Hello Friends. I hope you’re well on this sunny Friday (note: your current weather may not apply). You’re looking dapper today. Hitting the clubs tonight?
I guess it makes sense that you are. After all, with the wealth of pool parties and bar patios rolling for the summer, you’re bound to be on the prowl. If so, your ol’ pal Tomlin would like to help. You see, I’ve recently just watched Steve Harvey’s Think Like a Man upwards of eleven times since I purchased it on DVD in the checkout line at my local grocery store, so I think I know a thing or two about a thing or two. But you’re not here to get my input on things. That’s why I recently touched base with some of our nation’s most well-known sports personalities to get their take on making a connection with the opposite sex, and in turn each provided me with their “no-fail,” guaranteed pick-up lines for you to use this summer on the respective apples of your respective eyes. I’ve listed a few below in a piece we’ll call Pick-Up Lines of the Stars, and I hope you can glean a little something for yourselves out of the information. And please feel absolutely free to share some of your favorite sports pickup lines below as well. As always, I hope you have a great weekend, and enjoy.
Tom Brady: “Know what would look good on you? Me. Also probably a gentle exfoliator for your t-zone. Do you use one of those? Oh, you really should.”
Rex Ryan: “Those shoes look awfully uncomfortable.”
Tiger Woods: “Want to go back to my house? I’m just going to need you to sign here, initial here and here, and sign here.”
Craig Sager: “You and I go together like a yellow plaid jacket, purple striped tie, red shirt and green pants.”
Mike Anderson: “You’ve heard of ‘forty minutes of hell.’ Are you ready for up to two minutes and forty-five seconds of heaven?”
Preston Knowles: “Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes. And did he take my hairbrush? He’ll pay for that. And for stealing stars.”
Joakim Noah: “So…how would you really like to get back at your parents?”
Kevin Stallings: “I’ve been watching you from across the bar all night, and I was wondering — are you going to finish those cheese fries?”
Justin Blackmon: “I hope you have a driver’s license, because you’re driving me crazy. Seriously, though, do you have a driver’s license? I could use a lift home.”
Chane Behanan: “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together. I’d probably put together O, C and Q too, because they all look kind of similar and I get them mixed up a lot.”
James Harden: “Is it hot in here, or is it just you? Also, it could be my ridiculous beard.”
Tim Tebow: “Wanna get married?”
Mark Sanchez: “We have so much in common. I hate algebra too!”
Alex Legion: “Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and just tell her I met the girl of my dreams. Then she’ll decide whether I should date you or not.”
Mike Krzyzewski: “You know what they say about the size of a man’s shoe contract.”
Jonathan Quick: “How would you like to go back to my place and see the Stanley Cup? No, it’s a trophy. For hockey. Yeah, I play hockey. Well, it’s a game on the ice with some sticks and, you know, never mind.”
Tom Crean: “Why don’t we get out of here and go to my place? Or are you TOO SCARED?”
Rick Pitino: (points to his target’s groin) “I hear this place has excellent seafood.”
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