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The Onion breaks down Anthony Davis

The Onion, a satire news website, made a diagram comparing the strengths and weaknesses of Anthony Davis. It’s similar to the one of John Calipari from a few weeks ago.

My favorites:

Strong Side: Needs only one more solid growth spurt to place his nose above that mustache on his forehead.

Weak Side: Looks carefully in the mirror every morning after shaving and thinks to himself, “Nope, nothing else on this face I need to shave off.”

[Anthony Davis | The Onion]

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

25 responses to “The Onion breaks down Anthony Davis”

  1. mocha

    love it. go cats.

  2. DH

    THAT was hilarious!!! Go CATS!!!

  3. Poindexter

    I just posted this on the show thread, but I just received a text from a friend whose dad is a surgeon at UK. He said that Davis partially tore his ACL last night and will not play the rest of the tournament. He told me this is “no joke.” I hope he is f-ing with me…

  4. oops

    #3 – nice try azzhole!

  5. Poindexter

    #4 – Wait and see. I hope you are right.

  6. Cardsux

    Davis is in the Craft center right now shooting around. Your surgeon friend is an idiot.

  7. strange brew

    @ 3 and 4

    Your dad must have the “buy a PHD” on the internet.

    Tore and ACL? Really, then why did he play? He ran fine and even jumped to block a shot after the ACL was “tore”.

    If your dad is correct, Davis is even more than a freak of Nature since he can play with a tore ACL.

  8. #WWMKGD

    If Davis tore his ACL, he wouldn’t have played. thats it. Calipari cares about these guys more than his career. He would have sat davis down.

  9. DavenderCatTheSequel

    3) His dad must be a tree surgeon because you can’t tear your ACL & play like Davis did.

  10. turkey hunter

    Clark Kellog stated this weekend that Davis had a 9.5′ to 10′ wing span. Was that some of the info that Drew shared with the Clark & Jim last week?

  11. oops

    #3 – IF Davis did have an injury, i’m guessing some dude on a blog site isn’t gonna be the one breaking the story. Don’t you think a severe injury like that to our Championship chances would come from someone like jt?

    #3, good luck to your cards, but I don’t think pitino has the horses to run…

  12. that guy

    So, does pitino have Karen Sypher or JoAnn Pitino in the stands as his guest? Or both? Or a mystery woman?

  13. Big Blue 66

    Anthony Davis, AKA Blue Spider Man has regenerative abilities and he is fine now, some people said he actually tore the entire leg off just below the knee, but renerated it on the bench like the fine arachnid that he is……freaking people

  14. Mudcreekmark

    If Davis would have landed wrong or twisted his knee, the staff would have kept him on the bench. The guys were laughing at him on the bench when they were rubbing the ointment on him. I doubt anyone would have been laughing if he had a torn ACL. Just sayin.

  15. WEASEL

    #3<pond scum

  16. jlove

    “Potential for NBA stardom is in doubt, as he plays solid defense”

    Looking at you Carmelo.

  17. Holla

    Hey #3, my buddy said he saw your mom in a booth at Porchini’s with Pitino and some other guys wearing uofl stuff. He said her skirt was up above her tits and all the guys were under the table, and she was just giggling like crazy.

  18. rainman

    The funniest thing I’ve read on here!! Hilarious!!

  19. Carl

    #3 Your Dr. ‘Friends dad’ is in violation of federal laws against releasing private health information. Please support law enforcement and send his name to the FBI.

  20. me


  21. Gavin S.

    God that is funny, I don’t care who you are.

  22. NKYCatFan

    Wasn’t this on the site just last week?

  23. CatsFan

    Hey #3, I got a friend whose sister works in UL athletics, and she texted me that several of your players failed drug tests and may not be playing in the final four.

  24. Catsrule101

    They suspended Chris Smith today for not supplying receipts for his ” expensive” necklaces. Eddie Sutton called and said his were stolen after spending the day with the cards.

  25. Timmay

    #3 Come on man, no one is buying that.
    1) you can’t even walk after you tear your ACL, much less run, jump and play basketball.
    2) If he had we would know, you can’t keep something like that secret unless you keep him locked up and don’t let anyone see your practices, which would arouse suspicion.