Forgive the awful post tile, but I couldn’t resist. Since today is the official ‘boom’ for college coaches being able to text and call kids nonstop, I figured I should stay on topic. Ms. Tyler No-Longer-Thompson posted a great one earlier that included text for all the coaches around the nation that we like to laugh at. Now that you know what’d they say, wouldn’t you like to know which phone each coach is using? Here are my guesses…
Coach Cal dominates his market, just like Apple. He is on the absolute cutting edge of his sport, and just like the iPhone, his success is astounding. (Okay, yes, he did originally tweet from a BlackBerry.)
Slightly behind the iPhone in cult tech popularity is the Android. Slightly behind UK in recruiting and winning championships is now UNC and Duke, so now Roy Williams and Coach K are those coaches who have nice, big screens on their phones but they can’t iMessage with recruits. Cal knows when the kids read his messages and plays his cards right. These guys just talk funny like robots.
Question: what flails its hands in the air and can put you in the (friend) zone? Answer: An 18 year old girl from 2004 and Jim Boeheim. Both of these horrible monsters would also use a Pink Razr. It’s not the most manly phone, but Jim prefers T9 texting. He loves it so much that he bought his entire staff Pink Razrs. Word is that he gave Bernie Fine 20 phones to give as gifts to recruits. Or just friends. Either/or.
There’s something old-school about Bill Self. Maybe it’s his unflashy, unabashed good ol’ boy feel. Maybe it’s just the fact that he recruits a lot of tall white guys and looks slightly less drunk than Billy G. Either way, he’s the perfect fit for a Zach Morris mobile phone. While he doesn’t have the flashiest players or the newest technologies, there’s a sly charm about Self and the phone. It reminds you of a previous time.
Rick Pitino is quite similar to the old school Nokia. Once upon a time, he was on top of the world. He dominated the market and dominated the competition, just like Nokia. Then suddenly, with one wrong decision, fell off. The times caught up with him and then left him behind. Think about how much you used to love playing Snake? No one does that anymore. I’m sure that if you tried to play again today, your game of Snake, like Pitino’s, would end in about 15 seconds or less.
Boost Mobile is the company for Tom Crean: “Where you at?! Seriously, where the f— are you?! I know where you’re not…BLOOMINGTON! So get down here and play me. Now! Seriously. C’mon. Please? Why not? Just talk to me. I’m getting really sad. [silence] You’re too scared, that’s why. Yeah. Scared. Whatever…please call me back.“
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Bill Keightley Report : Never to be forgotten.
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