Kentucky Sports Radio
[Moderated by Matt Jones]
[Moderated by Matt Jones]
The other evening, during an exclusive Kentucky Sports Radio Bacchanalian wine-tasting event and silent auction (a regal to-do which hosted no less than 40 international heads of state and no less than four members of the original cast of the television program Benson), the topic came up of University of Kentucky Assistant Coach David Hobbs and his remarkable contributions to the school’s men’s basketball program. After a few minutes of polite chit-chat on the subject, the debate turned extraordinarily heated and security was asked to intervene.
The very next morning, at an emergency strategy meeting in KSR’s re-inforced steel underground bunker, it was concluded that action be taken to clear the name of our beloved Coach Hobbs in the eyes of those who would denigrate his efforts. Through a series of elaborate costumes, many involving spirit-gum and outlandish sideburns, a few consisting of ridiculously large foam cowboy hats, and one cleverly fashioned by three staffers on one another’s shoulders wearing an overly large trenchcoat, our moles retrieved exclusive content which we, as is our duty, will share with you today.
During our many audio-archived interviews with Kentucky’s youngest and strongest would-be recruits, one thing remains consistent: each has a particular affinity for Coach Hobbs and mentions frequent phone chats wherein Hobbs has an uncanny knack for endearing himself to the young to-be-Wildcats. Truly the 58 year-old coaching veteran and Smith confidant has better things to do on a Wednesday night than have lengthy phone conversations with 16-18 year-olds, but Hobbs diligently puts his nose to the grindstone and nurtures these relationships. How so, you may ask? By keeping himself abreast of the culture of today’s youth, creating himself into a chameleon by which he can find common ground with tomorrow’s superstars, and knowing precisely how to woo a recruit to the promised land of the University of Kentucky.
Here, then, are some excerpts from Hobbs’ very confidential conversations taken from the coach’s personal notes through the years. The names have been concealed, but the facts remain. And if anyone asks, you never saw us…
RECRUIT DOSSIER: 6’11”, power forward, Butte, Montana.
INTERESTS INCLUDE: Movies, sports
EXCERPT: Phone conversation, August 2001
Hobbs: Hey ___, what’s going on?
Recruit: Not much, just doing some homework.
Hobbs: Yeah, I hear ya. Algebra is soooo hard! I just got back from seeing American Pie 2.
Recruit: Is it good?
Hobbs: Dude, it is great. There’s this one part where this guy uses super-glue and…well, I can’t describe it. You’ll just have to see it. But it’s hilarious.
Recruit: Sounds good. I’ll have to check that out.
Hobbs: Sure. You know it’s playing in Lexington. We could go see it after you commit. Or maybe Swordfish.
——————————
RECRUIT DOSSIER: 6’2, guard, Mt. Holyoke, Massachussetts
INTERESTS INCLUDE: Rap, R&B Music
EXCERPT: Phone conversation, May 2004
Hobbs: What up, ___?
Recruit: Just chillin’.
Hobbs: Oh, I’m just listening to a special mix of Lean Back. I got a home slice who went to school with Fat Joe. It’s totally on the DL. I mean, I’m not even supposed to have this yet. But we’re cool, right?
Recruit: Yeah, we’re cool. Can I hear some of it?
Hobbs: Sure, yo. (holds phone up to speaker for several minutes)
Recruit: Man, that’s sweet.
Hobbs: I know. That sh*t’s tight. You know, I hear Fat Joe really likes the University of Kentucky Wildcats. Maybe if you commit, you could meet him someday.
Recruit: That’s what I’m talkin’ about.
Hobbs: I know, right? Lean Back! Lean Back!
Recruit: Lean Back! Lean Back!
Hobbs: Holla if you’re down with UKY!
Recruit: (hollas)
—————————–
RECRUIT DOSSIER: 6’5, guard, Phoenix, Arizona
INTERESTS INCLUDE: Chronicles of Narnia, Magic: The Gathering, World of Warcraft
EXCERPT: Yahoo IM conversation, June 2002
CoachHobbit: What’s up?
Recruit: Surfin’, u?
CoachHobbit: Me 2. Thought any more about UK?
Recruit: Yeah, a little.
CoachHobbit: Well, I’ll tell you. This team right now, it’s like we’ve got a level 5 Wizard, a level 4 Mage, two level 3 thieves and a ring of inpenetrability. We could really use a dwarf with unlimited potions. Like you.
Recruit: really?
