Kentucky Sports Radio
[Moderated by Matt Jones]
[Moderated by Matt Jones]
So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will win a hundred times in a hundred battles. –The Art of War by Sun Tzu as read by Joe Mantegna (yes, that Joe Mantegna, seriously)
Thanks to the stellar contributions and analysis of the Rob Gidels and Duncan Cavanaughs of the world, readers of this blog should know the ins and outs of this Wildcat Football Team better than Bret Michaels knows bandanas and skanky women. However, as The Art of War audiobook that I picked up in the Letcher County Public Library once told me, knowing oneself is only half the battle. To that end, I will be bringing you a preview of the Cats’ upcoming opponent every Thursday in the hopes that I can break down the game in such a way that you will know exactly what to look for in the way of matchups, schemes, and players. Actually, I’m not especially good at breaking down a game in that way, so maybe I will provide some info that will help you make fun of the sorry wretches that are sentenced to play the unbeatable Kentucky Wildcats.
We kick things off (pun totally intended!—I’m like a young Elayne Boosler) with fellow Bluegrass Region inhabitant and neighbor to the south, Eastern Kentucky University.
Location:
I have forever been annoyed by EKU’s name. If Lexington is in central Kentucky, and EKU is due south of Lexington, how is EKU supposed to be in eastern Kentucky? Richmond doesn’t even get WYMT—a long held determinant of mine as to whether a county was truly in eastern Kentucky. It is only in the eastern part of the state like Bowling Green is in the western part of the state—a point that would surely be argued by Hopkinsvillains and Paducahnites. Beware any college that has trouble describing it’s location and has an overflowing parking lot at the local Ryan’s “Steakhouse”.
Notable Alumni:
Some familiar names that have graced the Richmond campus include:
Rodger “Kentucky Joe” Bingham from “Survivor”, Middlesboro native Harvey Lee Yeary (better known as Lee Majors), Comedian Carl Hurley (in case you don’t know, think of him this way: He is to my grandpa, as Mitch Hedberg is to me), and former Prime Minister of Thailand, Thaksin Shinawatra. Although it sounds like something I would make up, Mr. Thaksin actually did receive his Master’s in Criminal Justice from EKU in 1975. He would later be elected to the office of Prime Minister after a lucrative business career that made him a bazillionaire. Mr. Thaksin was deposed in a non-violent coup led by the Thai military in 2006 and has been in exile in Britain ever since. His most recent turn in the news has been due to his purchase of English soccer team Manchester City. If you want to rile EKU fans, cheer “Go Big Blue!”, but if you would like to stick it to Mr. Thaksin you might try, “Go Big Coup!” (I’m serious folks—a young Elayne Boosler).
Thaksin raising the proverbial roof
Cheerleader Scouting Report:
Hard to get a detailed report for you here as I can find only one picture on the website. Taken together, they do all right. A nice assortment of blondes and brunettes although some would do well to get that membership to Exotic Tan right away. However, due to the lack of head shots (or Glamour Shots) it is hard to tell if they are individually attractive, or if they are just collectively attractive—a phenomenom that I have described to Matthew H. Jones on several occasions. This occurs when you see a group of ladies, but they are too far away to focus on any one in particular. The result is that you judge them as a whole without being able to gauge how they look individually. A good example would be the Dixie Chicks when they first became popular. Collectively, they looked all right, but individually all were lacking.
Football History
One could certainly argue that Eastern has a more storied tradition than UK’s football team, as the Roy Kidd years can boast of 2 national championships and of serving as a perennial power in I-AA for more than two decades. However, all this success has a bit of a Crash Davis quality to it as EKU has never run with the big boys in I-A. The annual question in the 1980’s was, “Could EKU beat UK in a head-to-head matchup?”—a question I will give you to debate in the comments section, in between comments about how pointless this post was (trust me, it is very pointless).
This is not the football team–it is the Bass Fishing Team at the “College Smashmouth Bass Challenge” or something like that
Players
I had no luck in finding starting quarterback Josh Greco’s Myspace page, so I decided to provide some info on another Josh Greco I found. If the EKU quarterback is even close to being as interesting as this Josh Greco, EKU will win by forty points.
Quote:
“my name is josh im 6′1.I like chillin with my family and friends.I dont go to school anymore cuz its bull[excrement] at ahs so i just dont go.im 16 and tryin to find a job. i am goin to tutoring to get my ged and [fecal matter] so yea the lazy life is over im gonna change my life around.”
