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FAQ: Florida and the University of Florida


florida

What is Florida?

Florida is a state featuring the southernmost point of the continental U.S. It is located in the southeastern United States and was the 27th state to be admitted to the Union, in 1845.

Does Florida have a state flag?

Yes, it does. The Florida state flag features a Seminole woman spreading hibiscus leaves, and the words “The Great Seal of the State of Florida.”

I’ve seen a lot of seals, and that does sound like a great one.

Oh, it is.

I really like boiled peanuts. Are there places to get those in Florida, or should I bring my own when visiting?

Great question. You should have no difficulty procuring boiled peanuts at any time while in Florida.

I also enjoy taking small seashells and hot-gluing google-eyes onto them. I think that’s so cute. But often, my local Jo-Ann Fabrics store runs out of google-eyes. Will I be able to find google-eyes in Florida?

You’ll be very happy to know that in Florida, you can very readily purchase seashells with the google-eyes already glued onto them.

You have no idea what kind of time that’s going to save me. What time is the game on Saturday?

Kick off is at 7:00 pm at the Swamp.

Which swamp? That sounds dangerous, and kinda gross.

It’s a nickname for the football stadium there.

Oh, okay. Hey, is it true that Gatorade was invented at the University of Florida?

It is true, in fact. Before 1965, winning teams dumped a cooler of sorghum onto their coach. This would normally take about fifteen minutes, because sorghum is quite viscous.

Now, this weekends game…this is the Orange Bowl?

No, it’s just a regular season game. The Orange Bowl is in Miami. This game is in Gainesville, also known as “Hogtown.”

Because of their cheerleaders, right? High five!

No, because of a Seminole village once located near Hogtown Creek. The entire region is influenced by the Alachua people and was once home to the Potano, which was a Timucua chiefdom.

Bleep-bloop-beep-boop. That’s what you sound like right now, making up all those words.

I’m not making up these words. It’s native American history, and you’re being insensitive.

Did any famous people go to the University of Florida?

Florida’s most famous alumni are sportswriter Gregg Doyel and Beverly Hillbillies star Buddy Ebsen. There is a magnificent bronze statue of the two men hugging in the university’s main square.

What kind of name is Urban Meyer? That’s a ridiculous name, don’t you think?

Urban Meyer is a devout Catholic and is named after the Papal dynasty of Pope Urbans. Meyer himself is very close to sainthood, having performed two of the three Vatican-validated miracles needed to achieve that status. The first was his University of Utah victory over Pittsburgh in 2005’s Fiesta Bowl, and the second is that he can fly.

That’s very impressive. Will there be a hurricane while I am in Florida? I see hurricanes on the news all the time, and I do not want to be caught in one of those.

The chances of your getting caught in a hurricane are very slim during your visit, as Gainesville is in the northern, inland area of the State.

Is it true that Florida looks like a weiner?

Yes, that is true.

What if I would like to shoot off some fireworks while in Florida? Do I need to buy those in Georgia on my way?

You will have ample opportunity to purchase a host of impressive fireworks and firework packages in Florida, from popular choices like the Japanese “Happy Nice Spring Bird Parade” to more regional favorites like “The Chattahoochee Bat Mitzvah.” All are very affordable.

Well, I don’t see how I can pass up a trip to Florida. Do you guys get a lot of Georgians down there?

Yes, Florida sees many visitors from Georgia.

Oh. Forget it, then.

Article written by C.M. Tomlin

35 responses to “FAQ: Florida and the University of Florida”

  1. Jiminy Jillickers

    the old barrel of sorghum joke gets me every time!

  2. The Chattahoochee Bat Mitzvah

    The sincerity of each answer is worth it’s weight in gold…not too mention funny as hell.

  3. blairato

    The weiner joke = gold. And some of us Georgia boys are Cat Fans!

  4. deer boss

    ahh…home sweet home. One of the most ironic thing about these gator fans is they call us hillbillys. Granted i live near the beach, but seriously pot meet kettle.

  5. GP

    Top Notch. Top Notch.

  6. love FAQs!

    Hilarious!!!

