Kentucky Sports Radio
[Moderated by Matt Jones, Drew Franklin and Tyler Thompson]
[Moderated by Matt Jones, Drew Franklin and Tyler Thompson]
In honor of Andy Griffith, a post from KSR’s (simpler) past. From July, 2006, Turkey Hunter’s rankings of the women of Mayberry, complete with the original comment section. Notice that back in those days, the only commenters were KSRers and their friends, Mosley, T Walters, Turkey Hunter, Intern, Mike Jones, etc….long time ago, but back during the KSR roots
Okay, the Barney post has stirred up some interest among our readers and I think this debate deserves its own forum. Time to rank the Hotties of Mayberry. The rules are simple: rank the women who appeared on the show in the order of your preference and explain why they deserve their position. I will get the ball rolling and submit my list for debate. Just as in my private life, I am willing to trade looks for, as they say in Animal House, “a certain morally casual attitude”.
Turkey Hunter Top 10
1. Manicurist- I forget her character’s name but she was played by Barbara Eden and brought a whole new level of culture to Mayberry-
Pros: smoking hot, blonde, employed
Cons: no health insurance, fixated on ex, talked nonstop
2. Skippy and Daphne-Fun girls
Pros: always up for good time, most likely to give “E” Entourage moment, Paris and Nicky of their generation
Cons: tendency to want to dance, old one sounded like James Earl Jones
3. Ellie May Walker, pharmacist
Pros: Tall, thin, milkshakes brought boyz 2 tha yard
Cons: Femnazi, wouldn’t give Emma her pills
4. Thelma Lou, Barney’s squeeze
Pros: attractive, had equity/homeowner, red head
Cons: was willing to hook up with Barn, bi-polar
5. Irene Fairchild, county nurse
Pros: hot, blonde, nurse (tough to gross out/access to antibiotics)
Cons: conservative-may refuse to wear nurse outfit at all times
6. Helen Crump, teacher/gf to Andy
Pros: strict disciplinarian/probably into kinky stuff
Cons: bitchy
7. Charlene Darling- member of Darling Clan
Pros: freak, family owned private distillery
Cons: many protective brothers, pretty sure we dated once already
8. Aunt Bee-
Pros: Paula Dean in the kitchen
Cons: Paula Poundstone in the boudoir
9. Emma Brand-hypochondriac-
Pros: virtually impossible for unplanned pregnancy,
Cons: old, possibly contagious, drug dependent
10. Malcolm Merriweather, Englishman
Pros: soft presence, delicate features, made sweet newspaper tree
Cons: British, no motorized transportation, Ernest T owned him
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July 26th, 2006 at 2:33 pm
Emma is the type of lass you’d call at 3am for a ‘get-right-quick-fix’. Of course Mayberry didn’t have a cell phone tower so it would be difficult getting a hold of her through the switchboard at that hour. Irene on the other hand is the type you want to have over for Sunday fried chicken, introduce her to your mother and pastor, and then take her on a harmless stroll down to the fishin pond for light pettage.
And you’re spot on with Helen Crump…definitely a closet freak. She had the badonk before badonk’s were en vogue.
July 26th, 2006 at 2:40 pm
Great stuff….I would have put the movie star who came into town on one of the episodes and Barney thought she was into him somewhere on the list…but you still did quite well.
July 26th, 2006 at 2:47 pm
But Helen was uuuugly (May she rest in peace). Have to agree with
Barbara Eden as Manacurist. I have always had a thing for her, plus,
if your’re a metrosexual, you can get all the manucures and facials
that you like (unfortunately, she’s not on anti-psychotics, so that
rules her out for you, TH).
I agree that Ellie May was kinda hot, but I think she would be more
inclined to pick someone off of this list rather than be on it.
If this were the “More with Less, Less with More” game, is it safe
to say that Helen get More with Less, and that Thelma Lou gets
Less with More?
One last thing, if Tom Gray can come up with stats for these ladies,
it would be very impressive and might help settle these rankings.
July 26th, 2006 at 3:03 pm
Don’t forget the girl that Andy dated in one episode that could shoot a gun better than he could. That would be hot with the red state demographic. I’m partial to the 3 escaped convicts who kidnapped Barn. Come on, it’s like Caged Heat!
July 26th, 2006 at 3:15 pm
Brilliant.
I go with
1) the movie star (good call Matt) Just gave me an Ashley Judd kinda feelin’.
2) Ellie May, The pharmist (Roy D Mercer anyone?)
3) Manicurist–I watched “I Dream of Jeanie” every morning (wood) before school.
I didn’t watch it for Major Healy or Major Nelson either.
4) Skippy and Daphne– double your pleasure, double your fun.
5) Charlene Darling– Did the Darling’s band have a skin flute?
6) Thelma Lou– I always had a little thing for Thelma Lou. As Carl Spackler
might say, “Oh Mrs. Thelma Lou, you’re a little monkey woman. Yeah, you’re
lean, mean, and I bet you’re not too far in between are ya. How’d you like to wrap
your spikes around my…”
7) The Nurse– I don’t remember her, but I have a thing for nurses in
general, so I say her next.
