Christmas Eve, 2014 The Louisville message boards are comedy gold. Kicking back in your recliner, →
By Drew Franklin on ©December 25th, 2014 @ 3:03pm
John Wall lit up Madison Square Garden for 24 points, 11 assists, six rebounds and a steal in Washington’s win over the Knicks, but it’s a punch he avoided that is making Christmas day headlines this afternoon.
For whatever reason — maybe Wall forgot to get him a gift — Quincy Acy ran at the former Wildcat with a hard foul and followed it up with a punch. Acy, who is not about that life, missed with his right hook but was still awarded an ejection from the game.
Maybe Acy was upset over Wall’s 360-layup earlier in the game.
By Mrs. Tyler Thompson on ©December 24th, 2014 @ 10:00pm
Christmas Eve, 2014
The Louisville message boards are comedy gold. Kicking back in your recliner, you can’t help but chuckle as you read yet another thread about how the Cards can beat the Cats and how Montrezl will “go to town” on Willie Cauley-Stein, Dakari Johnson, Karl Towns, and company. “Man,” you mutter. “I can’t wait until Saturday.”
Suddenly, your living room is bathed in golden light. From the direction of the laundry room appears—what the hell, is that Bill Keightley?! That is Bill Keightley! What the heck is he doing here?
Mr. Bill gives you that soft, gentle smile as he approaches, making himself right at home on your grandfather’s Lazy Boy. “Hello, there,” Bill says. “I’m here to guide you.”
“Guide me to what?,” you ask. “Why are you here? You are dead! I cried at your memorial service! I even made peace with Rick Pitino that day!”
“It’s true, I’m dead,” Mr. Bill said, helping himself to a handful of peanuts from the coffee table. As he pours them into his mouth, they dribble straight through his chin, falling down his blue sweater. Holy crap, he really is a ghost. “But, I’m here to help you realize what you’re witnessing right now.”
“Over the next few days, you’ll be visited by three ghosts: the Ghost of Seasons Past, the Ghost of Seasons Present, and the Ghost of Seasons Future,” Mr. Bill said. “They’ll tell you more.” He pushes himself out of the recliner, grabbing one last handful of nuts before he turns for the door. “Merry Christmas. Go Cats!” The nuts clatter to the floor again.
“Wait, Mr. Bill!,” you panic. “There’s so much I want to ask you! Like, what do you think of the new Nike uniforms! I’m not a huge fan myself—“
But he’s already gone.
To say you’re on edge over the next few hours would be an understatement. Everywhere you go, you glance over your shoulder, looking for the first ghost. He doesn’t come until the next morning.
It’s the smell you notice first. Stale beer, dirty socks, and…cheese? Billy Gillispie stumbles into your kitchen wearing a bathrobe, tube socks, and one of those earflap hats that DeMarcus Cousins likes. He looks like Cousin Eddie from “Christmas Vacation,” if Eddie had been on a three-week bender. There are bright orange cheese cracker crumbs all over his face and robe.
“Hey there,” Billy says, with a surprisingly light slur. “I’m the Ghost of Seasons Past.”
Of course he is. On cue, he smirks.
“We’ve got a long way to go, so let’s get going,” Billy says, turning back to the door. “Let’s go.”
You follow Billy out to his golf cart (!), which has seen better days. He brushes some Dr. Pepper cans aside for you. “Where are we going?” you ask.
“Nashville. Heartache always starts in Nashville,” Billy says grimly. He stomps on the gas and everything goes white.
The golf cart putters to a stop outside Memorial Gymnasium in Nashville. Vanderbilt fans walk past you and through Billy as you head inside, and as you make your way through the narrow hallways to the locker rooms, realization dawns. This is the game Billy made Josh Harrellson stand in the bathroom stall. Sure enough, once you get in the locker room, you can see Jorts standing in an open stall, glaring at his coach.
