY!! WHITNEY!! WHITNEY!!

9:13- Ashley I. is not happy about Whitney getting the group date rose. This sounds like an Ashley I. problem.

9:18- Chris wakes Britt up at 4:30 am to go on their date.  Britt was somehow in full make up at this point. But never mind that. I’ve got to say this to all of you. Never wake me up at 4:30 am for any reason. Not even if there is a fire. Nothing good happens if I’m awake at 4:30 am.

9:26- According to the girls Britt doesn’t shower. Or want kids. Or want to get married. Right after this, Britt tells Chris “I want to have 100 kids.”

9:29- Chris shuts the door to the bedroom where he and Britt are spending some time together in his bed. I don’t think I have to explain to you guys what is happening.


9:40- Kelsey is so crazy. Like, so crazy. She is on the Mount Rushmore of Bachelor crazy people. To remind you, Kelsey is a widow. Her husband Sanderson (what a name) died of heart failure while walking to work a year and a half ago. She said “it is really tragic, but I LOVE my story.” She loves the story of losing the “love of her life.” This is a special kind of crazy. This is Gone Girl type crazy. If you’re a guy and you’ve never seen Gone Girl, do not see Gone Girl if you ever want to trust a girl again.

9:42- Let me remind everyone that Kelsey, a girl I just compared to the craziest person imaginable, is a school counselor. Like, a person who counsels students at schools. Being counseled by Kelsey would be like having Johnny Manziel and Rob Gronkowski as your AA sponsors.

9:44- Samantha spoke words out loud. I’m not even sure what she said. I think she said something about needing some one on one time with Chris, but I was so shocked her mouth was moving that I didn’t pay attention. I honestly wasn’t sure she could speak up until this point.

9:48- Chris knows what he wants to do so he is foregoing the cocktail party tonight. This saddens Ashley I. because SHE NEEDS HER TIME like she needs makeup and fake eyelashes. She cries about this, of course. Because that is how we handle things on this show. In reference to Kelsey telling the story about her husband dying, Ashley I. said “My story is nothing compared to hers.” Yeah, too bad you’re not a widow, Ashley. I’m so sad that you have not had to deal with the death of a spouse.

9:56- This episode is going to end without us finding out who is going home, but it’s not going to end before we can watch Kelsey flail on the floor and have a panic attack like a fish out of water. Classic needy girl attention move. Tierra perfected this by fake falling down stairs two seasons ago. But she didn’t lose her sparkle.

9:58- The preview for next week looks like the crying really gets ramped up. Every girl they showed was crying. A true tragedy could have happened or maybe one of them didn’t get what they wanted for breakfast. Anything is tear worthy for these ladies.


Until next week, I’m Flener and this is my Bachelor Running Diary.





Flener’s Bachelor Running Diary: Episode 4 “Would You Rather?”

Flener’s Bachelor Running Diary: Episode 4 “Would You Rather?”














When it comes to The Bachelor I’m here for three things. The cat fighting, the tears, and the delusion. While you can argue that those three things are one in the same, you probably shouldn’t. If you are here for an in depth review of what girl he should pick, go somewhere else. You won’t enjoy this. I have no interest in the final outcome of the show. The future happiness or despair of the contestants on this show is of no concern to me. He will pick someone, they will be apart “trying to make it work” while the show airs. They will appear happy at the reunion show, then you’ll see something like this or this a week or a month later. The format of this column, as always, will be a running diary of my thoughts throughout the show. There a lot of places to go for Bachelor commentary so let me thank you for choosing a sports website. Let’s get involved, what do you say?


Preview, Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3


I missed the first 15 minutes of the show because something went wrong with my DVR. One could also argue that something went right with my DVR.

I also watched Gone Girl right before this so my crazy girl awareness is on 100 right now. If you’ve never seen Gone Girl and you want to be able to trust women besides your Mother for the rest of your life DO NOT watch Gone Girl.


Since I missed the first 15 minutes, I asked you guys to help me fill in the blanks. You did not disappoint.

I guess not everything can be perfect about her.


8:15- The first thing I see is Kelsey complaining about being at a lake that is not as nice as the lakes in Michigan. Then God stung her with a bee in the sweet meat for her bad attitude. What is the sweet meat, you ask? The sweet meat is the inner thigh area between your knee and your groin. Quite possibly the most disgusting part of a male body, not so bad on the females.

8:18- “I’m a camping virgin and virgin camping” says Ashley I., a virgin. I would have said “I am NOT camping.” Because man do I love not camping. 

8:25- Ashley I. just called Kelsey fake. Reader (and friend) Josh had this to say…

*Insert fire emoji, cause she just got burned!

8:29- Ashley S. is back at it. She is singing songs that do not contain real words. Speaking of being back at it, Mackenzie is talking about aliens. Again.

8:34- Ashley S. then gets some time alone with Chris. If my DVR would have worked I would go back and get this word for word but the best I can do because Ashley S. does not speak actual english phrases normal people are familiar with is this : “What are you? What are you? I mean I know you’re a scorpio…” and then later she closes with this: “I love everything about you, and I hope that resonates within yourself tonight.” Who talks like this? If someone told me they hoped something resonated within myself tonight I would hope they were talking about tacos.

8:36- Kaitlyn got the group date rose. She had this to say “I’m so happy about this. And I’m drunk.” You know what, I appreciate the truth.

8:40- Ashley I. went to Chris’ tent and woke him up out of a dead sleep to tell Chris she was a virgin and then she did everything except tell Chris she was a virgin. They were really close talking too. Michael Kinney makes a great point…


8:45- Jade gets picked for the princess ball date and Ashley I. is salty because Jade is getting pampered by a crazy looking person with pink hair. Ashley I.’s thirstiness is unquenchable. I could have given her all the Citrus Cooler Gatorade I saw at the gas station yesterday and the girl would still be thirsty. And really the only reason I mentioned her thirstiness was so I could talk about Citrus Cooler Gatorade.  WHY CAN I NEVER FIND IT?!?! I see Citrus Cooler Gatorade once a presidential term. It is the best flavor and it’s not even close. Does Gatorade hate money? Does Gatorade hate me? Is Gatorade just trolling us? I almost bought all of it. If I had 3 wishes one would be for a lifetime supply of Citrus Cooler Gatorade. The other two wishes would be a billion dollars and for someone to tell me what the hell is wrong with Ashley S.


8:59- Ashley I. put on one of the extra dresses for the Cinderella date that she wasn’t invited to go on. That’d be like if I would’ve shown up to the game in South Carolina on Saturday in a Kentucky uniform and tried to start on the blue platoon.

9:05- They are pimping the Cinderella movie on the show tonight. First the dresses and now a commercial at the hour break. I know I’m not the demographic they are aiming for and I know that because under no circumstance am I going to see it. If you gave me a choice between locking me in a room with both Ashleys on this show or going to see Cinderella then lock the door pal.

9:09- Six girls got wedding dresses for a group date. Wedding dress girl from last season would’ve been all like “Nah it’s cool I brought my own.”

9:12- The girls get in a plane and fly to San Francisco in the wedding dresses. They all think they are going to do a fake wedding with Chris. They are not doing that at all. They are going to run a tough mudder course in a wedding dress. I’ll leave this quote from Becca here with no further explanation: “I gave up after the big balls.”

9:15-9:25 – Jillian wins the one on one date in the tough mudder challenge. Then she proceeded to talk about fitness and the gym for 30 minutes before she busted out the “Would You Rather” game. She asks Chris if he would rather have sex with a homeless person or abstain from sex for 5 years. Chris does not answer and then does not give Jillian a rose. I’ve played WYR. WYR is a fun game amongst close friends in the privacy of a car or a home. But “Would You Rather” is like middle school girls basketball. It’s fun for the participants but it’s not meant to be watched.

9:34- Ashley I. is going to try this “tell him I’m a virgin” thing again. She gets it out this time. Chris didn’t care. She thought Chris cared. So she cried. Ashley I. completely lost control tonight. She’s like Jessie Spano in the episode of Saved By the Bell where she took caffeine pills to stay up and study.

9:39- We find out Becca is also a virgin. The only difference is Becca is chill about it and not crying and hasn’t tried and failed two times to tell Chris this fact about herself. She is the anti-Ashley I. I think she even has real eyelashes and doesn’t pretend to be on dates she didn’t get invited to go on.

9:47- After Chris gets questioned by Britt about the way he is distributing roses, he walks into the room full of girls to assure them his has the right intentions and that if any of them didn’t believe it that they could go home. Mackenzie says “I don’t know whats going on. I’m super confused.” Considering she has talked about aliens more than once this season, I feel like that is something she could say almost all the time about every situation.




-Carly and Megan get roses, which makes sense. They’ve spoken on camera this season.