  7. Florida Football History

    We really are an arrogant bunch. We walk around like we are kings of football. Fact that our program is over hyped? We only have 92 more wins than UK football, while Alabama has more than 200 wins than us at UF. But who cares right? As long as we maintain the image that our program is the best, then dammit it’s good for me! Now excuse me as I ease into my cut-off jean shorts and play a little bingo.

  8. echo 1

    I think Doyle would rather have a statue of him hugging Erin Andrews, but that’s just a guess.

    As always, great post Tomlin.

  9. Indycatfan

    7…Don’t forget the white wife-beater shirt, it’s always a hit with all the newly widowed female snow birds!

  10. Gogh Big Bleu

    Gold. ’nuff said. This is hilarious stuff.

  11. Butthead

    Uhhuhuhhuh… He said “viscous.” UhHuhuh…

  12. Florida Football History

    9) my white wife beater shirt is currently on, which clashes nicely with my black dress socks and brown wal-mart sandals

  13. Gary

    Not only does Florida look like a weiner. It’s State Capitol building looks like a full rigging of wedding tackle.
    http://www.gatorsaferoom.com/Portals/0/Blog%20Photos/Flcapitol.jpg

  14. Matt Jones

    That made me spit out my water. Hilarious.

  15. phc1210

    “Bleep-bloop-beep-boop” had me fighting against the chuckles for several minutes.

  16. Just so you know..

    Due to the topography in their state, Floridians cannot be referred to as “hillbillys.” The proper term is one shared with the local UL fans with a familiar hat style…”flat-bill-ees.” Please make a note of it.

  17. dcgirl

    Nothing has done more to confirm that they are what we thought they are than peopleofwalmart.com

  18. The Earth's Sun

    16-They aren’t hillbilly’s in Florida, but because of my blaring hotness, they are however “rednecks”- except the ones with mullets, it’s hard to penetrate their napes through that long greasy mange

  19. Indycatfan

    Nice going 18, But there’s only ONE INDYCATFAN and your not it…..God I love trolls, but as I said last week you have to cook them all day to get the sh!tty taste out of your mouth. Cats by 3 over the crocks-of-sh!t

  20. Catfan

    Am i the ONLY person who thinks we will get smoked sat?

  21. Nails11

    The only good thing about Florida is it looks like we’re peeing on Cuba! Boom. Weiner and communist joke.

  22. BPsycho

    #18 1td and a field goal is my bet.

  23. BPsycho

    #19 Hey you outed him! I wanted to poke at em! lol

  24. Gary

    And yes. I caught my typo too late.

  25. Legend of Cobb

    #20 You must work at the Red Lobster on Nicholasville

  26. Calipari'sInYourEar

    ha ha ha ha sorghum! Yes! 15 minutes worth of post game celebration!

  27. Wikipedia

    The correct “redneck” or “hillbilly” in Florida is a “cracker.”

  28. holdmeclosertinydanson

    Let’s beat America’s Wang!

  29. Non- Kentuckian Kentucky fan

    Hurricanes can make it through the state… Just because it is inland doesn’t mean the hurricane will hault. In fact, before Katrina ravaged New Orleans, it passed through Florida with significantly less strength if my memory serves me.

  30. forde+pitino=smithers+burns

    Is it true that parole officer in Gainesville is one of yahoo’s top 10 hottest jobs?

  31. Blue

    20) Nope. I concur

  32. truBLU

    The boiled peanuts joke was classic. We went to Florida a couple months ago and we must have passed at least 216 stands that read “Boiled P-nuts”. These stands looked worse than the local lemonade stand that the 6 yr old in your neighborhood runs. Has anyone ever actually even HAD a “boiled p-nut”? Gross man,.

  33. secretagent0014

    28)like button

  34. homeless billionaire

    Sadly, the Orange Bowl is technically nowhere because they demolished it a few years back.

  35. Tokyo Satchel

    Gatorade was actually invented at FSU, whose trainer negelected to see the commercial potential. UF’s trainer subsequently heard about this ” trainer’s aid” , fiddled with the flavor, gave it a homer name and the rest, as they say, is history.