“Now boys, boys,” Old Billy sweats, that smirk twitching. “This just won’t do. Tied with Vanderbilt! Tied with dorks.”
You glance around the room, at Jodie Meeks, Perry Stevenson, DeAndre Liggins, Ramon Harris, and Darius Miller, all wearing expressions varying from sad to mad to downright disgusted.
“No Patrick to bail y’all out tonight,” Oh yeah, Patrick Patterson missed this game with an ankle injury. “Y’all just need to be tougher. We’re not gonna lose to any dorks now.”
A toilet flushes, and Perry Stevenson does his best to suppress a snicker, but fails. “STEVENSON,” Old Billy roars. “Did you think that was funny???” Billy clumsily picks up one of those big Gatorade coolers and throws it across the room. It bounces against a locker with a dull thud. No one’s laughing.
Ghost Billy grips a can of Dr. Pepper and motions to you. It’s time to go. “We lost that game 77-64,” he mutters. “I made Josh ride home in the equipment truck.” He tosses the can across the locker room where it settles against the cooler and heads out.
You look one last time at the players’ faces. You want to tell them it gets better. It gets so much better.
You’re just getting the tune of “Amanda” out of your head when the second ghost arrives (When the drunken ghost of Billy Gillsipie wants to karaoke, you karaoke). Perrin Johnson walks up to you as you’re checking the Christmas lights outside. “What’s up, man?” Perrin asks, dressed sharply in a black sweater, slacks, and red tie. “I’m the Ghosts of Seasons Present. We’ve got a trip to take.”
Even though Perrin’s a former Louisville player, you are comforted. He’s one of the good Louisville fans. Like Tony Vanetti and…well, that’s it. You follow Perrin to his car, and minutes later, you look up to see the UofL athletic department in front of you. “Let’s go,” Perrin says, laughing when he sees your face. “Man, don’t be so scared. No one can see you right now.”
The offices are even more garish than you anticipated. Their three National Championship trophies gleam in the dim light, and everything smells of Maker’s Mark. There’s enough red wax dripped over everything to make even Christian Grey blush.
Perrin rounds the corner to a half-open door. Inside, Rick Pitino is hunched over his laptop, hands in face. He looks ninety years old. Play diagrams cover every inch of his desk, and he’s got last year’s Sweet 16 UK/Louisville highlights playing on loop. Fascinated, you move closer and notice that Pitino has a Microsoft Word window open, with “L1C6” typed over and over again. Yikes. He sniffs loudly and sits up, and you jump back.
“L1C6,” Rick whispers softly. “L1C6.” He holds up diagrams of UK’s blue and white platoons to the light of his desk lamp, which does his face no favors. “L1C6.”
You look at Perrin with wide eyes. He nods sadly and motions to a giant bulletin board covered in clippings about UK’s 12-0 season. Cal’s face is circled in every picture with a fat red marker. You and Perrin turn to leave and as you walk out, you realize it’s Christmas.
Damn, we really have gotten to him, haven’t we?
You know exactly where to find the Ghost of Seasons Future. You stride into the Romany Road Kroger to find a smiling John Short at the checkout lanes. “Ready?” John Short asks. You nod, and you walk through the sliding doors. They open to an airy concourse of a gleaming new arena. “Where are we?”
“The new Rupp Arena. This is 25 years in the future,” Short says.
The first thing you notice is that not as many things have changed in 25 years as you expected. People still walk, they don’t fly to their seats via hovercraft. There are still bathrooms, albeit shorter bathroom lines. Hey, you can drink at the new Rupp 25 years in the future!
John leads you inside the arena to a seat in the lower bowl. The new Rupp is gorgeous, and your eyes immediately find the rafters, and you count fifteen National Championship banners. Fifteen!! They flutter in the breeze, and just as you’re about to ask how—is the roof retractable?—a voice booms over the speakers.