-Samantha gets a rose, which does not make sense. She has not spoken on camera this season. I’m not kidding. I have not seen one clip of her talking to Chris or in an interview with producers.

-Mackenzie gets a rose. I think she understood this part, but I can’t be sure.

-Kelsey gets a rose. Kelsey also stars in the “next week on the Bachelor” as the girl who all the other girls have started to hate. Always one of my favorite people every season. She is then seen throwing a fit and laying on the ground crying in her Rose Ceremony dress. Look for big things out of Kelsey next week.

-Becca and Ashley I. get roses giving them a total of four flowers between them.

-And the Final Rose goes to Britt, leaving us with 11 girls because Kaitlyn & Jade got roses on dates.


So not getting roses are someone named Nikki who never spoke, Juelia, and Hall of Fame crazy person Ashley S.


Ashley’s exit speech was every bit as crazy as you’d hoped Ashley S.’s exit speech would be.  “I feel nothing. Like I have no feelings at all. I’m not worried about anything. I’m not worried about anything at all. Chris, all I have to say to you is nothing.”


Bachelor Running Diary readers, all I have to say to you is nothing. Until next week, I hope this post resonates within you this week…




Flener’s Bachelor Running Diary: Episode 3 “Wedding Crashers”

Flener’s Bachelor Running Diary: Episode 3 “Wedding Crashers”

chris & jimmy

When it comes to The Bachelor I’m here for three things. The cat fighting, the tears, and the delusion. While you can argue that those three things are one in the same, you probably shouldn’t. If you are here for an in depth review of what girl he should pick, go somewhere else. You won’t enjoy this. I have no interest in the final outcome of the show. The future happiness or despair of the contestants on this show is of no concern to me. He will pick someone, they will be apart “trying to make it work” while the show airs. They will appear happy at the reunion show, then you’ll see something like this or this a week or a month later. The format of this column, as always, will be a running diary of my thoughts throughout the show. There a lot of places to go for Bachelor commentary so let me thank you for choosing a sports website. Let’s get involved, what do you say?



Episode 1

Episode 2


8:00- Jimmy Kimmel is the guest host tonight. When he walked in the room they all cheered. I have a feeling half of them didn’t really know who he was.

8:05- Jimmy brings in a big jar and calls it the “amazing” jar. When anyone says “amazing” they have to put a dollar in the jar. This is a great idea and there will be millions of dollars in that jar very soon. The amazing jar may solve the national debt.

8:20- They drew attention to Chris’ laugh and now I’m not sure when I’ll sleep again.

8:27- After Chris stumbled through asking Kaitlyn if she would accept the rose, Jimmy said “Are there people on the farm or just animals?” Kimmel is killing it.

8:38- They are still doing the black box over Jillian’s butt. That may turn out to be the biggest mystery of the season.

8:40- If I ever have to drink warm goat milk to win a competition then I’m going to lost that particular competition. I’m simply not going to do it.

8:47- Carly just said “I am a woman and you are a man and I just want to take advantage” as a pick up line before she leaned in and kissed him. To sum up her game, she says a couple facts out loud and then goes in for the kill.

One of my twitter followers sums up Carly like this:

8:54- Ashley S. hasn’t done anything ridiculous tonight and I’m not extremely happy about that. However, she did make this face when Becca got the group date rose.

ashley sad face












9:00- Whitney gets a one on one date…WHITNEY!! WHITNEY!! WHITNEY!!

9:02- Whitney is owning this one on one date. She just said “YOLO” on national television even though no one says YOLO anymore and then suggested they crash a wedding, which they are going to do. Whitney is the Kentucky basketball of this season of the Bachelor. All the other girls are UCLA. She can do no wrong.

9:03- Chris is worried that wedding goers will recognize him from being on the Bachelor. Reminds me of this scene. 

9:05- If this couple didn’t know at the time that their wedding got crashed, I guess they do now.

9:07- If you were to crash a wedding, I would imagine you would try to attract the least amount of attention to yourself as possible. That is not what Whitney does. Whitney draws a lot of attention to herself by attempting to catch the bouquet. Watch this…

whitney toss










You have to respect the effort.

9:11- The obligatory outdoor shower scene included Jimmy Kimmel and it was hilarious.


9:21- The pool party means one thing. Yep, it means we’re getting more blurred out shots of Jillian’s behind.

9:27- And we’re also getting the sad suicide story about Juelia’s husband, apparently. Matt, what do you think?


9:41– As Ashley I. complains and cries about not getting enough time with Chris, I can only think of one thing.

9:46-  This tweet made me laugh.

So did this one:

LOL at “brain thong.” Strong work, Vernon.


9:47- Girls that spend their time with Chris complaining about not getting their time with Chris are not making the most of their time with Chris.


9:52- “Chris, whatever you do, don’t be yourself. Be someone who gives better speeches.”- Jimmy’s advice to Chris before he went to the rose ceremony.



Jade gets a rose. The only thing she did this episode was run and jump on Chris’ bed.

Juelia, who you shouldn’t invite to your pool party, gets a rose.

Samantha, whom I’ve yet to see speak in 3 weeks, gets a rose.

Mackenzie, who can’t believe Chris is kissing other women, gets a rose.

Kelsey, who still fears getting diarrhea on first dates, gets a rose.

Britt, who employed the Juan Pablo strategy of kissing when you have nothing to say, gets a rose.

Megan gets a rose. Nashville stays alive.

Carly, who shucked corn, found an egg and cracked it, milked a goat and drank it, and then caught a greasy pig before anyone else could do all of those things got a rose.

Ashley S., whose only contribution to the show was the shade she threw at not getting the group date rose gets a rose! Let’s revisit that shade one more time.

ashley sad face







Nikki, who we know nothing about, gets a rose.

Jillian, the human butt blur, gets a rose.

Ashley I., who wants to be a Kardashian, gets a rose.


Amber and two other girls whose names I don’t even know got sent home. I felt like this episode was a little lackluster, but after an all time crazy episode last week it was going to be a tough act to follow. I’m Flener, and I’ll be back again next week with more ridiculous thoughts and observations about a show where 30 girls go on national television to date the same guy and try to get him to marry them.



Flener’s Bachelor Running Diary: Episode 2 “Ashley S. is OUT OF BOUNDS CRAZY”

Flener’s Bachelor Running Diary: Episode 2 “Ashley S. is OUT OF BOUNDS CRAZY”

ashley s


When it comes to The Bachelor I’m here for three things. The cat fighting, the tears, and the delusion. While you can argue that those three things are one in the same, you probably shouldn’t. If you are here for an in depth review of what girl he should pick, go somewhere else. You won’t enjoy this. I have no interest in the final outcome of the show. The future happiness or despair of the contestants on this show is of no concern to me. He will pick someone, they will be apart “trying to make it work” while the show airs. They will appear happy at the reunion show, then you’ll see something like this or this a week or a month later. The format of this column, as always, will be a running diary of my thoughts throughout the show. There a lot of places to go for Bachelor commentary so let me thank you for choosing a sports website. Let’s get involved, what do you say?

If you missed last week’s preview and episode 1 running diary, they can be found here and here.


I apologize that this is two days late. I do not apologize that this is on a sports website.


– The episode picks up where last week left off, with Kimberly coming back into the house to talk to Chris. I want to point out that when they walked outside it was daylight, meaning the first night lasted literally all night. No wonder these girls are going crazy. You should see me on champagne and no sleep.

– Chris lets Kimberly stay. I mean, is nothing sacred? This is the Bachelor. THERE MUST BE RULES. How do you all expect me to respect our nations laws if we can’t even have rules on the Bachelor? I’m gonna park in the middle of the street tomorrow and then punch a stranger in the face.

– Chris does not dress like a farmer. He has low top Chuck Taylors on with no laces.

-Obligatory outdoor shower scene. I powered through where most of you ladies probably hit pause. I’ll wait…

-Okay, we ready to get back to it?

– Chris is apparently out of t-shirts. He’s going with the zip up hoodie with no undershirt.

– My favorite part of watching the show on delay is fast forwarding through commercials.

– Tara seems a little more sure footed on this group date than the last time we saw her.

-Kimberly doesn’t waste any time showing us why Chris let her stay. That yellow bikini pretty much tells the story.

-Why are they having to blur out the front and back of Jillian’s bathing suit bottom. Are there holes in it? Are they crotchless?

– Drew and I went to LA in April. If girls walking around in bikinis is going to become a thing we need to go back soon. See you all for lunch at In-N-Out.

– That tractor race was an embarrassment to racing. And it’s tough to embarrass racing anymore than it embarrasses itself.

– Julia’s story is really sad. I don’t really know what else to say about it so I’m going to not say anything else.

-Chris asks Mackenzie to go on a one on one date for the rest of the night and sends the rest of the group date girls back to the house. The rest of the group date girls take that news exactly how you’d think the rest of the group date girls would take that news. Not well. They handled it about like the people in this video…

My favorite part is the guy on the microphone who keeps saying “Oookayyy, time to go. Time to go.”