I did have to censor Josh a little as this is a family blog. By the looks of his picture, he is one rough customer. Why, I bet ol’ John L. Sullivan would take a walloping at this kid’s hands.
Airtight predictions
Eastern will grumble that they were only a play or two away from winning no matter the score (Kentucky fans are well-versed in this rationale), and UK’s band will not be good or play anything post-1985.
Summary
So there you have it. You are now more prepared than a Cub Scout with OCD and I expect you to put this information to good use going into the game this weekend. I’ve tried not to be too harsh on lovable Eastern as they are a state school and I have many friends and relatives that have benefited from a quality EKU education (Williams’ Geology Degree comes to mind). My hope is that UK wins by 70 or so points, but then EKU goes undefeated for the rest of the season. Next week, however, Kent is in for the thrashing of a lifetime; first by me as I will slice them with my pen and rapist wit, and then by the Cats with their pointy teeth.
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Bill Keightley Report : Never to be forgotten.
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August 30th, 2007 at 9:51 am
EKU Sucks….1st
August 30th, 2007 at 9:58 am
Rapist or rapier?
August 30th, 2007 at 9:58 am
EKU, UL, and 1st Sucks!
August 30th, 2007 at 9:58 am
3rd
August 30th, 2007 at 10:00 am
Now this is funny! Can you teach Mattox a thing or ten?
August 30th, 2007 at 10:00 am
1. rappist - a man who can bust some tight ass ryhmes as well as bustin someone in the ass
he is rappist. Urban dictionary.
The aforementioned “rapist” may not be what you intended.
August 30th, 2007 at 10:17 am
“Go Blue Blue”…. ?
August 30th, 2007 at 10:19 am
1-0…..thank you eku
August 30th, 2007 at 10:35 am
Tis a sad day when you realize that this many people have not seen D&Der. Good stuff Mosley, “…a rollicking joyride that’ll leave you asking for more.”
August 30th, 2007 at 10:40 am
I knew you’d come through and lay some knowledge on the folks, ‘tern.
August 30th, 2007 at 10:47 am
I know some EKU football alum from the national championship team that swear up and down they could of beat any team in the State of Kentucky in the early 80, late 90s…
August 30th, 2007 at 10:48 am
Sorry Late 70s!!! Not 90s…
August 30th, 2007 at 10:49 am
Plus EKU Cheerleaders aren’t much to write home about…
August 30th, 2007 at 10:53 am
Jim Carrey- Tell her I have a rapist’s wit.
Joe, who is merrily pissing in a bottle
August 30th, 2007 at 10:55 am
Didn’t Harry Dean Stanton attend EKU?
August 30th, 2007 at 11:32 am
As for notable EKU alumni, you left out the long list of EKU
football players who have had long pro football careers–a longer
list than UK can muster.
August 30th, 2007 at 11:41 am
A little off topic but I hope all you basketball fans have had the chance to watch the FIBA games from
Vegas. Team USA looks great. I am not a big fan of the NBA but watching these guys gel and play
together is a nice break from the NBA.
August 30th, 2007 at 11:56 am
Dan Patrick went to Eastern for a year or two to play basketball.
August 30th, 2007 at 12:11 pm
I graduated from Eastern in May. Your observations about the cheerleaders are 100% correct. EKU cheerleaders all fall victim to DDF. Similar to the collective attractiveness mentioned above, DDF (Decreasing Distance Factor) occurs when someone looks attractive from a distance. As you move closer, however, these girls are pretty much just average.
August 30th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Everyone go to stophernow.com
August 30th, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Just for the record, EKU does not have more current or all-time players than UK in the NFL. I don’t know where that came from, but you can refer to both schools web-sites / media guides & clearly see that UK has more NFL players both all-time & current. EKU’s record under Roy Kidd was nice, but no deal on the NFL comment.
August 30th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
SEE #16 & #21
August 30th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
Is KSR going to update us on WR Steve Johnson’s arrest?
August 30th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
17 I have been watching as much as I can and DVr’ing all the games.
Im a huge NBA and College basktball fan and Team USA is providing a basketball fix when the season is so far away.
Some of the stuff USA has been doing is just sic. It’ awesome to see these guys play together when everything is run by a great point like Kidd.