“Welcome to Calipari Court at Alltech Rupp Arena, where today, we will honor the 25th anniversary of the 2014-2015 Kentucky team, which won the program’s ninth national title.” BANG! The number 9 glitters in the air, after all the years you went to Rupp Arena and heard the fireworks during the intros, you still jump. “Please welcome to the court your 2015 National Champions!”
Alex Poythress, Willie Cauley-Stein, Andrew Harrison, Aaron Harrison, Dakari Johnson, Marcus Lee, Derek Willis, Dominique Hawkins, Karl Towns, Devin Booker, Tyler Ulis, Trey Lyles, Sam Malone, Brian Long, and Tod Lanter walk onto the court. Twenty-five years later, they look about as you’d expect, most of them dressed in what must be expensive clothes and shoes. Willie’s wearing an insane shirt and chunky gold chain. Karl’s still smiling like a fool. Even Sam Malone broke out the old headband. They all smile and wave, and the love flows between the Cats and the Big Blue Nation, who is on their feet, some with tears in their eyes.
“And your coach, a two-time National Coach of the Year, John Calipari!” At age 80, Calipari moves smoothly. His belly is bigger, his hair whiter but still full. He’s wearing a suit, no tie, and that grin we’ve all come to love. The crowd roars.
Sensing your question, John Short speaks up. “John Calipari coached five more years at Kentucky before he retired.” Short grins, and for the first time, you notice he’s wearing a KSR “2 BIGGUNS” shirt. “He was a Jim Dandy of a coach.”
Cal’s voice fills new Rupp, and if you close your eyes, it’s like listening to his first speech at Big Blue Madness all over again “You people are CRAZY,” Cal says to raucous laughter and applause. “Look up, look at all we’ve done!” The banners ripple and Short touches your arm. “Time to go.”
“But I have so many questions,” you plead. “Did we go undefeated? How many of those titles are Cal’s? Who was his successor? Can you still order Rupp Arena ice cream??”
“You’ll find out.”
“Is it just as awesome as it looks?”
You wake up in your recliner with a start. Your laptop is still on your lap, and as you blink, the Louisville message boards come into focus. Wait…did that all happen? Shutting your laptop, you sit up and check your phone. It’s still Christmas Eve. You must have dozed off. It must have been a dream.
As you walk into the kitchen to get a drink, you hear a crunch. Looking down, you notice nuts all over the floor. There’s a Cheese Nibs wrapper on the counter. Smiling, you go back to your laptop and pull up the latest KyWildcatsTV highlights reel. There’s so much to savor, and never enough time.
By Mrs. Tyler Thompson on ©December 24th, 2014 @ 9:30pm
By Ally Tucker on ©December 24th, 2014 @ 7:30pm
The season is well under way, but the folks here at KSR love getting your input on things… relevant and bizarre. We have to get a little creative around here sometimes.Earlier this summer I started a weekly series called “We Ask You Wednesdays,” that brought in some great responses from many readers via Twitter.
Most of you all, All of you all, Everyone but my Mom and Dad,
Each week, the question will change and we will hit on a variety of topics, mostly UK-related… but you never know. Each week the best responses will make it on to the website. This week’s twenty seventh volume of the “We Ask You Wednesday” allowed Kentucky fans to answer the following question via Twitter in 140 characters or less: OVER THE YEARS OF YOUR EXISTENCE, WHAT’S THE ONE THING/PLAYER/TRADITION THAT MAKES YOU DISLIKE LOUISVILLE THE MOST?
And yes, I used the word dislike because it’s the holidays…. and who wants use the word hate during the holidays. Or something like that.
At this point, it’s probably time for Louisville fans to finally drop this “argument”
@AllyTuckerKSR the way they always argue that Cal cheats when their coaches are the picture of cheating and lying!
— Jennifer Terry (@Jennifer012878) December 25, 2014
Old English can’t class you up, as much as you try.
— Jennifer Terry (@Jennifer012878) December 25, 2014
Almost as bad as short referees…
@AllyTuckerKSR I dislike UofL fans and their “short man” complex the most. Most unrealistic , whiney and obnoxious fans in all of sports.