-Mackenzie started the date by talking about how she likes big noses and if Chris believes in aliens. What could go wrong?


– Mackenzie tells Chris she has a kid. Chris says he’s 33 and kids don’t scare him. Probably because he’s a lot bigger than kids, right? Or maybe it’s because he needs more help on the farm.

-Megan from Nashville gets a one on one date card. Speaking of Nashville, the SEC tournament starts in Nashville in exactly two months. Write that down. Tell your friends. Ask your boss for days off.

– Megan and Chris get on a private plane and then transfer to a helicopter to go on their first date and fly over the Hoover Dam. Because that’s how all first dates usually progress.

-Megan says the word “amazing” and amazing amount of times. I can’t really make fun of that because if he took me on that date I’d be all like “Amazing amazing amazing amazing amazing amazing amazing amazing amazing amazing!!!”

-My goodness is this sad story season? Megan’s Dad died of a heart attack right before she came on the show. This is too heavy. I need to see Ashley talk about onion pomegranates soon.

– Megan got a rose and made out with Chris in the Grand Canyon. After that date, I think any of us would’ve made out with Chris in the Grand Canyon.

– The new group date girls just pulled up to an abandoned looking building and someone banged on their limo doors to scare them. If I paid attention to this show while I was writing this it probably would’ve scared me too.

-The absolute best part of the scaring scene was Ashley S. casually trying to open her door and get out as the other girls were flipping out. She couldn’t have been less startled. If that was a gif I’d never ever stop watching it. I think she might be a little off. (Editor’s note: Oh man just wait.)


Flener’s Bachelor Running Diary: Episode 1 “Over Served”

Flener’s Bachelor Running Diary: Episode 1 “Over Served”

the bachelor

When it comes to The Bachelor I’m here for three things. The cat fighting, the tears, and the delusion. While you can argue that those three things are one in the same, you probably shouldn’t. If you are here for an in depth review of what girl he should pick, go somewhere else. You won’t enjoy this. I have no interest in the final outcome of the show. The future happiness or despair of the contestants on this show is of no concern to me. He will pick someone, they will be apart “trying to make it work” while the show airs. They will appear happy at the reunion show, then you’ll see something like this or this a week or a month later. The format of this column, as always, will be a running diary of my thoughts throughout the show. There a lot of places to go for Bachelor commentary so let me thank you for choosing a sports website. Let’s get involved, what do you say?


If you missed the preview posted last night you can go back and check that out here.



8:05- They are interviewing past contestants. I wish someone would reach into my eyes and pull my eyeballs out and then throw them into a step show scene from Stomp the Yard.

8:10- The Bachelor. Breaking hearts and breaking twitter. Like for real. Twitter doesn’t work.

8:15- They trot Sean & Catherine out like show ponies as if to say “Hey everyone look our show works!” while behind them all the girls and guys who it didn’t work for mingle with one another and hit on random people on the crowd.

8:18- A girl that got engaged on Bachelor in Paradise just told Chris Harrison they were 80/40 decided on a date. I’m just gonna leave that one right there for you. You keep that one. It’s on the house. In fact, Drew loves you so much he’s got it right here for you.

8:26- They asked Amanda why she was single. She replied “Can I say it’s because I’m f****** crazy?” Yes, you can. Because you are trying to find love on national television. And because you live with your mom. And because it’s true.


8:29- Mackenzie, who made me go in on 21 year olds in the preview last night, is a 21 year old mom. I guess the immature 21 year old stuff doesn’t really apply to her. But I don’t take it back.

8:30- Kelsey, of date diarrhea fear fame, reveals she is a widow. Really didn’t wait all that long to pile on the heavy stuff, huh ABC?

8:36- Andi just rubbed Josh’s back for three straight minutes while they were being interviewed. Like a genie was going to pop out.

8:49- Nikki was interviewed for far too long by Chris Harrison. This is what I came away from it with. Nikki and Juan Pablo have different lifestyles and are different people. I don’t know how many different ways it can be said, but they’ve done about 10 so far.

8:55- The first hour was so unnecessary. Nobody cares about you interviewing washed up reality show stars except washed up reality show stars.

9:00- The main show begins with the obligatory bachelor showering outside scene.

9:03- Amanda called Chris’ smile a panty dropper.(Also see 8:26 above.) So yeah, I’m hoping Amanda stays around for a few weeks.

9:07- Britt just gave the longest hug that didn’t turn into more in the history of this show. (Editor’s note: It turned into more.)


9:09- Megan from Nashville what’s up? Like, for real. What are you up to now that the show is over? It’s okay. Just me and you talking here. Check out my mix tape on MySpace.

9:11- Can we all just agree right now that props are bad? Can we? Props are always bad. Reegan creeped America out with her heart trick and made Drew stop watching. “This show physically pains me. That’s it. The heart did it for me. I’m done.”

9:12- The sports fishing enthusiast Tara rolled up in daisy dukes and asked for a Jameson on the rocks. Then she changed her mind (not about the drink), put on a dress that revealed a back tattoo, and introduced herself again. And what a STRONG PLAY by Chris to recognize her. I would’ve been all like “Oh hello so nice to meet you, person I’ve never met before.”

9:21- Ashley S. told Chris she found a lucky penny in the airport and she wants to put it in his shoe. (Editor’s note: This doesn’t even come close to the craziest thing she will do.)

9:24- Kaitlyn put together the most amazing 3 consecutive minutes I’ve ever seen on this show. When she walked up she told Chris “you can plow my *expletive* field any day.” By itself it would have been legendary. But then she followed it up with this joke when everyone was together; “Why did the Walrus go to the tupperware party? Cause he wanted to find a tight seal.” PLEASE LET HER GET A ROSE.

9:30- People are tweeting about the lack of Chris’ top lip and now I can’t think about anything else or look at anything else.

chris no lip









9:38- Production meeting: “Let’s fly in 6 women from Chris’ hometown in Iowa and have them all stand up during the live show. Then, lets only interview two of them while the rest of them stand there smiling. IT’LL BE GREAT TV.” The truth is, production was right. I couldn’t stop laughing.


9:45- So, 15 girls got there a few hours before the second 15 girls. And these girls that have been there since the start are getting a little tipsy. I can’t wait until that starts working against them. Because it will. (Editor’s Note: It will.)

9:53- The girls that have been there for a while and are tipsy are now spying on the later arriving girls as they get out of the limo. The spying is not a good look, in my opinion. But that’s just because it gets them further away from the bar.

9:55- The cruise ship singer was simply dreadful. Just the worst. I would have just told her to get back in the limo. It looked like she stole that karaoke machine from a daycare.

9:57- “Make the girls stop coming!” That’s a real and true thing a girl just said on television.

10:01- Shoutout to Krista Grey from Brownsville representing the blue and white, but that’s about it. She told Chris that they would make beautiful babies. Not exactly the first thing a guy wants to hear you say. I’m sure if she had it to do over again she might go with something less creepy, like…

ill find you








Flener’s Bachelor Running Diary: Preview

Flener’s Bachelor Running Diary: Preview

the bachelor

When it comes to The Bachelor I’m here for three things. The cat fighting, the tears, and the delusion. While you can argue that those three things are one in the same, you probably shouldn’t.  If you are here for an in depth review of what girl he should pick, go somewhere else. You won’t enjoy this. I have no interest in the final outcome of the show. The future happiness or despair of the contestants on this show is of no concern to me. He will pick someone, they will be apart “trying to make it work” while the show airs. They will appear happy at the reunion show, then you’ll see something like this or this a week or a month later. The format of this column, as always, will be a running diary of my thoughts throughout the show. There a lot of places to go for Bachelor commentary so let me thank you for choosing a sports website.  Let’s get involved, what do you say?


Tonight we will meet all of the girls who lied to producers and said they could totally see themselves living happily ever after on a farm with farmer Chris. I will present them here in alphabetical order. The show will start off talking a lot about the Bachelor and how he is a farmer. I don’t care about that. I’m sure he is a great guy. But I only care if these girls remember to say their name when they meet him or if they ride a piano up the driveway or show up in a wedding dress or if their job is a real job.


Since it is always best to judge someone by who they are on paper, here is a preview for each girl written before we watch the show tonight.


ALLISA– Alissa is a flight attendant from Hamilton, NJ. Her most embarrassing moment is described like this: “I was in-depth stalking a guy’s Facebook page and sent my friend a long, detailed text about my findings…except I sent it to him. Oops..”

WE FEEL YOU, GIRL. We’d all be lying if we said something of this nature hadn’t happened to us. The rule, as always, is when you are going to talk about someone to your friends it is best to do it over the phone or in person.


