Kentucky Sports Radio
[Moderated by Matt Jones]
[Moderated by Matt Jones]
Skanks.
What a great, shortened week this was. Not a whole lot of breaking news on the Kentucky front, but in a week where Tony Romo may or may not have broken up with Jessica Simpson, we had a few power couples of our own making news.
Rajon and Tayshaun (look, I’m a poet!) continued their battles for Eastern Conference supremacy and the right to be featured repeatedly by ESPN next week as a “key to stopping Kobe Bryant”. Ramon and Jared kicked off their African goodwill tour with Athletes in Action by doing some stuff, none of which is more important than being in a picture where a 7′2″ white guy is somehow unnoticeable in a crowd of young black children. Waldo has nothing on Jared Carter. Meanwhile, our favorite UK duo, Ramel and Joe, took their game to the NBA Pre-Draft camp where Crawford shined and Bradley struggled a bit. After a few days in Orlando, this relationship is taking on the appearance of the Janet Jackson-James Debarge marriage - if Debarge could stick the J and spit hot fire. I still think good times are in store for both kids.
But, what was going on in the rest of the world? Honestly, not much. But I think there are a few things that you should know about:
- Attention all men: I’m sure you’re well aware of the disaster about to strike us all down with the release of the new Sex and the City movie. If you’re unfamiliar with the premise of this crapfest, then don’t make the mistake that I did. Not everything with “sex” in the title fulfills your hopes and, outside of the dark haired one with the homemade dirty movie, you wouldn’t want to touch any of these girls with Bryan the Intern’s…well, you know.
Basically, this movie is going to give your wives and girlfriends the green light to get all dolled up, drink $35 martinis and start flashing their business all over town. Somewhere during the debate over whether or not she should cheat on you with some smashed 21 year-old in the back of the bar to prove her “independence” or whatever, she will annoyingly debate with her friends over which one of the skeezed-out stars of the movie each of them are like. And trust me, they’re always going to be one of them. You want to stay far, far away from this hen house madness, but the main thing is that you’re prepared to go on the offensive when she gets home.
In the end, she’s going to come back from this movie/girl’s night with a “my doodoo doesn’t stink” attitude and talk about how she is being stifled by her home life. She’ll then likely throw around some verbage that indicates that she’s ready to go back out on the prowl and live her life the way an underdressed, middle aged hooker would. Don’t fret, though, because there is an easy fix. Just threaten to take away her sweat pants and remind her that when you married Ms. Boyle County 1991, it wasn’t because of her unmatched ability to watch daytime TV or because she could put together a Ripken-like streak of not wearing makeup. Remind her that if she is so independent and an object of everyone’s desire, then she’s free to go out and get a job or get back in shape. If that doesn’t work, then I’ve got nothing. Just kick her out.
And, yes, I am still available ladies…
- I’m not really sure who or what this is, but this ended up in my inbox this week (that’s what she said?). This is absolutely the strangest tattoo of all-time. I have no idea how you explain this one even if the story ends with “and that’s the last time I got high on PCP and watched Dirty Dancing and The Chronicles of Narnia at a tattoo parlor”.
- Nothing really funny here, but this story is really cool to me. They’ve discovered a tribe in the Amazon who has had no human contact. Ever. Very cool, and pretty unbelieavable at the same time. They say there are about 100 left.
- One of the strangest fads when I was growing up (at least to me) was the whole “Too Fast, Too Furious” thing. I didn’t understand the strange love that existed between car and owner and that would eventually usher in an era of neon colors, giant spoilers and exhaust fart tips. However, that vehicular affection has nothing on this guy that claims to have made love to 1000 cars. I have no jokes for this because the actual story reads like a blog post. Any joke I’d make, this guy has already actually done. Trust me, you want to read that link.
- In a sad, surprising news story, we found out that Rachael Ray is a terrorist. Well, that is, if you get your news from Fox. I don’t think anyone else called her a terrorist.
- The Scripps National Spelling Bee is back again and I’ve never really been able to get into it to be honest with you. Despite winning the Austin Elementary Spelling Bee back in 1993, my passion for spelling never quite caught up with my God-given talent. I am, however, a huge fan of this interview with last year’s winner that you’ve probably already seen about 1,000 times. Don’t worry, it’s still great. And if you haven’t seen it, then prepare yourself to meet the only homeschooled kid who probably still gets stuffed into lockers.
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Bill Keightley Report : Never to be forgotten.
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May 30th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Be careful how you word stuff. You said Ramon and Jared “kicked off the African tour.” I thought they were kicked off the team. LOL
Just kidding, great post TB
May 30th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
This was a great great post. Keep it up.
May 30th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Dude, seriously, it’s cosmopolitans, not martinis.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosmopolitan_(cocktail)
And I’ve got it all worked out. My wife and a friend are going to see the movie while I hang out and drink beer with the friends husband. She can do/say whatever after the movie because I’ll be too loaded to care. Yay beer!
May 30th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
4.
Sex in the City - because being a cheap drunk slut is the new symbol of the women’s liberation movement.
/You’ve come a long way, baby!
May 30th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
I am fortunate to married to someone who has never seen one episode of this drivel and doesn’t want. F these old broads.