— Tim Edington (@Tedington) December 24, 2014
Can we just agree on disliking Louisville fans in general? Not even for specific reasons.
@AllyTuckerKSR their fans thinking that their team is better than what they really are
— Jared Hatfield (@jhattrey1) December 24, 2014
But hey, Montrezl didn’t do anything wrong… right, Louisville fans?
@AllyTuckerKSR that time Swopshire blatantly head butted boogies elbow making it look as if boogie was the aggressor. Dirty Cards.
— Kyle Craig (@kcraig430) December 24, 2014
You will always see more UL fan tweets after a Kentucky loss than a UL win. Except this year, because we won’t be losing. Ever.
— Elizabeth Royse (@MsRoyseEJHS) December 24, 2014
Hey, that AAC was really tough.
@AllyTuckerKSR winning their crappy football conference and claiming to the world to be a football powerhouse and comparable to elite teams
— Jordan Tarrence (@JordanTarrence) December 24, 2014
“But Louisville has the most titles between 1980 and 1987″
@AllyTuckerKSR How their fans always use random years to validate UL is as good as UK. (i.e. Titles/Final Fours since 1980, 2013, etc.)
— Travis Roberts (@trob_7) December 24, 2014
Also, see “D League” on Wikipedia
@AllyTuckerKSR “We like seeing our players grow and develop over four years”
— David Mulloy (@DMulloyKSR) December 24, 2014
Louisville fans really do make it way too easy to poke fun at them on social media.
— BradDoubleU (@TheNameIsBrad) December 24, 2014
I would also like to throw in the silent “L” in Montrezl
@AllyTuckerKSR that the word ‘Louisville’ has a silent S. Silent letters are dum.
— Corey J (@cjuk33) December 24, 2014
Or they sell their tickets to Kentucky fans. Sorry, Rick.
— Nick Roush (@RoushKSR) December 24, 2014
I will agree. I have a few decent Louisville fan friends and they don’t often stoop low enough to throwin’ up L’s.
@AllyTuckerKSR what I hate the most is “throwin’ up the L’s”. I’d be embarrassed to look like that if I were a UofL fan!
— Clint Hedges (@ClintHedges) December 24, 2014
@AllyTuckerKSR (cont.) my smarter UofL fan friends/family don’t even do the ‘L’ sign-intelligent ppl don’t make themselves punchlines!
— Clint Hedges (@ClintHedges) December 24, 2014
He really was an unlikable Card.
@AllyTuckerKSR Chane Behanan
— Ellen B (@ukcats15) December 24, 2014
BUT HE CADDIED!!!!
— Logan Cooley (@Logan__Cooley) December 24, 2014
You tell them, Wilder.
@AllyTuckerKSR the fact their fans care more about Kentucky’s success/failure than their own team…GET A LIFE.
— Wilder Treadway (@WilderTreadKSR) December 24, 2014
Crown Royal does smell terrible.
@AllyTuckerKSR the smell
— Mark Collier (@mark_collier22) December 24, 2014
I could have filled this entire post with the 15-20 Rick Pitino responses.
@AllyTuckerKSR Rick Pitino. Not even close.
— Kent Chandler (@kchan55) December 24, 2014
@AllyTuckerKSR Traitor Ricky P
— Thomas Gibson (@Tommie_Gunn) December 24, 2014
“Maybe he’s born with it…”
@AllyTuckerKSR I don’t remember a time when I didn’t dislike UL. Others merely adopted the hate. I was born into it.
— Kevin Faris (@KevinWFaris) December 24, 2014
YES. There are 2 types of people in this world. People I would be friends with, and people who liked B.J. Flynn
@AllyTuckerKSR B.J. Flynn
— Ty Leitner (@TyroneBelski) December 24, 2014
The 2 best/worst pictures to ever grace the internet. And yet Louisville holds these 2 up as the faces of the university.