AMANDA– Amanda is a ballet teacher from Lake in the Hills, IL. When asked about the most romantic present she had ever received she said these words: “A guy once wrote me a beautiful letter expressing his feelings for me. I still have it. He was a creep, but a great writer.”

I think someone might want to let Amanda know that creepy and romantic are not synonyms.


AMBER Amber is a bartender from Chicago, IL. I’m sure she served a Kentucky fan or two a few weekends ago. Probably not me though. I spent most of my time at Billy Goat Tavern or on a boat. If she could be someone else for just one day Amber says she would be a zookeeper: “I would love to be around the different animals and watch how they live.”

I don’t know much about keeping zoos, but I’d say that job entails a little more than watching how animals live. I’d say you have to sling a little elephant dung around once in a while.


ASHLEY I.– Ashley I. is a freelance journalist from Wayne, NJ. What exactly does a freelance journalist do? I have no idea, so I asked our KSR resident freelance journalist C.M. Tomlin to provide me with comments about how he works in freelance journalism versus how Ashley I. most likely works in freelance journalism:

“For a mid-to-late thirties freelance journalist like myself, there’s a lot of time contacting editors, going back and forth with changes, networking with new publications and outlets and coming up with, researching and emailing pitches to editors for possible publication. For Ashley I., who is 26 with what we can assume is only three and a half years of experience, I can only guess that “freelance journalist” means that she used to work as an account executive for a marketing agency where she felt like her ideas were just as good as the creative department’s, which they were not, and when she got laid off she decided to let her parents fund her creative ambitions, which so far likely include a Blogspot blog updated every three weeks where she reviews the new pairs of boots she owns and a friend who owns a clothing boutique and who once asked her to design a flyer, which she made terribly on Microsoft Word. It’s okay, though, because just by being on The Bachelor and talking about her blog she’s guaranteed a small book deal for a gift-sized picture book of her favorite boots called “A Girlfriend’s Guide to Boots” or “So Many Boots, so Little Time!”

That’s wonderful insight, C.M.

One more thing while we’re here.  On these preview pages they have the girls fill in the blanks on two statements:

If I never had to **blank**, I would be very happy.  If I never got to **blank**, I would be very sad.

Ashley I.’s read this way:

If I never had to wake up before 10 a.m., I would be very happy.  If I never got to cook/eat, I would be very sad.

I’d like to point out that if she never got to cook/eat not only would she be sad, she would be dead. Which I guess would be sad. Wow, that just came full circle. I totally get you, Ashley I.

ASHLEY S.– Ashley S. is a hair stylist from Brooklyn, NY. If she won the lottery, she says she would “Help my uncle and my grandmother…and of course buy some amazing Italian shoes..”

Winning the lottery is something I think about in depth 3 to 5 times per week. Everyone should. You NEED a plan. And I’m talking the big lottery, not a scratch off. The lottery where you could never spend all the money. My best friends have a detailed plan of what happens if I win the big lottery. And while I would help my uncle and my grandmother if they needed it and also buy a lot of shoes, that stuff would come in due time.

Here’s the gist of the plan immediately after I win. You will get a text from me that says “go to the nearest airport and text me which one it is.” You should do just that. Don’t pack clothes. Give your car to the valet attendant. Not for him to park it. For him to have. I will be there within two hours to pick you up. We will fly around picking people up until each row of the airplane I just bought has one person in it. Everyone gets their own row on my airplane.  We will fly somewhere warm. We’ll get new clothes. We’ll rent a big house. And we’ll do whatever we want and I’ll pay for it until someone decides they need to go back home. When that happens we will go home and that person will never live down the fact that they ended the trip.


KSR Bachelor Running Diary: Andi’s Overnightmare

KSR Bachelor Running Diary: Andi’s Overnightmare



If you missed any of the previous KSR Bachelor Running Diaries, chances are it was on purpose. However, if you are interested in catching up on the earlier part of the season you can do so here.

Tonight the remaining three women who agreed to attempt to find love on national television have traveled to St. Lucia with Juan Pablo for the overnight dates in the fantasy suite. Let’s get right to it. Expect some tears, because I expect some tears.



7:04- Clare: “If Juan Pablo asks me to stay overnight with him, honestly it’s something I’ve been going back and forth with.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Yeah right Clare. You already did sex with him in the ocean.

7:06- Clare, Juan Pablo didn’t like your family. Your sister Laura is crazier than a football bat.

7:07- Juan Pablo gets her in the water as quick as possible. Smart move by him though because it’s his only move.

7:12- Clare isn’t wearing those earrings for fashion. Those double as brass knuckles. They are completely holding her ear lobes hostage. Wherever the earrings want her earlobes to go they are going.

7:15- They pull out the key to the fantasy suite, which is not a hotel key I’m familiar with. As Michael Kinney tweets, “Most of the keys I get have pizza delivery ads on them.” Well said.

Juan Pablo: “This is it.”

Clare: “That’s it.”

*EDITOR’S NOTE: They are, in fact, still talking about the key.

Juan Pablo: “What do you want to do? How do you feel about it?”

*EDITOR’S NOTE: Still about the key.

Clare: “Umm………… Blah blah blah your daughter blah blah blah respect blah blah blah you take her into consideration and I do too blah blah blah. When you brought it up to me, I realized that it matters to me that it matters to you.”

*EDITOR’S NOTE: Uhhhh, wut?

7:16- After spending 5 minutes trying to talk herself out of it, Clare finally talks herself into it.  She’s staying the night.

7:17- Juan Pablo: “Tomorrow, we will wake jup anj know a whole lot more about each other.” Nah, pretty sure you already know it all.

7:18- If a girl is talking, Juan Pablo is doing his damnedest to get his thumb and forefinger on opposites sides of her closest earlobe.

7:20- Clare: “I’m just loving falling in love with you.” *Juan Pablo rubs her entire face* “I know you can’t say anything back right now.” *Juan Pablo rubs her entire face*

7:22- WE’RE BACK IN WATER Y’ALL!!! Jacuzzi style. No underwater straddle though. Not sure what that means.

7:23- Cameras leave. Goodnight y’all, leave room for Clare’s sister.



7:27- After her horrendous dancing and questionable drum playing, I’ll say that rhythm isn’t her thing. You know what is? Gang law. Gang law is hot.

7:29- I’m in no way saying they shouldn’t have played soccer with those village kids, but I am saying they shouldn’t have done it barefoot.

7:31- After driving through some trails and trees, they exit their dune buggy and Andi says “I hear water.” That’s exactly what she said and there is no joke. That’s the joke. Because OF COURSE he’s taking you in water.

7:33- I can’t believe he wasted time talking before he got her under that waterfall.

7:40- Juan Pablo, after Andi tells him she is glad he listens: “Of course I listen. I have to because I don’t speak the language and it’s really hard for to ever know what you are saying.”

*EDITOR’S NOTE: I made one of those sentences up.

7:42- Juan Pablo, when Andi asks him what he thinks about some things: “That’s why I have an overnight with you tonight, so we can talk about a lot of things.” Yeah. Uh huh.

7:43- This just hit me. Andi is from Atlanta. She is a southern girl. How could she fall in love with a guy who wears cargo shorts?

7:50- Juan Pablo, the next morning: “Last night with Andi was great. We talked for hours and hours and hours. I definitely think Andi could be my wife.

7:51- Andi, the next morning: “Waking up this morning, I could not wait to get out of the fantasy suite. I thought that I was falling in love with Juan Pablo, but the fantasy suite turned into a nightmare. I saw a side to him that I really didn’t like. The whole night was just a disaster. I hope he did not think that went well. I really hope he did not think that was a good date.”

So, at least they’re on the same page.

7:54- I can’t type everything Andi has said in the past three minutes, but here is the gist: She is not a fan of his.

7:55- Andi: “It’s not that I’m unsure. I know that he’s not the one.”

*EDITOR’S NOTE: Andi, the KSR crew will be in Atlanta for the SEC Tournament. I firmly believe you could be unsure about me. We’ll be at Johnny’s Hideaway.

7:56- Overall, I’d say Andi’s date did not go well.



8:03- The conversation got too serious, so they started making out and headed into some YEP, you guessed it! WATER. The ocean, to be specific. Nikki: “Every time I swim with him my feelings grow.”

*EDITOR’S NOTE: Stop for a minute and think about how dumb that statement is, you guys. She has a point though, I guess. Water does make  things grow.

8:05- Juan Pablo didn’t know that “the wheels turning” meant “thinking.” Someone really needs to work on his slang with him.

8:06- Boy, Chris Harrison had a tough week in St. Lucia. Dude had to write THREE invitation cards to the fantasy suite!

8:08- Nikki’s overnight is easily summed up. They talked a little and made out a lot.



8:16- I’m not making this up. Juan Pablo just said these words out loud: “My english is not very good.” Dude, we know.