CoachHobbit: o yea, we’re all getting together at CompUSA laterz to check out the new MYST. You should come.
Recruit: ok kool
CoachHobbit: Also, while you’re there you can commit to UK. I’ll bring the paperwork. TTYL! ;)~
——————————-
RECRUIT DOSSIER: 7’0” center, Harringsworth Juvenile Correctional Facility, Cedar Rapids IA
INTERESTS INCLUDE: None listed.
EXCERPT: Phone conversation, February 2005
Hobbs: What’s the word?
Recruit: Nothin’.
Hobbs: Right on. I’m just out burnin’ one behind the shed. Hope my old lady doesn’t find out.
Recruit: Yeah, that would be bad.
Hobbs: I know, she’s all “do this” and “do that.” I mean, why is everyone all like school is cool. You and I both know school is for fools.
Recruit: I’m with you.
Hobbs: You wanna go down to the street races next week? Then maybe we can go egg old man Winters’ house. It’ll be so boss.
Recruit: Yeah, that sounds good.
Hobbs: Then we can swing by the basketball office over here on campus, break in, steal some commitment papers and write our names all over them! It’ll be rad.
Recruit: That sounds okay.
Hobbs: Alright. Check you later. I think I’m totally busted. Gotta run.
——————————-
RECRUIT DOSSIER: 6’0, guard, lives with parents aboard North Atlantic Research Vessel 667, Bering Strait
INTERESTS INCLUDE: Maritime law, astronomy, marine life.
EXCERPT: Telegraph conversation, November 2003.
Hobbs: -—–——-———
Recruit: –— -—– ———– ———- –
Hobbs: –—- –— — –—————– –
Recruit: — –—– –
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28 queries. 1.296 seconds
November 29th, 2006 at 2:33 pm
tru.dat
November 29th, 2006 at 2:34 pm
Awesome!!! This ranks right up there with recreating Knoxville at
your house by throwing down some dirt and getting some stray dogs.
November 29th, 2006 at 2:35 pm
The truth finally comes out…
November 29th, 2006 at 2:46 pm
he does a fantastic job of manipulating… we could all strive to become as good at our professions as he is…
November 29th, 2006 at 2:52 pm
I don’t care who ya are, dats funny
November 29th, 2006 at 2:55 pm
That is just plum funny!!! Hobbs Git-R-Done Homey rolling up wit a word to ya mutha!
November 29th, 2006 at 2:57 pm
#4…Fear not, you will make it out of Haggin Hell. I spent my fresh. year there and vowed to never live in campus housing again, but what does not kill you will make you stronger.
November 29th, 2006 at 2:59 pm
Brilliant
November 29th, 2006 at 3:05 pm
Matt Jones: AJ will u come on KSR tonght and talk about the tourny?
AJ: Huh? Wah man? I cant hear u. Jayz is singing. Can I call you back?
CLLLIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK
November 29th, 2006 at 3:12 pm
That was DJ Stafford thank you….
November 29th, 2006 at 3:21 pm
So who is the Level 5 Mage?
November 29th, 2006 at 3:23 pm
Dear Tomlin,
Thank you.
Intern
November 29th, 2006 at 3:26 pm
That’s great stuff!! Anyone willing to attempt a similar slant on good ole Reggie Hanson?
November 29th, 2006 at 3:34 pm
haha coach hobbit… and stealing the recruit papers and writing their names. those were my highlights of reading that. only thing i saw wrong… why would the 6-5 guy be a dwarf… should’ve made him shorter! But i’ll just pretend it said 5-6.
November 29th, 2006 at 4:05 pm
Kentucky Konfidential: David Hobbs - Teenager of the Year
November 29th, 2006 at 4:12 pm
#7… i think as you said that, a kid just pinched off a big fudge dragon in the middle of the hallway..
November 29th, 2006 at 4:20 pm
Level 4 Mage, I don’t know what the hell that is but I am sure UK “doesn’t” have one of those, at least I’ve not seen it.
steal some commitment papers and write are name all over them—hilarious
November 29th, 2006 at 4:21 pm
RECRUIT DOSSIER: 6’2”, point guard, Decatur, Georgia.
INTERESTS INCLUDE: NASCAR, My Little Pony
EXCERPT: Phone conversation, August 2005
Hanson: Hey ___, how’s the jumpshot looking?
Recruit: My name’s ___, not ___.
Hanson: Yeah whatever. You know you want to come here. Right?
Recruit: I was thinking about it, but now I don’t know.