— Perry (@TheThirstIsrael) December 24, 2014
That was when it went from dislike to HATE for me. But it’s Christmas. So I’ll take it easy.
— KentuckyDude (@JHNNsports) December 24, 2014
BEST ANSWER OF THE WEEK:
I see what you did there….
— Cousin Eddie (@KarlG42) December 24, 2014
By Drew Franklin on ©December 24th, 2014 @ 4:14pm
The holidays were short-lived and Christmas is over for the basketball team. Calipari gave his players the early part of the week off, but it’s back to work for the Cats tonight in Lexington.
The players arrived back on campus today and the Louisville prep will pick up tonight. Tomorrow, while you and I are exchanging gifts and eating sweets, the team will practice and go over the game plan for Saturday.
Back to the building we go
— Willie Cauley-Stein (@THEwillieCS15) December 24, 2014
Back in Lex …..
— Aaron Harrison (@AaronICE2) December 24, 2014
By Drew Franklin on ©December 24th, 2014 @ 3:25pm
Damien Harris received quite a gift this morning, one day before Santa fills his stocking with colorful socks and other Damien Harris things.
USA Today released its All-American list for high school football and Damien found himself as one of two running backs on the First Team. Keep in mind, Harris played in only seven games because of a knee injury. He still managed to find the end zone 23 times with 1,500 yards in the shortened season at Madison Southern.
Congrats to Damien on the honor and we look forward to him committing to Kentucky in a few weeks. Right, Damien?
Blessed to be named a USA Today First Team All American 🙏👑
— Damien Harris (@Damien_D1Harris) December 24, 2014
He will play in the Under Armour All-America game a week from Friday on ESPN2.
By Nick Roush on ©December 24th, 2014 @ 2:30pm
The most wonderful time of the year is upon us, but unfortunately it’s without Kentucky football. Just because the Cats aren’t Bowling, doesn’t mean they didn’t dramatically improve during Mark Stoops’ second season. Here’s the best of the best. #10
‘The Marco’ Gives the Cats Some Life vs. #1
After an impressive start, the recently-named #1 Mississippi State Bulldogs looked like they could end it early behind their powerful run game. The Cats’ offense wasn’t quite clicking, until Senior wide receiver Demarco Robinson made the biggest play of his career.
Through his early years as a Wildcat, Demarco had picked up a bad reputation for allowing to get bullied by bigger defensive backs. Robinson matured before his final season. Embracing the physicality constantly preached by his coach, Tommy Mainord, he broke away from three defenders for the 72-yard touchdown.
By S. Whitman on ©December 24th, 2014 @ 2:00pm
It’s that time of the year again, Cats fans!
Kentucky Sports Radio is going back to Bearno’s in Jeffersonville for the final morning show before the Louisville game. Matt Jones and Ryan Lemond will be at Bearno’s Pizza to give one last look ahead to the game with plenty of trash talk for the Cardinals. This marks the fourth year in a row KSR takes over the restaurant on the day before the game and it’s always one of the better shows of the year.
Bearno’s is located at 700 West Riverside Drive in Jeffersonville, right across the water from Louisville. Show up and you will be entered to win tickets to the game via our friends at Guy On The Corner tickets.
See you there!
By C.M. Tomlin on ©December 24th, 2014 @ 1:00pm
We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of Kentucky Sports Radio:
I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say that Louisville doesn’t exist. Papa says “If you see it on KSR, it’s so.” Please tell me the truth, is there a Louisville?