July 26th, 2006 at 4:22 pm
Mrs. Mendelbright is an interesting case as well. She’s silly (and most likely loose) when drunk, and she’s easy to con, thus making her easy to love one night, then leave the next morning to ‘join the Peace Corp.’ Plus, as with Emma, little chance of getting stuck with child support.
July 26th, 2006 at 5:27 pm
I hereby decree this the best post of all time. I’m ashamed to say
that I can’t remember this woman’s name, but does anyone remember the
girl who Andy was seeing when Barney kept butting in to go over and
eat pizza? Ultimately, as he did with every girlfriend, Barney organized
an engagement party for them when they weren’t actually engaged, and then
they made out in the car in front of everyone. Anyway, that girl was the
hottest. Also, how about Juanita at the diner as a write in candidate?
I know we never saw her, but when Barney would recite the “Juanite, Juanite
from you head down to your feet” poem, you knew she was hot.
July 26th, 2006 at 5:32 pm
All I can say is Great Stuff.
July 26th, 2006 at 5:33 pm
Also, Ellie Mae’s independence was before her time; and that’s sexy in a Sandra Day O’Conner kind of way. Not many women had the courage to run for the town council back then. Good candidate, poor timing.
July 26th, 2006 at 5:38 pm
I can’t beleive I forgot this. There is an episode where a female convict
is held in the Mayberry jail, and Andy and Barney argue over who will stay
the night to guard her. Unquestionably the hottest girl in Andy Griffith
show history.
July 26th, 2006 at 6:15 pm
I’d have to say that I agree with the manicurist as number one, but that’s because, like Mosley, I’ve
always had a thing for her. ‘I Dream of Jeannie” is underappreciated for how hot she was in that show.
But Elle Walker has got to be a close second. Maybe it’s my soft spot for pharmacists, who are by nature
a very attractive lot, but she’s hot despite that.
July 26th, 2006 at 10:21 pm
What about Otis? True, he was a dude, but even Tony Soprano said that guys are given a pass when locked up.
July 27th, 2006 at 8:28 am
I think what TWalters meant to say was that pharmaceutical reps are
a very attractive lot. Isn’t that the case Mr. Walters?
July 27th, 2006 at 9:16 am
T, as a pharmacist, likely hates reps….in the same way that I hate door to door law salesmen.
July 27th, 2006 at 4:43 pm
That really is what a pharmaceutical rep does in your mind, isn’t it.
They go from door to door performing the function and dispensing
the same services as a pharmacist. I like some pharmacists, but
they clearly aren’t trained as well as pharmaceutical reps. Let’s
see those 4 years stack up against 8 weeks. SNAP!
July 27th, 2006 at 4:44 pm
There is generally two types of drug reps. One is the smoking hot, Elle Walker-looking skirt that
could be selling Shagari’s class notes and I’d buy them. The other is the friendly, typically male,
type that is good for conversation my not as aestheticly pleasing. Mosley, as we have all read on a
number of occasions, can be counted on for a good spirited banter.
We all hate door-to-door law salesmen. I buy my law in bulk at Sam’s like every other flag waving,
red-blooded American.
July 27th, 2006 at 5:38 pm
I got a good deal on some law from this dude that was selling it
out of the back of his ’84 Dodge Aries. Come to think of it, some
of the other things he was selling would qualify him as either
a pharmaceutical rep or a pharmacist.
As for your segmentation of reps, I think it’s obvious you feel
that I fall in the former category rather than the latter although
I don’t look like Ellie Walker and haven’t worn a skirt in weeks.
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July 3rd, 2012 at 5:43 pm
Yep, there is something to say about the good ‘ol days…
whether it be Mayberry or KSR.
July 3rd, 2012 at 5:51 pm
Barbara Eden was “Ellen Brown”.
July 3rd, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Macon hit it on the head. The girl that showed Andy up with the shotgun was “it”. I think SnNH would admit that he has squeezed out a few to that episode.
July 3rd, 2012 at 6:23 pm
Great blast from the past.
Also loved the spam comments.
Thought about watching Innerspace starring Dennis Quaid & Martin Short, guess I’ll watch Andy Griffith instead.
July 3rd, 2012 at 6:34 pm
Nurse Peggy McMillan would be way up there. But none could top Big Maude that trapped Barney and Floyd in Mr. O’Malley’s cabin.
July 3rd, 2012 at 6:47 pm
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July 4th, 2012 at 1:24 am
Irene Fairchild was the county clerk, not nurse. There were 2 hot blonde nurses on the show. One, the rich girl, was peggy, played by joanna moore. moore was married to ryan o neal and was the mother of tatum o neal. the other was mary, the one who andy kept trying to get alone but barney kept interrupting.
July 4th, 2012 at 3:53 am
The hot blonde convict was played by Susan Oliver. She definitely belongs in the top 3. In real life, she became an aviator and was the 4th woman to solo across the Atlantic.
July 4th, 2012 at 11:09 am
What exactly do you mean by “solo?”. Like, in the bathroom of the plane? And only the fourth? I find that hard to believe.