8:18- To sum up this conversation, Juan Pablo said he feels good about all the women about 4 different times. That’s how he answers all the questions.



8:20- The girls all record a video. Nikki and Clare say that they love him. Andi, as predicted, basically said “YO JUANNY PABS YA GIRL NEEDA HOLLA AT YA.”

8:25- Andi just had to walk up the longest hill ever to go talk to Juan Pablo. The fact that she could breath to get words out was quite impressive.

8:26- Andi starts talking and Juan Pablo goes straight for the ear. The hair on her ear didn’t stand a chance. He shoved that mess behind her ear immediately.

8:31- Andi: “I want to die if I have to hear ‘it’s okay’ again.” SAME.

8:33- I’m with Juan Pablo on the “I didn’t use the words ‘you are here by default.” There’s no way he’s ever used the word “default” before.

8:34- Think about how big the language barrier is between Juan Pablo and Andi. Juan Pablo speaks english as a second language. Andi is a lawyer.  I used to live with a lawyer. He once told me “Aaron, as a lawyer, words are all that matter. Every single word we use matters.” Andi knows the meaning to infinitely more words than Juan Pablo does, and that’s not his default. It’s just not meant to be.

8:39- While Andi is telling Juan Pablo that he doesn’t know anything about her, such as what religion she practices, what her social views are, and how she wants to raise her family, Juan Pablo cuts in and says: “What religion am I?” Without missing a beat Andi says: “Catholic (which he is).” It left Juan Pablo speechless. It was truly a drop the mic moment for Andi. She should have walked back down that egregiously long hill and jumped on her plane and gone back to Atlanta. But she kept talking because she’s a lawyer and that’s what she does. She’s putting him on blast.

8:41- After what amounted to probably ten minutes of her telling him off, he went back in for one more face touch. Andi’s response: “Don’t mess up my make up.”

8:43- Andi leaves in a van. Like, leaves the entire show. Kind of takes the suspense out of the rose ceremony.

8:44- Andi, still in the van, is afraid her standards are too high and she’ll never find love. Andi, I think there are a lot of guys that would completely remove the word “okay” from their vocabulary to be with you. Your standards aren’t too high.

8:45- They are still showing Andi in the van.

8:51- ABC, how long are we going to watch Andi’s van?

8:55- While Andi is still in the van, Nikki and Clare get roses. Pretty anticlimactic.


The Running Diary will be taking next week off for the reunion and will be back for the finale in two weeks. Who knows? Maybe we’ll do a live blog. If you are interested in a live blog, tweet “We want a live blog for the Bachelor finale” to @AFlenerKSR and @KySportsRadio.

KSR Bachelor Running Diary: The Final 4

KSR Bachelor Running Diary: The Final 4

final 4

After a couple of weeks posting funny tweets, WE’RE BRINGING BACK THE RUNNING DIARY. This week is the hometown visits and we get 4 HOURS of Bachelor coverage. Monday Juan Pablo will be visiting the hometowns of Nikki, Andi, Clare, and Renee. I, for one, can’t wait for the families of these girls to meet Juan Pablo and try to understand what he is saying. Tuesday, we find out what happened on the overnight dates. Let’s get to the Monday night action!




7:04- Juan Pablo didn’t know what BBQ was. BBQ, get in line over there with the words “bolt” and “frazzled.”

7:06- Nikki said she is totally in love with Juan Pablo. WHY WOULDN’T SHE BE?!?! After all, she’s known him for over a month.

7:11- Nikki’s brothers totally don’t want to be here. 

7:15- Nikki’s Dad: “What have you seen in him that makes you think he could be a possible husband for you?”

7:16- Nikki: “He makes me feel really comfortable around him and there’s just something about him. Like I can’t really put my finger on it and i can’t explain it. It’s just awesome. Like, it’s magical. I don’t know, I just feel really really good about it.” You can put your finger on it Nikki. It’s called his body.

7:18- Nikki didn’t tell him she loved him. Probably because she really doesn’t.




7:24- Andi takes Juan Pablo to the gun range. Let’s just say he won’t be getting any calls to be a sniper anytime soon. Or to translate any language to english.

7:33- If Andi doesn’t take Juan Pablo to Johnny’s Hideaway while they are in Atlanta, she’s not the one. Plain and simple.

7:35- Andi’s Dad is handling this exactly like every Dad ever should handle this. Super skeptically.

7:36- Andi and Juan Pablo just danced standing dry humped in front of Andi’s Mom on the back porch to the sound of absolutely no music.

7:45- This is so boring, and that got me thinking that I bet Andi’s Dad has gone to Johnny’s Hideaway.

7:50- Andi- “I’m very very close to being in love with him.” READ: I’m not in love with him at all.




7:56- Renee: “I’m going to eat my son when I see him.”

7:57- Juan Pablo is wearing a green shirt, black shorts, and red flip flops. He looks ridiculous.

7:58-  Renee has a son. But you knew that. His name is Ben. But you knew that too. So did Juan Pablo. Juan Pablo has had weeks to think about what he would say to him the first time he met him. Want to know what he decided to go with? Sure you do. He said “How’ve you been?” GET IT?!?! Juan Pablo is so punny.

8:09- Nothing interesting happened AT ALL during the entire family visit. Her family loved him, BLAH BLAH BLAH who cares. Then they made out when he was leaving. Not the whole family. Just Renee and Juan Pablo. Get your minds out of the gutter.

8:10- NEXT, please. This episode is so boring even Sean turned it off.




8:18- First off, not sure why you would take anyone to Sacramento. Unless, of course, you were going to watch Boogie play basketball.

8:19- Clare’s eyes scream crazy. So do her words.

8:28- Clare’s parents got engaged after 3 weeks. The Bachelor used to be shorter back in their day.

8:30- HOW ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE RELATED!?! Clare’s family look nothing alike.

Text from Turkey Hunter: “Whooaaa, Lara. What happened to you? Is your middle name Gene? As in “Recessive Gene?”

(Editor’s note: We have no idea if her name is Lara. Clare has 13 people at this gathering and none of them look alike.)

Another Text from Turkey Hunter: “If Clare’s looks were a basketball conference, she’d be between the SEC and the Big East. Her sisters: MEAC, Southland, and SWAC. And they’d be on probation.”

8:43- Juan Pablo communicates really well with Clare’s Mom. Not because they have anything in common. Because she speaks spanish.

8:45- Juan Pablo really shines at the end of the hometown dates when they close the front door to the houses and head to the SUV. That’s when he can stop talking and stick his tongue in their mouths. Too bad there isn’t any water around.



8:53- First two roses quickly go to Nikki and Clare. They still have spoke since their ridiculously ridiculous fight. That did not change tonight. Also, not much suspense left for the final rose. We’ve seen Andi in the previews for the overnight dates. Renee is going home.

8:54- Renee goes home. She is left standing rose less while Juan Pablo is left crying and not knowing the predominant language of the country in which he resides.

That’s all for the first two hours. All in all a pretty boring night. But tomorrow night there will be tears. Lots of tears. Should be great.



KSR Bachelor Top Tweets: It’s About to Be A What? GIRL FIGHT!!

KSR Bachelor Top Tweets: It’s About to Be A What? GIRL FIGHT!!



Good morning to Bachelor fans AND all of you who hate my guts.  I hope everyone had a great day yesterday celebrating our Presidents.  For those of you who don’t like this post, allow me to share a quote from our first President, George Washington:

““If freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.”

I think what George was trying to say to me here (I could be wrong) was “Aaron, if you want to write about the Bachelor you can. You have that freedom. If you don’t take advantage of it you may as well be killed.” So give me a break, haters. I don’t want to be led to any sort of slaughter, especially one that is my own. So I will continue to write about this show every week.  And I will use help. Continuing the President theme, Woodrow Wilson once said:

“I not only use all the brains that I have but all that I can borrow.”

Tonight I will once again be posting the top tweets I come up with, as well as borrowing the best I come across.

Last night the girls remaining on the Bachelor traveled to Miami and went on dates with our favorite non English speaking Bachelor, Juan Pablo.  Upon arriving in Miami, Juan Pablo goes to visit his family and his daughter Camilia. He walks in the house and whistles for Camilia. Not a bad strategy, considering she might not understand the things he says.

Speaking of not understanding English, I had a question about the date cards.

I really hope this is what happens…

The first one on one date went to Sharleen. She was less than thrilled.

After being unexcited, she got on a yacht with him and they made out a lot.

I like this part, because I totally get “yacht dates.” Go on them all the time.


You won’t believe this, but after they made out on the yacht they made out in the water. Just kidding, you’d totally believe it.

Nikki wonders if Juan Pablo and Sharleen are talking about anything.

Sharleen also realizes they talk about nothing.