Virginia O’Connell, Paducah
Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the trying times of a competitive age. They refuse to believe what they cannot acknowledge. They do not believe what they see outside of the Yum! Center and Papa John’s Stadium. Their little minds traverse in the abstract, believing that the simple refusal to believe something exists ceases it to exist. This great universe of ours swirls about upon a simple faith in the delicate balance between the human imagination and absolute truth – and it’s important to grasp that one cannot not exist without the other.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Louisville. It exists as certainly as twerking and tweaking and manscaping and Hennesy exist, and you know that these things collaborate to create an indomitable force of reality. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Louisville! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no Two-for-One Limp Bizkit Throwback Rock Block Couch Dances, with no free t-shirts or soft-sided coolers available if you get such a spirited dance in the next five minutes. There should be no one to buy Horny Goat Weed in a capsulized form at a Marathon station from a disaffected man behind a plexiglass window, nor a measured exchange of currency for the detailing of one’s own motorcoach with a committed “$$ CARDNAL FAN 4 LIFE $$” in the exquisite Olde English font of eras long gone. Indeed, the very basis of the tribal tattoo industry would be rocked to its very core.
Not believe in Louisville! Why, you might as well believe that The Boondock Saints is not the most boss movie ever made. You may as well begin to liberally apply sunscreen to your forehead upon the exiting of your very own home each morning as if wide brim hats had never been conceived or invented! What a world that would be! I’m quite certain none of us would want to live in a world where our weed were not concealed within the soft purple velour of a Crown Royal pouch hanging from the rear view window, nor would we ever wish to exist in a universe with cumbersome sleeves or pants not designed of a flowing, luxurious mesh. After all, have you ever seen Big Sean showing out, or Juicy J hitting it from da back? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not showing out nor hitting it from da back. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseeable in the world.
Indeed, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing more real than Louisville! After all, isn’t Louisville present when a tricked-out Honda Civic runs over a parking meter? Isn’t Louisville there when a man tells a woman who is not his bae that her booty fine? Isn’t Louisville there wherever a man pulls his shirt off at a fireworks display? Isn’t Louisville there wherever a platter of Jaegerbombs arrives at the table? Or an an offbrand MMA event sells out? Or a fedora is worn? You would not want to live in a world without Louisville!
No Louisville! Thank God it lives and lives forever! A thousand years from now, Virginia — nay, ten times ten thousand years from now — it will continue to bring us joy, for we cannot live without it, and it will forever continue to grunt loudly at our gyms, smoke in the public restrooms of our sporting venues and take the mufflers off its cars.
Yes, yes, Virginia. There is a Louisville.
By Drew Franklin on ©December 24th, 2014 @ 12:00pm
Jay Bilas will be on the call when Kentucky and Louisville meet in the Yum Center on Saturday, but first, he has a scouting report over on ESPN.com.
The Bilastrator took a long look at the two teams and determined each side’s three keys to victory. For Kentucky, Bilas says take care of the ball, get back on D and get second chances after missed shots. For Louisville, Bilas says force turnovers, crash the boards and make open shots.
He also wrote, “If Cauley-Stein is assigned to Harrell, it could be a difficult game for the Louisville big man. Cauley-Stein has been the nation’s best defender this season, and has guarded everyone from Providence’s LaDontae Henton to Texas’ Jonathan Holmes. Harrell is a player of the year candidate, but the question is, who else does he have alongside him to combat the deep and gigantic Kentucky front line? Louisville is thinner up front, in size and numbers, than Kentucky.”
Read the entire scouting report here, insider only.
By Drew Franklin on ©December 24th, 2014 @ 11:00am
As if we need any more hype surrounding this weekend’s big game, here’s this little nugget to take the anticipation over the edge.
Thanks to Louisville’s win over some team from California last night, Kentucky and Louisville enter Saturday’s game as undefeated teams for the first time ever. It is also only the second time the two sides will meet as top five teams.
Biggest regular season meeting in the history of the series?
By Drew Franklin on ©December 24th, 2014 @ 10:30am
Christmas came early this year in the form of Shagari Alleyne rapping in what appears to be someone’s kitchen. (Thank you, Santa.) Listen below as Shagari shows off his lyrical gifts for an online contest and then help him out in the link below.
Vote for Shagari’s video in the ‘My One Shot’ rap competition here.