Woohoo! Game Faces is back, and this time we’re going to visually sucker punch those jerks coming in town from Queens! Okay, maybe not. Their portraits didn’t provide for the lulz as hoped, but I decided to continue on anyway. First and foremost, I implore you - VISIT THIS SITE (textsfrombennett.tumblr.com). It will be the funniest thing you read all day. If you are at work or in class, prepare to hold in your laughter. Best part? It f-ing real. The older cousin is the popular/talented Mac Lethal. This site and his most recent video exploded on the web yesterday evening. Thank me later. Now on to business…
Sam Sealy is one of St. John’s only two players not listed as capable of playing the guard position. UK’s size advantage is incredible. Along with God’s Gift, Sealy checks in at 6’8, which makes him a couple bolts short from being Frankenstein. Unfortunately for Sam, he doesn’t get in much. Damn, that’s a huge fivehead.
National Geographic ran story a few years back in which scientists set out to recreate what Jesus Christ probably looked like. Meanwhile, God’s Gift Achiuwa was a budding young ball player who would eventually play his ball at St. John’s. Is Achiuwa going to be SJU’s ‘savior’ tonight? Doubtful. This big man will try to outmuscle Anthony Davis tonight, only to have his stuff thrown into the stands. #BrowDown
If you find the above picture with both of “God’s Gifts” sacrilegious, maybe you’ll like this one better. But I doubt you’ll like the one linked here.
Freshman Phil Greene is starting and playing big minutes for the nation’s youngest team. He’s only scored in double figures twice this season, so he’s not a huge threat to the Cats. But if he’s anything like this look alike, world’s dumbest/worst rapper Lil’ Boosie, then he poses a threat to society. Boosie was recently caught smuggling drugs into prison, and is now stuck behind bars for eight more years. Which, thankfully for humanity, means we won’t hear new terrible music from him any time soon.
If there is one St. John player to look out for, it’s definitely Moe Harkless. Moe was Lavin’s prized recruit, even though he wasn’t truly one of the elite of elite players in the 2011 class. He’s having a great first year, averaging 14.1 points and 6.7 rebounds. We need to contain this 6’8 swingman if we want to truly have a #BEATEMDOWN tonight, as the -21.5 spread predicts for us.
D’Angelo Harrison is the other freshman who plays the majority of the minutes. This 6’3 guard averages 14.3 points. More importantly, he knows how to pull off the ‘Dat Ass’ memeface to perfection. The other guy pictured is rapper Rich Boy. Yes, the one who was selling crack while all them haters wanted checks.
Well, that’s it for today folks. I do have on other request…my friends, Houndmouth, are playing a free show at Zazoo’s in Louisville this evening at 8:30. If you love good music and aren’t doing anything, check them out. It’s a new band that sounds like a mix between The Band and The Rolling Stones, with a little Felice Brothers thrown in. You’ll love it…I think. It’s my new favorite local act. More importantly…PLEASE GO READ TEXTSFROMBENNETT.TUMBLR.COM. It will make your afternoon. #HustlaDaRabbit
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Bill Keightley Report : Never to be forgotten.
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