After his date with Sharleen, Nikki gets a one on one date. Juan Pablo takes her to meet his parents, his baby momma, and his daughter. His daughter is performing a dance recital. Nikki is wearing what amounts to denim boy shorts and a deep v-neck t-shirt.

Juan Pablo had this semi english statement to say to Nikki as they sat near the pitcher’s mound:

“If the moon and the skies and everyone else wants us to be together. Then it is.” We need the guy from the AT&T commercials to be around when Juan Pablo is talking to say things like “I follow you.”

After Nikki’s date, which consisted of them going to the Marlins’ stadium, things get fun with Sharleen. Sharleen has decided the Bachelor format is not conducive for her finding forever love. In general terms, I believe she thinks Juan Pablo is stupid and doesn’t want to introduce him to her family. I can’t argue to the contrary.


Sharleen informs the girls that she is leaving and then she goes to break the news to Juan Pablo. What happens next is an odd interaction that was completely whispered.

Juan Pablo isn’t happy with the news of Sharleen’s departure, but he makes an excellent observation.

Of course, this next tweet is also a possibility…


Sharleen leaves, but not before she says what every girl is always thinking.

Next up is a group date. Juan Pablo, Andi, Clare, Renee, and Chelsie. Andi gets the rose and gets to continue on the date alone with Juan Pablo. This did not thrill Clare, as she had just opened up to Juan Pablo about the video her Dad made for her future husband. Here are Turkey Hunter’s hope for that video.

And here are a couple smoking hot takes on why Clare did not receive a rose…


Since Clare, Renee, and Chelsie did not receive a rose, they head back to the palatial hotel to join Nikki. Clare, still not thrilled with being kicked off the date, is complaining to the other girls. Nikki, who hates Clare and doesn’t want to hear it, decides to head upstairs. Clare, who is “not okay with her being a b****,” follows her and it leads to an all time great Bachelor confrontation. This is what I promised shortly after it happened.

This isn’t the end of the show and doesn’t cover the rose ceremony. Just know that Chelsie gets sent home and the previews show all  four girls crying next week. But as promised, I’m going to end this post with one of the greatest arguments in the history of disagreements. Also known as a “What? GIRL FIGHT!”

Clare: “Nikki, can I talk to you for a second?”

Nikki: “Sure.”

Clare: “What was that about? What just happened? I’m confused.”

Nikki: “I just, like, I mean, I don’t feel like I’m like… I don’t like sit around while everyone is like talking s*** about my friend (Andi) and I feel like…”

Clare: “What did I say that was talking s***?”

Nikki: “I didn’t say you were talking s***.”

Clare: “Who was talking s***?”

Nikki: “I just… you interrupted.”

Clare: “Who was talking s*** down there?”

Nikki: “You interrupted. Ummmm… I was gonna say that like that’s where it was headed and I just didn’t want to be a part of it.”

Clare: “Who was talking s***?”

*EDITOR’S NOTE: Clare would like to know who was talking s***.*

Nikki: “Nobody was talking s***. I said…”

Clare: “So what made you think we were talking s*** or it was leading in that direction?

Nikki: “I just… I just didn’t want to be a part of the conversation. Like I didn’t.”

Clare:  “Why?”

Nikki: “Because I just didn’t. Like I just… I didn’t feel like I had anything to add and… and… I just didn’t want to be a part of it and that’s that.”

Clare: “When you were sitting down there earlier and we were talking about how like what a bummer it was to not get a rose you were sitting  there like laughing.”

Nikki: “No there was nothing… like, I…”

Clare: “Can you not cut me off for a sec?”

Nikki: “Oh. Okay. *nodding*”

Clare: “It’s all fun and games and funny to you when it’s, like, our stuff. But when it’s something personal to you, you get up and leave.”

Nikki: “It had nothing to do with me.”

Clare: “Can you please not cut me off?”

*EDITOR’S NOTE: Clare does not want to be cut off.*

Clare: “Why are you laughing?”

Nikki: “I, I just, Clare I have nothing to say to you. Like, let’s be honest, like, I don’t like you, we’re never going to be friends. You can just excuse yourself from my room.”

Clare: “I can excuse myself?”

Nikki: “Yeah.”

Clare: “This is ALL of our suite.”

Nikki: “Oh, is your stuff in here? *looks around for Clare’s stuff*   *doesn’t find it*”

Clare: “This is not YOUR room.”

Nikki: “Oh it’s not? Do you sleep in here?”

Clare: “Did you pay for it?”

Nikki: “Do you sleep in here?”

Clare: “Did you pay for it?”

Nikki: “No, did you?”

Clare: “No. So it’s neither of our rooms.”

*EDITOR’S NOTE: It is KSR’s belief that ABC paid for the room.*

Nikki: “Okay.”

Clare: “So it’s open space.”

Nikki: “Great.”

Clare: “Just wanted to clarify that.”

*EDITOR’S NOTE: Hell of a pun by Clare right there.*

Nikki: “Please do.”

*EDITOR’S NOTE: She already did.*

Clare: “I’m just confused, like, I wanted to come talk to you because if it was anything I said…”

Nikki: That’s not how you approached this. You approached it like attacking me and you approached it as…”

Clare: “I came up here, Nikki, to see if there is something I said to somebody that offends them that’s my doing then I’m the first to be not wanting them to feel bad.”

Nikki: “WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU? Like, it’s not about you. I just didn’t want to be apart of the conversation. I didn’t want to be apart of a conversation with you, Renee, or Chelsie.”

Clare: “This isn’t about me. This is actually I came out of my way to come talk to you. So I’m actually…”

*EDITOR’S NOTE: She walked up a flight of stairs.*

Nikki: “Cause YOU felt bad that YOU offended me and like YOU felt like YOU had to come apologize.”

Clare: “I didn’t want you to feel bad.”

Nikki: “I don’t feel bad. Like…”

Clare: “When you get up in the mid sentence of a conversation and walk out. And maybe you don’t feel bad…”

Nikki: “I don’t.”

Clare: “Maybe that’s where I’m totally wrong?”

Nikki: “You are.”

Clare: “My bad for misunderstanding you. You’re a piece of work Nikki.”

Nikki: “You’re f****** crazy.”





KSR Bachelor Top Tweets: Juan is the Loneliest Number

KSR Bachelor Top Tweets: Juan is the Loneliest Number


We’re going to start doing things a little differently here. The running diary format is great early on in the season when there is a lot of action going on and more girls are around to say/do ridiculous things. But at this point, we are down to 8 girls. We are going to change this into a top tweets list. Like Lettermen, only it will always be about the Bachelor. And better. This will now be your place to find the best tweets I see during the show as well as talking points you can use with co-workers, on dates with women, or when talking to your Mom. It’ll make things easier for you. It’ll make things easier for me. Everyone is a winner. Except for people who hate the Bachelor column. They always lose.


Depending on how you feel about The Bachelor column, I apologize/say you’re welcome for not writing about this train wreck of a television program last week. I got extremely sick. Everything inside of my body wanted to be outside of my body and it would get there anyway it could and it would do so whenever it saw fit. I had no say in the matter. Food poisoning is a lot like Clare after she has ocean coitus. It cannot be reasoned with.


To recap last week’s show:

1. Juan Pablo and the girls went to Vietnam.

2. Juan Pablo still can’t say English words (his attempt at “pediatric” made me think he was having a seizure).

3. Clare waved Juan Pablo home as he rounded second and headed for third on their late night venture and learned first hand that it’s not the size of the ship, it’s the motion of the ocean.

juan pablo clare ocean

Juan Pablo running the bases.


4. Juan Pablo asked a number of girls “Would joo juccep dis rose?”


Now that we’ve taken care of some housekeeping and last week’s show, let’s get to the top tweets (in no particular order) from tonight’s show (with commentary where applicable/needed) after the jump…


KSR Bachelor Running Diary (Episode 4): Nikki Kind of Wants to Crap Her Pants

KSR Bachelor Running Diary (Episode 4): Nikki Kind of Wants to Crap Her Pants



We’ve reached the point in the Bachelor season where the girls have convinced themselves they are in love with a man each of them have spent less than approximately 10 actual hours with. From what I can tell, each episode takes place during a real life week (7 days). So, this episode was filmed during the fourth week they were there. Let’s say you dated someone for four weeks in real life where there were no restrictions on the time you could spend with that person and there weren’t 15 other people dating them. Would you be in love? I certainly hope not. However, that doesn’t stop the girls on this TV show. Nope, tonight we will find out that many of them are “falling for him” already. And while this is ridiculous, it’s great. Because girls that love the same things love to fight about who loves them more and question the intentions of anyone else who claims a greater connection to that thing. That thing could be anything from a nail polish to a spin class to a living human being. In this case, it’s a human being named Juan Pablo. Their feelings for him makes them fight and say crazy stuff, which is perfect. That’s exactly why we’re here.

