I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering if this post was placed on the wrong blog. If you read KSR, chances are you won’t be watching The Bachelor tonight. You’ll be watching Notre Dame and Alabama grope, tackle, and pile on each other. But this is still good for you, guys. I’m trying to help you out. Trust me.
Chances are, if you are a. married to, b. in a relationship with, or c. just hanging out with a young lady these days, she’s excited about The Bachelor tonight. To show that you are sensitive to her wants, acknowledge that she may not want to watch the game with you, but watch The Bachelor instead. Pick her up a bottle of wine (or two) on the way home, give her the second best TV in the house, and give her these drinking game rules.
Before you know it she’ll be tipsy, you will have gotten peace and quiet for the game, and what happens after that is up to you. I can only get you so far. This can be your Monday nights in the spring if you just trust me.
Girls, if you are single and reading this website, welcome. You can play this game with your friends as you watch. Also, Drew’s phone number is… (Ed note: removed for your protection).
The Rules of The Bachelor Drinking Game
Take a drink:
*Each time Chris Harrison is shown. This will be a tough task in the premiere because Chris Harrison welcomes each contestant. You can modify the rules to once every 3 times if you want for the first episode. However, this rule isn’t bad later in the season because he only shows up 2-3 times per episode. No one has a better job than Chris Harrison. He works 2 hours per week from the most glamorous locales on the planet with some of the most beautiful women on the planet.
*Each time a gimmick is used in an introduction. Last season a girl arrived on a horse. Another girl BROUGHT HER GRANDMOTHER. If anything other than exchanging a few words occurs, drink.
*Each time one girl questions another girl’s motives for coming on the show. This will happen a lot and is usually in the form of “I just don’t think she is here for the right reasons.” When a girl’s motives are questioned, you drink.
*Each time the words “connection” or “chemistry” are used. Girls love saying they had a connection or chemistry with a guy. The girls on this show are no different. They will do it. And you will drink.
*Each time Sean is described as “hot”, “cute”, “perfect”, or “sweet.” Bottoms up.
*Anytime a girl says “I loved him last season.” This will happen in some form or fashion. Girls coming on The Bachelor know what it is. They didn’t find their way on the show by mistake. Chances are they watched his season, and chances are they loved him. When they confess that love, pour a little down the hatch.
*Anytime anyone mentions being nervous. For someone on national television, being nervous would be totally normal. And when a person is nervous, they will often mention it. And you will often drink for it.
*Any mention of children or an ex. People have children. People have exes. Certainly nothing wrong with either one. But if they bring it up on the show, take a drink.
*If you see/hear a contestant’s profession listed/mentioned and think “That’s not a real profession.” This one is totally up to your discretion. It’s on a case by case and drinking game participant by participant basis. But if someone is listed as a “student” or “cocktail waitress”, let’s for sure go head and drink.
*Each time Sean says “I’m just following my heart.” I encourage everyone to follow their heart in life. Do what you love. Do what makes you feel good. But when Sean makes it known that he is doing it, go ahead and take a drink. You’ll never go thirsty.
*Each time Sean is on camera with his shirt off or a girl mentions his abs. Sean strikes me as the type of guy who is a shirt taker offer. What does that mean? Well, everyone knows someone like this. You know, the guy who will take his shirt off anytime if it is even remotely acceptable. Washing his car? Shirt off. Pre-party? Shirt off. Getting warm on the dance floor? Shirt off. Taking a jog? Shirt off. Going to the lake? Doesn’t even bring a shirt. I don’t necessarily hate this guy. I absolutely hate this guy.
*Anytime a girl mentions she is looking for someone to spend the rest of her life with. This will be said a lot, and can be translated into “I really just want to find some way to get a rose and stay on this TV show.”
*Each time a girl cries. You may want to reconsider playing this game.
*Anytime @KySportsRadio tweets about The Bachelor. It’s no secret that our leader here is a long time Bachelor fan. In fact, we considered live blogging the premiere until we realized it conflicted with the BCS Championship game. Anytime Matt takes to twitter to give his opinion, take a drink.
Finish your drink:
*If a girl fight breaks out. You were going to do this anyway, but I just wanted to get it in the official rules. Hair pulling or physical contact of any sort (unless it’s consensual) qualifies as a girl fight.
Take a shot of bourbon:
*If a contestant is from Kentucky. (h/t Kristen Geil)
I guess this is just as good a time as any to mention that KSR (read: me) will be covering The Bachelor all season. I will have a running diary of each episode on the site each Tuesday morning at 8:00 a.m. Guys, this is a great way to get the ladies in your lives to share your love for KSR. Be sure and tell them about it. Check back in the morning for the recap of the premiere.
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Bill Keightley Report : Never to be forgotten.
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