May 30th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Also, I just watched the spelling bee douche. I bet he can spell a certain word that rhymes with hunt. If not he will be familiar with it once he attempts to socialize in the real world.
May 30th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Thank goodness I don’t get my news from CNN or MSNBC…moron.
May 30th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Uh Thomas that article does not mention Fox News ONCE….
Idiot
Thanks Matt for giving us yet another liberal to ignore
May 30th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Great stuff about sex in the city.
May 30th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
My wife knows me well enough to not even ask. She is going to see this “crapfest” with her mom.
May 30th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
oh yeah, Go Pistons!
May 30th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Nice work on the Sex in City post Thommy. However your reference on the Ripken streak of no make-up is a little off. Most Sex/city zealots are too insecure to go a day without make-up, employment status notwithstanding. they have seen enough lifetime or women’s entertainment TV to be ready at a moment’s notice. this phenom as not hit the trailer parks as hard so most of these women fancy themselves as power-hooker-career-gals whose primary talents are well… you know. but otherwise solid post and i cannot complain because sex/city has steered a couple of them my way. now that’s a powerful phenomenon!
May 30th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
7 & 8, ease up on the guy. I doubt any of these weekly posts are done in order to make grand political statements. He must have made a mistake because a) Access Hollywood is not a news source and b) nearly every other article about this story includes the words “Fox News” in front of “Michelle Malkin”. It’s just a fact. Don’t get so defensive.
http://www.boston.com/ae/celebrity/articles/2008/05/28/dunkin_donuts_y anks_rachael_ray_ad/
May 30th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
12, well said! I hope that I can reap some of the benefits of these sexual adventures.
May 30th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Pistons look like sh**!
May 30th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
foxnews isnt the only one that thought there was a problem i read about that story on abc news 2 days before i saw it on fox. also dunkin donuts pulled all her ads and comercials
May 30th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
Rachael Ray couldn’t blow up a set of meatballs!
May 30th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
See ya next year Go Pistons Says: Good season and glad to see Prince do well. Joe D. will blow the team up and start over.
May 30th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
NBA is boring!
May 30th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Celtics vs Lakers in the finals FTW!
May 30th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
The Sex and the City concept sucked to begin with. Making a movie out of it is as attrocious an idea as the Holocaust. We need to have a new Nuremburg for the producers, directors, and stars of this 21st century attrocity and open a museum to make sure it never happens again.
/NEVER again.
//The NBA sucks, but not as bad as sex and the shitty
May 30th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
I bet D. Stern is creaming his jeans tonight with the finals.
May 30th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Where can I sign up for Rachael Ray to assault me? In a good way! No explosives I might add.
May 30th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Go C’s!!! time to hang #17!!!
May 31st, 2008 at 12:22 am
I predict Kobe will gun his arm off attempting to get out of the shadow of Shaq and the lakers will be toast in 4 games. I could be wrong and it goes 5 or 6 due to the ref’s (ask the Spurs for honest opinions. At the worst Celtics win in 6.
May 31st, 2008 at 1:20 am
Rajon and Tayshaun don’t rhyme. It’s pronounced Rah-jon, not Ray-jon. You would have lost the spelling bee by not pronouncing it right. haha
May 31st, 2008 at 4:39 am
Rah-jon rhymes with Tayshaun also, douche…
The Spelling bee clip on sportscenter was funny, the winner had to spell numnah… which he naturally asked if it was pronounced “numb-nut”. Classic.
May 31st, 2008 at 7:27 am
This just in:
THE NCAA AND MYLES BRAND A JOKE.
As predicted by me the NCAA led by Myles Brand will look the other way when it comes to Indiana’s voilations. Well the predicted process has started.
http://www.journalgazette.net/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080531/SPOR TS/805310321/-1/SPORTS
May 31st, 2008 at 8:29 am
Yo broski - 2 Heinekens!
Your post was decent - up until you showed the world why Matt has you writing for this thing.
Your post has inspired me to go try to figure out how to block CNN on my TV. I would block trash like NBC but I have to watch American Gladiators. At least I won’t have to listen to Hogan and Ali bash Fox News.
May 31st, 2008 at 9:49 am
Matt Jones works less than Howard Stern
May 31st, 2008 at 10:17 am
Wait … you mean they are a non-human alien tribe? Really! This is big news.
May 31st, 2008 at 11:32 am
Rachel Ray is my guilty pleasure. It’s alright, my wife knows (and tends to agree)!
May 31st, 2008 at 11:40 am
Great story on spelling bee and you spell “verbiage”, V-E-R-B-A-G-E. DING!
I couldn’t resist, champ.
May 31st, 2008 at 12:12 pm
31, haha, that’s an interesting point that I didn’t even think about. And how do they keep reproducing without contact? They are very strange people, those no-contact Amazonian tribesmen.
33, hahaha good catch. I hope I dont have to give my ribbon back to Austin Elementary.
May 31st, 2008 at 1:50 pm
32-Dude it’s all about Giada. I will gladly watch that with my wife ANYTIME.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:29 am
33.. You beat me to it. I also saw the irony of his misspelling in the same post he brags of being a spelling champ. Although, I think that most people misspell and mispronounce “verbiage” not because it’s dificult to spell, but because they don’t know that “verbage” is not a real word.