Hobbs [heard in background]: Quick, tell him your name’s Billy Donovan and get the hell off my phone.
Hanson: Well, I’ve got some papers that would look almost as good with your name on them as I look in a suit. Whadduya say bro?
Recruit: {click}
November 29th, 2006 at 4:24 pm
Yeah, I’m also a former Hagginite from cell block A4. I just hope your roomate showers more than once every 3 weeks… like mine. No joke, he took his shirt off while I was taking a nap, and the smell woke me up.
November 29th, 2006 at 4:26 pm
Number 18 that was quality…it was better than what KSR posted.
November 29th, 2006 at 4:49 pm
very, very hilarious.
November 29th, 2006 at 4:54 pm
#16…NICE!! You have to love how considerate college freshmen can be…where else can you go have someone leave you a gift like that in the hallway. I was in D4 and for some reason the D4 dipshits liked to drop deuces in the concentration camp style shower or clog the sinks up by getting trashed and puking in them. Those smells are still with me today…….
November 29th, 2006 at 4:57 pm
Classic, Tomlin is the bees knees of the show and blog
November 29th, 2006 at 5:03 pm
Best thing yet on here. Tomlin 4 President.
November 29th, 2006 at 5:13 pm
Amen.
November 29th, 2006 at 5:28 pm
You missed it on that one. Really wasnt that funny. Best one I read was post 18.
November 29th, 2006 at 6:25 pm
#10 matt: I thought u said u were talking to him on his cell phone and he wouldnt turn his rap music down?
November 29th, 2006 at 8:40 pm
funny sheit
November 29th, 2006 at 8:58 pm
#22… lord i know.. the closer you get to the bathrooms the more potent the smell is… then the janitors come by and throw bleach on it to try to mask the smell but it makes it like an acidy potent smell that burns the nostrils and horrifies you for life.. im in D3… its funny, its like these kids just learned how to use the bathroom.. how about: you dont piss on the seats, you dont shit then use up the entire roll of toliet paper to wipe your ass, you flush, and you dont miss the toliet (when either doing a number one or number 2)… i dunno.. you just have to laugh
November 29th, 2006 at 10:08 pm
That was AWESOME!
November 29th, 2006 at 10:42 pm
Chris…Bob Smiley would be so proud of you…as am I.
November 29th, 2006 at 11:24 pm
Hey man—that is funny. Very creative way of poking fun at UKs inability to recruit.
November 30th, 2006 at 8:53 am
The “—–….—-” kills me. Good one!
November 30th, 2006 at 11:30 am
So … let me see if I’ve got this right. Hobbs is fair game on this site, but Tubby isn’t. That about cover it?
November 30th, 2006 at 5:24 pm
Nice blog. Hobbs deserves much more attention than he’s getting for Kentucky’s plight.
Matter of fact, my official diagnosis is Fulminating Incompetentinus Hobb-itis with a secondary relatively benign Hansen’s sleeping sickness confusing the issue.
November 30th, 2006 at 7:43 pm
List of Coach Hobbs’ players and/or recruits from Alabama (as HC or assistant) who made the NBA:
Ansley, Michael 1989-1991
Askins, Keith 1990-1998
Benoit, David 1991-2000
Caffey, Jason 1995-2002
Farmer, Jim 1987-1993
Horry, Robert 1992-2005
Johnson, Buck 1986-1992
Mcdyess, Antonio 1995-2005
Mckey, Derrick 1987-2001
Robinson, James 1993-2000
Rogers, Roy 1996-1999
Sprewell, Latrell 1992-now
Washington, Eric 1997-1998
Webb, Marcus 1992-1992
January 13th, 2007 at 1:56 am
maybe with yahoo messenger
February 5th, 2007 at 1:00 am
Many people suffer because of diagnosis incorrectly put initially why that physicians do not hurry to recognize the fault, whether there are the successful judicial claims, won by patients? Where about it is possible to esteem? WBR LeoP
April 10th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
[...] Reggie Hanson’s texting acumen is probably similar to his anything acumen, as the incomparable Chris Tomlin dissected in this post. Consequently, Kentucky lands the likes of Adam Williams (no wireless coverage in West Virginia), [...]
April 10th, 2007 at 7:34 pm
the funniest thing ever!!!!!
April 11th, 2007 at 9:20 am
Very, very nice. Had no idea Hobbs was down, I always thought it seemed he sat around and pulled a paycheck. Guess I was wrong.