8:03- Juan Pablo, wedgie fixer.

8:04- The girls are excited to go to South Korea. Clare feels unprepared due to her lack of kimono ownership.

8:05- They flew to South Korea in two minutes.

8:07- Nikki, while excited to go to South Korea, was not excited to go on the group date “halfway around the world 5 other girls that annoy me.”

8:14- While not ecstatic about being on the group date, Nikki was pumped up about how many YouTube views their dance instructors’ videos had. “Their YouTube video had 77 million views. Million! That’s a lot of views.” If Nikki’s talking numbers, I’m listening.

8:15- If Nikki is teaching dancing, however, I’m out. She just busted out “the sprinkler” and “the grab your foot and thrust your knee back and forth” dances. They weren’t terribly executed, I just already know them well.

8:16- Kat, you cannot tout yourself as the best dancer in the group when also on the date is RODNEY STUCKEY’S BABY MOMMA WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE A FORMER NBA DANCER!! You think she made it to the pros by only knowing the cha cha slide?! NO. She made it just like everyone else. By being prettier than you.

8:17- The girls are told by the dance instructors that they will be performing at this dance group’s show tonight. Apparently they are a big deal. Kat and Nikki have opposite reactions:

Kat: “*high pitched, while jumping up and down* I’M SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW!! We’re going to be dancing on stage tonight with Twenty One (the dance group’s name). I CANNOT believe this is happening *multiple awkward fist pumps*!”

Nikki: “I don’t know the words I’d use to describe this feeling right now.This is my worst nightmare. Now we’re like getting on stage in front of thousands of screaming Korean teens and I kind of want to crap my pants.” You don’t want to crap your pants in public, Nikki. Trust me. There’s no panic like crapping your pants in public.

8:22- Nikki: “Could this day get any worse? It’s kind of cute and fun that I like suck at dancing in the privacy of the studio. Like, yeah, I get it. Let’s all laugh. But now I have to get on stage in front of who knows how many screaming teenage fans? What makes anyone believe I’m going to be able to do it when I’m terrified?” Nikki, the worst part of your day should not be having to be on the group date and the most terrifying part of you day shouldn’t be having to dance on stage in front of a big crowd. The worst and most terrifying thing you have to do today should be wearing this atrocity on your head:

(click below for Nikki’s awful hat and the rest of the diary)


KSR Bachelor Running Diary (Episode 3): Sharleen, Not Great at Stuff

KSR Bachelor Running Diary (Episode 3): Sharleen, Not Great at Stuff


We’re a couple episodes into the second season of this Bachelor post so I don’t have to tell you why we’re here anymore. By this point you’ve established your relationship with this post. You have one of four types of relationships with the KSR Bachelor Running Diary:

1. You hate it like cancer and suggest Matt and I be executed in the comments section. Me for writing it and Matt for putting it on his sports website. (small, over the top percentage).

2. You hate it like Billy Gillispie and suggest that this post can continue living as long as it does so elsewhere.

3. You have never read it. You only read the comments section, which you really love (large percentage).

4. You actually read it and enjoy it (again, small over the top percentage consisting of Matt Jones and a handful of women).


That being said, haters keep hatin’ and lovers keep lovin’. That’s what the crazy girls on this show are going to do. Let’s get started.


8:02- Nikki: “On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m a level 15 ready to get out of this house and spend some time with Juan Pablo today.” Someone needs to explain to Nikki how scales work. As I recall, she is a nurse. Numbers come into play in that profession. Here is how I imagine her administering pain meds: “On a scale of 1 tablet every 4 hours you should take 30 right now.”

8:04- Juan Pablo’s daughter just said “I don’t want chicken.” That, combined with a multitude of other reasons (age, language barrier, geography, I’m not allowed in parks, etc…) leads me to believe she and I will never be friends.

8:06- Cassandra, Rodney Stuckey’s baby momma, gets the first one on one date of the night. On this date, the jeep they were driving turned into a boat because why wouldn’t it? TAKE THAT RODNEY STUCKEY!

8:07- Cassandra said her last first date was when she was 18. Then she said her last first date was three years ago. When I do the math on that to get her age, I come up with 21. (Of course, I’ll have to run those numbers by Nikki.) To continue with the math, I conclude that she was born in the 90’s (1991). Juan Pablo is 32. He was born in 1981. I know Pretty Ricky says “age ain’t nothing but a number,” but he was 27 when she got her drivers license. 

8:10- Let me give you a numerical summary for what has happened on this date so far:

1. They drove a jeep to the beach.

2. They drove aforementioned jeep into the water.

3. Jeep turned into a boat.

4. They drove around in the jeepboat for a while.

5. They docked the jeepboat at a floating yacht that was waiting for them.

6. They held hands as they jumped off the yacht and into the water.

7. They made out in the water.

(*Commercial*)- For a numerical summary of what happens on realistic first dates and the rest of the diary, click the “more” link below:


KSR Bachelor Running Diary Episode 2: Life is about Straddling People. And Things.

KSR Bachelor Running Diary Episode 2: Life is about Straddling People. And Things.



The above gif is the winner for “cringiest moment of the premiere.” This is, of course, the moment when Juan Pablo said “Kat” and Kylie (the redhead) began to come forward. It made my palms sweat. The best part is the face the girl in the green makes. This was even more embarrassing than the pink dress Kylie wore. However, last week is last week. Onward we go.


Lots of good stuff last night. Let’s get straight to it.


8:00- My take aways from the preview of tonights episode are as follows:

1. I’ve never been on a date that involved blind folds. Not a bad idea, though. If I could get a girl to wear one, the better chance I would have at her liking me. I mean, sure, I don’t have money or personality, but at least I’m not good looking.

2. The crazy girl in the bathroom scene happens tonight. We’ll probably just shut this post down after that.

8:03- From what I can gather, all the girls who aren’t going on one on one dates sit around drinking all the wine all the time. They will unknowingly all ask the recipient of the date if “she is so excited” about her date at different times to which she will reply “OMG I’m sooo excited/nervous/excited blah blah freakin’ blah.”


8:04- “This could be the first date with my new husband.” Or it could be your fifteen minutes of fame. Either way, make the most of it!

8:05- “All I could do is sit there and smell him.” I might want to think twice about the blindfolding a date angle. Hahaha who am I kidding? I don’t go on dates.

8:06- They are sledding in a fake winter wonderland. In Los Angeles. In what I can only assume is summertime/early fall. But at least they’re doing it for the right reasons.

8:07- The Free Spirit is living up to her billing. She is topless in the hot tub. Guys that read she is topless in the hot tub and thought “I should start watching this show”, just don’t. ABC overpays someone to put a black rectangle over her upper unmentionables. In addition to the toplessness, she is a trailblazer of the “I don’t want to go on a one on one date, I just want a group date” strategy. Never heard that one before. Keep free spiriting away, Free Spirit.

8:08- Juan Pablo gets check marks for how “amazing” his date with Clare is going because he is succeeding in the following categories:

1. Having a blast.

2. He’s hilarious.

In case you guys didn’t watch, Clare says she hasn’t felt this way about a man in a long, long, long time. I think it’s worth nothing that she has known him for approximately 3 real life hours. Also, she’s not a great skater.

clare falls


8:13- Out of nowhere a hot tub appears in the middle of a fake winter wonderland in L.A. You crazy for this one, ABC!!

8:14- Just remembered that Clare is the one who had her Dad pass away. Let’s she if she talks abo… Oh, THERE IT IS. First thing. Just gets right into it.

8:15- ABC with a pretty brutal edit here. When Juan Pablo asks about her necklace and she talks about her Dad for what appears to be the second time in 45 seconds, her hair is dry. The first time the showed her talking about him her hair was wet. YOU CAN’T GET ANYTHING BY ME, ABC. This hot tub scene could have lasted anywhere between 10 minutes to 6 hours. Look, if hotel hot tubs on AAU trips taught us one thing, it’s that the rash you got in there may last forever. But if it taught us two things, it’s that and “You’re not supposed to stay in a hot tub for longer than 15 minutes.”

8:16- Juanny P.: “Clare, I had a pretty pretty much good time with you. It was pretty pretty much incredible.” Someone should teach him the word “really.”

8:17- Making out in water with legs wrapped around. A staple of The Bachelor and spring break. “You taste like snow.” Sooo, water?

8:19- How much crap are these guys playing the private concert in fake snow getting from their buddies right now? I bet they all started a group text at the same time.

8:20- Clare is a little over the top in her interviews. I’m not saying she’s driving on Interstate Ashlee yet, but she knows how to get there.


8:25- I don’t know who has the rest of Kat’s shorts, but they should keep them.

8:26- A totally normal first date. A private jet to a rave run. I can’t imagine how all these relationships fail when the private jets and fake winter wonderlands fade away. AND I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD try to take me on a run on a first date. It’d be over before it started cause when we got done I’d have to say “Take me to a doctor.”