August 30th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
It is apparent from this blog entry that all men have a similar usage for collective attractiveness or DDF. In my social circle, it is referred to as Depth Perception Discrepancy, or DPD. The further away and larger a group of girls are, the worse DPD can be. They may be hot from 300 feet, but when they get within 20, they could be butt ugly. DPD is serious….be careful men.
August 30th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Alas, as I, too, suffer from DDDPDF(Decreasing Distance Depth Perception Discrepancy Factor).
This problem is further compounded by my far-sided vision.
August 30th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Why is this Steve Johnson thing not a bigger story… our 2nd/3rd best wr just got arrested and fled from the police… that’s kind of a bidg deal. Isn’t that the kind of thing one gets kicked off the team for?
Also, any idea if we’re going to have a mid afternoon football fix today?
August 30th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Classic, Mosley, classic.
August 30th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
What’s wrong with a Cub Scout with OCD?
August 30th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
#11 My uncle played DB on one of the national championship teams. He says that they tried to schedule U, and they would not play them. He even said that EKU’s JV team went to Lexington to play UK and beat the crap out of them by 30-40 pts. He guaranteed that the varsity score would have been the same.
August 30th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
I’m sure Rob is all over the Johnson thing. There’s no need to report something if it hasn’t been confirmed yet. That’s gossip and there’s nothing worse than gossip. And sorry Rob, for saying you’re all over a Johnson.
August 30th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
#30
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Your uncle-dad told you a tale.
August 30th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Mosley, top-notch as always! Your well-gelled grouping of allusions would easily give Grandma’s Thanksgiving jello-mold a run for the money. Waterboy, Dumb & Dumber, Bull Durham, and the Art of War references…seriously Pulitzer worthy [stool]. Can’t wait for next Thursday.
PS–what about the most classic cautionary scale for hotness?
10 from afar, but far from a 10
August 30th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
I agree with saying a group of of women are collectively pretty and may have issues individually but I will take any of the dixie chicks individually thank you very much.
August 30th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Thank you #14 for not being retarded like the other guys trying to outfox Mosley,(whom from here on out willm be referred to as MosDefley).
This article was funny as nuts. It is the writings of MosDefley and Tomlin that make me come back.
I liked it. I liked it ALOT.
As for that EKU-UK matchup,UK would have won. Why? I guess all I can muster is a phrase used oft by one Jerry “you’re only 19 and I can do more jumping jacks than you can” Claiborne:
If you ain’t got the hosses, in come the losses.
August 30th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
#33 how about George Carlin arguing “I have never been with a 10, but one night I had 5 two’s. I believe that should count.”
August 30th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
I’ve always been a staunch supporter of additional state and federal funding for Work Place Syndrome (WPS). Chances are, you our someone you love have fallen victim to this noxious disease, which makes what would be otherwise homely co-workers hot due to constant interaction and severe lack of competition. Say a prayer for the millions caught in the throngs of this vile happenstance tonight, and contact your local Representative.
August 30th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
35) MosDefley? I like it and I think we can come to some sort of agreement around copyrights:
I get all merchandising related to the name and 50% of all animation revenues that could be
associated with any such MosDefley character. I think he should be some sort of an opossum…
August 30th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
‘Tern,
A related affliction also happens at small, private colleges…trust me.
August 30th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
Oh, and the big one is called the “Herd Protector” and functions much like the biggest wildebeast. That cheerleader, the afore mentioned HP, is sometimes referred to as a ‘BASE” in cheerleading vernacular.
August 30th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
#37 agreed at my place of employment everyone is categorized as work/hot or street/hot. If they are considered work/hot then you would not give them a second glance on the street, if they are street/hot then they hot no matter where you see them.
August 30th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Good stuff. I’m lookin forward to these weekly previews.
August 30th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
How could anyone put EKU in the same class as UL? Many EKU fans support UK when the two teams are not playing each other? How many UL fans cheer for UK when they aren’t playing UL? With a few exceptions the hatred by UL fans toward UK doesn’t exist at Murray, WKU, EKU and Morehead.
August 30th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Most of them might be ugly, but I recently “dated” or should I say slept with one of them… Mighty fine I might add.
August 30th, 2007 at 9:52 pm
You know, whenever I mention Mosley’s name in mixed company, and there may be some who can’t quite place him, I almost always mention that “he’s like a young Elayne Boosler.” That seems to always do the trick.
Excellent work, friend.