8:32- Who knew Mormons could get so crunk? This guy knows what I’m talking about. This guy DEFINITELY knows what I’m talking about!


8:38- Anyone else find it ironic that Free Spirit works in a clothing store? I’ve always thought it was difficult to sell stuff you don’t believe in.

8:39- I get that this photographer has a blue goatee, I just don’t understand it.

8:40- Free Spirit’s biggest fear was that a dog would pee on her because she borrowed someone else’s shoes because of course she had to borrow someone else’s shoes.

8:41- A “sexy photo shoot” with dogs seems wrong on so many levels.

8:42- Whose Cheerios did the girl who had to dress like a dog pee in? She looks like a malnourished turd.

8:44- Andi the hot gang lawyer: “A photo shoot is not my comfort zone. Being naked is not my comfort zone.” What she’s trying to say is she doesn’t have Snapchat.

8:50- Free Spirit, what up? “I’m really glad that I switched with Elise. I was happy to take off my top as always.” Cool, what are you going to do now? “I’m going to make that ABC nudity blur out guy earn his living.”

8:51- Juanny P.: “I’m really looking forward to get to know better Cassandra.” At least he didn’t say “I’m pretty pretty much looking forward to get to know better Cassandra.”

8:53- Andi the hot gang lawyer: “I’m the girl that brought a one piece.” Again, what she’s trying to say is she doesn’t have Snapchat.

9:02- Thanks to the internet I found out that Cassandra is Rodney Stuckey’s baby mamma. I don’t have anything else to add. That one’s on the house, you guys.

9:04- Victoria just dropped a “hey girl heeeeeey,” which in English means “I’ve been over served.”

9:05- The best way to tell if a person is drunk is to hear them talk about how sober they are. Don’t look now, but Victoria is talking about how sober she is! What’s else do you have to say, oh sober one? “If Juan Pablo just so happens to be mine, I’m gonna straddle him EVERYDAY. Cause that’s what life is about. Straddling people. And things.” I stand corrected. The best way to tell if a person is drunk is not to hear them talking about how sober they are. The best way to tell if a person is drunk is to hear them talk publicly about straddling peoeple… And things.

9:10- Someone is feeding Victoria fireball shots off camera. A person can’t get this drunk on champagne. She was in the hot tub by herself (another sign of intoxication) and then said this WORD FOR WORD to a producer in an interview: “Juan Pablo is my boyfriend, today I gave him the hymen maneuver. I saved his life. I should totally get a rose for that. Everyone is like ‘OH, you straddled Juan Pablo?’ Like, if you do the hymen maneuver and somebody’s like totally laying down and dying you’re gonna have to straddle them.” This can’t really be argued, except for the fact that when she says “hymen maneuver” she means “CPR.”

9:11- “WHOSE LEG DO I HAVE TO HUMP AROUND HERE TO GET SOME ONE ON ONE TIME!” Victoria spent too much time with the dogs. That or she’s doing illegal drugs off camera. Nothing is out of bounds for her at this point.

9:13- Victoria has entered the  “I can’t hear you” zone. People in this zone can’t be reasoned with. They might as well be an animal. Right now, Victoria is in the handicapped bathroom stall looking kind of like this…

victoria, basically

only with less clothes on.

9:15- Victoria is well on her way to getting a zone named after her. As in, “That girl is in the Victoria Zone.” Once a person enters the Victoria Zone, they can do nothing that surprises or shocks you. Anything goes. A speaking of things going, Victoria wants to go home. I don’t want her to go home, I want somebody to play some LMFAO and give the bottle back to her.

9:20- I don’t know if Victoria doesn’t answer Juanny P. when he comes into the bathroom because she’s in the “Victoria Zone,” or because he is calling her Bicktoria and she has no idea he’s talking to her. She never answers, so we’ll never know.

9:23- “For more information about the charities seen on tonight’s show and to find out how you can get some of what Victoria was sippin’ on, visit”


9:28- Victoria’s attention seeking methods remind me of Tierra. If you are reading this and you ever hear someone say that about you, you will die alone.

9:31- Juanny P. just decided Victoria is unfit to be the step-mother of his child. Is this or is this not the easiest decision that’s ever been made? This decision was so easy it should’ve been sponsored by STAPLES.


9:38- People should fake interview people more often. Consider this a PSA for fake interviews.

9:42- Cheer up Rodney Stuckey’s baby mamma, it’s a cocktail party! Also, props to Renee for putting on a compassion show. She’s wheelin and dealin hugs. Who wants a hug? You want a hug? You got a hug.

9:43- Rodney Stuckey’s baby mamma used the word like 11 times in 20 seconds. You know what she didn’t use? Protection.


9:53- Sharleen keeps up the stone face upon receiving her second rose. Seriously, you can’t show me another girl in Bachelor history to be less excited about receiving a rose than Sharleen. She’s smiled so little I’m not even sure she has teeth.


9:55- Other than Free Spirit, pretty much chalk so far on the roses. Last rose coming up and the rose less girls are looking around like Milton during the distribution of Lumbergh’s cake.

9:56- Final rose goes to something called a Kristy, a person which I have yet to hear speak.

Amy L. and Chantel are eliminated along with the greatest two episode player in Bachelor history, Victoria. You guys don’t realize it yet, but we’re really going to miss her.


During the show every week I get a LOT of text messages & tweets from friends watching the show. All of them are welcomed, and most of them are really funny. None, however, are funnier than the ones I get from the Turkey Hunter. So to end each KSR Bachelor Running Diary, I’m going to share with you (if I can) the funniest text I get from the Turkey Hunter.

It’s a feature we’re going to call the “Turkey Hunter Text of the Night.”


Turkey Hunter Text of the Night:

“I’m setting the over/under on Cassandra’s combined IQ & credit score at 91.”





KSR Bachelor Running Diary Episode One: A Mineral Coordinator Cries A LOT

KSR Bachelor Running Diary Episode One: A Mineral Coordinator Cries A LOT


When it comes to The Bachelor, I’m here for three things. The crazy, the tears, and the daddy issues. While you can argue that those three things are one in the same, you don’t get a say in this argument because you are reading, not writing.  If you are here for an in depth review of what girl he should pick, go somewhere else. We’re not going to be friends. I have no interest in the final outcome of the show. The future happiness or despair of the contestants on this show is of no concern to me. What do you say we get started? Are you psyched? I’m Psyched!


If you’re like me you’re tall, have a valid driver’s license, and you’re easy to get along with. But you were also left wanting more after the Bachelor preview episode from Sunday night. Sure, we got to hear some crazy things said and see a crazy thing or two done, but the good stuff starts now. I apologize for not posting this yesterday. I totally would have had it existed at that time. But it didn’t. I had a prior engagement scheduled for Monday night (watching the BCS game with my friends) and was unable to watch The Bachelor and write about it that night. However it has been said that “good things come to those who wait.” Dennis Rodman has been talking a lot lately, let’s attribute that quote to him.

Here is how I predict this episode will go. The show will start off with a montage of Juan Pablo leaving his daughter and family behind in Miami. Then they will pan to shots of him running or sitting alone on a beach with his shirt off. Possibly a small workout scene. Then there will be a short preview of things they do during the season. Probably bungee jumping, slow dancing, and swimming. Then Easy Job Chris Harrison will appear and talk to him for a few minutes. THEN the good stuff starts happening.

Here we go…

8:00- “This season, on The Bachelor we’ll do a lot of insanely romantic stuff that real couples would NEVER do when they start dating so that all the girls think they are madly in love with Juan Pablo and therefore backstab each other and cry their eyes out on national television!!! It all starts right now on ABC on the season premiere of The Bachelor!!”

8:02- I couldn’t have been more right in my prediction of the shirtless montage.

8:04- Girls, if you’re Dad ever said the words “I’m going to L.A. to find a wife and a step mom for my daughter,” he doesn’t really love you.

8:06- Juan Pablo running shirtless on the beach!! Who would have thought?!?!

8:10-8:15- It’s tough to accept the fact that I’ll never get back the five minutes I spent watching Juan Pablo and Sean have a conversation about the best ways to find love on a TV show.

8:25- I can’t write about that massage scene without getting fired. I just can’t. I mean, what in all the hell was that ABC? I got my Mom a massage for Christmas and now I just feel gross. I don’t know if this massage girl is ALL the crazy, but she’s most of it.

8:29- “You’ll never be completely dressed without a smile on your face” sounds like a quote Lacy saw on her BFF’s Instagram

As the girls arrive, I will fill out a short questionnaire about each one that I created in my mind yesterday at work. I have a feeling this will be a long post and I love hate angering the “I’m here for sports” people, so click the “read more” link and we’ll get started.